I just read the post on Mid Mife Crisis. Although WS is only 32,,, he is still reading from this handbook! Doesn't matter what you call the book, the WS in him is RIGHT there!

This week has been really, really, hard despite all of my well earned Goddess and Plan A points. I am exhausted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I know I've read time and again here that you should Plan A until you just CAN'T do it anymore. That you will just "know" inside yourself that you have to move on. I can see where/how this will happen.

This week I have really embraced the idea of having Let Go of WS,,,,,,, in that he will do what he will do. Nothing I do or say will magically CHANGE him, change his wandering ways, or bring him back to the M.

So, knowing that my actions WON'T change him, knowing that the point of Plan A is to show him the changes made, to meet ENs as he will allow, etc. and knowing that Plan B will be required,,,,,,, How Long do I Plan A?

Is it really Beneficial or Wise to keep on Plan A to breaking point for myself?

I'm not sure how to make my thought/questions clear here.

How does it make sense to continue to do these things, knowing that Plan B will HAVE to come into play eventually?

The "cost" to the BS during Plan A is very high. We all know that. Giving without the expectation of anything in return. The ultimate demonstration of change, love, and commitment.

I guess I am wondering what the VALUE is of taking that path so far that I will be on the verge of breaking. What is the LOSS of VALUE in moving to Plan B sooner rather than later?

I am not yet ready for Plan B - - but there are days when my mind starts to wander that way. The idea that a true dose of REALITY for WS is part of Plan B is appealing to me. I know the time will be coming for Plan B,,,, so I'm just trying to get my brain around it all.

Anyone care to continue my Education on this, please?
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

WS just called. He wanted to know what time I was leaving work. I told him I hoped to be out of here soon,,,,,why?

He wanted to know when I picking up the kids so he would know when he could call. He was on his way to go see his mother who is in the hospital.

I asked what was up and how long she had been in there. He said she'd been in since Tues. I asked if he knew BEFORE she went in that she would be there,,,, she has known she was going into the hospital in the past and not called us until she was in or already home.

He said she had called him, but he had thought it was supposed to be TODAY -

WS "But,,, I have SO much going on in MY LIFE right now, I could have written it down wrong"

POOR WS,,,,,,,, keeping up with a new job,,,, living your life like you are SINGLE,,,, keeping up activities with your HO,,,,,covering it all up,,,,, I can only Imagine how HARD that is for him!

Why don't I feel bad about it? Why am I not doing everything I can to make this EASY for him?????

Sorry - - but I gotta vent somewhere since I bit my tongue while talking to him.

It still hurts! It's all about HIS LIFE,,,,,,,, I know, I know,,,,, let it go!!!

So, I told him he could call like he "usually does" as I will have them all evening.

WS "I know, I know"

Well, we BOTH know he doesn't want to call LATER as NORMAL because he will be with the HO!! Puke GAG Sick - -

Ok,,,,, letting that go, too!

So,,,, as I knew he'd be driving for a while, I made sure to engage him in a great deal of conversation,,,,, as usual all about work. But - I'll take it at this point.

It was the most conversation we'd had in a while. He actually responded to a funny email I sent earlier,,, just a standard reply, but at least a reply.

I think I'll go on line and send his Mom some flowers to the hospital and then send a card to her house. Maybe I'll have the kids make her some get well cards tonight, too. They can show them to WS tomorrow as he has them for the weekend and they can mail them together??

Gotta run,,,,,,,kids to pick up and dinner to fix.

Bugs,

I tried to respond to you earlier and just noticed it never posted. That's a first for me. I wish I could remembe what I wrote "senior moment"

I think I am closer to plan B than you are... maybe even tonight. WH still isn't here yet kind of anxious. Let's see if I can pull it off.

I just need to start breaking away from him. Not that i want to, but it's best for me.

You'll know when you are ready... if there is such a thing. It is tiring. Do you think it's as tiring for them?

You're lucky you had s*x last week or so. It's been almost 15 months for me. And sometimes boy am I ready <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Still

Did you read what I told Sis about my H's friends?

Way too much information for a man friend to know about your sex life.....

Mimi,

Did you mean me or BUgs??

Still

Still,

As much as I do not want to admit it, yes I do think it is exhausting for ws. Think about how much energy it must take to maintain the fantasyland they live in.

Mimi - yes, I did read what you told Sis today about WS friends.
In my case, I will respectfully tell you this conversation was not inappropriate
This guy does not know about my sex life, just that WS and I have continued to have one
This man and I have been friends for over 15 years, well before WS ever entered the picture. We have helped one another thru various personal crisis as friends for years
Do not get me wrong -- I do realize I am vunerable when it comes to friendships with the opposite sex and make sure our conversations not dangerous inthat regard

You're my girl, Bugs...

But affairs definitely start by talking to long-term opposite sex friends about the topic of SEX...

It seems DISRESPECTFUL to your H to talk to him about that..although he is a wayward, your sex life is none of his business...

You are belittling the specialness of your sexual R with your H by talking about it with HIM, IMO...

Regardless of whether you should or should not be talking to that guy about your husband - I just want to tell you that I can't help but be happy for you on a "gut" level that you got some much needed & deserved positive reinforcement!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

You are CERTAINLY My Girl, too!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I love & respect you and your opinions! I appreciate your always standing firm in what you believe and sharing it with me! ALWAYS! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't exactly see this the same way as you, but am taking the time to give your perspective consideration.

One part of me thinks/feels that my sexual R with WS ceased to be "special" when he tainted it by also have one with the HO. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

The other part of me understands that it has been and always will be special because it is between us, it is part of the expression of our love for one another, and it is a vital component of what I am fighting so hard to preserve and protect. As part of that fight, I should also protect this and keep it "special" in every way I can.

So,,, there are the 2 parts that I can see and am working thru.

Fiat makes a good observation-that I think goes to my reason for telling this friend

,,,,, that I received some positive reinforcement in someone else seeing and acknowledging that WS is not being truthful, is manipulating me, OW, and everyone around him.

Not saying I was right or wrong,,,, just acknowledging it.

So,,,,,, MOVING ON,,,,,,,,,

WS called & talked to kids to say good night. Hung up before I could get on the phone. DSS seems confused by this.

Earlier in the evening I had made a 'joke' about putting a hex on WS to make him be head over heels in love with me and DSS heard me. We were watching Bewitched,,,, Samantha puts a hex on the Wil Farrel character to make him crazy about her. DSS says "Leave Dad alone". I wasn't sure from his tone or look if he was joking.

So after DD was asleep, I had a quick talk with DSS. I told him that I was joking about putting a hex on WS. He said he knew that and was joking, too. I didn't pressure, but did let him know that I realize that our family being apart like this is very hard on all of us. That we can talk, or not talk about it any time he wants. He said he & WS never talk about any of it.

I just reassured him that I love him, his Dad loves him, that I love his Dad very much and I do want us to all be together.

Is that wrong? Knowing that WS is headed down the D path,,,,that WS will tell a different story?

I so DON'T want to hurt or damage our kids in any way! I just feel obligated to state the truth. I don't want DSS to see his Dad as the 'bad guy',,, but I can't tell him that I WANT a divorce when it's not true.

WS didn't call DD by the time we left for school, so we called. Left vm. He called back. Eventually they connected.

I spoke with him for a bit,,,, as always, hearing the details about work.

He's told me at least 3 times now how next week he will be bringing DSS by early to catch the bus so he can get to work early. I have said that was fine every time. Wonder if OW is prompting him that I will try to make this kind of thing difficult now?? Whatever.

He said his Mom is doing well. She will be in the hospital for 2 weeks, but it looks really good right now. She has had a colostomy reversal. He's going to see her after work,,,,asked if I was going to be home to pick up kids. Told him no - - - as this is his weekend. He said he'd call sitter but he wouldn't be LATE.

So,,,,, I am going to send his Mom flowers to the hospital.

QUESTION - - - Do I have the card to be from ME alone,,,,,, from ME and the KIDS,,,,, or from ALL of us??

Thoughts?

Bugs,

Does his mom know you are seperated? Or the affair?

I'm leaning towards putting just you and the kids. But I would also see what the others say. Right now I don't know how good my decisions have been.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Still

This was my view. If I felt any differently, I would not have been able to continue having SF with my H during PLAN A. I was standing or lying down <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />on my belief that what we had together was SPECIAL and DIFFERENT...



which makes this HIGH RISK in coming from the opposite sex...

I IMAGINE my H getting "POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT" from the OW...ICK... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />..and then going back for MORE and MORE...

The card should tell the TRUTH...about who the flowers are from...IMO..

Still -

WS's Mom knows we are separated. She & WS don't have the BEST relationship - - - going back to her leaving dad for OM!! yep! Can you say Ironic?

Yet, WS has continued to tell me how he is a BETTER Dad and the kids are BETTER OFF if WE get a D! Yes that Fog is THICK.

I am sure that she does not know about the A. Even if she did, as a WW, I expect no support from her. She's what I kindly call someone who is missing a few cards from the deck anyway. She did a lot of drugs in the past and I don't think she's really all there sometimes.

WS constantly complains about how hard it is to talk to her. She always turns the conversation to be about HER. This has given me insight to WS's need for ADMIRATION, as he never has and still doesn't get it from her.


Mimi - - I get what you are saying darlin' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thanks!

Am going to send flowers from me and the kids. Not telling WS in advance, let him see them when he goes to visit.

Bugs,

That's what I would do... the flowers.

I didn't realise his mom is a OW!

Boy where are their heads... the kids are better off, I'm a better dad. Huh a better dad would be there ALL the time and showing his kids mom love. There is nothing better for kids than seeing their parents work through problems...GRRR this hits a raw nerve can you tell <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Those are things my WH has said... he doesn't even realise the damage that has already been done to his DDs. This is stuff that will always be with them. Tell me how much they are going to trust the men in thier lifes? Like I told him early on the hardest thing for me to say to him was I had always hoped our DD's would marry someone like him and our DS be like him. Now knowing everything I hope none of that happens because he is not the man I thought he was.

Still

Doing anything FUN this weekend BUGS?

I'm still around, just super busy the last few days!

Hope you have some great GODDESS activities planned!

I hope you get some new SLACKS...

NO SWEATS!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I was just jumping back on here to talk about getting back into Goddess Mode for the weekend,,,, and there you are with a reminder!

No sweats is right! I haven't been seen in sweats for months!

I am giving opening comments at a Kick off meeting for a Women's Professional Network Organization next Tuesday, so had already planned to shop for a new Spring outfit.

Am even thinking a DRESS to show off my newly tan skin & great looking LEGS! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The ENTIRE management team from my company (and WS's company) in this area will be there, so gotta look GREAT so they can all comment how GREAT I look! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />I don't know if WS will be there or not,,, it is possible.

Oh,,, and I HAVE to find those RED or PINK or BLUE shoes you were talking about. I saw some with Polka Dots in a flyer that came in the mail last night. THOSE had my name written on them.

Check out zappos.com...

The shoes on that site make me salivate...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

OMy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Now THOSE are some kicks!

Glad to know I still have good taste - - my favorites were $500!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I sent the flowers to MIL, from me & kids.

Am SO not in the mood to work today! Need to write my 'speech' for Tuesday. That's more fun than regular work, so guess I'll try to get that done.

Ws called earlier,,, was going to see his Mom in the hospital,,, but while we were talking, he realized he needed to drop off some things for a guy who is in the same office as I am.

Right then, my office phone rang, so I had to go. I was trying HARD not be excited about getting to see him!

But - - - the Angels sitting on my shoulders started to whisper,,,,,,



So, the Goddess still brushed her hair, fixed her makeup, and applied fresh lipstick.

Alas,,,, the Angels were right. He snuck in and out of here without even coming by to say Hello.

How uncomfortable it was for the guy who works here when I asked him if he got his stuff! WS is MR FRIENDLY to eveyone,,, but he made it a POINT not to see me, and apparently made it a point to this guy as well. Or if he didn't make it a point, he avoided the subject and by not coming by,,,, it still made a point that he is avoiding me.

The person even said "How did you know about that?" Guess WS makes it sound like we are so DONE that we don't even TALK to one another??

So,,, I have only one question - -
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />Do I mention it to WS when I call tonight?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I am hurt,,,,, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />but not as hurt as I would have been a while back. Atleast the Angels on my shoulders helped me to prepare for being hurt/disappointed this time.

AND

I have to think of it as "WOW!! How Scary must I be that he can't even SEE me to say HELLO!" Guess it might be tempting to be alone with me,,,, we might rip off our clothes and make mad passionate love right here in my office! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />:)

Just trying to Laugh about this to keep from crying!

(((Bugs)),

I wouldn't mention it.... it would just fly through his brain.

You did good (or is it well)... anyway remember it's the WH and not your H. The creep.

Still