Bugs, If I could I would run through the streets naked in celebration of YOU and the enomous amount of class, great choices, and all around great person that you are!

I might scare some people and end up in jail but it would be interesting to say that I celebrated your life like that! LMAO... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Certainly FUNNY!!!

I'm so happy for you and I think that line is going to be awesome with you work it in and I have a great feeling YOU WILL BE given the opportunity soon...I waited with certain things that I wanted to say and just when I thought I wouldn't get the chance...BAM...there it was!

Be patient! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Tell me where and when and I will be there!!!

Can't do it during Mardi Gras, nobody would notice....except maybe for Chris

and of course I would be filming it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Bugs,

Hope your dinner "date" goes well. You are amazing amd your WH certainly seems to be cracking.

Keep up the great work!

Morning

Well dinner was just dinner, but it was nice.

I don't know who was more excited, me or DD.

We had a nice dinner. Recipe turned out very good.

While I was fixing drinks, Drac came in the kitchen and says 'I want you to know that the reason I did not tell you about the concert ticket was becasue that was when we were having a disagreement about a certain lake trip'

As DD was right there helping me at the time, I just "oh, ok, I see.".

No big deal made about it.

After dinner, I went and gave DD her bath and got her ready for bed. She said good night and I want to put her to bed. DD asked me if Daddy was going to stay over. I said I didn't know

She said,'I want him to stay forever'. I told her I did, too. But, for now we'll take baby steps. That this was the first time in a long time we all had dinner together! Maybe we would do that more often for a whil, then we'll see what happens.

While we were doing our bedtime routine, Drac came in and said he and DSS were leaving, their tv show was over

We came out and said goodbye. Drac said thanks again for dinner.

I replied 'my pleasure'.

Drac then gave me a big hug

That's it. Terribly normal - which I think is a good thing.

Gotta run, I have an early appt

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragment.

BC - I will talk to Steve about the letter, thx. It sounds good to me, as Drac has said he did not know what he wanted only he 'did not want THIS' meaning our M. That was in Jan.

RIN- I hope you know you've done it now,,,,BC & Chris have a new mission. To film you running in the streets naked!! LMAO!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Have a great day all!

Bugs:

Your walking a fine line.

"You want him back"

But when he talks about future events: Concert, School for DD next year, there is a disconnect.

Please, when this sitch come up, make sure to point out that YOU do not expect to be seperate at that time.

"Please, lets try to make those plans together."

See the disconnect?

Your winning, but I want to polish the edges here.

Not much time either today, more later.

LG

LG-

Certainly appreciate any opportunity to 'polish the edges'.

Here's the thing I ask you to consider when you have time to reply.

Yes, Drac made the future concert plans w/the idea of us apart

But, what about his point of telling me last night about the when & why of not telling me?

We were in full blown Fight Mode and he was in Full Blown WH mode when he bought the tickets.

I know this is opportunity for me to make the point that you bring up.

Like you say, though, it is a Very Fine Line.

I need to make it clear, let him know where I stand, show him the path home but I can't push too hard.

AND

I also have to make it clear that the door will NOT be remaining open forever.

Uggh! Sometimes the more 'success' I seem to have the harder it gets!

Hope IF we get the chance, that I will have enough strength left for Recovery!

I think its real important to differentiate between decisions and things he put in motion while under "the fog" and the actions he's taking NOW.
I see a big difference! Don't you, bugs?

He's trying NOT to hurt you now. That's why he was explaining about the tickets (the when/why).

I think you have a real advantage if/when you go into recovery....and that is that he is already withdrawn from OW. You don't have to sit patiently while he mopes around being sad about his lost love. He's already done that!

Bugs:

Lexxxy nailed it.

Drac in Jan = Bad.

Drac now = Trying to find a way back to you. While saving face and not getting to blown up.

He will try to "explain away" some of the horrible decisions he made while in the FOG. Now that he is exiting it, he sees how bad they were. And he wants to fix it if possible. So he will bring up these little pieces, as he discovers them, to try to make amends.

If you reject him on those, then how can he EVER get you to forgive him for moving out, declaring it OVER, and what do you think of my new ho?

Should you issue him a blanket pardon? NO. NO. NO!

But if you are agreeable to the Ticket thing and accept his apology, it starts building a Base. A Base that expands each time he conceeds more of his errors. If he makes a jump one day, from a minor point, to "forgive all of this" You can then say, "Yes, there are somethings that you can not forgive yet. His actions going forward can do that, create the environment for this forgiveness to occur. Look how far we have come already. And that you have learned of a process that can get US there."


AND if you thought Plan A was hard. Try Recovery......

But if your H commits to it, and learns, and changes, which he appears to be doing, then recovery is a process you go through TOGETHER, not just you giving all the time, like in Plan A.

And that makes it alot easier. Enjoy your consult with Steve tommorrow. Ask him specifically when MB should be introduced to H. (Not Drac, or WH, only H)

You should also review the Marriage Builders Weekend info, to see if that can work into your plans in late 2007, early 2008. Really. It might be what you need to get him to understand what recovery really is.

Then you can Truly be the Plan A Star!

Plan B? what's that?

LG

Lexxx & LG -

Yes, I do see a difference in the 2 different Dracs.

I don't know if he's really through withdrawl yet, but I know if I keep depositing in his Love Bank, the chances of the HO getting back in are reduced. That is the best I can do for now.

I can forgive some 'minor' things to build that base. And no, there will be no blanket pardon. Yet, if he will commit, we can get there.

Recovery will be very difficult, I know that for sure. I believe Drac knows that, too. The difference is I believe we can do it. He does not,,,not Yet.

It is so Ironic you brought up the MB weekend, as I was JUST going to check the dates after checking in here first.

Great minds thinking alike??

I think it would be the Best way to help Drac understand, see, and believe in Recovery and that the MB way can help us get there.

Session w/Steve is on Wed 10:30am central time. So we will all have to hold our breath til then. I will definately ask him about the timing of introducing MB

Right now the loaded question, I think, is when/how to approach the question of if Drac is willing/able to agree to TRY.

We have custody mediation next Monday afternoon, so time/issues are starting to press in on us.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I am not sure.

Bugsy;

IMO, your PLAN A has been ALMOST FLAWLESS..ABSOLUTELY SUPERB...Your WH is "falling IN LOVE" with you again..and is THINKING ABOUT a FUTURE with you...

The part that seems missing, SIMPLY but DIFFICULT, is INVITING HIM BACK HOME. He is trying to fit into HOME again..playing it all out in his mind....

There's NO NEED to make it clear that you won't be waiting FOREVER...

What needs to be made clear is his need to end all contact with the OW FOREVER..We CANNOT ASSUME that there is ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT...He does not know about MB and the need for this...

I agree with LG about the need to introduce the CONCEPT of your FUTURE together..and like I used to tell my H..."come on home TODAY"...it only takes a minute...COLD TURKEY is how I stopped smoking..threw away all the cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters...

Don't be FEARFUL of saying this STRAIGHT OUT, BUGS...there's nothing to LOSE in doing that...ALL TO GAIN..
NOT BEGGING...A STATEMENT OF FACT..YOUR TRUTH..."I want you home with us where you belong..."WE BELONG TOGETHER"(Mariah Carey- <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />)

Mimi,

Ah---there is that voice of yours again--whispering in my ear --knowing & understanding my fears and challenging me to face them head on.

I haven't said 'come home' for a while now.

Is the time right for that? As you say, what is there to fear?

Only one thing,,him saying no.

What if I do not say it? He won't say no, but he won't be home either.

So, as you say, what is there to lose?

If he keeps coming around, DD is going to end up asking him, too - without any encouragement from me! Bless her little heart!

Bugsy:

I KNOW...I KNOW..HOW HARD THIS WILL BE FOR YOU...what this entails is STATING YOUR TRUTH..WITH NO EXPECTATION AT ALL FOR HIS ANSWER TO BE WHAT YOU ARE WANTING....

It's about LAYING IT OUT ON THE TABLE...and then BACKING AWAY...

It takes lots and lots of GUTS and STRENGTH...

Why do you think that I do so much talking about being a GODDESS?? To build your sense of PERSONAL POWER....is why...

I think a key part of PLAN A is gaining and exerting your SELF-RESPECT...it makes you even more ATTRACTIVE to him..him thinking losing BUGSY will be a MAJOR LOSS for ME...

Don't you think a TURNING POINT was when you STOOD FIRM regarding MEMORIAL DAY and the OW's contact with your DD?

Mimi,

I know you are exactly right on all of the above.

Strength - Guts - NO expectations - lay it out there -back away and see what he does. His choice.

Yes! Turning point did seem to start at the Memorial Day Standoff/No Contact Battle!

Drac may or may not realize it, but he took a stand as well. He CHOSE me, in a way.

So, with the pending mediation coming on Monday, I am thinking that this needs to be put out there again today or tomorrow.

Hmmmmm, Goddess thinking crown being placed on my head. Need a plan.

Owwww, you're getting to some hard stuff...check out my new sig. line...hope that gives you some strenght and courage to do what YOU need to do....

No expectations...I'm backing you up all the way!

((((BUGS))))

Try to be organized when you talk to Steve..maybe E-Mail or Fax him a synopsis of your situation..then you can spend your time specifically focused on him helping you with THAT PLAN...

I always loved for him to TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT TO SAY ("write this down" is what he would say) and I would use THE WORDS he suggested and MY H would typically respond as HE PREDICTED..IT WAS AMAZING!!!

Rin,

Thanks for the support! Love the signature lines!

Mimi,

I already sent Steve a summary of the situation to date thru last Wed of last week.

I had done a more thorough & detailed summary for myself. I have started another list of details since, along with a list of questions.

Feel free to advise of questions I should ask or anything I need to specifically bring up.

I'm so happy you are meeting with Steve!

I can't wait to hear the pro's opinion on your situation.
And he will give you a PLAN!

Be sure to ask him about your upcoming custody meeting.

The only other advice I can give about Steve is have pen and paper ready. You WILL take notes, he'll even tell you what to write down. He is an amazing man and you will feel very safe and secure talking to him. You will get off the phone feeling energized and motivated. He is worth every penny.

I am SO looking forward to Wed!

The timing really could not be better what with the events of the weekend AND the custody mediation coming up on Mon.

As you all have figured out, I do very well as long as I have a Plan, so Steve and I are going to get along Really well!

If this in any way helps me --to recovery or not, then it will be worth every cent.

I know most every minute I have spent here has been SO much help to me!

Love my MB family!