I am now squarely in with the "Go to Plan B" crowd. HUGE cake eating, fence squatting, fog babbling, spewage.

Now he needs to understand what life without you will really be.

I agree SO MUCH Mimi. Especially the actions part. Has he filed yet? NOPE! Does he still want to talk to you and be buddy buddy? YEP! People who REALLY want a divorce don't do that. They end it NOW. No friendship, talks, sex, nada.

Mimi,

Actions - not words. Yes. Who sent me TM? Who showed up at MY bedroom door asking to come in?

I considered responding to his email that it has not changed, we will NOT be friends.

Chris - Patience my Plan B friend! It is on it's way! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

HM - WS HAS filed. D is in the works. You may have missed that a ways back in my thread

You are on point with the other things, though

As Chris said, cake eating fence sitter mode. Thinks he can have me forever.

I went out and bought the pic frame and card to give him tonight.

Gotta go out on my best PlanA behavior ya know! Maybe I can get me some one last time. He he!

Your instincts are good bugs -- he just gave you the opportunity to give him the "not friends preview".

Compose it. Think about it. Maybe preview it here.
But keep the communication going.

Throw in some admiration, but alas (::) it would be too painful to remain friends. You simply can't be his cheerleader while he tries to replace you in his life. This upcoming "divorce" will be the end of "us"....

Bugs.... I don't usually respond to your posts. I felt so bad for you when I read the latest exchange. I know you have a date in the near future for plan B. I too feel it's a good idea. If anything, to protect yourself. You're not being the selfish, controlling, demanding person here, HE is. Look at how much you do and take care of (for DD and DSS) while he's SOOOO busy at work that you get NO credit for.

And, why should you care one itty bitty bit if you protecting your DD's feelings messed up him and OW's R? She doesn't care that she messed up your R with WH. OW sees it as a competition, she wants to beat you every chance she gets. She saw you not allowing DD to go on this trip as a victory on your part, so she ups the anty by dumping him. OW is now hoping he'll feel the pressure and force you to allow DD around her. The thing that's getting missed in all this by these selfish jerks is you've suffered a major loss, the death of your nephew. I guess it's crazy to think they could put themselves on the back burner for a bit???? Nope, instead he's concerned about his next "victory" (July 4th).

I can only hope that in the years to come, he has an awakening and looks back at himself and cringes in disbelief.

It's all a sick game. The sooner you are not a player anymore... the better.

Losin- sorry I overlooked your post earlier! Glad to know I was seeing the same load of crap!

FCF -
Thanks so much for the post! I am happy that so many others see my efforts, even if Drac does not.

I pray he does see the reality of his actions someday. I lknow the man I fell in love with would be/will be appalled.

Lexxx -

I have been pondering the reply. Per your suggestion, I am throwing it out here for critique -

Drac,

I have always so admired the heart you have for kids, and not just our own. It has always touched me. Its one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I know your love for both of our children is strong.

You mention the word changes. Many changes continue in my life. Some of them are good and were needed no matter what else was/is going on in my life. Others, as you know, are not changes I want.

The pending divorce is one that I do not want. You know that. I always wanted and needed you to be my husband/best friend, but that is not going to happen. I know that after the divorce, it will be much too painful for me to be at your side merely as your friend. We wont be co-existing, we wont be friends, we will merely be the parents of the same children. Our lives will separate other than the required interaction necessary for the sake of the kids.

It makes me even more sad when I think about it, so I think Ill stop and get back to work.

Talk to you later.




Thoughts?

The part about being sad...

When I told my WH this, and what made him REALLY think about it was the fact that I was so matter of fact about saying it. There was really no emotion when I said it, so he knew I meant it.

Make sense?

HM

I wondered about that, but was not sure if the way it was written was too harsh or that it might be read as a 'threat' rather than just a statement.

Thx

Plan A like a DIVA for another week or so ... Plan B is just around the corner

you stood up for yourself
do not feel bad

Not that I am in recovery or anything...so I may be wrong. But when WH and I talked about this, our convo went like this:

WH: can we still be friends?
Me: No
WH: But you and your ex are friends
Me: He didn't have an affair. We have been divorced 8 years
WH: So if I ask you out on a date and for drinks you wouldn't go?
Me: NO!! I will not be your friend. Wife or nothing. We would then only talk about kids. Period.
WH: I don't believe you
Me: Try me.

The whole time I looked him in the eye and had no emotion. If I sat there and told him how much I hurt, he would have known he was getting to me. I wouldn't allow that. I wanted him to know I meant business. With my WH it worked because he then told me he actually FOR THE FIRST TIME thought about life without me.

Thanks Pep!

I wore some Diva clothes today to try to boost me up. The wonder bra is doing wonders in the 'boost' dept!

Too bad I had to work, otherwise I would have triedd the nipples in the wind! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

Drac,

I have always so admired the heart you have for kids, and not just our own. It has always touched me. Its one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I know your love for both of our children is strong.

You mention the word changes. Many changes continue in my life. Some of them are good and were needed no matter what else was/is going on in my life. ***Neither of us has turned so far away from what brought us together in the first place***

The pending divorce is one that I do not want. You know that. I always wanted and needed you to be my husband/best friend *** *** I know that after the divorce, it will be much too painful for me to be at your side merely as your friend. We wont be co-existing, we wont be friends, we will merely be the parents of the same children. Our lives will separate other than the required interaction necessary for the sake of the kids.

It makes me even more sad when I think about it, so I think Ill stop and get back to work.

**This marriage CAN work out. There is plenty of room in our home.***

Talk ***with*** you later.



Just my take.

LG

HM,

I Have told Drac previously, more than once, we will not be friends. He keeps coming back to it. I think it is partly due to my having always been so matter of fact about it every time.


LG,

I like your edits. The 'it can work, there is room at home' is the mantra, I know.

YOU also know how the BS at my point is hesitant to keep throwing that out there. The whole 'is it over the top? I fear more rejection?'

I AM going to put it in, as this IS the beginning of the end of Plan A. There will be no offers like that in Plan B

I see!

I like LG's additions!

Bugs:

He has to realize that his 1st wife isn't in contact because of her.

He will realize that his 2nd wife will not be in contact with him either, although he wants you to be....

BS hesitant? (Don't know about that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> However, you don't want to appear to needy...

But after this, Don't Say it anymore.

Since you are heading towards plan B, you have stated your wishes, and your hopes. You have done an AMAZING plan A.

You even got to the SF part! And editing his documnets? You are so winning this thing...

Since the Plan B is soon, and after this exchange, I would mimimize communications to kids and in person.

If, he keeps the email exchange alive, do it. But if you get no response, keep it to info.

LG

Great notes on the 'too needy' part. That is part of the hesitant BS I was talking about.

Am sending email now.

Thanks for the Plan A kudos! Dare I say I enjoyed doing SOME of it?

I am outta here til later. Will ck in after taking stuff by his house later tonight.

Thanks again, all!

Hey Bugs...I'm not doing to well tonight but wanted to drop in and say hi...

Plan A is suiting you so well...poor fellow...he just doesn't know what he's got with you!

Hey Bugs --

Did you get a response? Or was it too late in the day?

Having a good night?

Ah Rin! I am so sorry about your day!

It was so sweet of you to ck in on me!

Take care of you and stay dark for your own protection.

Lexxx -

No response to the email. He did read it just before 5pm-i put a read receipt on it

I had a great dinner with the girls! They are great!

Called the kids on the way home. Told Drac I would be bringing by DD's shirt for school tomorrow. He was nice and chatty- made sure to tell me he was cooking for the lake trip. GAG!

I got there. He was decent and friendly.

I was looking HOT - according to everyone I saw tonite (no such comment from Drac, though)

DD was kind of clingly. We played, hugged and kissed for about 5 min.

I left the framed promotion, card, and DSS's cell bill in a shopping bag on the table. Told him it was the bill and some 'stuff I bought for him'

Then I left. Nothing special. But nothing bad either.

Tomorrow is another day. I will 'need' to go by Drac's place. He did not bring over any of DD's shorts like I asked and she will need them for this weekend

Think I may be getting a cold so am going to try to sleep early tonite

Nite all!

Morning!

Talked to the kids early this am.

Drac got on. He told me thanks for the frame - it will give him something to throw at the boss when they fire him

I told him No Way will they Ever fire him. He really is so great at his job!

He changed the subject to another friend at work whose job may be in jeopardy. Drac said this guy's wife called last night (I know she called about lake plans), and that she realizes her H's job is in jeopardy. I hope not, as he is a good guy

Anyway, Drac says he does not have DD's shorts. Only 2 pairs? He is "missing" all of the clothes HE bought her? Good Lord,,now I am probably a clothes thief?!

I made a few double meaning jokes about other things and that was it

As Mimi reminded me - words from Drac are not what matters. So, I just let them be words and am moving on with my day

I plan on putting a card for DSS and a card for Drac in his car when I stop by tonite. Or may try to slip it in with their lake stuff so they see them after they arrive.

If I have time later today, am going to work on PBL. I have been putting it off, but the time is drawing very near. Gotta do it.