EXACTLY!! This was MAJOR for my H, too..I recall him saying ..."You won't keep BEATING ME UP, will you?"

You need to remember to put this in your PLAN B LETTER, too...

Rin and lexxx

I get it! Gotta draw him further back in by letting him know what you list above.

ICAN do this! Oh yeah! Goddess has this covered!

Will ck bk w/ideas ltr.

Bugs:

This is what my edited verison of what you were going to email your WH Wednesday.



If you stayed in the same vein with your actual email, then Drac convo with his Father on Thursday makes sense.

And when I asked if there was a response you said:


NO RESPONSE? I don't think so. What was he talking to FIL about?

Your email.

BUGS still wants him, but because of his choices, you are ready to set him free.
And Bugs could never TRUST him again, Translation: BUGS can never be my friend.

And it is killing him.

He's going to the lake this weekend, without you and without DD. At least until you bring her up.

HE understands even better that this is going to be his life going forward. He didn't like it with just DSS and him before meeting you, and he knows how much worse it is going to be going forward.

And for this:



Of course. Cake-eating interuptted is quite painful. "Please BUGS, Lash out at me, make ME feel better, because I can BLAME BUGS" And it doesn't work! Darn You, BUGS!

So, point out TRUST:

TRUST that he will make the right Decision
TRUST that Bugs can and will work thru this WITH HIM.
TRUST that BUGS will verify what H is doing, and that BUGS will be as open with H.
TRUST that this family that has been created, can be restored, and can even be greater.

OK?

Your doing great, and WH is reeling from your efforts.

H is starting to win.

LG >>>> High-fiving BUGS!

Mimi and LG-

Both your posts helped me even more to Get It!

Message of recovery needs to be strong right now?!

I sent the email Wed virtually word for word of your edited version LG.

That is also the night I gave him the framed promotion gift.

I have limited chances today but will make the most Goddess like efforts when I do.

Keep the advice coming! It 'feels' like something is happening,,,let's believe it is something Good! I am!

Am on the phone w/a friend who thru a small grapevine that Drac and the Ho are split

Drac told a 'friend' at his other work they are split. Guess he'd been drinking when they spoke, but I have no other details.

YES!!! GOOD JOB!!!!!!

HM,

I am not taking credit for the breakup. I have a feeling Ho did her fair share, as well as Drac.

If we think back, the TMs from Drac to me were on May 8 a week BEFORE the hospital, and AFTER they all went to the carnival together and AFTER Drac and I had one of the big fights about the lake

Wonder how long it has been on the rocks? OR what, if any of my plan A has been effective?

I just want to NOT screw up now!

hehehehe....ALL of your plan A has been effective...

Drac is in turmoil. Like I said above, he's going to be testing the crap out of you -- because he doesn't know what direction to go in. HO is LB'ing like crazy...affair-land is a disaster. He was intimate with you, which is messing with his head. Plus your Plan A has knocked down his defenses. BUT, he's done all this work, and taken the bad guy rap -- and is just not sure he should go back. And he's not sure of what he's going back *to*...ya know?

Thats why: you will forgive him. you will be equal partners. he won't have you bringing this up forever. you really can forgive and forget. things will be better than ever. best for the kids.

YOU GO GIRL! Have a great weekend!

Hey everyone!

I hope you all had a great holiday weekend. I feel like I've been gone for sooo long, yet the time has flown by and I am exhausted.

We had a GREAT turn out for the Memorial on Saturday and despite the moments of sadness, it was about celebrating DN's life. We had over 150 people turn out throughout the day. We all had a good day and were happy to have done it.

At the very end of the day, almost everyone but family had gone, a brief heavy rain shower moved thru. Afte which, there were 2 HUGE FULL DOUBLE RAINBOWS just off to the East.

It was Dear Nephew, saying, "THANKS, I watched it all and I am pleased. I love you all, too!" Just like the single swan he sent the day after he died, it was a special sign that brought us peace.

DD got to the lake for the birthday celebration yesterday/today. Whe I talked to her last night and asked what they did "special" for DSS's bday, she said, NOTHING. Just had cake. So,,,, I am just overwhelmed by how it was so important that she be there.

I went to a lake with my family for the afternoon. Had good weather and a great time.

I confirmed on Friday night that HO was not at the lake. I drove by her house and called to confirm she was there. Drac called 10 minutes later that he was on his way from our town with DSS and was on his way to pick up his 1/2 sister who is the same as as DSS.

She was also home this morning, so she didn't sneak down anytime over the weekend. I was relieved.

The times that I talked to Drac over the weekend, he was nice & chatty. He asked a lot about my family and seemed very much concerned that I was having a GOOD TIME?!?

On the one hand, it makes me feel good, but on the other hand, it makes me concerned. In that if I am having a good time without him, then it's all still OK that we stay split and follow thru with the D???

Who knows? Certainly not me.

You all had some great input on Friday.

Lexxx you said


Mimi - you put in a 2nd on that and said to include in PBL.

I'm open for specific suggestions on what/how to say this in person or in the PBL.


LG, you said



I want to be sure to get these messages of TRUST, and REBUILDING, etc can happen. That there is a PLAN/PATH for us to do this.

My concern is getting the message across without sounding "preachy". I want him to know that there is a WAY, but worry about trying to "educate a WS" which we know doesn't work.

Kind of the same thing with what you said, Lexxxy,



I want to keep drawing him in, show him the way home, build the love bank, make it so he knows it is safe, BUT also that there are TERMS that he will have to abide by.

