Bugsy, I don't know..JUST THINKING.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Cause this would take lots of GUTS..COURAGE..your LAST RESERVES...

First of all, is there a special PLACE that's part of your HISTORY together..that's SPECIAL for the TWO OF YOU???

I'm thinking a CITY/COMMUNITY out of your immediate area..and a RESTAURANT there....

I don't know about this for you though, cause YOUR TALK didn't go well...

Yes, I'm talking about MEETING with him...

But it has to be ALL ABOUT YOU..NO EXPECTATION of ANYTHING particular from HIM...

Mimi - -

Some intersting pondering you were doing!

I've been mulling this over in my brain this afternoon.

On my positive side am thinking IF I properly prepared, I know I could pull it off.

On my negative side, am thinking 1. he won't meet me for anything these days 2. he'll expect and push for a 'let's settle this and be done' conversation 3. will i devestate myself when i see/feel that rejection?

Not ruling it out,,, still pondering it.

Actually, was wondering if he's not worn his robe this week, as there's been no metion of the Goddess garments I left in the pockets <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Am getting outta here early today and may not check in here til Sunday. Am taking the kids to Grandma's for my brother's birthday tonight. Baby Bro is 30 today~ YIKES,,,,

Goal for the weekend = = STOP thinking so much about WH! I did better today than I have in over a week. Actually got some work done so I feel even better!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Good morning

Back from Mom's. We had a great time. I actually took a nap in the afternoon, which is unheard of for me!

I don't know if it's the meds or the stress. Will have to see how the next few days play out. Can't have meds that wipe me out!

WH said yesterday he is going with his BF to look at a piece of property in the area where WE always talked about buying propety for vacation/retirement. I didn't ask WHO was buying,,,,,,,,,, but it sure hurt!

He called EARLY this am. We were all still asleep. I could her the HO in the background. He was short & said he'd call back later and hung up.

FIL came by. Said WH was by his house for a minute yesterday but didn't stay there last night.

Apparently WH was HERE at our house yesterday. He left mail on the counter and trash in the bathroom. Which means he say MY meds, which I had forgotten the pamplet on the bathroom counter. I didn't really want him knowing about that. He did pick up the card I left for him in the kitchen - one that said as the sun rises in the morning, I think of you, what your plans are for the day, and miss you.

So, have house work to do today, need to mow the grass, and play with the kids outside.

AM going to try to forget about what WH is doing today!! Makes me feel ill when I do.

Oh - almost forgot. Fri night WH brought up DSS's issues. He said he'd talke to him and HE thinks DSS is just bored.

"Not that I'm not saying the other isn't true,,, but that's not what it sounded like to me. We need to sit down and have a talk about it"

Well, I 've thought about that. I know WH is going to believe what he wants that works for HIM. I see and hear what I see and hear.

I see no good coming from an extensive "talk" about it,as we are just not going to agree. I plan to just tell WH that I think the best thing to do is have DSS talk to counselor at school and then the 2 of us meet together with the counselor. This way it comes from a 3rd party, not one of us.

I doubt he'll go for it, but I don't have any better ideas at this point. WH will never believe me. DSS, poor thing, will tell each one of us what he thinks we want to hear. No point in putting him in the middle any more than he already is.

Good afternoon!

Arrived, finally, at my destination for the next 2 1/2 days. Beautiful facility!

Let's see - - WH was busy yesterday looking for vacation property with the Ho. He called at 8am and we were all still sleeping! I NEVER call early when he has the kids, as it's rude. What should I expect from the WH? I almost forgot the world revolves around HIM!! DUH!

He called mid morning, and left a message but we were outside.

Called in the afternoon and said he'd be getting back after 7pm, would I take DSS over to FIL. Crabby & short on the phone.

I took DSS over to FIL's at 6:30 - hung around for a bit. Cousins were there. One that lives next door had mowed a large field on our property for me and told me not to worry about it this year. He would take care of it.

FIL had mowed the rest for me on Sun. FIL is really disgusted with WH's activities and lack of attention to his kids & even said his Aunt feels the same way.

WH called DD at 8:30,,,, he wasn't home YET! He was MAD when he heard from DD that FIL had mowed the grass again.

When he got on with me he asked in a mad voice "What's up with Dad mowing the grass?"

I responded "I don't know what you mean. He comes over and mows, and I say thank you. I don't know that something is "up" with that. Is there a problem?"

WH - YES there is!

Bugs- oh, well what?

WH - Because I CAN take care of that.

Bugs did not comment. It wasn't necessary. EVERYONE sees that he is NOT taking care of things, which is why they all jump in to help. He doesn't like it because HE is making HIMSELF look 'bad'.

This am, I was especially friendly, asking about work when he did his usual trying to cut me off in the conversation. He opened up a little bit and then told me an interesting story.

His boss was on the phone with either one of my boss's or a former boss of mine (we work for the same co). My boss inquired if the position WH has now had been filled and who filled it. His boss said "Mr. Bugs"

My boss replied, "Bug's husband"

His boss "Stammered around and then answered, yes Bug's husband"

I finally asked WH "Why would your boss "stammer around" over that?"

WH MAD VOICE - "BUGS, I DON'T KNOW!

I sat quietly, smiling to myself. What a CRAPPY thing to tell me and then act like I wasn't supposed to catch on to the underlying jab! As in "everyone knows we're getting divorced"

I was still extra special and nice to him the rest of conversation. Told him I'd call tonight. See you all, love ya bye! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Guess the meds are working because I am finding it a bit easier to be really nice to him when he's NOT nice to me at all. Even when I heard the Ho's voice in the background

Bugs:

I will repeat what I recommended earlier, and that Mimi echoed.

Mimi wanted you and WH in a private dinner. Rekindle. Reconnect.

I said, have a big dinner with family to celebrate his promotion. Both can work.

And he is troubled because everthing you have been doing lays the responsibility at his feet. Don't change that.

You go Bugs!

(((Bugs)))

LG

Thx, LG.

I am definately going to ask him to meet me Friday night.

I texted WH late last night. I just said, are you awake and he called me. He had obviously been sleeping. I was cute & flirty. We back and forthed a while in fun. I asked him to talk dirty to me, but he said no. He then asked me to talk dirty to him, which I did in detail. He then talked about his “fantasy” and how we would never “agree” on it. Not to go into detail, but I told him that fantasy is Ok, but the reality would mean that someone could get emotionally hurt and that despite his “fantasy”, he is too good of a man to ever do that.

He questioned my description of him being a good man. I reiterated that he IS a good man. He thinks of others first and last.

I said, I miss you

WH - sorry

He finally said that the entire conversation was irrelevant, as there is “no chance for us”.

Bugs, “Yes, there is a chance for us. Definitely a chance for us.”

WH – “no”

I said, “yes, I have learned so much, I have made changes that I know are needed and that there are people who can help us to take what we had and make it into what we always wanted. There is most certainly a chance for us.”

WH “It’s not what I want. I am done with those kind of commitments now”

I was quiet.

WH “I’m sorry, but I just can’t do that. Maybe someday we can date and maybe fall in love again, but for now it’s over. I’m done. I have made these changes that I need to make. You said we can’t be friends and I think that is very sad. We started out as friends. We talked at the beginning as friends. Heck, we first had sex with no strings, as friends, remember?”

I said, “nope, from the moment we first touched each other, we were connected as far as I was concerned, and there was no turning back.

WH – “But you did look back”

He was referring to my ex-husband who he thought/thinks I still have a ‘thing’ for.

Bugs “I may have ‘looked’ back, but I never WENT back because I never WANTED to go back. I only wanted to go forward with you”

WH – mumbled something about not knowing what to say, then he said he had to go.


I just let his words stay out there for HIM to consider. I knew them to be the babble that they are.
I said “goodnight baby”

I have been calling him sweetie, honey, baby every time we’ve talked this last week.


So,,,,,,,,,,,,,thoughts????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hey Bugs,

Sounds like some great plan A conversations. WH still sounds really fogged out and selfish still.

At least he seemed to be a willing participant and if you feel good about how things went that is what counts. You are doing a great plan A... he having trouble letting you go.

Still

Thanks, Still!

I know it's not "I wanna come home" conversation, but I do want to believe that he hasn't let go as much as he has said he is.

I was so focused on WH that I didn't write about a guy at the event I am attending being "attracted" to me. Actually, that is putting it mildly.

I was in no way interested, and in fact, was surprised when I realized his interest! Guess I am a little niaeve (sp?) about these things since it's been so long since I've cared about anyone's attention but WH. I made it very clear that I am married and want to stay that way. I'm just putting it down to a good ego boost!

I have to drive a couple of hours to the airport now and it is looking like rain! YUCK!

That is a great ego boost... would love to have one of those dometime.

Drive carefully...

Still

This is a PERFECT example (BEEN THERE DONE THAT) of the importance of discounting the WS' WORDS and only focus on the ACTIONS.

He SAYS that there is NO FUTURE for you..but ASKS YOU to TALK DIRTY TO HIM....SF NEED.....

And..great, great CONVERSATION and comebacks from YOU, Bugsy....



WONDERFUL!!!



WONDERFUL!!

You said what you NEEDED TO REITERATE..HE HEARD YOU...IGNORE WHAT HE SAID IN RESPONSE..ALL BULLCRAP!!



EXACTLY!! He became PUTTY in your POWERFUL HANDS!!



PERFECT!! AFFECTION....

So, Bugsy. Get yourself READY for FRIDAY. Any PART of this "FANTASY" that you can do?? Is there anything else SPECIAL that he LIKES?

HE IS SAYING THAT HE WILL MISS YOUR FRIENDSHIP and is wanting to talk you into having that CONTINUE..having you on THE SIDE...THE ULTIMATE CAKE-EATER...

Going into DARKNESS with a BANG seems to me to be a GREAT PLAN!!!

He clearly will MISS YOU!!!

YOU HAVE THE POWER, BUGSY!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Mimi!

I love having someone critique the conversation for me - as I can not always see the forest for the trees.

I plan on asking him to meet me at our first 'dating' place Friday night. Then hope we can go for one of our 'drives' from there. It was a BIG deal with WH when we first dated

It is not part of the 'fantasy', but was always a big turn on for him.

IF I can make that happen, it would be the 'big bang' (no pun intended) to end Plan A on.

I really had thought there would be NO chance for a good, big ending to PlanA. I about fell off the bed last night when he called me back!

I could not believe we talked for 45 mintes! That is more than we have talked in the last month total

Keep those thoughts and prayers coming that he will meet me Friday I will talk to FIL in advance about keeping the kids

I had a great drive to the airport. Lots of good conversation with God. I feel He is telling me that if this is what I want, if I am committed to the M, and to keeping HIM (God) the focus of our lives, the He will make this happen. I just have to keep Him in the driver's seat!

Bugs --

So happy to hear about that conversation!!!!!!!

You are a GODDESS! Your ability to tune out his fogspeak is incredible. He is doing he darndest to drive your thoughts one way....and you keep right on with your plan.
You are a Plan A GODDESS!!!

Bugs:

You started with:

I want to be like LilSis!

And you have been.

You need to have more of these conversations....

Fri Nite with you and him....Hope it works.

Then next week with the whole family....

You go, GODDESS!

LG

NOPE...BUGSY, YOU'VE BEEN YOURSELF..there's not another YOU...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hey, thanks everyone for the excellent support!

