Hey all.

Perhaps you just heard my call with Dr. Harley.

He says it's Plan B for me.

Good for you! Did he tell you how you needed to do it in regards to DSS?

I wishing you the best!

((((BUGS))))

tell us more!!!

WOW!!!

I'm so sorry I missed it!

Work gets in the way!

So you have to tell us more of what was said, and how soon, and are you ready?
Intermediary (FIL)?
Letter?
Logistics?

Well, the truth is, that I didn't really learn anything NEW,,,,,,, as everything we talked about is pretty much covered in Surviving an Affair.

As he was in the middle of the radio program, we didn't get to talk a whole lot off line.

Highlights are this-

WH is at the height of his A. He has shifted his morality to fit his actions.

He is in the FOG big time. He has convinced himself that all of this should be OK with everyone, because it is OK in his mnd.

Minnesota (where Dr H is) like MO, where I am, will not intervene in keeping OW away from the kids. I have put in my LSA parenting plan that DD not be around her, but do not expect to get it into the final court order.

I should talk to DD about WH and OW. At this age, it is an unfortunate likelyhood that she will grow up with the 'understanding' from WH's actions that infidelity is OK.

The BEST thing for ME is to go to Plan B. To stop the interaction & pain for myself that comes with dealing with WH. Go thru intermediary as much as possible.

Take care of me, so I can take care of DD.

We didn't get a chance to talk specific logistics, including how to handle sitch with DSS.

Lexxxy,

We didn't get to discuss the specifics of going to Plan B.

This is something I'll work thru myself during this next week. I knew it was coming to this anyway.

I have LSA ready to be filed, I just have to meet my lawyer to sign it so she can get it to the court house.

I had expected an "offer" from WH on Friday. He said I was supposed to be getting something from his lawyer on Friday, but nothing came Friday OR Sat. I had figured that I might as well take a look at it and make any appropriate changes to my LSA before filing it.

If I don't have something in the mail today, I will meet my lawyer and just file.

I have talked to my sister about being intermediary. She agreed. She'll be great at it and WH will HATE it. I think he's afraid of her anyway!

I'll have to draw up the specifics on the kid schedule as well. It's decision time on how I am going to handle time with DSS. The truth is, once I move, which is going to happen, there will be little I can do on a daily basis for DSS. So, creating a specific schedule now will not be much different.

I want to work on this PLANNING this week. I have kids this weekend which will give me time to talk to DSS one on one before implementing Plan B.

WH just called. Started off asking me what I put on DSS when he gets a sunburn. DSS is quite fair and needs the strongest suncreen,,,,,,which I already KNEW that he wouldn't have had on this weekend without me there to take care of it.

Yep - he got really sunburned. WH asked if I had some stuff to put on him tonight. I said I would. Funny, WH used to get SOOO mad at DSS's mom when she would let him get sunburned like that,,,,,,,,

He was Mr. Cheery & upbeat. And THEN asks me if I got the paperwork from his lawyer yet,,,,,,,,,,,,, I said no.

He said he needed to find out what was going on and get that taken care of.

He then thanked me for a card I had stuck in with his mail - To be honest,,, I'd forgotten about it. It said something about being the smoochiest,,,something silly if I recall.

I just said - You are welcome

WH - I don't know why you keep doing that

Bugs - "Because I love you",,,, said it in a funny, silly kind of way

WH - "I don't know why you keep doing that either"

Bugs "I have my moments of wondering sometimes, too, but Well, that's just the way it is. I do"

WH then changed the subject,,,,,,

The entire conversation was like him hanging on,,,, trying to think of something to talk about.

He asked to have DD 2 nights this weekend since he didn't have her on the past weekend. I asked if there was some special plan,,,,,,, he said no. So, I said OK. As it is school nights, I do not suspect OW to be around.

So,,,,,,,,,,,,,,was that just guilt I was hearing?

Bugs;
I gotta agree with Harleys -- Plan B is gonna eat him alive.

He will NOT like it when he doesn't get to know what you are doing. And his imagination will work overtime.

And you have been a Goddess up until Plan B....he has a LOT to miss. OW HO cannot compete. It really sounds like this past weekend did not make him happy....

If you're getting DSS tonight, it would be a great time to talk to him. Find out about the weekend. And talk to him about your future plan. And reinforce being there for him in spite of his fogged-out dad.

So intermediary -- check.
Plan B letter --
Schedule for kids --
LSA and child support --
Date for Plan B --

D papers arrived from WH attorney. They HAVE been filed with the court,,,,,but they are sending along with a waiver of service, hoping I will sign and return so WH won't have to pay to have me 'served"

Of course it is all as expected,,,,,, in WH's favor. Overestimated MY in come, underestimated CS, him taking the HOUSE, me getting NOTHING for it in return. All Bullsh*t.

I can't stop shaking long enough to know if I want to cry to hit something.

DD is in bed, Thank God!


I want to plan FU him right now!! I won't, but I sure want to!!

Kick his bu^^ lady! Use that anger to your benefit!

YOU CAN DO THIS BUGS! YOu are a strong, intelligent woman...do not let him kick you!

I know you said that you expected it but I know you didn't expect the hurt to be there all the same...

I am SOOOOO sorry that you are dealing with this!

((((BUGS))))

Pull yourself together, recenter, and use those emotions to your advantage!

Just my 2 cents, but I would take a few days to settle your emotions so you can think clearly on how to move next...you are no good to yourself or DD if you can't think clearly!

Keep your head up, you have been waging one heck of a war for your M...you have done an outstanding job...YOU CAN DO THIS!

Thanks, Strvin'! All encouragement is needed & welcome!

I talked to WH this am. I did not mention getting the papers. I did ask him if he paid daycare yesterday when he took DD (always due Monday morning).

He got really MAD at me,,,, "Bugs, you KNOW I didn't pay them"

Bugs "Hey, I'm just asking so we don't double pay. Why are you getting angry with me?"

Wh "I"m not"

Bugs "Ok,,,,,wanted to ask because it sure sounded that way"

He went on to talk about DSS not turning in his paperwork for Honor Society, basically because DSS just didn't want to do it. WH then went on to tell me his conversation with DSS,,,he is mising another assignment because he just did not do it. WH found it 1/2 finished at his house last night.

WH told DSS that if THAT is the way he was taking care of things on his homework then maybe he didn't deserve to be in honor society! UGGGHH! Why does he belittle him like that? DSS BELIEVES this stuff and takes it to heart. Can't WH see that although DSS always has a challenge this time of year with keeping up at school, things are DIFFERENT right now and DSS needs some special care??

He then got yucky with me about getting some fund raiser stuff from DD's school. HE was supposed to pick it up over a week ago and didn't do it. So now he gets mad at ME because I haven't FIXED it yet.

I didn't LB,,,although it was hard to control my tone. I think he knew he was pushing it becaause he finally said he'd call later to see how the day is going

Now he hasn't been calling me AT ALL during the day in the last week or so. I am SURE this all has to do with him wanting to know if I have the paperwork.

So,,,,,,,,, now that we are on that subject,,,,,,

I will be getting this to my lawyer today. I will NOT lie down and be walked on. His attitude about this whole thing really shows what a FOG he is in. He KNOWS me well enough to know that there is NO WAY I will simply sign off on this and be done. He may have rewritten history in his mind, but there is no way he can believe I am that Stupid! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Just wishful thinking on his part!! Wonder if he realizes even his DAD told me to get what I am entitled to!!


QUESTIONS

How do I continue to interact with WH right now?

I know that the response when asked about the paperwork is "Talk to my laywer, she does D, I do M"

What other advise can anyone throw my way??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Need all the input I can get!!!

Why would he think he should get the house and you get nothing in return?

Please, whatever you do, don't do him ANY favors. You didn't ask for any of this.

He is so disrespectful to you, and it sounds like to his son too. A lot of WS's like to think their kids aren't affected by their actions. You are right that his son needs some extra TLC right now, not to be belittled. He probably feels like dad is wrapped up in his own selfish world and that he doesn't really give a care about him.

Have you considered going to plan B soon?

FCF,,

Answer to your first question - he's a selfish A*Hole??

Longer answer is that he used inheritance money to put down on the house shortly before we married, so he views it as HIS. Let's just conveniently forget MY financial contributions throughout the entire marriage. Those apparently count for nothing in his mind.

Yep - he is VERY disrespetful

Yep - he has actually SAID that this is GOOD for our kids.

Yep- am prepping for Plan B VERY soon!

He is taking HUGE advantage of you right now.
Expecting you to fix things, expecting you to be cheerful about divorce papers, throwing his bad attitude around and expecting you to absorb it. Expecting DSS to perform without support or encouragement from his father.

Basically he's being an entitled A$$.

How soon can "B" happen? I think the sooner the better.

You've held your temper and your tongue -- but its gonna burst one of these days. We need to get you into a safe place before you undo your Plan A PERFECTION!!

You should feel really good about your Plan A!! Its been awesome!!

Now, are you getting your ducks in a row?
How soon?

Engage him as little as possible, let the attorneys handle these matters.

Selfish jerk... grrrrr

Will talk to my lawyer today.

Will write Plan B letter today/tonight

Will be with my Sis tomorrow night so we can discuss logistics of Plan B as she will be intermediary

I will have kids this weekend so will find time to talk to DSS and start to prep him

Am thinking Sunday will be the day

I leave to go out of town on business and will be gone 2 nights. Will be much easier to begin with 2 days of no possible sighting of WH. I can control answering the phone if he even bothers to try to call.

Ironic you use the word "Entitled", as at least 2 other people have used that same word today to describe WH.

I do NOT want to undo any of my Plan A. It's been WAY too HARD to blow it with an explosion prior to Plan B going into effect.

I am also calling my dr today - - gotta get some help. Am not getting work done and am starting to lose it. I do NOT want to not be able to keep it together for DD. She is already sensing enough turmoil from me,,,,I can see it from her when I am on the phone with WH. She senses how hard it is for me and that little girl shouldn't have to bear that burden.

Oh God,,,, am crying again.

Hang in there Bugs. Keep venting here, keep plan up the plan A with WH until plan B time is right.

Let us lift you up when you need it.

{{{Bugsmom}}}

NO! NO! NO! Do not sign the waiver. It's possibly not only a waiver of service... but could also be a waiver saying you don't need to be notified of any future hearings, etc. He wants this D... make him pay full cost... service and everything.