Well, I'm not as optimistic as Rin, but more optimistic than you.

All I REALLY know is that I can't take much more of your Plan Aing. I'm almost out of knuckles.

I don't know if he's gonna come back, but Plan B WILL bring him to his knees. It's just a pride issue after that. If you can get his head to pop out of the fog for just a minute, I think you got him. He kind of reminds me of SL's PWC and look what happened there.

Good Luck Bugs

Bugs, let that one roll right off your back. My sister said basically the same thing, "He's gone. He's NOT coming back. Forget him."

Was she right? Is your mom right?

Nope and Nope.

I believe your WH WILL come back based on the things you've posted. Plan B is gonna be the proverbial straw that BREAKS his back.

(((Bugs)))

LG, BC, PM,

Thanks everyone!

you know, the reminder of the NEW Bugs is important (thx LG), not so much in terms of Drac turning around, but as a reminder to ME!

No matter what Drac does or does not do today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, I AM a new and improved Bugs.

THAT is what I KNOW. THAT is what I can control and THAT is what I have moving forward no matter what.

Yes, I want my marriage with Drac to recover. I continue to work at it, pray about it and look for hope every day.

I will work the Plans. Hang in there BC, not much longer in Plan A!!

But, it all is truly in God's hands. Best place for it, I think!

You all here have the MOST information about the situation. As you are aware, we rarely have many people IRL who we can share EVERYTHING with. They just don't get it.

So, the positive thoughts and views are appreciated as well as needed. I know you all will be honest with me!

Now, I GOTTA get some work done!

Thanks again!

Bugs:

Now, I GOTTA get some work done!

That sounds like what I need to do too!

LG

Bugs --
I know your family means well....
They just don't want to see you hurting or disappointed.
So they think their comments will get you past that.

In the future, don't you see yourself as a better friend/daugher/mom etc?
Because when someone you know is hurting -- won't you ASK THEM WHAT THEY WANT and SUPPORT THEM IN THAT EFFORT????
Instead of telling them what they "should" want or expect?

I'm so glad you're giving DSS some loving attention tonight. I really hurt for that kid! He's gonna have a great birthday! Even better if Dad comes along!

Lexxx,

Yep- I certainly have a different approach in the way I 'support' folks these says!

I read up on some other threads last night, and while I don't want to comment on those issues at all I am glad to 'see' you around today as it sounded like tough day yesterday.

Bugs I am having the same issues with people IRL. They just don't get it. I only have one, and she is my moms friend. She tried and eventually gave up and remarried. Her XH is STILL foggy. And this is years later.

Your WH seems to be coming around! And I am JEALOUS of your PLAN A!!! I have a hard time putting myself out there and you do it so naturally! You rock! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

All,


Just heard back from my lawyer,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,she is advising AGAINST most of what Plan B is/was going to be all about.

NOTE - - I do NOT have LSA at this time. Drac has filed for D, I have countered with LSA. We have NOTHING settled at this point in time.

Per my Attorney, as to the move to my Mom's is out of state (even though it is within an hour's drive and we are at the border of the 2 states), there is RISK to my moving now before the disposition of the case. As I HAVE to ultimately have Drac's approval she wants to NOTIFY Drac and his attorney in writing of the move in advance.

I told her to hold off on that for now.

I also asked her about not speaking with him and communicating via email only. She advises not to "rock the boat" as he could then deny my request to move closer to my family, across state lines. She advises of just doing it without "telling" him that is what I am doing.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,in other words don't SAY I am not talking to him, just screen my calls and only talk to him if I have to.

This is Totally taking out the benefit of Plan B and the PBL.

I know many, many, of you have been through this. So,,,,,,,,,,,,,,how can I PLAN B, while keeping my BEST legal position possible???

Suggestions/Experiences/Assistance Please!

Bugs:

Suggestion: Get a new Lawyer.

Ok, Maybe not, that was harsh.


How you communicate with your WH? Email only? Should not make any difference.

The possible move? Ok, so you don't move. I always thought moving out of your house was a bad move anyway.

I understand her legal position, that you should notify WH of your move, but that's another reason to stay.

I think the Plan B would be alot stronger in the house.

I also think that the LSA should also state that WH is not allowed near the house without prior approval.

That sneaking around unscrewing light bulbs stuff.

Another Why:

Your Lawyer doesn't have a clue about Harley. Your Attorney wants divorces, it's how she makes money. But dragging it out makes her more money.

However, she doesn't understand Harley. So, just do what you have to do. Your Attorney doesn't need to know the details.

Drac withholding approval to move? Stop your possible Plan B? Drac may or may not approve anything. ANd you only communicating thru Email will have nothing to do with it.

I don't think you will get to Plan B. I think Drac will be home soon...

LG

She is correct. Even though it's close he could hold that against you.


I call BS.

Actually, from a legal standpoint, she should act as your intermediary, only it costs $$ for her to do it. What's the diff b/w her doing it and an intermediary doing it? Your attorney obviously doesn't understand MB principles.

Your Plan B letter would be "evidence" to any judge that the only boat rocking you're doing is to try and SAVE your marriage. You're not THREATENING to keep him from contacting his child, you're STATING (in writing) that YOU have to protect yourself and preserve your love through no contact. Whole different animal.

As far as the move, she is right. Maybe figure out a way to discuss the move with DRAC before the fact in a non-confrontational kinda way. Just feel him out kinda sorta before you do Plan B?

LG & PM,

Thx guys.

I am still 'processing' the info and your input helps.

Think I am going to give this the weekend to settle into my brain.

With the current sitch, continuing in Plan A is ok for now,,so it is not like I HAVE to DO or decide anything right this minute.

LG-wouldn't I love for you to haved called it that Drac will be home soon any way?!!

But, you know that I still have hope for the best and plan for the worst.

So,,,am feeling a bit more calm now.

Am putting the Plan A Goddess crown for the weekend!

BTW- I called Drac a bit ago. He was sleeping, but took my call. I asked is he was going to the movie, as I was buying the tickets in advance. He said YES. He won't be at dinner, but that is OK. I need some time with DSS!

So we will be seeing him at 7:30 CST for a almost 3 hour movie.

I will try to update after the flick!

I am home and kids are in bed after a great evening

DSS thanked me AGAIN when we got home for a great night. He said on the way home that this was one of those days that you don't want to end.

Drac called when we were on our way to dinner. He sounded horrible, but said he would meet us for the movie.

I called him when we got to the theater - he was running late, but came in just as it started it

I had arranged the seating so he had to sit by me and I had put up the arm rest.

He tried hard most of the night not to get too close. We shared a few comments and looks at various parts of the movie

I took every opportunity to touch his knee and to rub his back.

I commented as I rubbed his back again on the way out after the movie that he did not feel as hot or sweaty and perhaps his fever had broken

He walked us to the car. I stood by the car w/my door open. He was at the back and gave DSS a hug. I stood there and said"Hey, where's my hug?"

Drac looked surprised but walked towards me and said something like 'I'll give you a hug' and he did. A REAL hug. I made sure to get in a butt rub, too!

He said he'd call tomorrow and that he should be feeling better (he is supposed to have the kids)

So, that is it. Not as exciting as SF, but a good night, I think

Am tired but not yet ready to sleep. Guess I will give it a try.

Bugs:

Good Job!

Glad you made the day so memorable for DSS.

Quite a contrast to the "Bash at the Lake!"

Roll Eyes Here>>> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Some times you just have to ask for it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I mean the HUG!

Keep it clean sista!

LG

LG,

Too many diet cokes again tonight?

I wonder which part of the evening had DSS so happy? I am thinking that a lot of it was us being together as a family. Now, I just need Drac to see that!

Yes, sometimes you just gotta ask for it! Sometimes clean, sometimes (even better) dirty!

Sorry I can't get the emoticons on the Blackberry!

The thing is I have continued 'asking' for a lot more and Drac has actually given it from time to time. Hope the trend continues that way.

Nite.

Bugs:

W is in NY tonite and DS and I have been watching Leno/Letterman and Craig...

And I have been hanging out here!

Start planning a dinner with Drac....

You might not have to ask twice!

LG

Just talked to Drac. He is still really sick. I kept kids today so he could rest

DD has a bday party for her 'boyfriend'from school tomorrow

Drac says 'well, it's probably the last time she will see him"

I asked "why do you say that?"

Drac'well, she probably won't go to school there next year, ya know!'

I just said 'oh'

Now I know it is not HUGE, but his use of the word PROBABLY is what I found interesting

Mr It Is Defiantely Over and Life Has Already Moved On using an undefinate word??

Slip or the tongue or an insight

OR

Bugs just looking for something hopeful?

Anyway,,he hung on the phone, even though he had little to say. Told him, jokingly, I could give him a special 'treatment'. He just laughed.

I am marinating some meat to make a nice spicy gumbo to take him tomorrow.

Til then,,,hope to get some sleep

Hey Bugs,

I am prepping to talking to my attorney about the whole plan B thing, and I am hoping that I don't get the same legal advice you got. I can already see how my WW will spin this.

I hope you continue to see more "fruit" from your plan A <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Hoping the tide will turn for you soon....

Eph,

I have been keeping up w/your sitch as well.

I think you may be ok,,the biggest issue for me is my desire to move 'out of state' which requires "permission" from Drac. Therefore, my attorney is recommending to play nice.

I am still pondering my options.

I think Plan A is continuing to have positive impact (I think!), so I have time. I really thing Plan B will happen

You havg in there! You have had amazing patience in your Plan A!

Patience by the grace of God. This is definitely something I have grown into - it's not from the old me, that's for sure.

We took Drac his gumbo before the bday party. He was sleeping. He woke and I told him the gumbo was on the sotve and we'd be back later. Gave him a kiss on the forehead

Took the kids to the bday party. Good time had by all.

Called Drac on the way home and he said to come by. We did. He had just taken meds and was sleepy. I asked if I should keep kids tonight and he said yes

We did not stay long. I gave him hug and kiss on cheek as we left - got the cold pat in return

We just called him to say good night. He spoke w/kids. I got on and suddenly is too tired to talk. He said 'give my kids a kiss'

I said 'I will kiss OUR kids for you'.

Then bye sweetie

Mr cold blooded Drac was back. It makes me mad and upset, but will take it that I was getting too close.


Ugggh!

Will post in the am about the letter I got from the lawyer today

Nite