I think I've done OK with Plan A,,,Lil Sis was a great inspiration to me,,,, but yes, I "did it my way" as Frank would say!

It really has come down to the reading, studying, and coaching that I've gotten here that has helped me stay focused,,, especially in the recent conversations.

It's easier to do something when you truly believe in it. I believe in my M, and in the MB principals that can help us recover.

I did buy souveniers for DD, DSS AND for WH. Will see how that goes over tonight,,,,,,,

Mimi:

Bugs has been Bugs.

She was out of sorts when she got here, and has flown straight and true...

LG

Out of sorts is kind of an understatement, don't ya think??!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />:)

I appreciate the kudos, but I think I have done my fair share of buzzing around like a drunken bee before settling into being more like a dignified and focused LadyBug.
Although I like the thought of having become a Butterfly,,,,changed in many ways from where I started in order to better meet the needs of my H.

Which ever way you look at it, the advice and guidance here has been invaluable to me. So THANKS for your assistance in the transformation & flight plan!

BTW = sent WH a funny text earlier no reply, but did not expect one. I will be leaving early to pick up kids,,,,being gone from them is the hardest thing about my job!

I was thinking in the shower...

You were feeling your POWER last night. Weren't YOU???

Mimi,

Oh, most definately feeling the POWER! I know it was due in large part to just that tiny glimpse of my H. It helped me to hold on to that power thru last night as well.

I called WH on my way home to let him know I'd pick up the kids, but got vm. He called right back & said he'd be leaving the office in 10 minutes. He called again as he was leaving the office, and called AGAIN to give me a status on where he was. He hasn't done THAT in FOREVER. Usually, I'd get one call when he was on his way, no matter what the time (early or late)

We chatted a little bit each time. I continually use my terms of endearment in the beginning, middle, and end of each call.

It was his "regular" night with both kids, but as I'd been gone for 2 nights, we agreed it was up to DD if she wanted to stay with Mommy because she missed me so much, which of course, she wanted to stay with me.

WH came to get DSS. I was wearing my new Kentucy Derby t-shirt, that fit "just right" for my assets, and is the perfect color to show off my tan. I caught him giving me the once over,,, more than once.

I was light and breezy. Had the kids show him what I bought for them on my trip,,,,and gave him his little gift. DD let it out of the bag what it was before I gave it to him. He seemed to like it and simply said, Thanks. I expected nothing more and had been a little concerned that he'd give me that "do not buy me gifts,,,why did you do this" speech, but he didn't.

He was looking at DD's school pics, asking if/what I was going to order. I took the opportunity to stand as close as possible to him while looking at the proofs. He made sure to move away, but I didn't let it bother me.

I made sure to walk them out the door and rub him on the back as he walked out. He said "I'll call HER at bedtime". Again, let it roll right off.

He did come back and get into the garage for something. I walked out and asked what was up, he said he was "Checking HIS riding mower for a belt number". Again, this kind of specific statement aboutHIS stuff would have slayed me a couple of weeks ago, but not last night. I just let it go.

He did call at bedtime. For some reason, he'd gone back out from home and was getting gas while we talked (I know because I asked where he was). But, he did take the time to ask if I was watching American Idol,,,that Bon Jovi was on. That was about it. Again, he made sure to tell me he'd call HER in the morning.

He was pretty busy with work crisis this am, but we chatted just a second about DD's dream this morning and he had to go.

Although he's pushing back some,,,,,,,,,I Expected that. He let me have a glimpse of H so now he's got to cover back up again. That's OK for now. I have a PLAN.

This is TYPICAL WH behavior, right???

I CAN deal with it. I know that I have POWER!

I think also the ego boost of finding out that nice, attractive, successful men find me attractive helped boost my power. I am NOT at all interested in anyone but my H. However, knowing that others see me the way my H used to has helped.

It's a little easier right now. I know I"ll hit those hard up hill days again, but for now will enjoy feeling good!