<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think what's important is that you BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and the PLANS.

I'm telling you..if he's at all like my H was...he is CAPTIVATED by YOUR SENSE OF PERSONAL POWER and/or SELF-RESPECT!!

It was difficult for him to LEAVE you last night..coming into the garage...the garage/your house/his family is REALITY...

THE AFFAIR WORLD on the SPACESHIP..is a DREAM WORLD..a CRAZY WORLD OF FANTASY and DRUG ADDICTION....

keep putting out the bread crumbs to help him find his way BACK HOME...

You're exactly RIGHT..you are the one with THE PLAN...

Mimi,

You know, there is a lot to be said for that sense of personal power and self-respect. I know it was one of the things that attracted him to me in the first place.

However, it is my understanding that the OPPOSITE is one of the things that attracted him to the Ho.

Is that typical?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> His need to be the "hero" is sometimes very strong, which conflicts with his admiration of my personal power/self respect.



While I know this to be true, it is such a BATTLE of my MIND when WH talks so adamantly that this is what he wants and the REALITY world of me/family/home is NOT what he wants.

I know,,, don't listen to his WORDS but watch his actions, right?

Yes his comment the other night about "being done with this kind of commitment" has stuck with me more than anything else he said.

Is it perhaps that he may realize himself that the relationship with the Ho isn't long term? Is it a matter of he just wants 'play time' with no responsibilities? Or am I just being silly even spending time thinking about that?

You know, when he said "there is no chance for us", that really bothered me the LEAST because I had an answer to that. One that I could say with complete confidence.

THAT is the beauty of the Plans. THAT is what helps give me the confidence.

That's her DRUG..fulfillment of the ADMIRATION NEED...so the relationship is not about HER..she has not PERSONAL POWER...it's about her fulfilling his NEED to be PUMPED UP...and what's good is a part of him knows that she's a HO and this is NOT a LONGTERM COMMITMENT..but what she provides is ADDICTIVE and it will be hard for him to BREAK AWAY FROM THE SPELL...



YES..this is a MAJOR, MAJOR PRIMARY NEED FOR MEN...



Because it is such an issue for HIM, he also wants a WOMAN who has SELF-RESPECT and a SENSE OF HERSELF... BUT NOT AT HIS EXPENSE....

Get it? He wants you to RESPECT HIM and YOURSELF...

The most important learning experience..LIGHTBULB MOMENT FOR ME..it's helping me to say this again: A MAN FEELS MOST LOVED BY A WOMAN WHO RESPECTS HIM AND IS CAPTIVATED BY A WOMAN WHO RESPECTS HERSELF.



EXACTLY..his words are BULLCRAP!!! Your assignment is to not be succumbed by HIS WORDS...DO NOT LET HIS WORDS GET YOU OFF TRACK!!!



EXACTLY...A RENTER..not a BUYER!!! He does want to JUST PLAY with her..but as I said previously, it still will be hard for him to BREAK AWAY from this...

MAINTAIN YOUR FOCUS ON YOUR BELIEF IN YOURSELF AND THESE PLANS!!! You are doing REMARKABLY WELL, BUGSY...

Is there anyway to insure that he cannot get out of his time with you on Friday? Can you make this as foolproof as possible?

Mimi,

This was great! Really helping me to re-focus on the Basic Principals again.



This makes perfect sense! BIG LIGHTBULB moment!



I need to review the Renter/Buyer information again for better understanding. He really is BIG TIME in PLAY mode. It's getting to be summer, which is his PLAY time anyway.

I need to again be sure that I am doing my OWN playtime things, with and without the kids. WH needs to see not just Bugs the mom, the confident woman or professional woman,,, but also the FUN loving, Playful, have a good time with life Bugs!



I am open for ANY ideas on this. I have NO guarantees that he is going to agree to meet me at this point in time.

I had planned on calling him tomorrow afternoon and just casually asking "Can you please meet me after work at X?" Giving him no 'reason' unless he presses for one. If he does, I plan to say that I Need to talk to him, again giving nothing specific.

IF I have to, I could fabricate a specific reason. The hard part will be NOT actually discussing whatever that reason will be.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Sorry to have to say this BUT..waiting until tomorrow may be too short of a notice because he will have to come up with an excuse to give to the HO...

What do you think would get him there?

You could ask him, say that YOU WILL BE WAITING and then NOT be available for his calls..cellphone off, etc. until then.

Can't you say that "I REALLY HAVE TO TALK TO YOU..IT IS SERIOUS....I CAN'T ACCEPT NO FOR AN ANSWER"....

Mimi,

It his weekend to have the kids, so he will not have plans with the HO. Tonight is their regular night together as I have both kids on Thursday nights.

I plan to call FIL tonight to ask him to pick up the kids tomorrow night. I will be able to talk to FIL since WH will be "out"

Then I can tell WH, "I've asked Dad to watch the kids tonight so we can talk. Meet me at X after work"

I know he'll come loaded for a big D talk.

How do I keep that at bay??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

PERSONAL POWER...

How can he MAKE YOU talk about something that you don't want to talk about?

Is there something else that you CAN PLAN to talk about that he may be interested in?

And you CAN talk about D..how you don't want one...

My question is: How did he GET TO YOU last time?

How can you MAINTAIN THE POWER???

(Mimi..LOL) Bugs: "We're FRIENDS aren't we? Can't we just CHILL and ENJOY the MOMENT?"....Bugs with assets held high, laughing gaily, batting eyelashes...."If you can't, I will.."
Give him the choice to leave while you stay.

You slay me sometimes! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ok, so the bottom line here is to be in MAJOR DIVA GODDESS mode!

Think I'll go early so that I can have a drink FIRST and get in the mode! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

This thread just helped me so much. Bug you are doing such a good Plan A. I need to learn to be like you and so many others!!

Bugsy:

MAJOR GODDESS MODE!

You have a plan. Implement it!

Excuse to get him there? Take him with you from FIL's if you have to.

Steal the spark Plug wires from his car in the company parking lot.

Meet him at his car in the parking lot in full DIVA mode and tell him "I have plans for you this evening" and have him jump in...

Careful not to enter "X" place before you know he is there or about to be... Bugs in Full Goddess mode may not see WH...

What Mimi said is so true, please feed his Admiration need....

That's why the family dinner...OM can not give him that...

Playtime? The whole A is playtime.

No Kids, No Dogs, No work, Nothing.

And that is what results from it.

(Yes, and alot of hurt and guilt on my part....) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

You have come so far.

The holymoly post....

Isn't that how your first post started... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

And remember, he might start off grumpy, Ask him which dwarf he wants to be.... Tell him you would prefer "#8" and insert your favorite pet name/racy nickname/amusing name you can think of... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

WH: But, But, But, we are getting divorced...

Bugs: I do M, I don't do divorce, and we are still M'ed, so lets have some fun....

IF he wants to talk "R" stuff, Tell him he can buy you a drink, each time he wants to. You will buy the drink everytime he says/does/ ???? Fill in the blank. (kisses you/touches you/looks you in the eyes/agrees with you/mentions your panties that you left in his robe/whatever you decide)

I hope he loses his socks....

Because you just might blow his shoes off....

LG

HM,

Wow- thanks for the kudos. I am glad to know that my sitch is in some way helpful to another BS!

When I first came here, I spent a lot of time reading LilSis' Plan A thread. I still say she was a Queen of the Plan A! I wanted to be like her and am happy if I have in some small way done half the job she did

It is SO hard to tell in my own sitch how I am doing-which is a great thing about being here. Everyone is so helpful and HONEST! I could never have done this without the support and guidance from so many of the Angels on the forum

I will read up on your story. Hang in there!

I am not a good writer, so sometimes my posts bounce around.