So, as I put most of my MB & R struggles and plans aside for the past few days, am trying to re-focus so that when I see him later today, I am back on TRACK with a FIRM PLAN in my head.

Will re-read posts, and spend time in HN/HN this afternoon while laying on the deck for a couple of hours.

Feel free to chime in with suggestions, etc.

BUGS:

Glad your Back!

Excellent weekend!

Will have more tommorrow, have to run.

Keep up your Plan A goddess work.

For tonight, Don't let him out of the driveway quickly.

LG

LG -

Ok, I'll have on my Goddess swimsuit and lay down behind his car, OK?? he he!

Well, I will have on the swimsuit from laying outside,,,,,,,,

Will ask him to come in, recount the weekend fun, and stay for dinner.

Later all

Ws left message, but I was outside working in the yard. Called and he brought DD over
He was not happy FIL was here mowing the grass again.

I was still pulling weeds - wearing my swimsuit top, shorts that were large in the waist and showed the top of my thong. Drac walked up and had a big FROWN on his face as DD says "Mommy, your shorts are too big'

We all came inside. He got the mail and then told me about the weekend.

He also asked me to keep kids Thurs and Fri nite, as he has to work Sat due to the holiday and as I 'lost' my weekend so to speak

Now it is summer vaca for the kids, he wants to bring DSS here as the time he leaves in the am is too early for the sitter. I agreed. He will have to figure something out in a few weeks!

Drac and DSS just left.

I just read the mail - I have notice from the court for our first 'conference' on custody July 2

Feeling down about that.

Just thought I'd update and am now giving DD my attention for the rest of the nite

Morning!

Drac came by this am to drop off DSS and came in the house with him - to say good morning to DD.

DD was still sleeping but he went in to give her a kiss

I was getting her clothes together and still in my short Goddess gown. I did catch him glancing down below face level once!

No special conversation, but he was friendly, stopping to talk for a minute

The truth is, he did not NEED to come in at all. There have been several times he has dropped off DSS and did not come in.

So, as I start a new week, I am choosing to take that as a good sign. While he may not have consciously decided he wanted to see ME, he atleast is not AVOIDING me.

Am sending my attorney an email asking what to expect from court on 7/2. Will let you know what I find out

Later

He most definitely, without a shadow of a doubt in my mind, came in the house to SEE you and that image of you in the gown will be messing with HIS MIND all day long... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Bugsy, you really know how to WORK IT!! AMAZING!!!

Well, Drac just called.

One of hie employees is related to the people who live by the 5 acres we bought to build our new home one.

This guy told him that one of the neighbors is interested in buying our lot

He called to let me know he told the employee to have the guy cal either one of us.

Drac said he told the employee we would want X amount for it and asked me if that was right. I said yes

I was so taken aback I did not know what to say. I just kept a cheery light voice and said 'oh ok, thanks'

The truth is the neighbor who is interested DID already call me. I told him that IF we decided to sell, we would give him a call first before advertising it

I did not tell Drac this, as I was still of the hope we would not need to sell it.

So,,,,ow what? Did I handle it OK or do I tell Drac I still want us to build our NEW home there to go with our NEW marriage??

Sounds like a PERFECT opportunity to REMIND him of your desire to reconcile...PLANTING A SEED....

But..BE PREPARED to IGNORE his response if necessary....

Bugs:

You could say that.

New home and New M works really well, but will put him on the defensive, "BUGS is CONTROLLING me Again!"

You should have that for your feather in your cap. WH is out of sorts right now.

You should ask him:

Why sell it now and for what reason?

That is the only real question you need to ask him.

Is he going to take the proceeds and invest in the rental business?

Is he just trying to cut debt that he has incurred since starting the A?

Is he just cleaning up the balance sheet for the D?

Has he given up on that dream and wishes to pursue another?

There are other plots of land. Mimi sold her dream house and knocked her WH out.

Be conversational about it. Point out why you might not want to sell it, (New M in New H, only!)

But ask him why?

Your allowed.

LG

LG-

I believe he wants to sell as part of moving on with the D

It is in his D filing that I keep that property, re-finance within 6 months or sell it. I KNOW based on current market prices we can not get what we paid for it back.

He is using this as the 'equal' to his keeping all interest in our current home

Selling it let's him 'off the hook'k so to speak to keep the current house and all of the equity.

I think it is merely him going forward with the D, pure and simple.

Bugs:

Unless you KNOW.

Do not assume.

Like I said, he is out of sorts right now. Playing by the seat of his pants.

He may have had the discussion with the employee/friend/realtor months ago and now they are getting back to him.

Do you know for sure?

Maybe you should stall, talk about your future. How selling THIS house and moving to the NEW house will create new memories.

Just a thought.

LG

LG-

I know this conversation just took place. Rather hard to explain the connection,, so suffice to say it has been verified thru reliable sources

It is a non-issue, really. The person who is interested will almost definately not pay what we are asking anyway. He owns land next door and paid 1/3 the asking price per acre.

My focus needs to be on finishing up a good Plan A and getting into a dark Plan B

Current question at hand WHEN to drop into darkness?

I have set the 23rd of June as the date I am moving out of the house and going to my parents. That is FIRM unless attorney gives a reason NOT to go.

So, while I won't start a poll, I am open for thoughts on when?

I don't want to lose out on what seems to be some good Plan A impact right now, but need to go out on a HIGH note and we all know Plan B IS required in my sitch