Bugs:

Why is the "COME HOME LINE" scaring you? It's JUST WORDS..Your ACTIONS are saying the SAME THING!! He needs to MATCH UP..THE WORDS..with YOUR ACTIONS...the ROAD MAP HOME is you putting these PIECES TOGETHER for HIM.

To me, it is simple. That's me, though. The words were EASIER than the ACTIONS. Say simply: "I don't want to do the mediation. I want you to come home." That was Steve's message to me..TO KEEP IT SIMPLE...can't wait to see what he tells YOU.

LOL..Exactly...He's still Drac...

About the postcard...I agree with shredding or whatever...Burning would have worked for me...

It was ATTACK that apparently already FAILED to work...

This is a WAR AGAINST THE POWERS OF EVIL, I NEED A HUG...

Check out Ephesians 6: 10-17....."quench all the fiery darts of the wicked."

LG,

Thx for the response suggestion. I am going to do some work on that, tweak it a bit and also talk to Steve about it!

Is it Wed yet??!

I appreciate your reply to INH as well. I have been pondering my response to that. You said a lot of what I wanted to say.

INH -

In addition to what LG said above, let me also say this

If your husband were addicted to cocaine and it was destroying both HIM and your M, would you accept delivery of Cocaine to your home and then make sure he got it because he paid for it, it IS his, even if you don't like him using it and it makes you feel ()?

Of course you would not do that!

For me, this is no different. Why would I enable his addiction when it is destroying our lives?

I absolutely agree with LG. Saving a marriage is priority with God. Disposal of JUNK mail is not.

I do not mean to be harsh with you, so pls do not take it that way.

But you need to better understand the dynamics of an A and the true ADDICTION of a WH and his A partner.

You are dealing with evil forces at work here. Believe it and proceed accordingly!

Mimi!

We were posting at the same time & both pointed out to INH the Forces of Evil at work!!

Am I becoming a mini-mimi? LOL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Actually, I still have a long way to go on that!

I am not sure what it is about the WORDS. Fear of actually HEARING again the words No, I don't want you Bugs??

I have said it so many times before. I do not know what is holding me back now.

I am going to give this some further thought and prayer.

Will ck back later

BTW- Drac came in the house this am when dropping of DSS, even though he was VERY late.

He could have taken DSS to the sitter himself.

He came in and went straight to see DD. I went about finishing getting ready,,too bad I was already dressed and putting on my shoes!

He picked up his mail, said he had to go as he was late, gave me a hug and left. Not a big hug, but a hug that HE initiated, so I will be happy about that!

Later

Good things come to those who wait...

As for the forces of evil...BC said Karma's on my street...HN1 was affected... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Wed. the 13th...good thing for POWS it's not Friday!

Ok, had to do some light and breezy Goddess actions this am.

Called Drac to talk about DSS needing to wash his hair better (is hygiene an issue with all teenage boys?)
And
Talk to him about DSS's selfish attitude w/his Gameboy

He was in agreement w/me on the entire discussion.

DD's Gameboy is currently MIA and needs to be found. I said 'Drac, would you look at DAD's house and I will look at OUR house?'

I KNOW Drac caught the very specific labels I used, as I could tell by his voice when he said 'sure'.

Planting those seeds!

Then, I emailed Drac. Subject - been shopping for us

Body -'I have been shopping on line for that idea I had last night,,,,This one looks sturdy enough. What do you think?'. Pasted a pic of a nice big wooden desk.

He read it, but did not reply. That's ok. Just sowing some more seeds!

Bugs --
OMG do you see him initiating HUGS??
Doesn't that alone tell you he's becoming more receptive to you?
I guarantee you he's already considering coming home. He just doesn't know how to open that conversation. (I'm not saying he's definite about it, just that its a possibility to him. He thinks about it.)

Steve will help you find the words!

Lexxx,

I don't want to get overly optimistic, but I am thinking you just may be right.

MAYBE it has crossed his mind. The question is, what are the Other thoughts in his mind that are keeping him away?

DD joked just yesterday that I am a mind reader". IF ONLY!

