Quick note - -

I called sitter to check on DD.

WH called this morning to see if DD "was really sick". Told the istter that I didn't want her to go this weekend.

Sitter (HIS Aunt) made it clear that she would not comment on what was between WH and I, but that DD did NOT need to go camping this weekend.

So what

#1. I LIED that she was sick (wasn't she throwing up all night long with HIM less than 48 hours ago??) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

#2. If Sitter had said she was Ok, He would think I'd say OK, she can go? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

#3. Did he plan on just taking her without my knowledge?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

UUGGGHHH!! Tough to think PLAN A <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I don't see him as being CONFLICTED enough to go on a MBer's WEEKEND..

He's not CONFLICTED enough to spend a FEW HOURS ALONE WITH YOU..let alone a weekend focused on MARRIAGEBUILDING..that would be OVER THE TOP...

Even a WEEKEND with just the two of you doing RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIPE...no RELATIONSHIP TALK..would be better than a MBer's WEEKEND at this point, IMO...

He would have to be more OPENLY AGREEABLE to the IDEA of RECONCILIATION to do MB..rright now he is doing DIVORCE..venturing head first into the CANYON...he likely needs to GO THERE first...

That's the point of PLAN A to get him to THAT POINT of CONSIDERING THE IDEA OF RECONCILIATION...

BACK TO MORE FUN AND GAMES..ROMANCE WITH HIM...would need to happen FIRST....

MY HUSBAND SAID ABSOLUTELY NO TO THE MB WEEKEND..even during the first weeks of RECOVERY...

But my H did always respond positively to the few individual sessions that he had with Steve...

I would say to go that route first...AFTER ..some POSITIVE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN YOU AND HIM..FOCUSING on YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH EACH OTHER...."I know SOMEONE that can help us..."

In regards to the BATTLE TO FIGHT THE AFFAIR:

SCORE ONE for HIM on the CAMPING TALK...

TIME FOR YOU TO SCORE...with some PLAN A MANEUVERS....

Would WH go to a MB weekend? probably not.
The only time I would have considered it was before everything was exposed.
Because I was still planning on getting out -- but I was willing to do MC a few times so I could tell everyone I "tried."

So, my opinion is that a MB weekend will only work when the affair is still hidden or on its last legs or over completely. Right now I think your WH is at the height of it -- and there's no chance he'll go.

Bugs;
If he wasn't conflicted, why would he bother hiding his actions from you? Why would he be delaying the divorce and the attorney?

It takes one single day to file a divorce. How long has he been yakking about it???? And how long did it take him to actually meet with an attorney??? And have you received any papers???

I know you have this big emotional reaction to his words.
""OMG he said he's getting an attorney!!!""
Big deal. yada yada yada.
If he really wanted a divorce, he'd GET ONE.

Bugs;
It took me 4 years from the time I started telling OM that I was getting a divorce to the time I actually filed one (and he wasn't in the picture anymore by then.....)
and I was conflicted about it the WHOLE TIME.

Wow - - 4 years? OMG! Just put me in the looney bin right now!!

He did tell me the other night that I will be getting a "package with an offer that we feel is very fair" from him & his lawyer "hopefully Friday". We will see if it is in the mail when I get home.

In my POV (which is uneducated in these matters, I know), the delay is not about his feeling for me, but more about his IMAGE to the world. However, I LIKE your thinking better than mine!

So, with that said and wanting to give Plan A a POSITIVE ending soon,,,,, need those MANEUVERS Mimi mentioned.

It feels a little CRAZY in my mind to do something NICE for WH after this latest incident and on the verge of getting the OFFER,,,,,,but am going to do it anyway.

Here's my idea (which BTW, I thought of this morning so apparently my pain and hurt haven't pulled me completely out of Plan A thinking yet).

WH left DD at the sitter's yesterday, wrapped up in his robe. I brought it home with me yesterday and put it in the wash this morning.

I am going to spray it with my perfume. In the pocket goes some Goddess panties, and a note"WH - seeing this made me think of you wearing it around our house. Here's what I wear around the house."

TOO MUCH????????

Alternate - Wash the robe, spray the perfume, just a note 'Seeing this made me think of you wearing it around our house. Would love to see that again!"

Submit your votes,,,,,

Hey Bugs,

LilSis is the reigning panty queen around here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't think you can go wrong with that idea until he says not to do it. Go for it.

You can also try what SH and I are trying with my WW - see if you get get WH to talk to SH under the pretense that it is to help you work out your feelings in all this.

When I meet with WW tonight I am hoping to convince her to do this.

Eph,

I thought specifically of Sis when I came up with that idea! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />:)

Good luck with getting WW to talk to SH! Can't wait to hear how that goes. I like the pretense of helping me through my feelings,,,,

Keep us "posted'

Nope -- not too much.
Do it. You won't hear much about it, but it will be working on him!