My WH sounds a lot like yours actually. Almost identical. He loves to hug me, and will smack my butt and be so playful and flirtacious with me. I love it..but have to learn NOT to get too excited over it. I need to learn to be a DIVA!!!!

LG - -

We must have been posting at the same time earlier, as I just I saw your post.

Have I told you how much I LOVE some of your suggestions? Between you and Mimi, if I can pull of half of your suggestions, WH doesn't stand a chance!



THAT is TOO PERFECT~



To be honest,,,, am hoping he loses a lot more clothing than that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />


I love your honesty and admire you for sharing!




<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I was blown away by that one, to be honest! It's thanks in large part to you that I've done any kind of real Plan A! I think of any success I've had in terms of it being a TEAM effort!

HM - - -as I said above, it's a TEAM effort. Take all you can from so many of the GREAT experts around here. They can inspire you to keep going, to do things you never imagined you were capable of, and above all, I encourage you to seek a daily relationship with God.

I saw my IC today and we talked a great deal about this. She noticed my new found PEACE, said it shows in everything about me today. It also has been the TOTAL strength I needed to invest more into finishing up with a solid Plan A.

lol Bugs,

Your turn to pay it forward!
Now you're the plan A expert around here!

So go give HolyMoly a few tips so she stops undoing all her work!

Lexxxy,,,,

TOO FUNNY!

I loved that movie BTW - Pay It Forward. VERY COOL!

As a matter of fact, I was just posting on her thread. She's doing great, but has got to stop the questions and R talk. I think she's in GREAT shape - her WH is willing to spend time with her.

Hoping I can get mine to do the same!

You have been doing a great job of helping HM already!

Bugs,

keep up the great work.... I'll be thinking of you tomorrow night.

Check in with you in the morning.


Still

OMG!!

I just got off the phone from WH!

He called and said'what's up? You text me but then I text you and hear nothing?'

I HONESTLY did not know he sent one and told him so. He said he sent to both Blackberry and phone

I was enthusiastic and asked 'what does it say? I gotta go ck'

Ck'd BBerry - it said 'did you and b.o.b. Do it yet?'

I had made a point when we spoke earlier to tell him it was bath night. That I was giving DD a bath and then taking one myself after she went to sleep - wanted to give him a visual to think about.

Told him no, B.O.B. And I had not done it. I was tired after my bath.

I teased about needing new batteries. He said he was sure of that--which means he notices when I have moved it around the house,,hoping he would notice!

I told him bob is nice, but then it is my only option

WH-i am sure you have Plenty of options

Bugs-nope. It is just me myself and I.

I SHOULD have said something about wanting ONLY him, but did not want to put on any pressure.

He said earlier on the phone that he was getting dinner and going home to bed. Obviously, he IS at home or he would not be calling me!

No R talk. Just fun and flirty. Talked about his fantasy,,,that I am not interested in it so he did not want to talk about it

I told him talking about it as a fantasy is OK, but I do not want it IRL. I will NOT share.

So,,,we talked for a while, and then after about 20 min he said he was ready for sleep. He said he just wanted to give me trouble about my text message

I told him I was glad he did!

So, this makes me hopeful of getting a YES to my invite tomorrow!

I am trying REAL hard not to fly right up tp cloud 9 right now!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You've got the GODDESS POWER!!!

Bugs:

Only Positive Thoughts Today!

FULL GODDESS MODE

No Plan B, Plan D or anything... PLAN A

You have planted all the seeds this week, the talking dirty, the texts, kids with FIL, until 5 tonight.

He might squeeze in HO time between, A phone call, etc. However, remember about the dwarf. #8!

FULL GODDESS MODE

Schoolbus pointed out that we talk about what we think about. Only think about the success for tonight.

Overcome any of his initial standoffishness, by being fun, flirty and consistent... Hey, that's another drink you owe me, Buster! And you know what I do when I get a little tipsy...

Don't know the weather in the MidWest today, but the shorter the skirt, the better.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

LG

BTW, thanks for all the kind words yesterday! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />