How's it coming on choosing an intermediary?

I talked to sis again this weekend and she agreed to do it

Recent events and the time we had together helped her to understand AND my own improved plan and understanding helped as well

Drac came by to get DSS last night. We were outside. Kids playing, I was pulling weeds in a great shorts outfit.

He sat in the backyard w/us for a while. He was rather quiet and looked really tired. We were happy and cheery. No great conversation

I could not sleep last night so sent him an email about 3am. I talked about having a dream. That we were at our dreamhouse that we had picked out, sitting on the porch. I mentioned the layout we had talked about, included the kids, and then making love. It detailed all of the things we had planned for that house

I then said some things to try to encourage/admire him at his work.

He won't get it til he gets to work

He dropped off DSS this am but did not come in. DD and I were not up yet, so maybe that is why he did not come in

He has kids tonight, so I won't be seeing him.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Oh, BUGS...you HOT THING YOU! You go girl! I can't wait to hear how he reacts to Plan B...

I just have a good feeling about it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Outstanding work! Pat yourself on the back!

Bugs:

Time for Dinner again.

What was that little place you went a couple of weeks ago....?

Should make for an excellent opportunity to guage his true interest and build some Plan A credits...

LG

Rin,

Hope your positive feelings are on the mark!

LG-

I had just sent Drac an ecard when I read your post. It was an invitation, of a different nature

It said
"Roses are Red, and Sometimes They're Thorny,
When I thin of You, I get really ----"

The card left the word blank as well so my message was asking him to Fill in the Blank, along with a few other comments

Friday is DSS's bday. DD is spending the nite w/a friend. I had planned to take DSS out, just the 2 of us, for his b-day. Dinner and a movie

Think I will invite Drac to come along.

I doubt if he will accept either of these invites,,, but am putting them out there anyway

I have re-done the PBL and will post later for more input.

Ok here is version II.

Probably still too long?

Don't forget I am also attaching a specific kid schedule.

Dear Drac,

I want you to know how much I cherish you, the man I fell in love with The man who on our first night apart, filled my home with flowers of every variety when I returned from a business trip. You are the man that looked me in the eye one evening, standing in front of my car and showed me a love unlike any love Id ever known before. That was the night when you told me for the first time that you loved me; and one look in your eyes, I knew it was true.

At a time in my life that I had stopped believing I was worth anything, you reminded me with a simple glass rose, that I was loveable, special, and someone to be cherished.

I want you to know, I am so very sorry for anything I did and did not do in the past that helped to bring us to where we are today. I do take responsibility for helping put us in the position where you chose to continue your affair with OW instead of working on our marriage.

I was foolish in allowing resentment and hurt feelings on my part come between us. More than that, I am sorry I did not every day do everything in my power to show you my love in the ways that you needed, from giving you the sexual satisfaction and attention you need and deserve, to showing you and telling you how much I admire you, and asking how to give you better support at work and at home. I have gained knowledge and learned things I never knew before about my behavior/actions. I hope you have noticed the changes I have made and I believe you will see even more of them when you return home full time.

I want spend my life raising the 2 most wonderful children in the world side by side with the man who gave me the 3 greatest gifts of my life - His love, our daughter, and our son.

I am willing and able to make our future better, together with you. I know it can be done. We can erase the mistakes of the past and to build a new, better marriage, a new life in which we both get not only what we need, but also oh so much more. I don't care at this point about being right or wrong; I don't want a lifetime filled with keeping score or reliving the past. I want only to FIX where we went wrong and BUILD a new stronger marriage.

The only way for that to happen is for you to give our marriage a chance. It would require that we work together in counseling. Specifically, counseling thru Marriage Builders, where we will a have step by step plan for rebuilding our marriage. It also requires that end your relationship with OW, never have contact with her again, and notify her of that in writing. These steps will put us on the road to recovery of our marriage and an amazing future.

Until you do these things, I cannot see you or talk to you.

It has become incredibly painful for me, to the point that I must stop the pain. It is because I want to preserve and protect the love I still have for you that I must do this. If I allow myself to continue the hurt, that love will be destroyed, and I do not want that to happen.

From here forward do not come inside our house when you pick up or drop off the kids. I will not enter your Dads house when you are there. If you need to be inside our home, I will not be there.

I have included here a schedule for the kids, based on what we have currently been doing. I added specific times to avoid questions or issues.

If you want to communicate with me about the kids, or any other matter, including the schedule, please send email to my sister at

I will not take your calls. Do not ask the kids to put me on the phone after you speak with them. Leave a voicemail message only in case of an emergency.

All communication in regards to legal matters can be directed to my attorney, her contact information is attached.

You must realize the suffering I have endured since you left and your relationship began with OW. I never knew that this type of agony was possible, and I can endure it no longer. I still love you, but I cannot see you. It hurts too much.

I want to be your wife forever, and to be your best friend again. I want to again be the one who is always there for you when you need me for anything and everything. I need you and want you as my husband, my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my playmate, the wonderful father of my children, and my soul mate. Forever, as we promised on our wedding day

I can see us, with our NEW marriage, sitting on the porch of the NEW dream home we planned together. The feelings and the emotions we shared so intensely at the beginning of our marriage completely renewed and even improved. We will listen to that Faith Hill song, BREATHE. Remember how wed talk on the phone every time it came on the radio because it described US so well? Every time I hear that song, I am reminded of how wonderful our relationship has been, and can be even better in the future.

I loved you when we said I do, I love you even more today. We CAN have everything we always wanted from our marriage, together, forever.

If you choose this as well, lets talk about our future. I am ready, willing, and able. Until then, I must go my own way.

Watch your names bugs!

Beautiful....
Still a little long. I would consider removing the 2 paragraphs towards the end:

""I can see us, with our NEW marriage, sitting on the porch of the NEW dream home we planned together. The feelings and the emotions we shared so intensely at the beginning of our marriage completely renewed and even improved. We will listen to that Faith Hill song, BREATHE. Remember how wed talk on the phone every time it came on the radio because it described US so well? Every time I hear that song, I am reminded of how wonderful our relationship has been, and can be even better in the future.

I loved you when we said I do, I love you even more today. We CAN have everything we always wanted from our marriage, together, forever.""

Maybe you can incorporate some of it in the "love letter" portion?

It seems too long winded at the end....

Rin - THANKS!

Lexxxy -- yep I am somewhat cursed with being long winded when writing letters.

I will wait for a day or 2 again and do the next edit

Thanks!

I cherish you, the man I fell in love with! The one who filled the house with flowers the first night we were apart, the one who told me he loved me and I knew it was true by the look in your eyes!


When I stopped beliving in me, you reminded me with a simple glass rose!

I am truely sorry for the things that I did or did not do to get us to this point! I do take responsiblity for my part of getting us to were we are today!


I was foolish in allowing resentment and hurt feelings on my part come between us; to not show you every day that I loved you in the way you needed me too, from sexual satisfaction, to attention, to admiration, to supporting you at work.I have gained knowledge, and learned things about my behavior/actions. I hope you have noticed the changes and I believe you will see more when you return home full time.

I want spend my life raising the 2 most wonderful children in the world side by side with the man who gave me the 3 greatest gifts of my life - His love, our daughter, and our son.


We can make our future better, together. I know it can be done.We can move beyond our past mistakes, build a new, better marriage, and a new life in which we both are both fullfilled. I don't care at this point about being right or wrong; only BUILDING a new stronger marriage.


It's Extremely painful for me and I want to protect and perserve the love that I still have for you. I will not allow that love to be destroyed.

From here forward do not come inside our house when you pick up or drop off the kids. I will not enter your Dads house when you are there. If you need to be inside our home, I will not be there.

I have included here a schedule for the kids, based on what we have currently been doing. I added specific times to avoid questions or issues.

If you want to communicate with me about the kids, or any other matter, including the schedule, please send email to my sister at

I will not take your calls. Do not ask the kids to put me on the phone after you speak with them. Leave a voicemail message only in case of an emergency.

All communication in regards to legal matters can be directed to my attorney, her contact information is attached.


I have suffered since you left and you began with OW. I can endure it no longer.I still love you, but I cannot see you. It hurts too much.


I want to be your wife, best friend, and I want to always be there for you for whatever you need. I need you to be my DH, BF, lover, etc..., forever as we promised each other.

I can see us, with our NEW marriage, sitting on the porch of the NEW dream home we planned together. The feelings and the emotions we shared so intensely at the beginning of our marriage completely renewed and even improved. We will listen to that Faith Hill song, BREATHE. Remember how wed talk on the phone every time it came on the radio because it described US so well? Every time I hear that song, I am reminded of how wonderful our relationship has been, and can be even better in the future.

I loved you when we said I do, I love you even more today. We CAN have everything we always wanted from our marriage, together, forever.

If you choose this as well, lets talk about our future. I am ready, willing, and able. Until then, I must go my own way.

Rin - wow! Thanks! I will have to print that out and really go thru it.

UPDATE of sorts -

I was out w/friends when Drac calls and asks if I will be out late.

It is his nite w/kids, so I say not late, why?

I could not hear his answer so I walked outside and he says he needs me to come get the kids as he has go to the hospital

I am taken aback. He says he has been sick since Feb and has been having pain in his chest and not slept in 2 days.

I ask'why don't you let me come get you and take you?'

Drac-no, Dad isn't home yet and I need u to get the kids

Bugs- when will Dad be home?

Drac- 30 min

Bugs-well if I leave now, by the time Dad gets home, I can meet u at the hospital

Drac-angry- I don't NEED you to meet me, I NEED you to get the kids. Dad has been working late and needs to get to bed

Bugs-fine. I will be there

I went to his Dad's, passing Drac on the way there

DD was asleep. I sent DSS to bed. Talked to Dad who told me Drac said he'd been to the dr 2x since Feb and was not getting better

I told Dad to go to bed and I would get kids later. I was going to the hospital

I thought that either Drac was lying OR that the Ho would be there

I found him in the waiting room. The first thing he asked was 'who has the kids?'

I said they are sleeping. They are fine

Long story short, Drac has touch of pneaumonia. He got an x-ray, a shot and some scripts.

We were together there for 2 1/2 hours. The longest we have been together for months

Good conversation --except for his comments about HIS boat and the story about the dry cleaner wanting to fix him up with her 21yr old daughter. The fix up was nixed when she found out his age and said he is too 'seasoned' for her daughter. Guess being married is not a problem?? Oh, I forgot that Drac thinks we aren't married anymore.

Although he had to have ME give insurance info and had to SAY to the admissions person that I AM his WIFE.

So, we leave and I get a 'thanks for coming, you did not have to'

I said, 'I know I did not HAVE to, I wanted to'

I got no hug, he did not walk me to the car or wait for me to pull out.

I know it was a good Plan A thing to do. I was worried and would never let anyone I care about go to the hospital alone.

But geez, what an a$$!

I just got something to eat as I had not eaten since yesterday evening. I took 2 bites.

Am taking some Tylenol and going to sleep and dream of Plan B peace.

Nite

Bugs:

Great evening.

Drac is still an @ss.

But serious Plan A stuff.

He is needing to go to the doctor, and who is the only person he can call? BUGS!

He thinks he is having heart attacks.

Your killing him!

You go Girl!

Deliver some chicken soup tommorrow....

LG

LG

What are you still doing up at this hour? Thx for stopping by.

Great idea on the soup!

I may even take it by his office at lunch tomorrow.

Oh, what Goddess outfit will I wear?

Well, if I don't get some sleep, I won't look Goddess like no matter what I am wearing!

Bugs:

Went to my sons Little League game tonight and drank too much diet coke. Eyes WIDE open....

Careful about the Goddess' outfits at work!

Drac? Drac who?

Back to Business....

The convo at the hospital?

Nice easy banter....excellent Drac can be safe with Bugs.

About the boat? The Dry Cleaners?

Those are your triggers....

I never know when I might step on one for Flamingo.

It's been 22 months since Dday for me. And I have learned to be careful.

And Drac isn't anywhere near this point yet. He knows to avoid certain things, but others.... He just doesn't have a clue...

But think about it. You were there for 2+ hours and he only stepped in it twice.

His performance at the end? Hard to read, that. No hug, not walking to you to your car, the other "Normal" things that should have occurred?

Take One: If he did Hug you, he wouldn't let go...

Take Two: HE was way embarrassed for over reacting. He thinks its a heart attack and its just p-new-monia.

Take three: Darn you, Bugs, you are making this SO Difficult! Your supposed to hate me, and D me so that I can be free, and here you are... Still by my side...

Take four: ??

You keep piling on these Plan A things like this, Plan B is going to destroy him...

Do you think you could talk FIL into moving him out?

Tell your FIL: I need to discuss something with you confidentially, and get his agreement. "Drac needs to move back home with his family" "Ho seems to be out of the picture" "There is no need for Drac to stay here anymore" "Could FIL ask him/advise him/suggest to him that he needs to move out by June 15th?" and "tell your FIL that you have his back, that if Drac asks "Did BUGS put you up to this" he can say no, or yes. Make FIL stress that Drac was finished with OW, and it seemed like a good time to suggest it to Drac".

Drac may realize then that he has no real options besides Bugs...

Just a thought. Don't push the FIL too much, or if you are uncomfortable with it.

LG

Your welcome Bugs, I had a little time yesterday and I know how hard it is to be direct and to the point with these things.

I hope that it helped!

LG- I have to give you your props, you are doing an excellent job with Bugs! keep up the great work! One day I'll be asking you what I need to do in my new relationship one day! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thoughts on PLAN B LETTER:



I don't like this sentence. It may piss him off enough to make him stop reading the rest...try to focus on talking about YOUR feelings and YOUR choices...as you have DONE WELL throughout the letter...



So I suggest this, omitting the sentence above....and omitting the last sentence... WHEN YOU COME HOME FULL-TIME..don't TELL HIM what HE WILL DO....

I didn't require my H to do MB COUNSELING..My only requirement was for him to END HIS RELATIONSHIP with the OW..your choice...



I love this..seems to me that this would be a GREAT ENDING..

Some of the other stuff seems REDUNDANT..other than the LOGISTICAL stuff...

Does he need to come into the house? That meets a NEED..getting close to YOU and YOUR STUFF...

SUPERB PLAN A STUFF!! You created LASTING MEMORIES..to add to your HISTORY together...YOU ARE BUDDIES..that's what men LOVE in regards to a LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP...He will have to learn the HARD WAY that this will not continue if he CHOOSES to say with the HO..IN FACT THIS NEEDS TO BE STATED CLEARLY AND EMPHATICALLY SOMEWHERE IN YOUR PLAN B LETTER... I WILL MISS BEING FRIENDS WITH YOU..I WILL MISS MY BUDDY..BECAUSE OUR FRIENDSHIP WILL BE OVER IF YOU DECIDE TO END OUR MARRIAGE....

You forgot that you are dealing with DRACULA..THE MORE WONDERFUL YOU ARE..THE MORE OF AN [censored] HE HAS TO BE..IN ORDER TO REPEL YOU....

This seems too chancy..manipulative..taking away the power of PLAN B..

I think with the HOSPITAL SCENARIO..PLAN A is ending PERFECTLY..with an ABSOLUTE BANG!!!

Morning (again).

Quick update (again). Drac had DD call this am. I spoke w/her. DSS was in the bathroom so Drac got on.

He sounded HORRIBLE. Didn't get much sleep. Said he was going to work, doing a few things, getting his laptop and working from home the rest of the week.

He mentioned how IRRITABLE he is/has been. Said he wasn't really up for taking care of the kids,,,,he has not patience today.

I was VERY supportive. Told him, I understand how it is when you are soooo sick, and have had no rest. Told him to throw some clothes in a bag for them and get their little behinds over to the sitter and to call me if he needed ANYTHING.

He called me again 20 minutes later. I was on a business call, so called him back when I got off the call.

Get this,,,,,, he says "Can you PLEASE talk to the kids?! I am losing it. I'm in the shower and I hear screaming, yelling, and things falling. I have TOLD them repeatedly
I need them to be good because I am not feeling well"

So,,,,,I get on the phone with both of them and have a talk with them. Of course they promise to be good.

Drac gets back on, asks how it went, and after we talk for a minute tells me he'll call me later.

LMAO!!! OMG!! He NEEDS BUGS HELP AGAIN?????

Rin - - It's a matter of time. You are going to someday, at the right time and place have the love relationship you so richly deserve!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LG,

I'm with Mimi on getting FIL to get Drac out. FIL wouldn't do it, and IF he did, Drac would see it as BUGS being the manipulator. And remember to lay off those Diet Cokes!! I appreciate your being there last night, but a man needs his rest! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mimi - - Great input again on the PBL. with all of the latest input from everyone again, I think it's starting to come together.

I am thinking next week is looking VERY prime for delivery of the PBL!

The hospital scenario,,,,the calls today w/needing me,,,,a soup delivery sometime today,,,,helping him "get his rest" over the weekend,,,,,,,

It is sounding like prime time opportunity to make the change to Darkness <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />