oh, and {{{{Bugs}}}}

Thanks everyone!

Just knowing you are there listening really does help.

I am ABSOLUTELY NOT signing anything in that packet of papework! No WAY!

He is going to have to have me served,,, I don't give a hoot about the cost or time or anything else in that regard. He wants it, it's on him.

PM - you are right, it does include waiver of future notifications. Geez,,, it still amazes me that someone who knows me thinks I would be so stuipd.

I made copies of everything and packed it all up to take to my lawyer. I am meeting her tomorrow. Just faxed her some of the paperwork so she will have prepared for our meeting.

So,, how MUCH can one person cry in one day?

Bugs:

Folks around here have recoved from worse sitch's, And WH may have filled in a blank that Aimless was making sure he did.

Doesn't matter. He actually did something. That's important.

Sunday: Plan B.
Monday: LSA
Wednesday: Change locks on doors of house.
Friday: List property for sale. Maybe???

And I would recommend, and this is harsh, and may be very difficult for you, that DSS be WH's responsibility. It would be NICE to have DSS in your home, BUT, I would make DSS HIS responsibility. And DD yours. I beleive that WH choices will hit faster, and more clearly with this.

Just my thought. And it is harsh. And your LSA may already address it differently. Whatever is in HIS D filing, put DSS squarely on him.

Because I am sure he asked for joint custody of both kids and then he wanted the house, although he was going to make you the person responsible for the kids 90% of the time....

Sorry. I think he is a jerk.

Also, I wouldn't state anything to him directly about the D papers. Make him wonder. If he brings it up, State you sent the package to the lawyer. And then change the subject. He wants to provoke a reaction from you and an angry one at that,allowing him to justify his behavior. Don't give it to him.

(((Bugs)))

LG

LG - -

You're right, he is a jerk.

You read my mind when it comes to DSS. The truth is that WH WILL be responsible for DSS because I will be moving too far to be in his daily life.

DSS is not mentioned at all in the the legal proceedings, as I had not yet adopted him. I have no LEGAL rights to him. The only reason I hadn't done it yet was because his bio mom hadn't yet surrendered her 'legal rights'.

Fact is, WH has only wants me to be "MOM" to DSS when/how it is convenient for WH. He's not looking out for DSS's best interests.

I think now is the best time to make WH responsible for DSS,,,,,while I am still around to reassure him as best I can, that I'm not just abandoning him. Rather, that we now have to have a more rigid schedule because of WH's actions.

He put in his parenting plan & support documents having DD a heck of a lot more than he will be getting. He's taking MAJOR discount to CS because of it, too. Of course, as DSS is not part of this, he has no accounting for the time he "assumes" I will be having DSS. Yet he is taking another discount for his having to support DSS.

Only putting in what's good for WH,,,, not for Bugs, not for DD, and certainly not for DSS.

Yes, it is harsh.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Yes, it breaks my heart. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

But, it is what is going to come down the road and there's not a darn thing I can do about it. So, I think it will be better to face it now than later.

I WISH I could change the locks on the house,,,but can't do it legally. Already talked to my attorney about that a few weeks ago. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Selling stuff??? Boy would I LOVE to sell that boat! Funny, WH didn't list THAT on the list of our assets??

Oh yea,,, what did he say "I'm not selling MY boat, no matter what happens".

HIS boat? I have a copy of the title that has BUGS name on it, too!!

I'd rather put a big old hole in the side right now!! GGRR

Perhaps you should "protect" you asset and request that it not be used until an agreement is reached. Or you get equal time with it.
Something to ask your attorney about....

Just remember Bugs, this is just "stuff" -- even though this hurts, its time to be tough.
Consequence time....

Glad you will have DSS this weekend -- time to prepare him.

OOOHHHH,,,,, i LOVE a creative/devious thinker!!

Lexxy,,, truth is I could care LESS about that stupid boat. It's a "symbol" to him of getting what he "wants out of life". The toys that I 'didn't want him to have' and a whole bunch of crap like that.

Yes, it hurts beyond imagination. I know everyone here understands that,,,,but each of us still has to say it for ourselves as we are going through it, don't we?

As I am trudging along today in the pain,, I do have a grip on a couple of other things. The things that will truly get me thru this.

#1. My Faith

#2. The Anger -
I haven't TRULY gotten really, really mad and been able to hang on to that and use it. It is building now.

The ANGER will help me get thru making him face his consequences. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

My FAITH will get ME through this as a whole person. As a good mother. As a blessed child of God. As someone who has made & sustained changes in her life. As a BS who is able to welcome home H should he ever show up again.

WOW - - - that sounds pretty stable, doesn't it?????????

Too bad I am not FEELING it all yet,,,,,,,,,,, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It is time to put the pressure on.
Time for him to see what divorce is really about.

Remember all the losses you've been feeling? Time for him to experience some of those...

Time for him to take care of his son.
Time for him to lose his assets.
Time for him to lose his boat.
Time for him to lose his free time (no more free "every other weekend"...)
Time for him to lose BUGS.

Hopefully FIL won't be his enabler....

Bugs,

Just want to send a hug your way. When I read earlier today at work my heart just ached for you.

Don't let him take advantage of you... remember as Silent told me earlier this month that divorce is business. Let's not let our heart get in the way (don't laugh cause that's coming from me.

Still

I found out WH got a possible promotion at work so sent a congrats email

His response"as if we don't have enough problems, Thanks"

He then called bcause he needs to drop DSS off here early to catch the bus because he has an early meeting.

Chatted a min about the new position, which may or may not be permanent

He called when I was taking DSS to FIL's (early). Mr nice. Mr chatty

Talked about issue with DSS at school(again). Talked about the job

Then,,

WH "not to bring up a sore subject, but did you get your paperwok?"

Bugs "yes I did"

WH" did you get a chance to look at it?"

Bugs"a little"

WH "well, do you think it is fair?"

Bugs"well when I have had a chance to look at it all and have my attorney review it you will have my response". I was not tight voiced or uptight at all-i could not believe how calm I was!

WH'who r u using?

Bugs'a friend'

WH 'r u using that A we used for the custody on DSS?"

Bugs 'no it is someone else. I will send you her contact info"

WH'Oh so that's how it is going to be, all business?

Bugs - WH, do u want her name & # right now? R u ready to write it down?"

WH -'so we are getting attorneys and going to court, is that right?"

Bugs- " there is no point in our discussing it right now. Did think I would just sign off on it w/o having someone take a look at it?"

WH -FINE. Tell dd I will call at bedtime


Bugs - alrighty! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I did not get the 'I do marriage' mantra in but atleast I did not get angry or cry!

One moment at a time!

Bugs:

Do not talk to WH about the D papers.

Re-read your post.

WH is ready to BLAME YOU for everything!

Bugs: I do M, A does D.

Call my A.

And change the subject.

You see? Just avoid it.

Because it stresses you, and he gets justification.

Or learn more Reverse Babble.

WH -'so we are getting attorneys and going to court, is that right?"

BUGS: You sent me papers and I passed them along, you don't send me anything, I don't have anything to respond to.

WH'Oh so that's how it is going to be, all business?

Bugs: Yep.

That was my sorry attempt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

And let him know that he can come to the house anytime to discuss your marriage. He can visit attorneys to discuss D.

BTW, Congratulations on his promotion.... More CS.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

This is SO much harder than I ever imagined!

LG- I get it. Thx for the scenario above. It does help

I thought I did well, but see my errors now. Thx!

You are right - I am going to be painted as the bad guy for a while now going forward.

I expect it but it does not make it easier to deal with

It will get MUCH worse next week when Plan B kicks in,,, especially when I pull away from taking care of DSS. It will be SO BAD!

The good thing is that because I have a plan, I will have already explained to most everyone (family) what I am doing and why

Recent sharing of events, exposing the A to them and getting their support on that will help

FIL will be an enabler in that he will be the one picking up the slack on taking care of DSS. He can not do otherwise. He is his Grandpa and is all he has

I do not like it but I do understand the position he is in

He will tkae care of DSS, but the pressure will build quickly. FIL will be verbal about his displeasure. Especially if WH continues to not be home,, and with losing those FREE weekends it won't take long

I HATE HATE HATE that DSS will suffer. He and I had a long talk tonight about his issues and feelings. Who will he talk to moving forward?

Uuggh!

Bugs:

It's gonna be a tough couple of weeks....

Months....

Maybe years.

It all depends on WH.

And we know how reliable WH is. Not H. WH.

But H ain't here no more....

Keep smiling!

LG

Checking in this morning with a Smile on my face. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

HORRIBLE night last night. Not sleeping much, but guess that is pretty typical. Why can't our brains just switch off, at least for a few hours at a time?

My big Sis sent me a Ford commercial/mini movie,,,, I sat here and cried for 10 minutes. It was a touching, tear jerker,,,, but not something I'd normally cry about for that long! Geez! I used to hardly EVER cry, now I can't seem to stop.

I had really held it together fairly well during the last few months. Now I can barely hold it together for an hour at a time. I know it's a phase that will pass,,,,Isn't it?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

WH was actually pleasant on the phone this morning. For the first time in a long time, asked how I was doing. With DD in the car listening, I can't say much more than OK.

I am pretty sure that he's only being nice because he needs me even more now that he has gotten this promotion. Wish they'd waited just one more week before giving him this, so it would have been AFTER implementing Plan B.

Well, it is what it is.


I took a first stab yesterday at writing my Plan B letter. I started with the sample form SAA. I plan to edit after meeting with A, IC and Sis. I'll post here for opinions after the next draft.


So, am meeting with A later this morning, IC this afternoon, and going to a concert tonight with my Sis. Busy day.

Guess I'll try to get to it.

Bugs;
Are you on Anti-Depressents? (can't remember..)

Try not to read much into his moods and actions.
Him being nice this morning could turn into him being a ba$turd tonight. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Its him and his rollercoaster.

Make sure your attorney is tough tough tough. Sic her/him on WH and don't give an INCH. Instruct them to work extremely hard in your favor....slowly.

LOL...Same boat here! We should all exchange numbers that way we can have our own little mid-night support group to make it through the night! LOL

Well, it seems like you have a plan for the day...stay focused and positive...I hope that what I shared this morning will help you today to find your gifts! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You have been SO brave and strong...keep up the great work...

He is probably being so nice because he wants you to go along will all his demands regarding the D. Don't fall victim to that ploy.

It is so sad that DSS will suffer in all of this. The poor little guy is losing yet another "mom". My heart breaks for him. It's too bad your WH isn't looking out for his DS's feelings more.

Hey all!

Thanks for the great tips & much appreciate support!

Met my A. Nothing really special to report. What WH had in his paperwork was all pretty much expected. I am responding with my LSA as we had already planned. Only difference is I am not respondent instead of petitioner.

It's hard, though, in that we are so emotionally vested in the situation that it's hard not to FREAK at every step along the way. From the legal perspective, so much of this means nothing - from an Emotional perspective, every little thing seems to mean Everything to US!

Will have to wait to be assigned the first court date from the clerk,,,, said to expect early June.

Expect WH will be P*ssed off when he sees I am denying the entire D and going with LSA!

Oh hum! Yawn! WH gets upset. La dee da!

Ok - - did that convince anyone? Am trying to prepare for when the sh!te hits the fan.

My trying to make a lot of plans for moving will remain on hold until the first court appearance. He has 'offered', to agree to my moving in his filing, so I expect little or no problems, but A advises to hold tight for now. Not a big deal, as I already planned on staying put til DD finishes school year.

Oh yes, his filing also states that he plans to move closer to wherever I end up,,,,,,,,Who wants to take bets that it is either a NEW GREAT place for WH, DSS, OW and her D with a stop over at OW's place while they find somewhere?

I do not find it funny,,,,but it's a fact of life that will likely be reality for me so gotta put it out there now.

Off to IC in an hour or so.

Well....when it hits, won't you be blissfully, peacefully, quietly in PLAN B???

So you need not worry about his potential tantrum.

I would keep on directing your Attorney to be tough!

Did you mention anything about use of assets (ie. BOAT) so that you get equal use?

Anything further on preventing DD from OW exposure?

Tell us more....

How was councelling?

Whats going on? Its not like you to not give us an update each morning!

Good morning (or afternoon for those Eastern time zone folks)

Had a work meeting first thing this morning and just got back to my office.

I am on hold right now for my dr office to get some meds.

IC yesterday was Hard, Hard, Hard.

Met my sister last night, shopped for a baby shower gift, had a bite to eat, talked & talked & talked then let go of everything for 2 hours during the concert. I just didn't LET myself think about anything but the enjoyment of the music.

So,,,,here's where I am today.

#1. Getting meds as I have not been dealing well with ANYTHING - despite my outward appearance, I have faced that truth about myself (that is really, really a big deal for me, admitting that the inward doesn’t match the outward and that I have not been doing well in pretty much any aspect of my life for a while because of all of this)

#2. As much as I know that pulling away from DSS would be the APPROPIRATE and DESERVING responsibility on to WH, I just cannot do it right now.

My heart tells, that if I pull away, the one who suffers is DSS. He is a little boy. He does not deserve this and I cannot knowingly, deliberately hurt him.

With DSS's history, to in any way give the slightest potential to him thinking that I am abandoning HIM (as did his mother and WH's countless GFs over the years), would cause further Permanent damage to him. It would FOREVER impact his relationships with women.

Is that MY fault? No, it is that of his bio mother and WH.

However, that does not release me from my responsibility in doing all I can to prevent damage to him.

That is MY job as his MOTHER. I could not live with myself or look myself in the mirror if I act in any other way.

I have given this up to God to show me the way. Only HE can deal with this, I can't.

So, what are my options?

Right now, I do not know. I am not mentally or emotionally at a place right this minute to take another step in any direction.

So, right this minute, I have decided only to be still and give myself the permission to be still & quiet for a while. Maybe just a few hours, maybe a day, maybe a few days.

I am giving myself permission to not do anything for now.

THAT is also something new for me; giving myself permission to do nothing. Let’s hope it’s successful!

Thanks for checking up on me Lexxxy!