Bugs:

Are we still a GODDESS today?

I have been watching your thread but have not posted much.

Stay Strong, and stay sexy, your H can't resist.

And that, creates the conflict that allows Plan A to really work. And if and when you need to go to Plan B....

LG

Almost forgot!

Exposed to another work person this am. This person is someone I have known for a long time and have a good relationship with them.

I was merely open and honest about all of the facts. I did not play the victim, and did not let WS off the hook for any of the things he has DONE or continues to DO.

This person commented, "Well, you are certainly very open about all of this."

Bugs -"yes, I am. It took me a while to get here. At first, I felt embarassed and ashamed, but not anymore. I realized I have done nothing to be ashamed about. Of course, WS doesn't want anyone to know, but why should I be concerned about keeping HIS secrets? "

I stated all of my truths,,,, that I want H back, not WH. That I know H is a good person,,, but WH is not.

I know the message will reach other ears!!! I am hoping!!!

We agreed to get together again soon for lunch and I will definately follow up on that. Work connections are important in keeping my message and my truth out there = = = = Keeps WS having to face it in places where he will not expect!

LG,

Having you post and ask about my GODDESS mode made me smile so BIG. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Yes, GODDESS mode in attitude, if not in outward dress! Undergarments are definately GODDESS quality! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WS may or may not be able to resist,,,,,,,,That's up to him.

I know how being in this mode is making ME feel,,, and THAT is what it is about today.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
One day at a time so to speak. Plan A today. Know that Plan B may come. But one day at a time!

YOU'VE GOT IT, BUGS!!

I've learned that it's MOSTLY about ATTITUDE!!

Head up..chest high..feeling good about being a WOMAN..the WOMAN THAT YOU ARE..there NO OTHER LIKE YOU!!!

It was SOOO IMPORTANT to gain my WH's RESPECT..by gaining my own SELF-RESPECT!!!

The message is: "I KNOW THAT I AM LOVELY AND LOVABLE..I'M NOT GOING TO BEG YOU TO LOVE ME"...

Mimi,

First, thanks for reviving the Goddess thread! A lot of us were needing exactly that!

Yes, it is ATTITUDE and RESPECT. In fact, Aretha says is best,,,,



(oo) What you want
(oo) Baby, I got
(oo) What you need
(oo) Do you know I got it?
(oo) All I'm askin'
(oo) Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get home
(just a little bit) mister (just a little bit)

I ain't gonna do you wrong while you're gone
Ain't gonna do you wrong (oo) 'cause I don't wanna (oo)
All I'm askin' (oo)
Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Baby (just a little bit) when you get home (just a little bit)
Yeah (just a little bit)

I'm about to give you all of my money
And all I'm askin' in return, honey
Is to give me my profits
When you get home (just a, just a, just a, just a)
Yeah baby (just a, just a, just a, just a)
When you get home (just a little bit)
Yeah (just a little bit)

------ instrumental break ------

Ooo, your kisses (oo)
Sweeter than honey (oo)
And guess what? (oo)
So is my money (oo)
All I want you to do (oo) for me
Is give it to me when you get home (re, re, re ,re)
Yeah baby (re, re, re ,re)
Whip it to me (respect, just a little bit)
When you get home, now (just a little bit)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care, TCB

Oh (sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me)
A little respect (sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me)
Whoa, babe (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)
I get tired (just a little bit)
Keep on tryin' (just a little bit)
You're runnin' out of foolin' (just a little bit)
And I ain't lyin' (just a little bit)
(re, re, re, re) 'spect
When you come home (re, re, re ,re)
Or you might walk in
And find out I'm gone (respect, just a little bit)
(just a little bit)
I got to have (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

GRINNING AND LOL!!!

Treated myself to a tanning session during lunch. Feels really great!

Stopped by Hallmark and bought a handfull of cards for sproatic distribution to WS.

I put one the inter-company mail (all handwriting on outside disguised to keep a surprise). It said,

"The next time you find yourself smiling for no reason,,"

Inside "It just might be ME thinking about YOU".

I liked it because it was thoughtful, but not 'needy' or 'begging' in the I love you, can't live without you kind of way.

It's my night with the kids. I've been trying all day to keep from thinking about WS doing an overnight visit with OW! EEEKK. Hard to NOT go there. I have decided to stay away from ALL talk about what he's up to tonight. No point in asking for the stab in the heart!

Instead, I've been thinking of trying to find a "fun" way to get the kids to help me clean up the house tonight. I've decided to have PRIZE night.

Every 'task' completed earns them a PRIZE from the PRIZE bag. I bought fun stuff from the Dollar store.

Need to get this stuff done, as we'll be at my sister's for the weekend dog sitting.

Haven't decided yet, what, if anything, to tell WS about going to an event on Sat. He only wants to know if we are going so that if we ARE, he will NOT be there. I think I will say we ARE going, but not go! he he!

Off to finish up the day's work.

DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO regardless of his preference.

Mimi,

I will be spending the time with my family. It's not a matter of deciding what I WANT to do,,,,, my question was in regards to what I would TELL him.

To date, I have pretty much volunteered details on everything I do every day. Every move I make- every move I plan to make- he knows before, during or after.

That is until Wed. night. That was the first time I didn't immediately answer his calls and tell him exactly where I was and what I was doing. It felt kind of good to operate independently.

