Thanks, Still!

It's sure not easy, is it?

I worked late, went shopping (YES, Mimi, I found 1 pair of new slacks that fit GOOD), and went to tan. Felt good, even if a bit Sad.

But it's another new day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing.

Talked to DD and DSS. Both got their report cards yesterday. DSS,,,all A's and B's! DD, doing well on everything, with just a little work needing in her reading skills. She CAN do it, she just doesn't want to sit still long enough! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I talked to Ws for a while. Nothing special. I didn't mention the snub at the office. As you say, Still, it won't matter to him AND why ask for the hurt when I hear that he doesn't care that he KNOWINGLY hurt me again.

I think Pep had on her sig line, a quote from Mulan(i think) about how a WS does not care at all about the BS's pain. I'm trying to get myself 'used' to that.

I'm going laundry & cleaning house. The only good thing about no WS living here is LESS landry and housework!

I think I'm going to meet my Mom to do some shopping and will stay with her tonight. She lives close to the friend who I will be going to see tomorrow.

I need to look for some more clothes,,,still have nothing in which to give my speach!

Later!

Do you have a DRESS BARN in your area?

I bet you could find something great there for your speech..BUSINESSLIKE YET FEMININE/GODDESSY...

I AM SOOO MAD!

I was putting away a car insurance paper in the file cabinet when I noticed some files missing

All of the files on the house were gone. All files on insurance are gone. All files re:WS employment are gone. The fireproof file is locked and I can not find the key.
Downstairs boxes of files are empty of al paperwork on our property and FIL property

UUGGGHHH

Now WHAT??

Luckily, I had already made copies of all the titles from the fireproof safe and have them at my office

So much for Mr Let's be Nice, and work TOGETHER!

Why did he have to SNEAK behind my back AGAIN!?!?

I wanted to call and confront - but I did not.

I took the empty box and the safe and left it right in front of the door. When/if he goes over tonight to feed dog and get mail it will be there. I will not be home

I almost left a note asking WTF? But I think just the box makes more of a statement!

I am going to Major Plan B Preparation Mode this week. I can't deal with this kind of BS!

Are you going to look into getting the locks changed, too?

Argh!!

What do you think is his purpose in taking those items, btw?

Bugs why would he need that stuff?

I'd probably confront him and ask why he didn't just ask for copies and you would of given it to him. That the way he went about it just feel right or something like that.

Although I'm not the best one on this type of thing

Orchid we need you here

Still

Hey All!

I went to my Mom's Sat which was a good "cooling off" period. I looked at some houses for sale in the area to get an idea of costs and what I might be able to afford. Gave me something to focus on.

When I called this am to talk to kids, my phone was going dead, but WS got on and asked if we could talk til it went dead. I said yes.

Ws - I was over at the house and saw the files.

Bugs - Yes. Where are they?

Ws - Well I needed them to get this moving.

Bugs - Why didn't you tell me you were taking them?

WS - I didn't want to fight with you. YOU SAID I had to take care of this and you weren't going to help.

Bugs- I said I wasn't going to proactively do anything to get a divorce. Why would that exual "fighting" with you over getting information?

WS = I just didn't want a scene. I know you probably think I'm up to something, but I"m not. Really. I just didn't want to fight with you I just don't understand why we can't just sit down and get this worked out. Why don't you just tell me what you want?

Bugs - I've told you what I want. I want my husband and my family

WS - Well, Bugs, that isn't going to happen. I don't want to draw something up and then you be insulted and disagree. Then you will have to get a lawyer and that COSTS MORE MONEY

Bugs - Yes, it does

WS - Well, I don't understand this. YOU have MOVED ON. You will be fine.

Bugs- No, I haven't moved on

WS - Yes, you have and you will be fine

Bugs - NO< WS,,, I HAVEN't moved on and you don't KNOW that.

WS - So, you are tellng me you haven't moved on.

Bugs - NO I have NOT.

PHONE WENT DEAD!

UGGGHH! I was SO upset! I was GLAD the phone went dead, because i'd been able to keep my cool but I don't know how long it would have lasted.

WS tried calling my Blackberry, , but it was in the car and I didn't know. I went to a friends for an afternon barbque and then headed home early evening.

Called WS to say I'd pick up DD in about 15 minutes, he said OK.

I'm going to post this and then continue in a few mintues with the REST of the STORY>

Tapping my foot..... and impatiently waiting for more .

Still

So, DD had just taken a bath and was waiting for WS to find some clothes for her,,, he was doing laundry and hadn't found her clothes yet.

Found them, got her dressed, and WS tells her to go outside and play so we can talk. I told him I really wasn't up for a huge discussion (I had cried all the way home today and was feeling really drained)

WS was angry,,, so I gave in to having the talk = = = Why postpone?

I forgot in previous post that over the phone I'd said "WS,,, I never told you to go hire a lawyer.

So at the house he starts with how I've said all along that he needed to put together what he wanted because I wouldn't do it. So, that's why he hired a lawyer.

So, now once the papers are in my hands, we have 30 days to agree or not. If I don't agree, then it has to start going back and forth and that's just going to COST us money? Why am I doing this?

Ws = We've always said thru our whole relationship that if this were to ever happen, we'd just sit down and work it out

Bugs - Well, WS, LOTS of promises were made and things said in this marriage that haven't been kept and are not not true. But, I'm not going to go down that road with you right now. It serves no purpose

Ws - We've BOTH done things to put us where we are today. You just REFUSE to accept it.

Bugs sits down and looks WS right in the eyes and says I've told you MANY times, I take responsibility for the things I've done wrong in the past.

I have done a LOT of work. I've looked back and seen where I was wrong. I've made a LOT of changes in my life. You may or may not recognize them, but the person I was 6 months ago would not be handling this situation the way I am today

WS - You are right about that. Then you would have already slapped me across the face.

Bugs - Well, I'm a different person. I see things much differently and know what is possible. I have to be true to the person I am now. The decisions I am making are because of those changes and I will not sacrifice what I know is right and I must be true to myself.

WS - Our friends have told me that I"m just going to have to be a JERK about this to get you to understand that this is OVER. I don't want to be a JERK.

Bugs - Why would you have to be a JERK? In what way I have I fought you on anything other than to say I don't want this?

Ws - you just won't sit down and work this out.

Bugs - I don't want a divorce,. I will respond and take whatever steps I am forced into, but I've told you time and again, just write up what you want. ALl I ever meant by that is for you to put it on a piece of paper and give it to me.

WS - well why can't you just tell me what you want? I've been told I can't give you the papers. You will have to be served

Bugs - NO<<< what I am saying is that YOU know what you want. Write it down on a piece of paper and give it to me. That's all I have ever told you to do.

WS - Well, it's all with my lawyer now.


WS - I've TRIED thru this while thing to treat you with respect.

Bugs laughs and says nothing

WS = You don't think so

Bugs - No, it SURE doesn't feel that way at all

WS - This wasn't planned.

Bugs - No, I never said it was. But, people make choices.

WS - You've been there,,, why can't you just understand?

Bugs - Yes, I've been there. And I was WRONG. I am not sorry about where I utlimatly settled with you as my husband, but the WAY in which I did it was WRONG. I've paid a price for it, I'm paying the price now, and our realtionship the both of us have paid the price

NOTE- for those that don't know, I was married when I met my current spouse. I divorced and then married current spouse.


Bugs - I was wrong.

WS - So, you are telling me you haven't already moved no.

Bugs hangs her head, tears in the eyes, NO, I have NOT moved on. Where would you get such an ides?

WS - Well, our friends tell me you have moved on. YOu are spending time with someone else.

Bugs - NO,,,,,, why would I have done all of the things I've done? Why would I tell you all of the things I tell you? Why would I try to rebuild a marriage if I were involved with someone? Is that the person you thing I am? you think i am capable of that?

WS - Well, I think that perhaps you have found someone to talk to and are finding "comfort" in that person
There's more ways to be involved with someone than having sex with them.

Bugs - Yes,,, and THAT kind of involvement and betryal is EVEN WORSE

Ws is quiet.

Somewhere in here he gave me a speech about how "as usual, he's trying to make everyone else happy" and his dad wanting to buy a different house. He will have to help him, but with what we have going on, he doesn't know what he'll be able to do financially. So, he needs me to tell him what I want so he can take care of this.

I sat quietly,,,, just looking at him. I said nothing.

WS - You aren't going to do it are you?

Bugs - No, I 've told you what I will do.


So,,,,,,,, obviously the timeline is being stepped up. He's in a pretty big hurry now but I know that his dad buying a new place is NOT the reason.

I am sick, sick, sick. I have cried, cried, cried.

So, tomorrow, I call my own lawyer and the next level of HE77 begins.

Any wise advise????????????????

(((Bugs)))

I'm sorry.

I know how tough it is, we are here for you.

Still

Tomorrow: Consult a lawyer and make prompt plans for a DARK PLAN B.

Mimi -

Wow - - - your response was certainly short, concise and to the point! You are a woman who knows what she thinks, that's for sure!

Still -- thanks for the support.

I called a friend this am and have the name & number for an attorney. I will call when office hours open soon.

Once I meet with her, I should be able to get my plans in order.

WS called this am to talk to DD. She was still sleeping. WS went to see his mom in the hospital last night. He thanked me for sending her flowers, but that I shouldnt have bothered for someone who doesn't appreciate anything.

We had a conversation over how she doesn't appreciate anything in his mind. He stated that she's just "weird".

I told him I didn't send the flowers JUST because of her. He said he knew and said thanks.

DD called him on way to school. We talked again. He's upset with DSS over throwing a rock at DD and hitting her. We talked about it,,,,,he wanted me to know how upset he was and that he is still upset in case DSS mentions it tonight. I asked him if he wanted me to have a talk with DSS,,, he said it was up to me, but I could tell that this was what he was wanting, so I said I would.

We chatted about a couple of other minor things. Once again,,,,, WS acting like we are such good friends,,,I am sure expecting this to continue.

Do you think that as he's seen these changes in me,,, sees how I have been handling this sitch, that he is believing he is going to get what he wants as long as he is nice and that I am just going to continue to take it?

Good Lord above,,,, please help me! I don't know how much more of this I can take. One part of me wanting to have him wrap me in his arms,,,, the other wanting to hit him with a 2 x 4!

I told my mom that looking for a new house should be fun and exciting, but this just makes me cry. Which I did cry, the entire hour drive home yesterday.

Too many ups and downs - - Angry one minute, crying and lost the next.

Even my Goddess wear isn't cheeriing me up today!

I just left a message for the attorney.

I made it all the way to the end of the message before I started crying,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

It's tough, Bugs. I remember leaving many a tearful message. I even cried while I was in the meeting with the attorney, as hard as I tried not to. Talking about the kids is what gets me the most.....

Hang in there.

Wild,

Thanks much for chiming in with the support.

I thought I had it together to where I wouldn't be back to crying or on the verge of tears every waking moment. That sure hasn't been the case! I hardly ever used to cry, now it feels like I'll never stop.

Thinking about the kids really is the topper on it, isn't it?

I'm normally SO STRONG, SO TOGETHER - - this feeling of hoplessness, of devestation, of pain is so unfamiliar to me. I never knew I could hurt so badly and knowing that the ONE person who could always help me is the one responsible for this just makes it much worse. He wants me to feel this way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

When will I be able to get mad again? When will I be able to pull myself up out of this? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Geez - - can you say Pity Party? Yep, I'm giviing myself a big old celebration today.

I was that way, too. Can't hardly remember the last time I cried before this mess with the A. Not that things didn't happen that made me want to cry...I was just too tough to let myself do it. Forced myself to work through whatever the problem was and go on.



You took the words right out of my mouth. I've thought this way many times....

But I don't think our WHs WANT us to feel this way, they just don't care that we do. Their fix is more important than our feelings.



I can't give you a timeline...yours will come when it is time. But you WILL come out of this and CERTAINLY get mad again! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Plan B was what got me there. I still struggle at times but not nearly like I was. The emotions are not as close to the surface as they used to be. The control of the tears is back (mostly). When you are ready for it, Plan B will help you tremendously.

Bugs;
His wake up call is coming.
As soon as he starts getting into the paperwork and finding out about equity and child support etc. -- this is going to become HORRENDOUS to him!
Get ready for Plan B if you can't take anymore.

And be as tough as possible when it comes to divorce matters. Turn it all over to your attorney and let him/her be the tough guy!

Wild,

thanks again!

My IC has asked me several times - - If you would wave your Magic Wand and get everything you want - what would it be?

The answer continues to change.

The ULTIMATE would be that None of this ever happened - that I'd found MB and that H and I had built an affair proof marriage.

Alas, I am still stuck with reality. It just CRASHES down so hard sometimes.

Again the Magic Wand would be the only thing that could give me a timeline on getting back on an emotion plateau! I know I will get there,,,,some day.

I think writing a Plan B letter will hep me work thru the pain I am feeling. Maybe I'll work on that later today.

I am glad to hear that Plan B is working ok for you,,, or at minimum, making it just a little better as time goes on.

It gives me hope. And that is something very hard to come by today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Bugs --
Just to add to what I was saying before --

He still has this FANTASY in his head that everything is going to be rosy after this.
That you will still be his "friend" and he will still have you meeting his needs.
He thinks that financially it will be no big deal.

So maybe him going through this exercise of organizing things will be a wake up for him. Especially if you move to Plan B soon.

Lexx,,

sorry I didn't see you earlier post. I agree that wake up call is coming,,,,,, he may be gettting glimpses of reality here with the process.

He has met with an attorney, but how far they've gotten, I don't know.

I think he is VERY concerned about the money - as he's mentioned it several times about how much this will cost if I don't agree with what he comes up with.

I talked to an attorney this afternoon - she spent a good 30 minutes with me over the phone. I really like her and am putting her on retainer.

I will be moving 1/2 of my savings account today. Unfortunately, I can not legally lock him out of the house. So,,,,,,prepping for Plan B very soon. We'll see which comes first - - if I get my stuff together first or if I get served first.

Either way, I have accepted that this is the path I must walk. I don't have to like it, but I must do it nevertheless.

Bugs,

How aare you doing tonight? Just wanted to let you know I think I cry or tear up every time I'm with my Attorney. He tells me that's why he has kleenex on his desk.

It's okay to have a day where you don't feel like wearing your goddes skivies.
Tomorrow you'll be in a better place.

I'm thinking and praying for you.

Still