Post deleted by Jayban

Jay, below is a letter that I prepared to send to my WW's OM way back when I discovered her PA. I borrowed it from bob-pure and revised it a little. Thanks bob <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

OM

I would like you to know that I love my wife dearly and I want my marriage and family to survive in spite of the affair between you both.

By continuing your relationship with my wife you are contributing to the destruction of my home and family. I don't want my young son and daughter to be part of a broken family and to one day realize their mother had an affair with a co-worker.

If you think you can continue the affair by bringing it further underground, know that I will find out just as I did with your rendezvous on the 4th floor of the parking garage on October 7, 2005 and will do whatever is required to protect my marriage and my family.

Take extraordinary precautions to never meet with or contact my wife again - no in person meetings, no phone contact, no email, and no contact through work colleagues. Nothing! and I will never contact you, anyone at your work, or anyone else that should know again.
No contact? (not even the friendship you had before the affair).

It is the right thing to do, just DO the right thing and continue down that path.

If you continue contact with my wife IN ANY WAY know that you will force me to do whatever is necessary to protect my family. ANYTHING!. You are attacking my marriage and family if you remain in contact. I have nothing to lose

Hope...

That's a little aggressive for my tastes.

I like the tactic of writing him and appealling to his honor and presuming he was duped by your WW into having an affair. I'd give details about your marriage...like it was pretty good up until Early September of last year, it had flaws but nothing THAT big until then, that his wife has been in constant contact with him and despite what she has told him, he has been making improvements and trying to get her to reconcile since she abruptly moved out to pursue an adulterous relationship with you.

Just try to contradict the lies and IMPLY that WW is playing both of you for fools. He may ACT like he trusts her but in the back of his mind he can't...he hasn't known her that long.

Further, as your WW behaves frantic and irrational about you over the coming weeks OM could fall back to behaving honorably (because you asked him too) as his OUT of the relationship. Guys don't like to hurt their girlfriends...give him the convincing out he needs to walk away.

Mr. Wondering

I am soooooo sorry that I ended up being right........

Post deleted by Jayban

It's Plan UF and there is no link - it normaly just happens. F !!!! U!!!!

Easy does it boy. You have a long way to go until you get there.

Look at what just happened:

Your wife just blew your world apart by having an A and the lies.

You just blew her nice little A world part by being a MAN and doing the right thing.

You are both hurt, angry and mad. This will take time to heal, but you will make it. Trust in the system, plan and people here.

M2l is right...it is still very early to see any results. The dust has to settle and it takes time to see an effects.
How about your DD...what will happen to her if you move to California?

I would strongly suggest AD's to help you right now. I have never been on them and went as far as talking to my Dr. about them but he convinced me to try counceling instead.

Post deleted by Jayban

I believe a WS will always feel smothered by the BS no matter what you try since they are really looking for the OP to make them feel good...not the BS.

Early in Plan A, before I knew about MB, I was in overkill mode...buying her gifts, writing her letters, saying ILY multiple times a day...just being overly needy and clingly. When I found out about MB I backed off alot and tried to do the little things for her since she was incapable of accepting the larger displays of affection and care.

You want her to look back once the fog begins to clear and have her remember the little things you did inspite of how awful she was to you. It is not easy and requires that you suppress your taker for a long time.

My WW never lowered her wall to me throughout Plan A. She was consistently cold and distant and now I know that they will remain that way until the A is over and they have gone through withdrawal.

See in Plan A you try to meet the WS's needs as much as they will will let you and then you go to Plan B if necessary and completely shut down meeting their needs. If it is done right, they will begin to miss you meeting their needs as OP cannot possibly meet all their needs.

Some of the vets would tell me that you break down their wall one chip at a time. It is hard because as long as they are in an active A they will carry themselves with an indignant attitude. I described it like being treated like a piece of furniture and one poster felt like he was treated worse than the family cat.

Plan A with no expectations from you WW.

J -
The visciousness (sp?) of the response just goes to show you how effective you were this last week. The secrets, lies and the moving out were a cover-up and would have kept going for as long as she could get away with it.

You have done in one fell swoop what others have taken too long to do. There have been some you performed exposure so piecemeal that there was no effect.

Bottom line - you took control of your life and you have that right.

BTW - I am a ex-Canuck that moved to Texas. It seems in DFW - one needs a search party to find a native Texan.

I dont have or can give much advice (there are folks here that understand this better) but I feel the pain and chaos of others.

I recall that feeling so well, but its only temporary and you now have the rest of your life and you now know the situation.

There is a link called Affair world by Plank - he writes very well of the emotions of discovery and the aftermath.

Honor?

Hmm...

I've heard OMs being accused of many things. Being honorable wasn't one of them.

Post deleted by Jayban

Post deleted by Jayban

Here some more to chew on. This state holds the parent accountable for truancy. I know - I just paid $300 in tickets b/c of my DD15 last week due to class attendance.

The school will eventually report this to the JP and the parent gets served. Not sure what your ISD will do but what address do they have has their record?

Call the school for more info and some assistance.

As for dtrs - I am in same situation - no way she will advance next year.

Not an expert but I am learning fast with school rules.

JB,

The Univ stance on the A is not surprising. What I have seen is that most companies will do anything to avoid problems and follow the path of least resistance. It is never about what is right or wrong - it is always about CA and money. The boss (who I thought was an upstanding Mormon [or am I confusing myself]) suddenly wants nothing to do with it. The Univ certainly does not want the risk of being sued for wrongful dismissal. She did say that they don't care what happens outside the office right? If you do go forward with a lawyer, have him get her office email records.

The other thing I think will happen here is something Mr. W alluded to. I never understood the word "entitlement" until I was betrayed. Your WW has just received a big dose of reinforcement for her position. She now has a new sense of vindication. This will allow her to rewrite even a little more history so her entitlement becomes even bolder. I think she will now stop trying to hide the A so much and will become more brazen. It looks like WW has written your DD completely off. She did her time and now it is time for her to live her life. Is your DD's current behavior anything like your WW's when she was at that age? Just curious.

Jayban

Have you emailed me before???

No matter...please email me now.

Mr. Wondering

Done, I'll email you now.

Post deleted by Jayban

How did the call to OM's parents go? Be prepared, your WW will be back tomorrow with some fresh venom.

Post deleted by Jayban