Boy oh boy! Steve sure has some Big Expectations to live up to! LOL!

It can not get here fast enough for me!

I can tell you whats on his mind.

He thinks he's done too much damage.
That you will never forget or truly forgive.
That your relationship would always be on unequal footing.
That you will throw this in his face for years to come.
He doesn't want to pay the price -- reporting to you, earning your trust, kissing your a$$....
That your changes aren't real, and he will become disatisfied again.
That it might be better to just get this over with and start fresh.

So he is still very very wayward in his thinking. He is not yet filled with remorse or accepting that what he did was so very wrong....
He is still full of justifications.

Bugs:

I have a 14 year old son, getting him into the shower is a beast, and then, does he come out? NO! Watch the electric hot water heater spin!

But the Hair? He wants it long and bushy. Sort like the math genius on Numbe3rs....But we ain't spending $150 on hair stylist's! (I would!)

Then one day soon? They discover GIRLS! and then you no longer have any trouble getting them into the shower!

As for Drac:

Keep dropping the hints....

It's OK to come home...
It's OK to come home...
It's OK to come home...
It's OK to come home...
There's no place like HOME
There's no place like HOME

You should have some GODDESS Style red sequined shoes, shouldn't you?

OK?

LG

Bugs:

Do YOU know what caused my Dday?

LG

LG,

DSS is starting to notice girls,,,but is still not ready to admit it. He is just a bit behind in the social development part of life (and that is OK!)

Love, Love the guy on NUMB3RS! He is rather a hottie!

DD has had 3 different sizes of ruby slippers! I will have to look for some in my size!

You know, as much as I have read on various threads about your sitch, I do not think I know what brought around you D Day.

Do tell!

Bugs:

Talking about office furniture, led me to think about the days leading to Dday.

I moved into a new office for myself in Feb 05. Three rooms, View of the courthouse out front, really nice.

BS works about 300 yards away.

This Office had a back door. The A had been going on for 4 years. Sort of like a old shoe by now, should get rid of it. But its still comfortable.

(It's tough to write some of this now, but that's where I was then...)

One of my clients is an Interior Decorator. (Not the OW!) So I asked her for curtains on my front window, there wasn't any, and I thought I needed some.

My BS really did want to work with me on my new office. The old one was only one room, and there wasn't much room except for the desk and two client chairs.

She went with me to get new furniture for the other spaces, Desk, return, waiting room chairs, etc. And went to work adjusting the artwork on the walls. She really went all in. and over the next six months, she realy put a lot of effort in.

But I decided on curtains. Never consulted her, and one Saturday July 31st?, a couple days after they were installed, Flamingo showed up at my office.

She was talking to me about something, and then she looked over, noticed the curtains, and said "What's That!" She had what we call in our family, a "hissy fit"

LG>> "I was just trying to make my office look nice!"
F>> "Well, those are the ugliest curtains I ever saw, and you paid how much?
LG>> Well, about XXXX.xx!
F>> Now your even stupider, I could have done better for 1/3 of that!!!
LG>> Well, I just wanted to make the office look nice!
F>> Couldn't you have talked to me about it! What's wrong with you!

LG and F went back and forth for about an hour. 12 year old son got to witness it and he even ended up crying...

But that had started the clock....

LG,

You have no idea how much I admire you and the person who rose from the ashes of your A!

Not only do you work so hard now at your M, you give so much to others here.

Sharing so much of your personal history MUST be difficult, to put it mildly. You are one brave & strong soul!

Thanks so much for sharing.

So,,,did the curtains get burned! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Soooo.... that was like the "Final Curtain Call"? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So,

Not to threadjack, but I started this thing...

Remember, it was Saturday. And I was in my office. BS came by. It was about 5 pm.

I was feeling pretty good....

OW was out of town for the weekend. Went somewhere with her H. So, out of touch. This would prove to be a blessing, later...

F leaves with son, and says that I should find somewhere else to spend the night.

Is this a red Flag for an adulteror or what?

But, OW is away....

So, I try to get some more work done.... Not much anyway.

Some of the other things said before she left:

We DON'T even have curtains in our own HOUSE and we have been there for 8 years! Didn't you ever notice?
I know how to sew, and with a little help from another of your CLIENTS we could have done better curtains for even one sixth of what you paid!
You had black plastic Garbage Bags and Aluminum Foil on your windows when I met you! Suddenly your frickin' Marvin Stewart!

Flamingo finally goes in the other room where there are two other smaller windows with valances, a "print" and the recovered chairs that she had bought earlier....
She was really disappointed over the print, which was marginal at best, but went well with the other things in the room...However,

The chairs? She really loved the fabric on the chairs that she had picked out for the other room. And they really went well with what was already there, But the Decorator? Thought they needed to be recovered, so, I said go for it....

I'm surprised that she didn't bean me with the chair...

Knowing what I know now, I realize that I had stabbed her in SO MANY ways....

So, LG finally went to sleep that night on his office floor. He was playing golf in the morning with his regular golf group (typical....) Shot about 103, my head wasn't really in the game... DUH.

That was the first night we hadn't slept together since well before we were married, except for an occasional business trip for one of us, or if she went to her parents for an overnight.

OW and I? Never had the opportunity to spend the night. I could have. Just never really put the effort into making it happen. About a year into it, just never really pushed that angle....

Sunday Night.

After golf. I arrive home about 6 pm. Spouse VERY frosty. "What are you doing HERE?"

Back to the office I go, "I ain't sleeping in my GUEST room, in MY house...."


Tick, Tock,
Tick, Tock,

LG,

Have you been taking posting lessons from Meggy?

Threadjack away,,,but the suspense is killing me!

You have until 11:30 central time tomorrow to wrap this up! As that is about when my session w/Steve will be over. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

But Bugs:

I'm just trying to distract you from worrying about the meeting! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Make you think about something else. Since you are so well prepared...
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
LG

It's working! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What happened next?

Monday.

LG goes back to the house, showers, shaves and gets dressed for work.

BS is still frosty. Stays out of sight. (not really, always seemed to be on the next floor, or other room...)

I drive back to office.

OW calls

Very excited that I slept on my office floor....Why the change? Curtains.... (Apt terminolgy...)

She finally feels that she has a chance..... But she can't come by, issues at home, whatever..

Around 2pm, Flamingo calls. Tells me that we have got to find a way out of this. Suggests Marriage counseling.... I said I would look into it... (where's that script...?) Call was short...

That evening, LG, still in office, start surfing looking for MC in the local area. Looked on a number of sites, found some interesting, made a note or two. Half-assed attempt by me.... See, I'm really trying, here! (that script, again!)

Try to get some work done, not much doing there, even try to get some reception on the TV. Yes, were are that far away, and no, I still don't pay for cable or SAT.

Awake Tuesday at 6:00 am with OW on phone... MORNING!

Get to house for shower about 7:30.... Flamingo is still in hiding...

Try to get work done... massively distracted, can't concentrate....

Flamingo calls again. Says she has been looking at websites, I tell her about my efforts, she's not impressed. She says she found this MB site first, but went to a number of others.... Aways came back to it. She liked the MB philosphy. Not too preachy, solid advice (She avoided the discussion boards! smart gal! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

We talk. Really, for the first time since Saturday. About thirty minutes...

I surf over to the site. I'm there for about six hours. I was reading about infedility and how common A's are, and how the dynamics of a M are such that A's happen.... I still remember reading the Opening Chapter of HNHN on the first page of the website and being blown away... Flamingo is reading about HNHN and how that seems to make alot more sense to her how we got there.

During this time, I continue to pick up son and deliver him to school in the morning and he gets off the bus at my office each evening. He Doesn't say much, at least not to me. I try to be cool Dad.... We are having issues, Mom's having a "hissy fit, she's done it before, this will blow over, like it has in the past....

Wednesday morning...


Less than 24 hours...

LG

LG,

Here I am complaining about you dragging out the story, but as I am reading, I think to myself how utterly AGONIZING the real time events were for you, Flamingo, & DS!

BTW- I only feel bad for the LG you are now,,,not the dirty rotten scoundrel you were then! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />