Bugs:

About the kicking part, only do that on HO nights.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

And like you said, not a doormat.

He DID mow the lawn. After being upset, he thinking he was the "Bad Guy" because FIL was doing it.

(Not like he could mow it on HO weekends... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />..) Make sure to ask FIL over those weekends, and fill him up with goodies and lemonade for mowing for you....

Point out the disrespect of his looking you in the eye and saying the "Australian Slang for Slut" (she's ASfS?) was her name and that she was with DD. This can be a boundary as well.

"Do not disrespect me by flaunting your R with ASfS while in our home" Your not here, but when you are, please refain from speaking about her."

You may have already done this, and he might even be somewhat respectful of it, but he wasn't this weekend. ANd he did it in a most direct manner.

LG

PS:

See my post to you on HolyMoly's Thread!

Actually, I LOVE THIS!!!

I think it would be more effective than anything else you could say. Any thing else would be more for your benefit..he might actually HEAR THIS!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LG,



Yes, as much as I HATE to admit it, mowing the grass WAS a nice thing, no matter what the REASON was that he did it.

I DO make sure to take FIL lemonade, have him in for lunch, and I send him home with homemade goodies! It's so funny you said EXACTLY what I did last weekend!

BTW - I did see HolyMoly's thread,,,, thanks! I just know what it's like to so desparately need that encouragement. I've gotten so much, I gotta Pay it Forward as Lexx said!

Well Bugs is sitting on the deck in her Goddess halter top, shorts and diva glassesn smelling great

Kids r playing in the yard.

House smells great - dinner is almost done. Country fried steak, WH's favorite

Waiting for him to come get DSS

Will offer to have them stay for dinner.

Just need to send the neighbor kids home soon

Feeling calm and in control

WH left vm while I was talking to the sitter. Telling me what time he was leaving work and to 'call and let him know what I need him to do'.

I was tempted to leave message back telling him I need him to pull his head out of his butt!

Found out WH had the Ho w/him around our town last weekend. Had her at FIL house but did not take her in or offer to introduce them.

He had her at Walmart where he ran into other family. Their cooment is that he is really trading down. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I just wonder if they were at OUR house! I better not let myself think about that!

Til later !

I 'think' you all my be proud of me

WH got here and I was finishing dinner

Bugs- we are having country fried steak if you want to eat, we have plenty


WH -oh no thanks.

He got his mail and asked if I got my 'paperwork"

I asked what paperwork?

He said THE paperwork. 'You know, since you did not sign the paperwork or do anything'.

Bugs - 'oh, I have done something. We have counterfiled'

WH - 'oh you did? Well since you did not sign the paperwork you are are going to be SERVED. My lawyer said today or tomorrow,'

Bugs - oh, well whatever

WH- 'so that you know, Saturday was NOT done out of anger. I did it to make a point'

Bugs-'WH, you made no point. You know where I stand on this. I can repeat myself I'd you like, but my stance remains the same. This is harmful for DD'

The kids came thru at this point

WH- 'you are not saying anything because you do not want to or because you are going to make POINTS of your own?'


Bugs-'WH, we are NOT going to ageed on this. You have made it clear that nothing I say on this matters at all, so why should I bother to say anything further. I do not find iit necessary to make any Point'

WH-'has your lawyer discussed with you the Kids First classes?'

Bugs - No

WH' Don't you think we need to get started on those?,

Bugs-'I will discuss it with my lawyer'. At which time I went back to cooking.

ALL of this time I am calm, cool, and collected

WH just looks dismayed

He at one point asks is I am going to contine 'ignoring his calls'

I simply told him, like I said this morning, I needed time. I did not want to say something out of anger, something I would regret later

Again, Bugs goes back to cooking and says, 'are you sure you don't want to stay, I am making gravy? It's gona be good'

WH-no, thanks it is all yours

Bugs'joking, 'oh, my gravy not good enough for you? I make GREAT gravy!'

WH says he as to go

Says bye to DD while I look on smiling

Bugs- oh, thanks a lot for mowing the grass! (Thx LG!)

WH - no problem!
He then remembers the invite for tomorrow night and brings it in

Bugs-'Do you want to meet us there?'

WH-'maybe, I will have to see how work goes'

We talked about how it looks fun and where it is located

He and DSS left, him saying love u bye to DD.

Bugs saying 'bye sweetheart'


Well, ther you have it WH convinced that I am going to retaliate in some way,,letting everyone convince him he has to be Mean and Move on before I do something horrible??!!

And ther I was,,the Goddess,,,not believing a WORD. Yea, he did do the weekend thing out of ANGER. Bull:eet!


So,,,,,bring it on! Critique away!

Bugs:

I think you did great...

Every Interaction with WH, he hits you with his best, and you let it roll away. And state your truth.

Plan B will Kill him.

Have fun tommorrow night. I hope he shows...

Don't know if WH or H will show. Probably WH.

He even wanted to start in on you with the kids present. Idiot.

Mimi, I hope, will parse it.

Deliver some leftover CF Steak and Gravy to his office for lunch tommorrow, if it isn't too difficult.

Thank him for considering going, and how he will be really missed if he can't make it...

Tell him the outfit you were wearing last night was the one you use when you mow the lawn....Good thing he showed up Saturday!

(Makes you want to puke considering what else happened, but hey, it seemed to work...)

LG>>> looking for the ton of bricks that WH needs to get hit with... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

Also, I like his admission that he "Did the Weekend thing out of Anger"

Maybe schoolbus can critique that.

THAT was a major admission.

One that will haunt him later.

He inflicted OM on DD for no real reason.

Because Plan A is working, your not making this easy for him.

HE could just be softening you up for the camping trip..

WH: "Well, she's already met her three-four times, and DSS thinks shes great!" PUKE!

Just me in my best Dr Phil.

Which ain't much!

LG

LG,
I think Bugs quoted WH as saying that he DID NOT do saturday thing out of anger but rather to make a point.

Oh, BUGS, MY girl...you and a few other are on a roll today...

Awesome!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Diana:

Your right.

It makes the second part of my post make a lot more sense.

WH is wearing Bugs Down.

Small exposures, leading to the long weekend/week at camp that he plans. "Look, it's ok!"

Bugs: What's his phone Number? I Can straighten him out quick....

Let me call him one week into Plan B.

LG

We are so on to his scheme of trying to PROVOKE YOU..LOL...



WOW!!! WONDERFUL!!! WONDERFUL!!! My mouth is hanging wide open... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />BUGS IN CHARGE!! HIGH ON HER HORSE!!!



Don't you just love it, Bugsy??? Can't you just see what's going to happen during PLAN B??? He so clearly wants to continue with his cake-eating. He NEEDS YOU for CONVERSATION!!!

BUGS, YOU ARE WONDERFUL!!! YOU'VE GOT IT!! JUST MAINTAIN AND CARRY ON!!!

Morning!

LG - you have been a busy guy this morning!!

Diana was right, WH said he did this 'To make a Point"

The "point" was supposed to be exactly what you said - "See, DD and the Ho were together and had a GREAT time. It's all OK. So we can all go to the lake together as one big happy family!!"

NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!! NO WAY NO HOW!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Now, I know I could have done a lot more last night to make MY POINT to WH about how WRONG and HARMFUL this is to DD. However, what would that have accomplished? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

WH has made it clear that the stronger I fight on this, the more he's going to push back. He thinks he's going to wear me down into saying this is OK and if I continue to be confrontational about it, he will take it to even MORE extreme. I need to keep him Off Guard as to what I may or may not do.

REMEMBER,,,,, BUGS HAS A PLAN??!!

It came togther last night. The last day of school is the Friday before Memorial Weekend. I have worried that WH would try to take her directly from school. Now, I have that covered.

It is a special "Field Day" at school. They need Volunteers to help for Field Day. Bugs will be with DD ALL DAY LONG!!!

The question is do I keep this a TOTAL SECRET or do I let it be known so as to diffuse his possible plans in advance?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Right now, I am of a mind to keep it Secret. Let him think what he will. I know I will be right where I need to be,,,, between my DD and the OW!!

In the meantime,,,,,Plan A is still where I am to be operating.

When he called to say goodnight to DD, it was late and she was asleep. He said he thought that she was calling him, but said it was HIS mistake (instead of accusing me of not making sure she called, he took ownership which was a surprise). I just said goodnight in my sweet voice.

TM to WH at 1am as I wasn't sleeping anyway "Just woke up from a very detailed, nasty, nasty dream about you" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I figure a text 1x per week until Plan B is good,,,,something for him to possibly miss when I go dark.

Talked to WH this am. Asked him how the day was looking so
far,,,,did he think he would be able to meet us tonight because it would be really nice if he could.

He replied that he wasn't sure yet,,,,,but he'd try.

While we were talking, the cell call dropped. While he had nothing special to say, he did call back, pretty much just to say goodbye.

So, we'll see how the day goes. I seriously doubt if he'll go. He will use work as the excuse, but will probably spend the time with the HO, knowing I am busy with the kids. Even if he does show up, it will be WH.


Lg - - you are my HERO today just for saying this,,,, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



LMAO!! I also loved the comment about the bricks!!

I DO believe WH is really going to HATE Plan B.

HAve been thinking more about the implementation and timing of that. Hope to have time to post more about that later and get input then.

Later! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

THE ART OF WAR..DO NOT FOREWARN THE ENEMY!!!

Hey Mimi!

We were posting at the same time. Thanks for the critique!



Okey dokey & thanks again!

I have to tell you, even though I bet you know it already, I felt GREAT after the conversation last night!

I was on my High Horse, in Control, and I STUCK TO MY PLAN EXACTLY the way I wanted to! The right preparation really helped!

BTW - Hope YOUR evening was Fun,,,, once you got yourself off the board last night <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'm jealous! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

As I thught,,,,,

I feel like I should be listening to the theme from Rocky!

Go BUGS! GO BUGS! LMAO

Bugs Bugs Bugs...

WOW. What more can I say?

You are an absolute Plan A goddess!
I hope you will hang around for a while to give lessons to the others struggling with Plan A.

You have an absolutely AMAZING ability to let his crap just wash off of you. And an AMAZING ability to stick to YOUR plan instead of letting him derail you. And an AMAZING knack for giving even when you know it won't be received, but meets your plan anyway.

I know you are making all these offers and overatures to him which (being a foggy WH) of course he rejects. But you keep going anyway....because you KNOW these will come to fruition in Plan B.

All these seeds you are planting.....they will come to life in Plan B.

I'm so glad you have DD covered on the last day of school. I was going to suggest taking her out a few days early and just disappearing and moving then.

See what you can do about planting the "non-friendship" seeds. When he asks about you not taking calls start telling him that you won't be "friends" after he divorces you. Again -- very calmly, non-heated, simply stated.

I have to be able to talk to you.
"I am not your friend. I choose friends who do not betray me."

What about DD? We have to cooperate.

"I will continue to be the best mother to DD that I can be. But if we disagree on her best interests, I will protect her no matter what."

So, you're gonna fight me on this?

"I don't know what you mean. I am simply responding to what you started."

Lexxx,,

Thanks for the Kudos!

I think most Plan A'ers have their moments of greatness! Time, time, time, unfortunately is what it takes - along with Listening to the Great advice here and Following it!

Always easier said than done!



That is one of my daily prayers!!



Great minds think alike,,,, as that was MY EXACT plan until this other opportunity came up.

God was watching over us again with that!! I didn't want to make her miss out on the last day of school,,,,especially in kindergarten!



AHHH,,,, there you all go again!! You proclaim me a GODDESS and also keep right on Challenging me!!

THANKS!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That's a fine line to walk right now,,,,,think I'll have to get out my balancing pole to carry it off!!

Bugs:

You have been doing quite well on the balancing act...

Yes, letting WH know that After D, you will not be his "friend" will also make a huge dent in A land.

I thought maybe "ASfS" or "Assfuss" Could be a good nickname for WH OW. However, When I read your thread, you never really talk about her much.

Which is how it should be, your not fighting her, your fighting WH.

About the phone call?

That's the interesting thing about this site. A WH around here to early? Wasting time. (please cue PWC, SL's WH) But at the right time and right circumstances? Can do amazing things....

Let me ask you about your First Marriage and WH First. Where is his ex in all this?

Sort of a refresher?

LG