Last night I had the kids. Normally, he calls right around the time I pick them up from the sitter. So, last night he waits and doesn't call until the same time I did the evening before. He immediately asks to speak with the kids.

DSS started asking him if he was going with me and DD for the weekend. DSS doesn't keep up with schedules and activities real well, but he knew he was going to be with us for the weekend. I don't know why he was asking his dad about it.

I got on the phone at the end, and was laughing at the time. First thing out of WS's mouth, "Why is DSS asking if he's going with you?" (short, pis*y voice)

Bugs- "Because he doesn't pay attention????"
(this is something that should be obvious to WS, but in WS's mind, he loves a conspiracy & was looking for something to be up)

WS "oh. ok. How's it going?"

Bugs - "GREAT! We're playing, having a GREAT time. We had a blast getting the house cleaned up before the weekend so we can have our play time. How was your day"

WS "Good."

Bugs "I'm glad" (VERY happy, upbeat voice! Smiling!)

WS "Ok, well you have a great evening"

Bugs "We will, thanks!"

Normally, I would ask what he was up to right then, I'd ask what his plans were for the evening. I'd be setting myself up for him to lie or hurt me by making it obvious that he did not want to tell me what he was doing.

This morning, I missed his call to the house to talk to DD. I was in the process of taking her stuff out to the car. I was running late, so I went ahead and took her to the sitters and made arrangements for them to call him.

I called back & immediately got VM, I am pretty sure he was going into a meeting when he called. I just left a happy voice message "Sorry we missed your call! We were on our way out the door. DD will call you from the sitters. Have a great day!"

He should get the 'thinking of you' card I sent in the inter-company mail later today. I thought it was a nice touch to send him something like that on his OW weekend.

While I am feeling confident and being more independent in my daily activity, I don't want him to think I have in any way given up on US , on staying MARRIED, and having the marriage I have continued to talk about!!

************QUESTION*************

I will be at my sister's house this weekend with kids. It's not too far from OW's house. I will have my other sister there with me who would be willing and able to stay with the kids for me.

DO I PUT ON MY 'CHARLIE'S ANGELS' OUTIFT AND GO BY OW'S HOUSE TO CONFIRM OVERNIGHT STAY BY WS?
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I don't know exactly WHY I feel compelled to do this, but I do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

What GOOD would it do? What, if any, ADVANTAGES, would proof (video or pics) have to my situation?

Discussion/comments welcome!

Has anyone else done this?

If so, what did you do with the information?

How did it make you feel?

Bugs,

I have driven by MOW house (right down the street from me) in the middle of the night before to see if her car was there. She goes to the "camp of love", there is no way WH would stay at her house... people might see his truck.

The only thing with that is I would feel relief when her car was there but when her car wasn't there it would bring me soooo down.

I still drive by her house frequently because it's on the main drag... and it still bothers me when her car isn't there and I know they are probably together.

You need to do what you can handle... what is it going to do for YOU.

Still

Still,

It's so hard, isn't it? Wondering?

I don't know what doing this would do for me.

Will it make me sick inside? Yes

Do I need to "see" it to make it more real in some way?
I don't know, maybe.

What could would this "proof" do?

Would I want to smash all the windows in their cars? YES!
(but I wouldn't)

I had a dream once about seeing his car there overnight. In the dream, I put a HUGE sign in her yard that read -

"I AM AN ADULTRESS. I AM HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN"

And then I put a bumper sticker on her car that said "WHO*E" in bright red letters. On WS car I put another that said "I HAVE ADULTERSS S*X WITH WHO*ES"

uggghhh. I just hate feeling crazy!!

Bugs,

The wondering is what kills me. It's a stake in the heart each time. But it is such a relief when her car is there.

But today I'm a Goddess and I won't drive by her house tonight (we're getting a major storm, although I have 4 wheel drive) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

This is his weekend to be with ******. I'm going to a benifit auction tonight with friends and having fun. And I'll try to stay away all weekend... it's like an addiction almost like they have.

I like the idea about the sign... although I think it would be a dead give away who did it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Still

Didn't realise the word w****e would get bleeped out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Still

Still - -

Enjoy your night out!! Maintain that GODDESS mode and really relax.

We control nothing more than ourselves. Make the deliberate decision to have FUN! It works for me more often than not!


I understand the "addiction" to wanting to know what's going on. However, I am getting better at realizing it doesn't matter what is going on in Fantasyland. I can't control it, so I have to let it go,,,,,, HARD HARD HARD to do. I'm not there yet but am working on it.

Have a great weekend.

Bugs,

Have a great weekend also.

I am also working on it... better than I was just 2 days ago.

Still

How do you feel about meeting his needs?
Are you still happy to do it?

I am sensing (hard to do from a written post...) that maybe you would be happier in the dark. That you are liking your independence and letting him wonder whats up with you.
Is that accurate?

Do you think you still have changes to demonstrate to him, or have you reached the end of that effectiveness?

Just wondering about your Plan B thoughts....

Driving to OW's house will only cause you pain. Why do you want to inflict pain on yourself?

Did you send the letter?

I don't know your story, Bugs.

Has there actually been a D-Day?

Have you discovered them together?

Has he been DENYING that he is having an affair?

Mimi --
He's doing the ol "we didn't get involved until I left" B*llsh*t.

And he only admits to "feelings".

I agree but I understand that it's tempting...

MIMI, MB QUEEN OF THE DRIVEBYS... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />