Still -
Glad that post helped you. I know it did me a world of good.

No, WS rarely asks about me these days. My needs are no where on his radar screen. The ENTIRE world now revolves around WS, don't ya know?

Pep - Ya know, I can't remember the last time anyone called me Cute! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />Thanks! Is that in reference to anything in particular? Cause whatever it is,,,,, I need to do more of it! he he! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I took DSS over to FIL's last night,,,WS not home yet. He'd just called FIL saying he was still at work. He called DD about 15 minutes later saying he had just left work - - - which I doubt it was WORK that he was just leaviing. FIL doubts he's really working that late, too. Whatever.

Ws & I talked - - I brought up about DSS not being able to let anything "go" when it comes to his sister. She is socially more developed than DSS,,,,,,and knows how to push his buttons. He, due to AD/HD, as less social skills. He has to always be RIGHT and has to have the VERY last word in every situation. Part of this is just being a boy,,,and a pre-teen as well.

WS noted that DD often knows Exactly what she is doing when she pushes DSS's buttons - he says in a somewhat joking manner "and, well, she is a Female, and we all know that Women know how to Manipulate"

Bugs - in a slightly sarcastic and joking voice says "Oh YEAH,,,,,,ONLY women manipulate. Men, on the other hand, NEVER look out for only THEMSELVES at the expense of others, do they?"

WS - "Well, now I didn't say that"

I let it go,,, even though it was a joking banter, I would have easily slipped down the slope into a LB and I knew it.

This am we talked again. AGAIN,,,,all about his work. I confirmed he would be pickiing up the kids from sitter's for his overnight tonight.

I have already planned that I am going to have to go by his place tonight,,,, DD left homework in my car that is due tomorrow. OOPPS! Also,, if he doesn't go by the house she will need her Easter Hat for the Easter Parade at school Thursday. (backup excuse)

Of course,,, I just so happen to be wearing a Goddess like outfit today. FITTED pants Mimi!! And I mean FITTED!! With a shirt that gives a peak of my best 'assets'.

I am going to try to think of something he likes that I will have just 'picked up' and give it to him.

Also thinking of making him an Easter Basket. I've always had one for him, along with the kids every year. He's bringing them to me Easter morning,, so I can have it there with the kid's baskets when he comes over.

I almost forgot - - - the manager of the location where I work (I don't report to him), came by my office to let me know about a job opening here locally,,,, where I wouldn't have to travel. I am pretty sure he was told to give it to me in hopes that I'd apply for the job.

Anyway, WS used to work for/with this guy. We talked about WS and his Adultery. This man is a bit older, divorced 2x and now in a great marriage. He talked about HIS mistakes, not fixing old problems only to repeat them again,,the impact of it all on his kids, etc.

He was surprised,,as most people are to hear that I want to recover my marriage still. He sees WS as wanting the "instant gratificiation" and making moves (career wise and personally) mostly because of that,,,of being immature and impatient. He offered his advise, support, and wisdom if I ever need it.

It was nice to hear. His wife and I have known each other for years as well. They are a great couple. Too bad WS doesn't "respect" this guy more,,,,,,,,,,,but then WS isn't going to respect or listen to anyone who disagrees with him on what he is doing!

However, it's a bonus of getting MY TRUTH out there more. Even if this man doesn't influence WS, the message will continue to spread around.

I go to the IC this afternoon, which is a very good thing. Need to blow off some more steam and start strategy for what's to come.

You are in great Plan A shape!
Great ideas!

Just had to pop in and say HI! and GREAT JOB!

HI LEXXXY!

Thanks for the encouragement!

I called Ws left a vm,,,,needed to get a name of an empolyee he knew

He called back with the name. I said thanks,,,I am trying to help "x" out with something. I waited for him to ask more questions, which he did. I explained what I was helping the person with.

we talked about his day,,,of course.

He told me that this weekend, he was going to sleep from Fri to Sun. He's just sooo exhausted.

I RESISTED the urge to remind him that he has the kids this weekend - - I RESISTED the urge to comment that he has enough energy to run around with OW all weekend,,,that he should also have enough to be with the KIDS, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />


Instead - I asked if he'd called his dr back (he's never really gotten better from being ill several weeks ago, but never followed up with dr) I have been asking him about calling dr every few days

WS loves to quote movies. I had gotten "bored" with it previously and I had made it known that it was 'annoying' in the past. Yes, a big LB, especially in comparison with OW to whom all of his humor is NEW and very funny.

In response to my question he said "No, haven't called. Don't have time. It's like they say in Predator"

Bugs - "I remember the movie. What do they say?"

He proceeded to quote and explain the line from the movie. Something about not having time to bleed,,,he doesn't have time to call the dr or to be sick.

Bugs gave a surprised, genuine laugh in return. We joked back and forth for a second about it

Bugs - "Ok, well I guess I'll just shut up about it. It's just that I worry about you and want you to feel better"

WS - "Well, thanks, I appreciate that" He sounded a little surprised, I think.

Even though I've asked about him calling the dr before, I haven't explained IN ACTUAL WORDS that it is because I care about him.

I have a feeling that when I said it previously, it would process in his brain as "Yea,,,like I have time for that. What does she care anyway? She's just trying NAG me and point out that I'm not doing something right"

That pretty much ended conversation.

I think a pretty good Plan A conversation??

Bugsie:

Do not mention the Dr.'s appt EVER AGAIN!!

You are his LOVER..not his MOTHER!!

My H as he HUGGED me this morning before we got up: "YOU BELIEVE IN ME, DON'T YOU?" Mimi: "Of course, I BELIEVE IN YOU"....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

First,,,, I LOVED this,,,,






Ok, on the Dr. appt,,,,I somewhat see what you are saying - in terms of my just asking about it and the descpription that I have in how WS may have been interpreting it.

However, when I explained that it is because of the fact that I care about him VS nagging him like a Mother,, that's not a good thing?

Sorry if I sound DENSE on this one

BUGS:

Mimi has it right...

Express your concern for how he is feeling.... That's W talking...

But do not offer solutions, like go to the DR. That's MOM talking...

In the first, you are asking about him, and allowing him to talk. In the second, you are telling him what to do.

You are not dense.

Just stuck in the middle of a warped world.

Go forth next time, and think like the goddess...

LG

Hey LG!

Thx

I went to IC and then dinner w/girlfriends

Started home early and called DD when almost home. Good thing I did as WS and DD were at the house getting her Easter hat for the parade at school tomorrow!

It almost ruined my plan to have to stop by there. I want to go THERE vs being at 'our' house to give him less comfort and so he has to see me less as the Old Bugs

So,,took my time and went by there about 20 min later

WS was doing dishes. I know that was only because I was going by there. He said before how he feels like he as to clean up when I am coming over. He resents feeling that way and blames me

I went in and talked to DD. Put her things in her book bag, talked to DSS, kissed DD and was getting ready to leave

Ws -" that's pretty, is it new?" As he points to my shirt

Bugs looks down as is she doesn't remember what she is wearing and says 'oh, I have had it for a while'

WS-'it looks nice'

Bugs -'thanks'

Then, on out the door the Goddess floated.

I know it is minor in the scheme of things, but it felt Good to have him notice AND tell me something nice.

It would have been better if it loolked SEXY, or HOT or if he said it made him want to ravish me right there in the kitchen,,,,but maybe next time:) he he!

I gave myself a good talking to on the way home!

Enjoy the moment, but do not fly to the moon about it.

It is a MARATHON battle, and this was a very minor positive. (But I will use it!)

Keep coaching ya'll! It is helping me so much!

Bugs,

That's wonderful he noticed. Now my WH may notice but he wouldn't say anyting. Although he would let me know if I had a spot on it or something.

Maybe this should be telling me something huh. My WH is completely gone . Bugs yours I feel is still withiin your grasp,

Keep your head high it is a marathon and not a 100 yard dash.

Still

Hi Bugs:

Think in terms of EMOTIONAL NEEDS that you are meeting and want to meet for him...

Yesterday you scored on CONVERSATION, PHYSICAL ATTRACTION, DOMESTIC SUPPORT and FAMILY COMMITMENT...

Yes, you created a VISUAL MEMORY of yourself...

No, he would not have said anything if he had not found you to be attractive...

There probably was some turn-on there, too...

How would it have worked to have kissed him on the cheek with you walked in?

You haven't seen him in a while...you probably were glad to see him...

Was HE looking GOOD?

"STAY AFLOAT"

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

thanks for walking me thru that "review".

After I left, I sort of did a review of it all myself. I thought in terms of what went right,,, what opportunities I may have missed.

I should have commented on the kitchen looking nice,,,I should have thanked him again for getting DD's school things, should have touched him when he came close.

I know that a kiss on the cheek may have freaked him out - - but I've let his withdrawl keep me at a distance,,,, I have to enter a higher level of Goddess mode to pull that one off. Not that it can't be done,,,but have to be at the proper level!

He wasn't looking particularly good,,,in fact he looks as exhausted as he sounds.

I called this am,,, . I usually wait for them to call me, as I know it gets so hectic getting ready that it is easier for them to call when they are in the car on the way.

He'd already dropped DD off at school. HOWEVER, instead of getting upset, using a mad sounding voice and ignorning the situation,,,,,,,,,,, I just calmly asked, "Why didn't you call?"

WS said he thought I was the one that usually calls and he just figured I was sleeping in and they didn't want to wake me.

So,,,, again,,,, instead of being upset and pointing out what has really happened in the past OR just being mad,,,, I said, "Oh. Well, I didn't call because I know it's usually crazy getting them ready in the am and it's easier to call after I have her in the car ready to go. I know sometimes you call when we are between the house and the car and we miss your call. How about whoever has her in the am makes the call? Does that makes sense?"

Ws readily agreed, in a fairly happy sounding voice.

Now I was concerned about it being viewed as 'telling' him what to do,,,,but I think the way in which it went was much better than in the past.

Again, not a huge deal, but I felt better in how I handled it - - NEW Bugs vs OLD (expected) BUGS. Even if HE doesn't notice, it was a plus for me to act on the changes I've made in ME without thinking about it, , , just doing it. Being practical in a way to eliminate MY frustration, but not being mad or pis*y about it.

Not going to think about his HO night tonight. Am going to try to plan something fun with the kiddos tonight. They are off school tomorrow and will let them sleep in a little bit,,,,,, but am taking them to the sitter's so I can go do some house hunting.

Great job bugs. The only thing I would have added was appreciation for his thoughtfulness of not wanting to wake you. (sorta considerate....lol)

Gotta run! Have a great day.

House hunting sounds FUN! Enjoy!

Lexxx,

Good point on the "sort of considerate."

I actually DID think of that but the LOL was MY reaction as well!!

You are right,, house hunting CAN be fun. It's the circumstances in which I am doing it that drags down on the enjoyment factor.

Again, it's about what Level of Goddess mode I keep myself in.

I need to think of it perhaps as the potential Tower from a fairy tale. It will be the TOWER to which my H (Husband and Hero), may someday come to "rescue" me,,, IF and WHEN he ever shows up again.

If not,,,,,,,,it is the TOWER in which I will build MY life and the CASTLE in which I will raise my Princess, DD.

As some have said, I need to remember I am the QUEEN! Maybe I'll wear my crown when I do the walk thrus! But a realtor would LOVE that look! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Bugs,

I like the letter...

Still

bugs -- edit the names out of your letter!

otherwise very good!

Lexxxy,

THANKS,,,,,,,,,,,thoguht I had them outta there!

I will mail this in the morning. I say this, KNOWING it's the right thing, but still have butterflies in my stomach.

But, reading some other recent threads, I am more determined it is the right thing. As it has been pointed out SO many times, the FEAR of the results of sending this are really nothing.

What can be WORSE that than what WS is already doing?

Can he try to DIVORCE me MORE??????

Yes, they will be mad. SO WHAT? What's to be MAD about? That they have to face the reality of THEIR actions.

TOO BAD - So Sad!

""Can he try to DIVORCE me MORE??????""

BWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Perfect outlook!

Bad consequences coming WH and OW's way. Well-deserved.

Are the parents local? If not, I would send overnight so you KNOW its been received (personal opinion, I wouldn't want the "wondering") plus speedy!

Give a way to contact you, in case they have questions (highly unlikely, but gives your letter more credibility)

Then get your popcorn and a good seat for the fireworks!
Its about time.

Atta-girl!

Blessings to everyone this Good Friday!

Am just stopping by real quick,,, am getting some work done and then am out the door to look at a house.

Last night and this am,,,WS contact was brief as he was on major HO HIGH. He barely spoke to the kids last night,,,,don't want to infringe on her time. YUCK

Bugs was just cheery,,,,but not trying terribly hard to engage WS in conversation.

This am, WS called (despite our conversation that whoever has DD in the am would make the call). He FORGOT that they would be off school today.

We were busy going to check on our Easter Story Cookies,,,, so the kids weren't real interested in spending time with him on the phone.

We made the 'cookies' last night,,,, You make meringue (sp?), while using each step to refer to Bible passages about the suffering, crucifixion, and resurrection of Christ. You leave them in the oven overnight,,,as He was left in the tomb,,, and then in the am, you eat the cookies which are hollow (empty) in the middle,,,just like the tomb.


The kids loved it! WS perhaps felt just a little on the outside looking in.

So,,, I quickly, happily, explained about the cookies and when he wasn't really engaging in conversation, wished him a great day and got off the phone.

He'll have them tonight and tomorrow. Brining them over Easter am,,, to get their baskets and go to my family's for the day.

I will have a basket for WS as well. Think it will have a baseball dvd, along with his favorite candy. Not sure yet about a card,,,,,,,,,,,,I am a BIG Hallmark fan! Love buying/giving cards. Just not sure what type would be appropriate. FUNNY/SUGGESTIVE,,,,,,,LOVING/RELATIONSIP?

Will have to see what I find.

Gotta get going,,,, will ck back later.

Bugs,

Blessings to you today also.

I have never heard of Easter Story cookies. That sounds like a wonderful tradition. At times I wish my kids were small again and I could do something like that.

And like you say your WH was on a ho high... don't you hate those highs? I know I do and did. A little less of it now that I'm in plan B.

If it were me I would get him a card that he would of most responded to previusly. It looked like previously in your plan A he was responding to cute and funny with a little sexual overtones. That may be the route to go. And it may also make OW jealous and she might LB.

I won't be sending my WH a card because I'm in plan B. I did send him one for Valentines day and got nothing in return.

Wow that seems like forever ago.

Have a good day house hunting

Still

{{{{Still}}}}

Thanks! Like the funny,,, suggestive card idea, too. It did work best before.

I have been keeping up with your thread, but haven't jumped in as you are getting the best advise from the more knowledgeable folks.

Remember,,, Spring and the Ressurection is a time of Renewal and Re-birth. What you are going thu is very similiar. Know that God is with you through it all.

Have a great day!