LG,




I've not often thought of myself as one that needs analogies (I'm not good at them myself), but this REALLY makes a lot of sense to me!

Thanks for the reminder of my goal to be like LilSis. That, too struck home. I have seen no better example of an outstanding Plan A!

Of course, you know I love the Goddess theme! I have added to my Goddess wardrobe a lovely flowing gown that repels the hurtful thoughts,feelings, obsession with OW. This gown will emit only the wonderful scents and support the loving actions of a Goddess.

Thanks for the support. I'm going to take my 'bones' and get to work!

Have a great day!

Lexxxy,

Great info!

One thing I continue to stand firm on. I will NOT cooperate. I have started to do things from time to time, but caught myself. Such as organizing the finances.

I have also remained firm in telling EVERYONE that this is NOT what I want. WS asked me last week what we are going to tell the kids.

I said, I tell them the same thing I tell everyone.
We both love them very much. I love you. I want us to be together as a family.

He will NEVER get me to say anything different.

I realized something, as I have reviewed Mimi's, Lexxy's, and LG's posts this morning,,,, along with my own. I was with my family all weekend. I know they love me very much and do not like to see me hurting.

However, their take on this is not supportive of the Plans here and the Plans that I am working to save my M. I let myself be vunerable and to delve into MY pain, MY need, MY wanting to CONTROL. All of the old ways.

All of the non-Plan A things that are hard enough as it is.

I need to be more aware of this in the future to help avoid going down this path again.

Hmmmm

Bugs:

One of the things about Plan A, is that it is counter-intuitive. Not what you think you should be doing. And other do not understand you true goals.

Your family loves you, but doesn't want to see you hurt, and using subtle meanings, indicate that you should "curb-kick" the WH. That's how Plan A in counter-intuitive. You activly work on the WH to get them to return by changing many things that caused problems in the R before the A. And then you hope that WH returns and makes changes as well. TO work the problems that existed in the M.

So, keep working the bone....

LG

LG,

You hit the nail on the head. I like the term counter-intuitive. It is much better than feeling like a dumb a** at times <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />:)

Family is definately on the Kick Him to the Curb bandwagon. They truly don't understand what I am doing. Of course, it is all out of love.

I now have the George Thorgood song "Bad to the Bone" stuck in my head!

All,

I've spent some time today going back on LilSis's Plan A thread. I thought it might help me get focused back on Plan A activities.

I was thinking about how, despite current circumstances, I have so much to be thankful for, both past and present. I know one thing I did not do was APPRECIATE and ARTICULATE my APPRECIATION of my H.

In that regard, I was thinking of a note like this - -


Dear WS


I ran across an old email from you earlier today. It started me thinking of so many things I am thankful for.

The more I sat here, the more things came to mind. I have realized that there have been so many things that I have never properly thanked you for over the years. These things mean the world to me, and I want to thank you for some of them right now.

Thank you for seeing in me things I did not see in myself.

Thank you for allowing me to be DSS’s Mother!

Thank you for giving us our beautiful, precious DD!

Thank you for choosing to share your life with me.

Thank you for being a great Dad to our kids.

Thank you for making me part of your family.

Thank you for having your visions and dreams.

Thank you for sharing those dreams and visions with me.

Thank you for your loving heart.

Thank you for your giving spirit.

Thank you for making our home so beautiful.

Thank you for every loving look you ever sent my way.

Thank you for every time you touched me with desire.

Thank you for every good thought that crossed your mind about me.

Thank you for your love.





THOUGHTS?? Good idea? Bad idea?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hey Bugs,

Not sure about the letter... let the plan A experts decide that.

I just wanted to pipe in your doing a great job. And I think the others are right your Wh is having a hard time letting you go completely.

Remember keep being a goddess.

Still

ACCEPTANCE, GODDESS BUGS....

You will not be able to SAY JUST THE RIGHT THING to a WH...

Continue to wave your MAGIC WAND...

Good morning!

I spent the evening and morning in ACCEPTANCE mode. No venom was spewed!

WS called early evening. Said FIL was going to pick up DSS, WS was still at work, but that he'd be by to sign tax return,,,,,,,he wants us to use $$ to pay off joint credit card.

Our sitter, who is WS's Aunt, now knows that there is an OW. She's been very quiet about our sitch, and has said nothing to me. I know she has made a couple of comments to WS, but knows she made him mad when she did. Now that she knows, the ENTIRE family probably knows by now. Aunt is the gossip conduit. Hope WS sees his uncles soon,,,,,they won't give him a free pass on this.

I expect MAJOR fallout from that exposure. WS used to have fits over me saying even innocent things in front of her if it had anything to do with our personal lives and could in any way be misunderstood. OOOPPSS!

FIL came by. We had a few minutes alone while kids played outside. I asked FIL if WS had told him where he was all weekend. FIL said no, he just called Fri night and said he would not be home until Sun. FIL was NOT happy when he I told him WS was with OW the entire time.

FIL says that WS will not tell him anything, as they end up in a fight. FIL tells WS in no uncertain terms that what he is doing is wrong. FIL said WS needs to "remember how it was and how he (ws) felt when his Mom left!"

WS's mother left his dad when he was a teenager. She left for another man. As FIL said, WS went CRAZY when that happened. His mother left a note for his dad when she left. The WORST part of that is his Dad can't read - - - WS had to read the letter to his Dad. VERY bad sitch.

I told FIL that WS sees nothing right now but satisfying himself by being with OW. FIL said he just can't understand. He believes that the relationship with OW will not last and he has a VERY low opinion of OW. He asked me what I knew about her,,,,, trying to figure out what WS could possibly see in her. Good to know that at least for now, OW will not be welcome in the family.

So,,,,,,WS comes by to sign taxes. Bugs & DD are playing in the living room. Happy Home. Smiles from Bugs and DD.

WS needed copies of insurance cards. He is shopping our insurance coverage around. I am SUSPICIOUS,,,,,,he said he had to have the VIN numbers. I have never heard of needing the VIN numbers to get a quote for insurance.

Not to worry,,,, I have copies of all of the titles of everything we own. I scanned them and saved them to a disk that I keep in the office. Just in case he's up to something,,,, ??

My guess is that is really is for the attorney.

I got no hugs at all last night,,,,,,,,,,not surprising. He's on the weekend HIGH right now.

I sent a text message around 10 - - Sweet dreams.

I had DD call this am on the way to school. I talked to WS,,, did our catch up on what's going on with his work. I kept up the admiration and support.

He recv'd a GOOD taste from both interactions.

One day at a time,,, one conversation at a time.

FYI -- you DO need VIN numbers for quotes. Ask to see the quotes.

Not so sure about the letter -- I don't think something you SAY is going to matter. It will probably only agitate him. What you DO matters, just like him.

GREAT job on the exposure!

Have you found any further info on OW? I would still encourage you to expose to that side too!

Lexxxy,

I agree, actions are the only thing that matters. The letter may aggitate him,,, but I am going to save it. Perhaps the right time will come to slip it in to a gift or a card down the road.

I have gotten nowhere with more on the OW. I have left a message with a friend who may be able to give me a few details that could help. I've called all of the offices in town that are where she is supposed to be working, but haven't found her in the directories. I keep tying, just in case her phone hasn't been set up yet.

At this point, short of putting a huge sign in her yard that says

"I SLEEP WITH MARRIED MEN, BREAK UP MARRIAGES AND AM A HO"

I haven't found anyone on her end to expose TO - -YET.

Bugs;

Where did my post go???? I HATE when that happens!
I swear I typed it all out; then POOF. gone.

Soooo...

The jist is: keep looking. Hire a PI? Do a background check?
The sign might be short term satisfying. BUT, you have no idea who might see it.
Long term satisfaction is knowing her mom and dad know she's a homewrecker! Priceless!

I am sitting here SHAKING right now!

Just was on "break" with a co-worker whose Son in law is a friend of WS. I mentioned that WS spent weekend with OW.

Co worker says "I asked SIL of he'd met WS's girlfriend yet. SIL said, "Well, he had someone with him here for the Super Bowl Party. I don't know what he's doing,,,, he's had 3 or 4 different ones now!"

WHAT!!!! WTF??????? THREE OR FOUR!!!??!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

It's been hard enough thinking it was just the ONE!! I think I'm going to pass out!

Just when I get a handle on myself, he comes along and PUNCHES ME RIGHT IN THE HEART!!!!!!!!

Stay calm bugs.

Thats a lot of he said/she said. Too far removed.

You need to stay calm and think of how you might verify, do NOT confront WH on this!!!

Bugs?

Please don't confront him!
Stay CALM! No angry outbursts.

Detach from the pain, and think logically and calmly on how you want to proceed. Do not wipe out all your Plan A efforts with an angry outburst!

You know he would deny it anyway, right? You need more before confronting!

Lexxy,

NO WAY will I talk to WS about this. NO WAY! All he would do is LIE to me anyway. He'd try to use it to FORCE me to go along with what he wants. He'd use my PAIN against me.

It did occur to me that maybe it's a test. The original source of the info may have deliberately said this to see if I'd find out and how I'd react.

There is no real way to verify. The only people who would know are WS's friends who are OBVIOUSLY enabling WS's wandering/adultery. They are of no use to me whatsoever.

As much as this HURTS,,,, as much as I am sitting here in TEARS,,,,, I can ask myself this question -

What does it REALLY matter? Really? One, three, fifteen? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Adultery is Adultery. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Even if it has been this many, WS still has looked to me for many things,,,, including SF up until just a week ago.

What has changed in that week?

Maybe his emotional attachment to the 'latest' OW? Who knows?

I CAN'T control that now can I?

What can I DO??

I CAN hold my head high.


I CAN control ME.

I CAN stand strong for what is RIGHT.

I CAN care for myself and my kids.

I CAN tell the TRUTH.

I can DREAM of hitting him up side the head with a 2 x 4!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

What else can I do?????????

Atta-girl!!!

Plan A for the intended length of time. (when's your deadline?)
In Plan B, you can decide if 3 is a dealbreaker for you.

Bugs, you are an awesome woman! Maybe he doesn't deserve you! You can think about that later, after you have done everything you can do to save this family!

Thanks for the support!

While I know I'm doing the right thing, it sometimes feels like I am in a way, sticking my head in the sand. It is almost like if I can IGNORE what he's done to me, I'll be OK. Does that make sense?

It's like LG said yesterday, it feels counter-intuitive.

So, I am tucking it away FOR NOW. But BOY oh BOY is WS going to have a lot of work to do in RECOVERY if we ever get there!!

I don't have an offical Plan B DATE. I want to get through as much of the school year as possible. As I travel for work, being friendly and flexible on the kid schedule makes my life easier.

Plan B will likely entail my buying a home closer to my family. I'll need to start on that soon, so that I can get moved and settled before DD starts school in the fall.

I have not yet talked to an attorney. I think I have been fearful that going for a LSA would push WS to proceed with the D. So, I've done nothing in that direction, other than get a couple of suggestions from friends on who to use.

Makes sense to me.

What is your financial situation? Are you both on the mortgage? Can you sell without his involvement? Can you buy a new home without his involvement?

I totally agree that launching the legal battle is NOT what you want to do. I would only recommend that if you had financial difficulty and he wasn't supporting the kids.


There's really not that far to go until summer break.

I would Plan A to the best level you can. And keep investigating!

Lexxx.

I am not on our current mortgage. I have no interest in selling our current home,,,,it is his 'family' inheritance with other family members living on the same property. i could never try to force him to sell with it impacting other family members.

Now, that being said, I AM entitled to one half of the Equity in this property. If we D, I fully intend to get my half.

WS has talked that he will move back into that house.

PRAISE GOD! I AM set well enough financially to buy myself a house at any time. I do not need WS for that! I have a great job and make good money. One of the MANY blessing that I thank God for every day.

Right now, we are both just paying the same bills that we always have. We've always had our own checking accounts.

At some point, though, prior to Plan B, we will have to come to some better understanding on the finances.

I have checked the laws in our state. I will not ask for or expect any alimony. I used a Child Support caclulator and WS will need to pay a tidy little amount for DD!

But,,,, that is for a few weeks down the road.

Right now, it is Plan A.

Despite knowing what I need to do with my Plans,,, my heart is aching so. My tears are hot and flowing.

A friend sent me a message about uisng our cell phones MORE than we use our Bible. I knew this was where I needed to keep turning, to His Word.

Here's the passage for today -

Luke 6:27-33
"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that."

So, I will treat my WS with Love.

When it becomes too much to bear, I will depart from him.

Trying to find that place of peace today. Think I'm almost getting there.