Plan A Points!! Can I get Plan A "Points" for NOT doing something???

WS called needing my SS# and driver's license # as he is trying to change our car insurance.

I was NICE and gave him the info, and then asked,

"You sound down. Is everything ok?"

WS - "Just all work and no play."

Bugs -"You sound upset, what's up? "

WS - "I've just been so busy and I have only 2 days to get this done before we dont' have coverage any more. If that happens I just know one of us will have an accident"

Bugs - "Well, it's not that bad. If you don't get this done, we can just pay the current company and continue with them until you get this done, Right?"

WS - "Sure, that is a great idea for someone who has money. I'm outta money."

Bugs - "well then we'll just need to work something out. It's nothing that can't be handled"

What I WANTED to say was -

"If you didn't take that weekend road trips with your WH*RE you would have had the TIME. Guess WH*RE takes up a lot of money, too?? Money you SHOULD be using to take care of your FAMILY and your WIFE??"" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

But, no, the Goddess did NOT go down that road!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

After the morning I had I think I get TRIPLE Plan A points this afternoon! Or maybe even QUAD,,,, whatever number of ho's WS has had, that should be the multiplier!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I CROWN YOU..PLAN A GODDESS FOR TODAY!!!

(Don't BELIEVE what you HEAR..only what you SEE with your own EYES)

Anyways, what's better a "PLAYER" or a "CASANOVA"? They BOTH are WHes...

Bugs,

Really great job.... I bow to you goddess of the day.

Isn't it really hard not to say things about the ho.. if we do it just gets them on the defensive. I haven't mentioned her in a while to him.
Do you have bite marks on your tongue?

Still

Thanks for the crown for today. Glad I was able to save the "begging for recognition" for the forum!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


My tongue, I have decided, is for now, the sacrifice I must make as part of trying to save my M.

Hoes are hoes. The more recognition we give them in front of our WS, the more the WS needs to 'defend' them. I should have learned this from a previous R where me BF kept telling me about the 'nice' girls he made friends with!

I am soaking this Goddess body in the tub with my night cap Chardonnay

I sent WS a text saying that we both need to de-stress. I know how Best to do that

I send something funny, nice, or suggestive almost every night. Not always because I mean it, but more to give him something to think about and MISS when Plan B rolls around

Good night all

Bugs,

Wish I had been able to do that... does he acknowledge you TM's ?

When I was sending them my WH never acknowledged them. He!! for all I know he just deleted them.

Still

Still,


He used to acknowedge them. In fact, sometimes he'd come over to accept my "offers". But, alas, not any more. He, too, may be just deleting them.

Now, he makes it clear that he can barely stand to be in the same room with me. He dropped off DSS this morning to catch the bus at my house as he had to go into work early. He made SURE to stay WAY FAR away from me.

He used to linger by the door with me and at least give me one of those crappy hugs. This past weekend with Ho really made some changes in him. She had plenty of time to give him some good coaching and it's working so far.

It's just like the other day when he used the word "bitter". That is not a word WS would have used, I know it came from the Ho.

Let them play their games. Even though it hurts like nothing I've ever experienced in my life, ALL of this is to be expected, now that I have educated myself about WSs and Hos here on MB.

Do I like it? NOPE.

Does it make sense to me? NOPE.

Are there times I don't think I can take it another second? YEP!

Does having a PLAN, even with the knowledge that the end result may not be what I want help me thru every day? YES, YES, and YES.

These are the things I run thru my head every day. My mantras to myself. I think of those angels on my shoulder from MB (Mimi, Lexxxy & others), reminding me that I am dealing with an Alien. Telling me don't be surprised at how much he TRIES to hurt me, to force me to do what he says he wants, to make it "easy" for him. Reminding me that I have made MAJOR changes, I am in a WAR for what is right!!

So, this morning, to battle those potential blues, I put on the Shades <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />, put in the tunes, and cranked it up all the way to work.

Am kid free tonight. Dressed in fitted jeans, low cut top, and high heels! Don't have any special plans, but am ready just in case!!

Some of my tunes this morning were perfect - -


"There ain't no talkin to this man
He's been tryin to tell me so
It took awhile to understand the beauty of just letting go
Cause it would take an acrobat, I already tried all that
I'm gonna let him fly"

"I need a boy like you like a hole in my head
You make me feel so bad that I wish I was dead"


"Sometimes when the world doesn't make much sense,
then you're feeling a little too tense,
[b]you gotta Loosen up those chains and Dance[b] !"