My vote is on leaving the panties in the WASHED ROBE..with NO NOTE....

That's what I was thinking too Mimi... then he'll REALLY wonder.

There's THE SCRIPT again...

Lexx..you said:



"I TRIED"..that was my H's EXACT WORDS..and his BIG DEAL before leaving that last time.."You can't say that I didn't TRY"...

What's the BIG DEAL about "TRYING"???

I was going to give him a MEDAL FOR EFFORT just before he left me for another woman? Who cared that he "TRIED"? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Great! Panties are In! Or should I say OUT?

Did I tell you that a week or so ago I sent him a TM that DD wants thong underwear like mine? He mentioned that he doesn't think he need to know about DD wanting them OR about me WEARING them?

I like the no note idea,,, keep him guessing.

I know WH will be taking the boat out Memorial weekend. I think I need to leave something hidden in there for him to find as well. If I can get over there this weekend while he is gone and without DD with me, I'd like to do that.

I'm open for ideas - - but am thinking perhaps a Panty Party Theme here.

Panties in the Robe which he will find fairly soon

Panties in his Jeep,,,,which I am sure he is not driving this weekend.

Panties in the boat which won't be found til at least the preparation for Memorial Day or that weekend.

Ok - that about 'covers' that subject/idea.

Mimi - - YEP - I recognize that I TRIED comment as well. We did 2 sessions back in November,,,,, it was the SAME THING. FOR APPEARANCES ONLY

and just like your WH,,, it was Right Before He LEFT!!

Thank GOD I have you all here to help me read the WS Script!!

Hey all!

Tough nite - tried hard not to think about WH and the HO having a fun trip.

DD threw up again at bedtime but rebounding again today. I cleaned up puke forever! Poor baby!

WH called last nit and this am

DD told him her Aunt was coming. He mentioned to me. I said yes

WH -well that is strange, why is she coming

Bugs- to see me

WH -oh

Bugs- she is helping me go thru my stuff and throw some out.

WH - throw out your stuff?

Bugs - yep. Why move what I will be throwing away anyway?

WH - quiet - 'r u throwing out muy stuff too?'

Bugs - why would I do that?

WH - I was just joking

I went on to tell him about DD. He talked about how nothing gets her down. I said she is a trooper, sometimes too much so

He had to go said he would call DD later

I just feel like crying. He is out having a fun weekend with his HO and I am here sorting thru what used to be my life so I can leave it all behind

Hate him right now.

(((Bugs))),

I hate him also right now for you. I wish I could take away this awful pain from you.

Try not to think about him and her, easy for me to say when I can't even do that myself. Be a goddess for you and DD. I hope she is feeling better this morning. You could be feeling this way even more so if you didn't get much sleep last night.

Will update more on my thread

Still

Sis and I blasted thru the attic in no time

Sad how quickly a life can be divided into 2 sides.

After we were done we got cleaned up and went for a very early dinner so Sis could hit the road.

DD was SO good today while we worked. She ate well today- lots of salad. Guess her body knows what she needs. She has faded a little and is watching tv in my bed right now.

I have tried hard to be the Goddess today for DD - but feel like the loser Mom, just letting OW take her Daddy away.

I hope that OW gets poison ivy in a private area and shares it with WH. I hope all of the kids do not like each other and do not get along. I hope she LB's the entire time and that they are miserable. I hope it storms tonight and soaks them all to the skin. I hope a snake crawls in her sleeping bag!

Ok--that felt good!

I am dreading the evening call from WH. I do not want to talk to him

What do I say?
"Hey had a GREAT time today organizing our stuff so I can get the heck out of your life and home so that the HO can move in! Yipee!"??

WH just called. Talked to DD for a minute, but she was all excited because we were watching a Kenny Chesney show. She is in love with him. It is so sweet

We took her to his concert last year. He pointed and waved at her and I thought she was going to pee her pants. I almost did!

Anyway, WH got on with me and asked how she was doing. I said great, as she is.

He was using his 'sad' voice. The one where I usually press to find out what is wrong. But, as a self preservation move tonite, I did not ask

He asked if we had a good day, I said it was great

Sad voice, he says oh, ok well tell her I will call in the am.

Happy voice bugs says"ok see ya bye"

I know it was not a
Plan A conversation, but I can not tolerate having a concersation w/ him while he is off for the weekend w/ the ho and DSS. Sorry, just not that strong today

I still hope they get poison ivy!

WH called this am and talked to DD while I was outside.

He told her he would be by today to pick her up but did not talk to me

I finally called him early evening to find out where he was and what his plan was. He was pissy, and said he was going to call when he was an hour out.

He treats me like I am his baby sitter!
I know it was my fault, by waiting for him without him asking. I wanted for 'us' to be available whenever he showed up, but resented that he did not show up at an early time


He finally called and said he was an hour out. He asked if she could spend the nite w/him and I said OK. An hour and a half later he showed up. Good thing I had her dinner and bath done.

It was brief between us. In fact, we barely spoke. Then they were gone

I cried

I did send his robe, Freshly scented with my perfume, right pocket has Goddess panties, left poscket has the matching bra

He was sun burned wearing a shirt I have never seen - too big and not very cute. He got his hair cut and looked VERY gray for 32. Although I love the gray!

Mixed feelings right now. His Dad told me today to be sure not to walk away without what I am entitled to.

What does that say?

I for one would like to pat you on the back...I think that your DID wonderful!

No since in you sugarcoating things...let him have his bad mood...you don't have to ask him what's wrong...you were up beat and honest...he doesn't need anything more than that!

Big Kudos!

Thanks Strivin for the pat on the back! I don't know if it was good or bad - but it was what I had to do in the moment, just for my own sanity.

I talked to DD & DSS this am. DSS was supposed to turn in paperwork today to be in the Honor Society next year at school, so I asked about it. He mentioned something about needing his teachers to fill out a form and that he did not have time to do it.

I told him to get a new form from the office and get it done today. This is an HONOR and important in the long run for college.

I asked WH about it when he got on the phone, he was p*ssy about it. Said he didn't know anything about another form, that he'd signed the one DSS had brought home. He was really kind of nasty about it. Which just slays me,,,,, WH was the one last week so adamant about DSS doing this. WH was the one who specificially ASKED ME to talk to DSS about it because DSS was reluctant to do it.

Guess HO time is more important today than DSS's future! GGRRRRR!

WH then says, "well, you will take care of DSS tonight, won't you? Have him for dinner and then take him over to Dad's?"

I was a little surprised,,, I said, "yeah, ok I can do that" with a question in my voice

WH - angry - "well if you don't want to, just say so"

Bugs -"it's not that I don't want to, but it is usually Tuesdays that are late days"

WH - "Well Mondays are bad too and I know I will be late"

I am getting really, really tired of him treating me like I'm his babysitter. The problem is, if I am not there for DSS, then who will be? Who suffers if I don't step up right now? The kids, that's who.

FIL told me that the other night when DD was over at his house, WH left to take camping stuff to his friend's house and asked FIL to watch the kids.

DD told FIL, "Where's Daddy going? I am here to spend time with him,,,,,," It just broke my heart.

My mom mentioned that perhaps this weekend didn't go real well, and THAT is why WH is in such a bad mood? Maybe.

He sure did check out as much of the house as he could see when he was there last night. Guess he's trying to see what I've moved out of there!

He made no mention of the robe or Goddess wear. Probably didn't even unfold the robe yet.

I gotta get to work! Maybe I can keep my mind occupied today.

Bugs:

W/E with HO:

HO: "where's DD?" WH: "Sick and can't make it."

HO: " That's not what you said Friday, that she was over it, and I so wanted to meet her and let her get to know her new brothers and sisters..."

WH: "Look, that ain't happening this W/E"

HO: "You ain't man enough to bring your own daughter on your W/E?"

You can imagine the rest....

And you were moving out HIS Stuff all weekend...

Keep it quiet... Let him wonder...

And I do believe that Plan A ending Date is coming up soon...

DSS may not have taken the form in to the School. My DS has not returned something from last week either. He tred t lay it at my feet, but I let him know that he has had the document since last week....

So, WH may be right, and you are too, but DSS isn't taking care of it. It happens...

But let get to the ending date of Plan A with some bang up good things, so the darkness is darker...

Start enforcing boundaries with DD and even DSS. WH is to spend time with them when he has them. Not "Returning the camping gear to HO".

And Monday night, He has to work late/harder... So come home and live here. There is plenty of room...

Very rigid schedule under Plan B. Flexible now, But not in Plan B.

I'm a little all over the map here, but you did well this W/e and I think that the camping trip was a disaster. WH just did not click with the extended family...

So, chin up...

The robe is working....

LG

LG,

Thanks!

Who knows what happened over the weekend? Who knows what's up with DSS's paperwork? Nothing I can do about either right now.

My job right now is to be the Light <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So, I sent WH an email that had a picture of a rare rainbow. I prefaced it with "This reminds me of the rainbow we saw on our way to the Lake"

We saw a Full End to End rainbow last year on the way to one of OUR lake trips. It was really amazing -- I thought this would be a Good reminder of the Great Trips WE had as a family together.

Even if this weekend was "good", this was a reminder that OUR weekends were good, too!

Will think about HOW I can go about enforcing boundaries for the kids,,,,, that is really a tough one. As one of WH's biggest complaints is me always TELLING him what to do and not respecting his parenting.

Now, we all know that not spending time with the kids the way he is right now is NOT good parenting,,,, but how to get the message across without WH hearing it as a LB or DJ is the trick.