Bugs, you okay girl?

Bugsy:

Where are you, girl!

LG

Happy Monday!

DD called Drac this am. When we spoke, he sounded short, mad & crabby so I kept it real short and sweet. Wasn't in the mood to coddle him. He was still sounding pretty sick.

To my surprise, he called me today to let me know he was on his way to the dr. He truly isn't feeling better and realized he needed to see him. I was glad he is going. I was surprised as this was the first time in a long time that he's let me know in advance, what he is doing. He was Mr Friendly, and we talked for about 15 minutes about nothing special.

He said he'd pick up the kids after his appt, as I have had them every night starting last Thursday. He did say he'd call and let me know what the dr had to say.

For some reason, I've just felt a rather strange feeling today,,,,, that feeling that something is about to happen and it's not going to be good. Hope that feeling goes away real soon!!

So, the letter from my attorney says that our first court date - - a status hearing - - is July 9th. Drac's draft paperwork he sent me is his "settlement offer", and that I need to complete a response/counteroffer before the 9th. It further says that Drac intends to "return to the marital residence" when I move and remain there until it is sold.

Sold??? What happened to his incredulous accusation of my "Forcing him to sell HIS home?" I know,,, foggy,,,,, yet I find it funny! Also, there's that comment the other day that DD "probably" won't be going to the same school. ???

I know what my "counter" proposal is going to include, the question is how soon do I send it? On the one hand, I don't want this to go quickly,,,,,,,,,, on the other hand, the finances must be settled before I can buy a house. I need to have that completed by the beginning of August, so DD can be all set for school.

Also, Drac is likely going to hit the roof when he sees what this is TRULY going to cost him. It will likely behoove me to be in Plan B when he gets it. So,there is still the question of Plan B. When? How? I've made no decision here either. Staying in A for now.

So, am giving it all another day to ponder over.

Drac called back and said kids had eaten out for lunch, so he was taking them home and cooking! Surprise! We have both agreed to limit the fast food, but he does it frequently for convenience with the 'hours' he has been keeping

It was a pleasant surprise that he chose to cook, especially since he is so sick

He asked if I would pick up his script, as it would not be ready for 2 hrs. I told him no problem.

When I got to FIL's, they were eating dinner. Drac asked I wanted to eat, so I said yes.

He had even set a plate out for me in advance?!

Nice conversation. He gave me 2 movies he had rented that he said I should watch. Played w/FIL's dog and finally decided not to wear out my 'welcome' and started to leave.

Drac offered me key lime pie for dessert, but I passed.

DD spent a long time saying goodbye. Drac had gone in his bedroom and was standing inside the bedroom door as I was leaving. I looked up and saw him looking at me, and I asked 'what?'. He said 'nothing'

Now - I am in a GREAT dress with GODDESS high heels, and had let my assets get noticed during dinner!! So, it felt like he may just be appreciating the 'view', but also that he wanted to say something but he didn't

So, I finished up with DD and headed out the door. Drac followed. I was just waiting for my BAD feeling of earlier to become reality

I was rounding the corner of the house when Drac says 'well, I was going to offer you a different kind of dessert if you had a few minutes , but DD took so long'

Bugs (shocked but smiling) says 'oh really?? So did the time limit run out or does the offer still stand?"

Drac 'that is up to you'

So we went back in and had 'dessert'!! This time even included kissing before, during, and after.

So, now I am home relaxing on the deck and still a bit in shock!

I am not sure WHAT to think- so I am not going to think about it right now other than how great it was.

Anyone want to offer an opinion? Just SF since there is none from OW these days?

Oh, u rock Bugs. He floundering. You've done an EXCELLENT job on your Plan A. He ain't seen nothin' yet.

YOUR PLAN A HAS BEEN SUPERB!!!! HARLEY TEXTBOOKISH!!



NO WAY!! THE TOTAL PACKAGE!! SF is the way that men express LOVE and FEEL LOVED...

He FED you..you took CARE of HIM..he was there with HIS FAMILY..you looked good to him...PERFECT...almost PERFECT...

Ask him SIMPLY tomorrow..with that coy voice..blinking MASCARAED EYELASHES.."So what's keeping us from getting back together?"...Leave it at that..SIMPLE...NO MORE DISCUSSION..from you..."I was just wondering what you would say"...then more blinking....maybe then make an EXIT...

ETA...I'm reading this book..THE ART OF SEDUCTION...and one KEY TO SEDUCTION is to TALK AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE...

all this talk of SF is making me jealous <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Great job again bugs. Simply mah-ve-lous.

Mimi,

'Almost perfect' is right. Perfect would be a fog free XWH wanting to make changes and come home.

I am still hopeful that that guy is going to show up one of these days soon!

I sent him an email this am - said I woke up craving 'dessert' for breakfast,,,I think I'm addicted! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As he dropped kids at the sitter's this am, I have not heard from him. I don't expect I will hear from him til tonight,,, can't give me the 'wrong idea' ya know!

I will be the fun, light, breezy, Goddess Bugs! I will have to look for the opportunity to fit in the question of what is keeping us from getting back together.

I am not sure of the date, but am thinking the split w/OW happened right around the 8th to the 15th of May. I know she was pushing and LB'ing hard around then about the lake trip.

So, wouldn't that mean he is likely in the early stages of withdrawl? Would it be wise to ask a question about getting bacl together at this point in time?

I know he needs to hear that Recovery IS possible. I just wonder about the how to and when to say such things.

BTW- The Goddess wear included some great matching unmentionables. So, another reminder Ladies,, always be prepared! He he!

Eph - you hang in there man! Obviously you are making and have made great changes ,,You are certainly in touch with your feminine side with the use of a word like mah-ve-lous! LMAO!

Don't have much to add to the kudos, just wanted to pipe in with another ATTA GIRL!!!

Thanks, Lexxx!

You know I will take all of those I can get! I save them up for the times when I am feeling down

Kind of my own Plan A 'bank' of strength that a draw from in the tough times.

Like this am, when 2 people IRL, asked if Drac has a NEW OW since the first one is gone.

Of course they do not know ALL the detail of my interaction w/Drac or of my Plan A, but it still hurts. It does put a dent in my positive thinking about potential recovery

But,, I draw from the stength bank, say another prayer and read SAA again!

Bugs:

I would like to second what Mimi said.

Did I tell you that H would be coming around? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Yes, if OW is gone, Drac is in withdrawal.

Drop the hints like Mimi said, and "Let Him Talk"

You only say that "Yes, we CAN fix this"

Expect some venom. He is trying to line up alot in his head right now, that doesn't add up. Most of it ends up with him looking stupid. Remember that. That can be the biggest hurdle for you now...

And you destroyed his justifications with your OH SO Excellent Plan A. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Do you have a copy of "Surviving an Affair" Leave it out in the Open. Dog-ear it a little bit, highlight the areas where you believe he needs to note: "This can be fixed" and "Forgiveness in Possible"

Dinner soon?

LG


And I didn't realize it was the Girl Scout Motto as well: "Be Prepared" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

About this:

"Like this am, when 2 people IRL, asked if Drac has a NEW OW since the first one is gone."

Smile, really big, and state simply: "YES, and its ME!"

That will get back.....

LG

I recommend a call to Steve Harley..cause this is kind of tricky...

You don't want to ENABLE his affair...by relieving his WITHDRAWAL....

You want to do the STICK of PLAN A as Pep would say as well as the CARROT...

I think Steve could help you reel him in...
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hey, Bugs, when you going to add a pic to MB so we can all see what a hottie you are?

Let the Goddess shine!

LG,

"Most of it ends up with him looking stupid".

WOW-Great point here. Although I've said it before,,,I have not really thought of it so much in terms of having to help him overcome that hurdle on the road back.

Yes, you Did tell me he'd be coming around! Oh wise LG! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I do have SAA. However I have kept it at my office as I thought if he saw if it would make him mad -- he so far does not view any of this as an AFFAIR. He is still at the 'I left, it was already over, and the OW has NOTHING to do with my wanting a D"

I have kept HN/HN out and about where he has seen it. Along w/the 5 Love Languages.

I plan to ask him to eat w/us on Wed when I have the kids.

I Love love love the 'I am the new OW' response!!!!

In fact, after reading a post last night, I was thinking sort of in those terms.

In other words, if this were the Very beginning of a New R for us, what would I normally do? I wanted to put aside all of "stuff" for now and shoe him it CAN be better than before

I'm reiterating that this is SO DELICATE that I think you need EXPERT ADVICE..on what TO SAY and what TO DO...

I don't think he's at the place of wanting or needing to be EDUCATED with books...

YOUR ACTIONS in PLAN A..are WORKING..he couldn't tell you WHY..it's not LOGICAL for him...you are appealing to his EMOTIONAL NEEDS....

There are UNKNOWNS..has he REALLY broken up with the OW..if so, is there ANY CONTACT..if there's CONTACT and he's trying to get her back..which is most probably the case..he is NOT IN WITHDRAWAL..he may be USING YOU..I know, YUCK..to ease the pain...

THIS MIGHT STILL TAKE PLAN B...but

WHEN..HOW...

WHAT DO YOU SPECIFICALLY SAY TO HIM BEFORE THAT TIME?

PLAN A is not only about meeting his ENs but also includes NEGOTIATING THE END OF THE AFFAIR..AGREEING TO NO CONTACT WITH HER FOR LIFE....

I really, really recommend a session with STEVE...

I really think there's lots of HOPE for YOUR MARRIAGE...but it's TRICKY which way to go now....

LMAO...we posted at the same time Bugs!

As far as the rest of the stuff, YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOO AWESOME!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

Yes, I think I am at a very tricky point in this.

No, I am not 100% sure of NC. I only know there have been no overnights in the past few weeks. They could be seeing each other during the day, emailing, talking.

As Drac lives elsewhere, not a lot of oppportunity to snoop

And, as I said, I do not think he views this yet as an A. He is likely thinking of the last week or so as being the way he envisions life after the D. We are 'good friends' again and occassionally have SF.

So the question is how to get him to turn the corner to recovery vs proceeding with the D.

Think I will ck out a session w/Steve. It sounds like it would be well worth the $ at this point in time.

Rin-

Post a pic? Nope. Drac may think I am a hottie sometimes, but having everyone in cyberspace take a look scares me!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. Might scare you, too!
Thx for the kudos!

Yep, Bugsy..you are SPEAKING about the FLIP SIDE of dealing with the WS...

Assume that there IS CONTACT...

Yes....there are certain FACTS that you will need to BE FIRM about..HE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR..YOU WILL NOT BE FRIENDS AFTER A DIVORCE..as in, you are not having SF 'cause you are HIS HO..he already has one of those..YOU ARE HIS WIFE...FOR NOW...

The session with Steve will probably be in line with the cost of a pair of your heels.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

You are so right.

He's gotten a lot of Carrot recently, but still he needs to understand the Stick.

Bugs in all of her glory will be GONE if there is a D. No friends, no sf, no talks, no anything.

Oh, I guess I have to let our my secret now,,,I am a Goddess, but am also the QUEEN of discount/sale shopping!

My whole family gets MAD at me when they comment on my FABULOUS shoes and then learn that they came from Payless!!! LMAO!