So, Today I'm Gonna DANCE.

WS will still be WS. HO will be the HO

But BUGS - - BUGS will be Dancing her way thru this Day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I CAN'T wear HIGH HEELS..but I've been eyeing girls wearing HEELS with BRIGHT COLORS like PINK and RED...

Have you seen those, Bugs?

A pair of those would be GREAT for you...

SO GODDESSY.....

Goddess Tip for today: Get you some "VANILLA MUSK"by Coty.. for the next time you stand next to him..They sell it at Walmart...My H asks me about this scent EVERY TIME I wear it..to keep the INTEREST going..I put it on every now and then..I read somewhere that there is SOMETHING about VANILLA...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Bugs,

You sound great this morning... I know what you mean about letting you know they can hardly stand being near you. I think that's what hurts the most.

Right now you seem better at putting thase things behind you... I still dwell too much. I am getting better at it thou.

When I went to Alanon the other night they talked about a sh*t sheild. An invisable shield that lets whatever sh*t is being thrown at you roll off and back at the feet of the person throwing it your way. I think I need to but me one of those.

I love shoes.... we still have snow and ice so it's not safe to wear high heels yet. But tight jeans and a sexy sweater (with boots) and I'm there.

Still

Mimi,

I will be on the lookout for those heels! It's time to switch out to the Spring Wardrobe and with the Infidelity Diet, I will need new clothes & SHOES.

Interesting tip on the Vanilla! I love to burn vanilla candles in my house,,,, never thought of it in terms of perfume. Walmart,,, here I come! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BTW - - Glad you are sticking around and enlightening us as the HAPPY WIFE you now are! I find it inspirational to have someone who is SO HAPPY having come through the dark place that many of us are currently in. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

(((BUGS!!!)))

You're doing great girl!!

We need to find a way for you to not analyze him or his actions -- because they are just not readable and accurate!

You say he doesn't want to be in the same room with you. And I wish I had an eloquent way to tell you that this isn't about you. I know you're looking at it this way, and that he is rejecting you or not wanting to be with you.

But thats just not it. It doesn't have anything to do with you at all. He's not rejecting you. He's choosing his drug. He is so addicted to this drug that he just is not thinking about what or who he is trampling on to get to it.

Let's say he was a meth addict. And he changed his whole lifestyle and behavior to GET THIS DRUG. You wouldn't feel as though he was rejecting you, or have hurt feelings "personally". You would just try to help him fight the addiction.

Same thing goes here!

It sounds ridiculous when I start typing "don't take this personally".....and yet that is what I want to tell you!

Lexxxy,

Does it sound ridiculous at first? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Oh Yeah!
But, I think I get it.

You know, despite my description above, I really didn't take it TOO personally today. In fact, I kind of laughed to myself about it after my initial reaction of feeling hurt/rejected.

Instead of going down the path of feeling rejected, I chose to think of it as -

"WOW! How POWERFUL I must be that he can't even be around me anymore?!"


If he has to RUN AWAY from my mere physical presence, then my Power is indeed GREAT!

If OW is so scared that she is coaching him that he has to STAY AWAY,,, again, I am more Powerful than I imagined.

In this way of thinking, it turns out that HE is being ridiculous by believing that staying away from me gives him protection or power over ME in some way OR even within himself. He's doing this to try to be in CONTROL.

That's fine with me. I know I can't control him and I strive every day not to try. Not always easy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

BUGS, YOU HAVE SOOOO GOT THIS!!!

And just think about the POSITIVE EFFECT this is having on your OWN SELF-ESTEEM...

This is about your own PERSONAL GROWTH..regardless of HIM...

And did you notice how I sort of ignored your statement about him not being around you and encouraged you to continue to CHARM HIM WITH THE POWER OF YOUR SCENT????

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

A drug addict will change his whole lifestyle. Move away. Avoid friends and family -- anyone who would disapprove or try to change their behavior.

Same goes here.

He's avoiding you, because you might influence him to do the right thing, and he doesn't want to do the right thing.
Plus facing you means facing what he's done -- and WOW does that look bad! OW is making him feel good about his choice.

Mimi,

OMG! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> THANKS!

My SELF ESTEEM is soaring right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I was VERY proud of myself in letting WS just be WS and not letting his actions be the definition of how I feel about myself.

I DID notice VERY much how you just skirted around the details of WS's actions,,,, again,,,,I think I'm catching on to the working of the Plan!

Combined with Lexxxy's great advice on not taking it personally, I was really able to turn the focus be about ME in a positive way.

Whoo Hoo!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lexxxy,



YES! I definately see this!

FIL picked up DSS last night (another way for WS to avoid seeing me). FIL and I had another chat. I am holding NOTHING back with him.

FIL said again, with details, how WS is NOT telling him anything. He certainly did not tell him he was with OW the entire weekend.

He has FIL convinced that it's all OK from a support angle because I make more $$ than WS. Which is NOT true at all!

He's tried to make out to his family that I have plenty of $$, so MY having to move out and buy a new house isn't a big deal.

So, now WS is not only not talking to FIL, he is LYING to him. NOT GOOD.

Typical Addict behavior, isn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

WS has also complained to FIL about lack of $$. Now FIL understands that this lack of money isn't because WS is paying ALL of the bills for me & DD. Lack of money is because WS is spending it to finance his Ho and their relationship.

Also, he IS avoiding people who he knows do not Condone what he is doing. Both at work, with friends, and family. He has really stuck with his closest friend who has enabled him on this completely.

His attitude at and concerning work is starting to show the effects as well. His description to me of the interworkings of his day reflect a TOTALLY different attitude. IMO, it's not a good one. DEFINATELY not the H or even the manager he used to be.


Like it or not, WS DOES have to face me from time to time. Atleast for a while. What he "chooses" to see when he does see me is up to him.

The reality will be a fun, life loving woman, a wonderful mom, and a real catch for her H.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

Keep up the good work! Goddess today!

Mimi:

You must get some High-heels! You DO NOT have to wear them outside, nor walk long in them....

A goddess must have an EXCELLENT pair....

LG,

First, I am with you. Mimi needs a pair of Goddess heels. I am picturing a beautiful, flowing night gown complete with matching wrap, and some sexy mules with heels. Of course, Mimi is wearing this while lounging on her chaise and looking FABULOUS! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Second, thanks for the encouragement! Goddess mode was working today.

I saw IC, which went well. She helps me to understand if I am looking at all possibilities and being truly honest with myself. She is supportive of the MB principals that we have discussed, which is GREAT! She helps make me feel like I am staying somewhat balanced.

I called WS to be sure he was getting kids from the sitter. It sounded like he was on his way home. I got him to engage in a brief conversation about his day. Nothing special.

I was at dinner with a friend at the time. I'm sure he could hear noise in the background,,, I got the "Be careful tonight" goodbye.

I called on my way home,, he immediately put the kids on. We talked for a few minutes after. Told him DSS had just mentioned that he has his class selection form for next year. WS's immediate reaction was "well, that is the first I"VE heard of it", like he was upset I knew about it before him.

I think he may have issues with DSS coming to me with things instead of him. That "us guys" against the world syndrome. He's already expressed his disappointment in how his family is not as supportive of his leaving now the way they were at first.

Too bad for him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I was extremely nice. Inquiring about him as much as I could without it sounding like prying. I made sure not to sound judgemental when I found kids has fast food with him. It has been an "issue" in the past, as that was all they would ever get there. I know he's been cooking more lately. So, when he said everything he had was frozen and he didn't feel like cooking, I told him that I can certainly understand and besides, DD was thrilled!


Rather than wait for him to have to get off the call, I took the opportunity at a pause in the conversation to just say, "Have a beautiful evening" Of course, I did say it in my BEST Sexy voice. He sounded surprised when he said, "you do the same".

So, nothing extra special. But, I jammed to my tunes all of the way home. Had a great dinner, and besides being WAY far behind at work, I feel GREAT!

OH<<<<<< almost forgot something important.

WS is STILL snooping in my journal. He read it again tonight,,,if he read the most recent entry, he had to read about DD waking up completely lost and confused last night. I noted how it was scary for her, she wasn't sure where she was - - if she was here at home or at Grandpa's house. I expressed to myself my concern that even if WS lives close to us, he won't be HERE with her.

I had also written about having found out things about him that were VERY hurtful to me(I did not write anything specific),,, but that the prevailing emotion I have through it all is still Love for him. Also, that I have long ago accepted that I can't control him, I can only control me.

I know writing in there with the expectation he may read it really isn't HONEST and is rather manipulative,,,, but I figure if he is the one snooping for something, I might as well use it to share with him my TRUTH.

Anyone have thoughts on that??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I SHOULD have gone shopping for some new high heels,,, but thought I'd treat myself to an early bedtime instead. A Goddess does need her beauty rest!

Thanks again everyone for the support and advise! I wouldn't be in such good shape without you all!

Good morning!

A cloudy rainy day today and my mood is kind of following the weather today.

I didn't get much sleep last night. Had dreams of WS and OW, which hasn't happened much. As much as I try not to think about it, the thoughts of WS giving her the affection he used to give me crept into my dreams. OUCH!

So, am trying to let those go today. I really just want to crawl back into bed for some peaceful sleep! I love sleeping with the sound of rain outside.

I sent WS the nightly text message. Last night was just a joke about a movie that was on. Years ago somone we both knew made the comment that Dances with Wolves was the BEST movie ever made. We have always joked about that every time we see that it is on tv. I just told him it was on last night and I knew he'd want to know because he LOVES it so much.

I sent text to his work email around midnight. Just said I couldn't sleep, and though I wanted to talk to him, I didn't want to wake him or the kids. Said have a great day. (confirmation text just came thru that he just now read this message)

Spoke with DD and DSS this morning on their way to school. Both sounded tired. WS does not get them to bed early enough, but I don't criticize about it,,,,,it's not worth all that right now.

Talked to WS,,,,,made efforts to keep him engaged on conversation. The best way to do this is get him talking about work. Gave him more cuddos,,,,,"you are doing a great job" "wow, I hadn't thought of that, it's a great idea", etc. Called him sweetie at the end of the conversation, actually just came out without thinking of it.

I realized the other day how "cold" he was trying to be when he called me on the phone and used my given name. He usually only called me that when he was upset. Big clue to me. Just made me think about my own use of some of my words/names for him.

I guess I should be proud that I haven't called him an A**hole to his face (or anything worse)! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Tonight is his "free" night, I have both kids overnight. Am trying HARD HARD HARD not to think about what he will be doing tonight and WHO he will be doing it with.

AMOST FORGOT - - NEED SOME INPUT

Yesterday while on the way to IC, a mutual friend of WS and Mine called me on my cell.

We had traded funny emails the other day and he followed up to check in on me. In one of my responses, I included something minor that alluded to the fact that WS and I had continued to have SF.

This friend said he noticed something in my email,,, that although it wasn't "his business", he wanted to ask if that was what he read,,,, that SF was still going on.

I told him first it was OK for him to ask. If I share something with him, it's open for discussion.

I also told him YES, SF has been going on up until about a week and a half ago.

He was SHOCKED! I could tell. I told him that I was sure that WS had been telling everyone how "DONE" he is with me and would certainly never give any indication of a LOT of things that have been going on, including SF.

Friend confirmed that. He was NOT happy with WS at ALL. I know that this really damaged WS's standing in this guy's eyes. Not because of us having SF,,,,, but that the STORY WS is telling everyone is NOT honest and is slanted to make himself look "good".

Friend and I had many conversations, and as I reminded him, we'd talked about how there are 2 sides to every story. Up until recently, I had remained fairly quiet, but WS had been getting out the word that he was "DONE" with me. Now, the OTHER PART OF THE STORY is coming out.

I explained to him the basics of my thinking - - That I love H, I want H back, but I don't want WH. That I KNOW we could have a BETTER marriage that before, that WH would have to make major changes too, but that I still believe it is possible,,,,,,,etc.

This friend went on for some time about how much he admires me for this, admires my strength, admires my changes, and the diginity with which I am handling this situation.

So,,,,,,,,All,,,,,,,,, What do you make of this? Anything??

Bugs,

It's pretty rainy and dreary here also. I was up last night to with the thought of the Wh and hid Ho in my head last night. It was WH free night... tried the stop signs, praying nothing seemed to work last night.

Didn't ahve to work today so dropped off DS and did go back to bed because I didn't get much sleep.

Made the comment on LilSis thread about WH hugging and kissing kids and our dog and kust leaves. I'm not even getting scraps.

Now I'm getting myself going I have to I can't stand the place I'm in right now.
Going to do the things I talked about last night.

Still