Bugs,

Worried about you honey...how are you doing.

Check in for us will ya.

Still

Still,

Good morning! I'm doing OK! Thanks for the concern.

Yesterday was just SO BAD, I took an evening to do nothing other than spend time with DD.


FIL came by to pick up DSS. WS didn't even bother to call to let me know what was going on last night. I left him VM and didn't get a call for 30 minutes,,,,during which FIL showed up.

FIL feels really bad about what's going on and is very unhappy with WS.

WS told FIL that I AM SEEING SOMEONE ELSE! I made it very clear to FIL that it an outright LIE! UGGH!! Why is he making that up?

ALL of the people/friends I talk to know in no uncertain terms that I want my H back and am NOT seeing anyone. So, WS is just making this up.

Ws finally called - and was MR CHATTY. Telling me all about work, ASKING for my OPINION on a sitch there??? WTF?

BUT,,,,,, enough of that. I am actually feeling good today. Yesterday I bought a new dress for my speech today AND new shoes to match.

It's a brown sheath with white polka dots. Daycare teacher stopped to tell me how GREAT I look and that the dress reminds her of the one Julia Roberts wears in Pretty Woman!

So,,,, EGO boost.

Talked to WS on way to school. Again, Mr. Friendly. Told me how at lunch yesterday a co-worker was telling him about how I worked at the same place as he did years ago and how HOT I was! Spoke in detail about how I'd change at the end of the day into going out clothes and how SEXY I was. WS said,,, "oh yeah, I know what you mean"

Don't know why he told me that ,,, but it did give me an ego boost. It's probably nothing more than buttering me up so that the D will go easier! PUKE!


So,, wish me luck at my presentation today! Hope to make a GOOD impression with a lot of important people. WS won't be there,,,,,,,,, TOO BAD! Oh well, hope word will get back to him.

I won't be able to ck in til later,,, I am seeing IC after my meeting today.

Still - - hope you are doing ok. Thanks again for caring!

Bugs,

Knock em out at your meeting.... cheering you from the sidelines.

I'll check in later with you I really have to get my butt in gear.

Still

The Goddess gave a good speech. EVERYONE complimented on the new dress and how Great I looked!
I was having a FABULOUS day,,,until co-worked informs me that via the grapevine that
"WS REALLY struggled with whether or not he should attend the meeting since I was goiung to be there!"

UGH. Will post again after iC appt

Just glow in your success ! ! ! !

Too bad you are so scary he can't even attend a meeting!
I imagine the grapevine will also tell him how great you were....comparision with the skank (HEHEHE)

WTG BUGS!

He'll be drooling when they tell him how hot you looked. And probably regret not going.

So glad you did great. I have alot of admiration for people that can get up and speak in front of others. I stammer and get all flustered.

Can't wait to hear your update.

Hey this stuff keeps me busy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Still

Thanks for the compliments!

It did feel good

He called to let me know he would be late so he was having FIL pick up DSS. He said he heard the meeting was good and that I did a great job
I told him I'd heard about his "struggle"
He totally denied it. I stated my piece and let it goas it really was not worth an argument. If he said it - then he already knows it was wrong so my pointing it out even more accomplishes nothing
I asked what time FIL would be getting DSS. He said he had not called him yet. I just said ok
He went into a big thing about being sorry about the long hours and unknown schedule

My response was that I did not say there was a problem. He responded that I sounded upset

I told him I was not upset. I understand his work sitch but what is hard for me is the way he avoids me

He sounded shocked and denied he has been avoiding me. I said, ok that is good to know with how I had been feeling based on his actions

He went on for 15 minutes about work, his struggles, his day, etc

We left it at that

He called later after FIL picked up DSS but too early for goodnight call to DD. He talked to her for just a second and asked for me

I got on. He asked if I wanted some chili from a luncheon they had today at work. He had lots of leftovers

I said that would be nice

He talked for another 15 minutes about work stuff and said he would be by

He came by and gave me the chili, picked up his mail and hovered around. I chatted and then went about putting chili away

He continued to hover and then says "I have not bee avoiding you. I just don't want to hurt you and I don't want to see you hurt. I just don't know what to say"

I didn't know what to say ,,, I froze. I could only say ok.

He seemed upset that ok was all I could say so he went to leave. He asked for the 4th time if me and DD needed anything. I said no and he left

Comments - Opinions Typical WS??

Does it seem that he is a tad bit conflicted or am I in BS fog?

The worst part of the day was DD crying after he left. She said it was because she misses him so and wants us to get back together.

I did not think my heart could break any more than it already has,,,but it did. I barely held myself together

I just tried to reassure her that both Mommy and Daddy love her always and forever no matter what

I struggled on what to tell WS about it

I finally called and explained what happened and asked that he give her extra love, attention, and reassurance tomorrow when she spends the night.

I had told her it is OK to be sad sometimes and that she can talk to us about how she feels. She said she can tell me but not Daddy. He did not like that at all, but I felt he needed to know.

I hope he did not think I was trying to use a guilt trip on him--I would NEVER use the kids in that way.

So am lying in bed with swollen eyes hopong to get some rest

IT'S GOING FROM BAD TO WORSE!

WS dropped of DSS to catch the bus. He came in and snuggled with DD for a while and then left.

He called, but I was taking her into daycare at the time and missed the call. I called back.

He asked if I'd already dropped her off, and asked how she was doing.

I told him she was mopey and sad, complaining of a stomach ache. He asked what I had told her so far.

I said just that I didn't what was going to happen, but that both Mommy & Daddy love her no matter what. I said she had mentioned going to the lake for Memorial weekend and that I had let her know that I probably would not be going with them

WS - I don't want to fight with you,,,,but there's so much we just aren't discussing. I just don't know what to say.

Bugs - Just exactly HOW are we fighting? I don't equate my not agreeing with you as fighting. I haven't tried to stop you from doing anything. You are getting what you want.

WS - It's just that we don't agree. If we would just sit down and work this out it would be so much easier. I know you don't want to sit down and divide up your life, I do understand that. But it's really HARD for me to try to sit down and write something up when it would be so much easier if we would just work through it together. I did not think this was going to be so hard.

Bugs is quiet

WS - For instance, I don't know what to say to you. I can't talk to you about OW, because I know it hurts you

Bugs - WHY do we need to talk about OW?

WS - Well, you don't want the kids to be around her.

Bugs - No, I don't

WS - Well, you brought up the lake. She is GOING with me.

Bugs - Then DD is NOT going

WS - That's not right.

Bugs - WS, it is MY job to protect our daughter and to set her moral compass. I will NOT teach her that it is OK for Daddy to have a girlfriend while Mommy & Daddy are still married. It's not right and I won't teach her that it is.


WS - Well, what about teaching her that we can be happy and work things out even though we aren't together

Bugs - One is separate from the other. RIGHT now, it is my job and YOURS to teach her correct morals.

WS - It's a LEGAL issue,,, NOT a moral one.

Bugs- I disagree. Look, WS you have a CHOICE. You can choose OW or you can choose your DAUGHTER.

WS - So, It's all about what YOU think is RIGHT and ONLY what YOU think?

Bugs - In this case, YES, if you disagree. WS, I have not told you NO on ANYTHING up until this point, but I am saying NO now.

WS - Well are YOU going to tell her she can't go to the lake.

Bugs - Yes, I will. She will be going with me to a different lake.

WS - Well this is the first year we are going to celebrate DSS's birthday,,,,, we are doing it at the lake,,,,, and this is the FIRST TIME in 2 YEARS we have celebrated his BD.

Bugs - Oh, and I guess that's my fault too? Listen I don't want to fight with you. It is your choice. You can choose OW or your daughter.

I hung up.

It's getting UGLY!! and I HATE him right now! I HATE that he is choosing OW over this own DAUGHTER and that he is trying to make ME out as the one who is WRONG!!!!!!!!!

Am I wrong???????

((((Bugs)))

It's all in the WS manuel. The part that says we are the blame for everything, Don't let him take you there. He's trying to manipulate you.

Stick to your guns about Memorial day weekend. And I would tell DD in an age appropriate way that daddy want to take his GF to lake and he is still M to mommy and it's not the right thing to do. When people are M they do not have BF or GF's.

Also Bugs let the attorneys do the divorce... in that way your WH sounds like mine. Let's do this the easy way we don't need to spend money on attorneys. As long as you give into everything I want life is good.

Remember your about your M not the D, that's for the attorneys.

Oh how I'd like to smack him on the side of the head... to blatantly tell you he's taking his ho. What an a$$. Yes he is choosing her... just like my Wh is doing.

Hang tough Bugs, I know you can do this.

Still

Thanks, Still.

His blatantly telling me about the Ho is meant to hurt me, plain and simple. If he can just throw this all in my face enough,,, if he can make it clear he is choosing HER,,,if he can HURT me enough, then maybe I'll just give in and make this easy for him

OR

I will get angry, bitter, resentful, and start lashing out so that he can atleast get the focus off HIS Adultry and bad actions and point out MY faults.

SORRY! Not gonna go down that way. I figure this is going to continue to be the MOST painful experience of my life. However, it is MY choice how I respond to each and every BULLSH*T thing he pulls. I choose the high road.

DO I REALLY tell DD about Daddy choosing GF to take to the lake????

I worry about hurting HER. That she will feel even MORE abandoned by WS because she will think he chose GF OVER HER,,, which of course is what he is doing - but I don't want DD to PAY even MORE of the price than she already has for his horrible choices????????

Did you notice what he said???????????
"I did not think this was going to be so hard"

Bugs -- get back to Plan A mode PRONTO. MEET HIS NEEDS. Make his interactions with you his new drug!! He still needs and wants you Bugs!

He can't do it Bugs. He doesn't have the ****s to pull this off without your help. "would you please sit down and compromise with me, and share the blame, and make everyone think this is good"

This was a good conversation Bugs! You did good! You got your point across without LB's I think you got some VERY important quotes in! Like being DD's moral compass. WTG!

Any more on exposure? In some cases the Harleys have even recommended that the BS confront the OW. You don't seem to know much about her -- do you think it would impact her?
I hope you find her parents! That would be great right now!

You are absolutely not wrong in what you said to WH.

You did the right thing for DD. And if DD feels bad about not going to the lake then that is HIS problem and HIS consequence. She will be perfectly happy with you -- at whatever lake you decide to go to.

Unfortunately -- her DADDY is the biggest threat to her happiness and security right now. Such a shame he can't see that.

Bugs;
I know you're being a good momma bear and trying to protect DD from being hurt. It sucks so bad that its her daddy trying to hurt her.

Soooo -- there's two ways to look at this.

He is alienating his daughter. It is a deliberate choice with consequences. So what is your role in that?

Do you let him face the consequences?

Or do you protect DD from being hurt?

My personal opinion is you let this happen. Because he really does love DD, and he KNOWS he is hurting her and their relationship. It will cause him pain. Him feeling pain is what will end this affair.

When he gets his recto-craniotomy -- then he can repair the damage he is doing to DD.

I think that is preferable than helping him hide his actions, enabling his affair -- and having DD experience the long term effects of losing her daddy.

Bugs,

Yes all the time he was saying he didn't want to hurt you look what he did.

I didn't mean for you not to take the high road and be bitter. I meant just let the attorneys do the dirty work. Don't let him take more advantage of you than he already has. It doesn't mean your being a b##ch because your standing up for your rights, Although I'm sure he'll tell you that you are.

Now I would tell my DD, but that's me. I didn't tell my kids after the first A. My oldest knew because she heard me talking to my mom. The difference there was he didn't leave home . He staid supposedly trying to work it out. But the gloves were off this time.... and I told him I was not going to protect him or his reputation... he chose to do what he was doing fully aware of the consequences of his actions. Knowing how much he hurt me the first time.

You need to get other opinions on this... what's happening in her life right now is also hurting her. And it sounds like her D doesn't care for her feelings if he is going to bring his HO around her. How is he going to explain that.. daddy has a girlfriend and that's okay. Cause when daddy's get bored with mommy's they don't have to wait till thier not married anymore but just go out and make yourself happy no matter who it hurts.

Just my opinion... Bugs bring it up to your IC because she is going to find out one way or another. And there has to be a gentle way to let her know..Oh how my heart goes out for you.

I HATE what this does to our kids... the b**[censored], (sorry my language isn't the best today.

Still

OK,,,, I have LOTS of questions.

Lexxx,,,,,,,,,, You really think I am or can possibly be meeting ENs??

I have continued to TRY with the conversations about his work, as it's the only thing he really talks to me about. I listen, support, admire, etc even when I REALLY don't want to.

But then it becomes obvious with his recent conversations that Work is the ONLY part of his life that he is sharing with me and the he is intentionally keeping the other separate,,,,,,,,,,,and he is hinting that is the MOST important part. He WANTS to talk to me about it, but as it "hurts" me, he "can't".

It's as if he really expects me to make this All OK???

I know that he has hired an attorney and is moving this forward,,,,,so he has the B**ls, he just doesn't like it.

It is strange that you mention OW. I was JUST thinking about her (yea, as if I ever stop thinking about her)

Anyway,,, I have thought several times about sending her a letter. She is a Single Mother - - It is just so HARD for me to believe that a Single Mom would be so wiling to DESTROY another family.

The little I know about her leads me to believe a confrontation MAY make a slight impact,,,,, but the flip side may be that it would drive them CLOSER together??

I haven't found any more about how to contact her family,,,, have tried with no success.

I will have to continue to ponder on the DD sitch. WS has her for tonight, so I will have time tonight to think about it. I am just concerned with what WS may say to her as well.

I am of the mind that he does need to face the consequences of his actions,,, even with DD. I have encouraged her to share her feelings with WS, not just with me. She is hesitant to do so. Poor baby is so confused!

Is it because of having to do more FACING of the consequences that it seems he has become even more COLD and Cruel??

Bugs,

I too would like to contact MOW also. She has been through this before...but of course she was WW before also. It just tears me apart that this is destroying 2 families. I have thought about writing her a letter but I just don't think she would care...although may make me feel better.

Also do you think your WH's OW is looking for stability in her life and she doesn't care that she is hurting another family?

I agree with Lexxy you might want to consider confronting her. Is she younger or older than you?

Still

WONDERFUL!!! YOU DID GOOD!!!

I do not know what OW is really looking for. She just broke off a 3 year relationship with a man who was a DOCTOR, so I would think if stability was her goal, she would have hung on to that guy.

HOWEVER,,,, I know that one of the issues she had in that R was that SHE wants more kids, her BF didn't.

Guess maybe she thinks she'll get more kids by STEALING mine!???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

She's younger than me - - she and WS are the same age.

I REALLY want to confront her, but I really question if it would help anything. Isn't she in just as much FOG as my WS at this point in time?

Yep..I agree with Lexx...he wants you TO HAPPILY AGREE TO THE D or REACT ANGRILY so that he can FEEL JUSTIFIED...

Continue to take the HIGH ROAD as you say and to put the onus right back on him...

PLAN A stuff could have been to invite him to sit down when he came in..have his special drink or dessert available and give it to him...MORE ACTION..LESS CONVERSATION...but I think you are just about ready for PLAN B...

Invite him over "TO TALK" when the kids are not at home and then DON'T TALK... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

In regards to your daughter, I also agree with Lexx:



EXACTLY...

Contacting the OW will be the BIGGEST MISTAKE that you could make...

She is YOUR ENEMY and HER PLAN will be to use anything that you DO or SAY against you..

She is OUT TO DESTROY YOU ANDYOUR FAMILY and RIGHT NOW..she is the one that he relies on to meet most of his ENs...she has CONTACT with him...

You need to remain an ENIGMA to her so that she cannot READ you...

It is hard for you to comprehend, Bugs..it was hard for me to comprehend..but this is TRUE..SHE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU OR YOUR FAMILY..ALL SHE CARES ABOUT IS STEALING YOUR H FOR HERSELF BY ANY MEANS POSSIBLE!!!

I am getting this from what you say that YOU KNOW about her...

Plus, it is enough just to know that she is HAVING AN AFFAIR with him...

Don't go to her LOW LEVEL by even giving her any part of YOU...

This is between YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND...

What can YOU DO NOW TO MEET HIS NEEDS BEFORE YOU DISAPPEAR INTO DARKNESS???

My H says that the OW struggled to figure me out because I never acted as she EXPECTED...

And that continued to IMPRESS him that I never stooped to THEIR LOW LEVEL...

I maintained my MORALS and INTEGRITY...

It was hard for me though because I wanted to BEAT HER BUTT actually. Although that might have felt good, that would have gotten me/us nowhere.

I only initiated conversation with her a couple of times..never really had a conversation...

When I became suspicious of who she was, I called her office, told her my name and asked her if she knew "MY HUSBAND'S NAME"..she made reference to knowing of HIS BUSINESS and then I swiftly hung up...

The next time I called and said: "I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I LOVE MY HUSBAND"...CLICK...this was after it was clear that he was leaving me for her...

I ended each conversation..or whatever..able to continue TO HOLD MY HEAD UP....

The only time SHE CALLED ME..she cursed me out...go figure...