Thanks for your words of encouragement.

BTW, I do consider myself lucky after having read other people's stories in the past few days. I think we're on a great road to recovery and our marriage will be better than it was ever going to be (because of this crap!). We were so fortunate that he could just quit his job and never see her again. He doesn't have the temptation thrown in his face everyday and I don't have to wonder what he's doing or saying to her.

Again, thanks for your words...

Ok, IS...I'm gonna try to answer this question to the best of my ability...On when, hmmm, I'm not sure if you are asking me for an exact timeline here or what...of course, everybody will be different there...But essentially it happened for me once EVERYTHING was on the table...In other words when I had been caught lying so much that I finally had to tell the truth...Now, that is how is started, but NOT why it continued...I will not try and sugarcoat things here, because I was a TERRIBLE WS--like there is any other kind, right? Initially, I told the whole truth, NOT because I had some sense of altruism, but because I actually wanted to further hurt Mr. W--I know, it makes me cringe too...it is the ultimate in harsh...

Later whenever I genuinely decided that I was back in our marriage, that is when I really began to want to BE trustworthy...Prior to the affair, I had always been an open book with Mr. W...it really was a natural progression to go back to that...So I guess that answers at least in part why...Also, I began reading and posting on MB which did help immensely...I do NOT recommend that you bring your WH here until you firmly KNOW that he is a FWH...This is your safe place and where you can develop your "battle plan" if need be...I did come here while I was still foggy and yes, for us it represented a Godsend, but that is NOT the standard advice and it certainly might not have worked in our/Mr. W's favor...More often than not, the results of bringing an active WS here backfires, badly...I will tell you that my affair was long distance and that OM broke it off, so there was little chance of the affair resuming, although I did break No Contact while here on MB, for the dreaded "closure"-yeah right-ugh...I promptly got handed my [censored], and rightfully so, when I posted about it!

I learned here that in order to start the recovery process and achieve true intimacy that I had to be totally transparent with Mr. W, and I SO wanted that...So I believe that is pretty much all of the why...If I think of more, I will post it for you...

Okay, now I'm gonna address another thing that you brought up about your being completely open and honest right now with your WH...I say NO, based on personal experience...I told you that OM ended things with me, and he did so VERY abruptly which put me into a tailspin...Wayward me could not wrap my head around it and I spent much of the time immediately following this wondering why and bellyaching about it to Mr. W--how horrid I know that was for him...Anyway, what I did not know until just this past December, (Dday was in April 2005 to give you an idea) was that the reason that OM broke it off the way that he did was because my mother had called and threatened him within an inch of his life-that's a long story, but suffice it to say that it worked like a charm--OM was my old HS/College BF, so my mother knew him, and she was a PISTOL when she called-what a great mom I have! Of course, at the time of the "break up" Mr. W knew exactly why it happened, but it would NOT have served our marriage well at all for him to have told foggy, addicted, wayward me back then...NO WAY...He HAD to play that close to the chest to save us...I COMPLETELY understand that and have NO problem with it whatsoever, because I am truly a remorseful FWS that sees exactly what I almost threw away...I thanked him and, of course, my mom for what they conspired to do...SAVE OUR FAMILY FROM ME...So, as much as I know it sucks, you are doing all of you a favor by keeping certain things from him until he is recovered from his addiction...Make sense???

Please feel free to ask me anything else you like...hope this helped some...

Mrs. W

MrsW-

Where do I start... Your last post answered so many questions for me. THANK YOU for your candidness (is that a word?) and for your time in writing it. I truly have been torn about this, but hearing from a FWS that her husband's and mother's unknown acts contributed greatly in ending your affair was all I needed to hear.

As for this website, I even felt guilty lurking and not telling him about it! I thought about getting him to look at it with me, but I don't think he would get as much out of it. I have a feeling that I will be here for a while though during this process.

I do feel much better after the responses that I have gotten. Thank you to everyone who has posted. Oh, and all of the links and recommendations about transparency and other info on this site have been very helpful too. You guys should get paid for this!!!