"When you go through hard times, God isn't testing you to be faithful to Him; He's proving His faithfulness to you. I wouldn't trade what I've been through for anything. As much as I've hated going through it, it has given me the relationship with God that I didn't have before. There's such peace in that."

As you go through each day, look to the future expectantly to see how God will use the depression in your life.

"Thanksgivings will pour out of the windows; laughter will spill through the doors. Things will get better and better. Depression days are over. They'll thrive, they'll flourish. The days of contempt will be over" (Jeremiah 30:19 Msg).

Almighty God, forgive me for trying to work through the depression on my own. Use this awful depression to bring about something good in my life. Amen.

Could everyone here please go to Downward spiral - Need help with plan A post under the General infidelity section.

I need some ideas and comments on what to do.
My anniversay is July 12. This will be 10 year anniversary and I'm lost in the fog right now.

Bugs,
You Planned A like an expert. I don't think anyone could have done it that well. Drac has been pigging out on cake for quite some time. Let's see what happens when you take the cake away, like taking candy from a baby. Now you need a beautifully executed Plan B. Him admitting he was angry when he thought you were seeing someone shows that he'd rather bask in cakeland forever. It's time to do some dishing out yourself.

Bugs:

You do not have to tall him Anything.

He knows What he has done.

Motorcycle, That Ho was going on the Houseboat, and his most recent dates.

You stated your mantra, and you know whats going on, and you have a plan.

One day, when your H returns, he will apoligize for some/many of the actions and lies he is making.

But if he doesn't return, then it doesn't matter.

He is WW, and in the fog. So, you do not have to get his acknowledgement of his actions. You may never get it.

Just repost your Plan B letter and deliver it, SOON!

Time to take the candy away.

(((BUGS)))

LG

((((((BUGS))))))))

Morning! I'm sorry to hear the news this morning! Like BC, I thought that you would Plan A Drac all the way home too!

I know that this move will be difficult for you but it's for the best BUGS...best for you! It's really hard to protect that love when WS's are pulling [email]cr@p[/email] like this!

God has a plan, and you have to have faith! I'm so sorry BUGS!

Hey Everyone!

Thanks so much for the support!

You know, I would be really feeling Devestated right now but for a few Very important things in my life -

My faith
My familu IRL
My 'family' here at MB
And
I have a Plan!

I am most furious and upset about Drac telling DD to lie to me. I will not stand for that!

I spoke w/my A, and am going to proceed with getting a house asap using a 'loan' from my parents.

I will be talking w/Steve Thurs am and be prepped to start Plan B immediately following.

In that regard, here is my PBL again for review and suggestions.

Thanks SO much all of you!


DearDrac,

I want you to know how much I cherish you, the man I fell in love with The man that looked me in the eye one evening, standing in front of my car and showed me a love unlike any love Id ever known before. That was the night when you told me for the first time that you loved me; and one look in your eyes, I knew it was true.

At a time in my life that I had stopped believing I was worth anything, you reminded me with a simple glass rose, that I was loveable, special, and someone to be cherished. Remember the romantic who on our first night apart, filled my home with flowers of every variety when I returned from a business trip?

I want you to know, I am so very sorry for anything I did and did not do in the past that helped to bring us to where we are today. I do take responsibility for helping put us in the position where you chose to continue your affair with "the HO" instead of working on our marriage.

I was foolish in allowing resentment and hurt feelings on my part come between us. More than that, I am sorry I did not every day do everything in my power to show you my love in the ways that you needed, from giving you the sexual satisfaction and attention you need and deserve, to showing you and telling you how much I admire you, and asking how to give you better support at work and at home. I have gained knowledge and learned things I never knew before about my behavior/actions. I hope you have noticed the changes I have made and I believe you will see even more of them when you return home full time.

I want spend my life raising the 2 most wonderful children in the world side by side with the man who gave me the 3 greatest gifts of my life - His love, our daughter, and our son.

I am willing and able to make our future better, together with you. I know it can be done. We can erase the mistakes of the past and to build a new, better marriage, a new life in which we both get not only what we need, but also oh so much more.

The only way for that to happen is for you to give our marriage a chance by ending your relationship with "the Ho", never have contact with her again, and notify her of that in writing. Agree to go to counseling, and open your heart to the love that we share for one another. These steps will put us on the road to recovery of our marriage and an amazing future.

Until you do these things, I cannot see you or talk to you.

It has become incredibly painful for me, to the point that I must stop the pain. It is because I want to preserve and protect the love I still have for you that I must do this. If I allow myself to continue the hurt, that love will be destroyed, and I do not want that to happen.

From here forward do not come inside our house when you pick up or drop off the kids. I will not enter your Dads house when you are there. If you need to be inside our home, I will not be there. I have included here a schedule for the kids, based on what we have currently been doing. I added specific times to avoid questions or issues. If you want to communicate with me about the kids, or any other matter, including the schedule, please send email to my sister at XX.

I will not take your calls. Do not ask the kids to put me on the phone after you speak with them. Leave a voicemail message only in case of an emergency. All communication in regards to legal matters can be directed to my attorney, her contact information is attached.

You are aware of the suffering I have endured since you left, and through your relationship with "the Ho". I never knew that this type of agony was possible, and I can endure it no longer. I still love you, but I cannot see you. It hurts too much.

I want to be your wife forever, and to be your best friend again. I want to again be the one who is always there for you when you need me for anything and everything. I need you and want you as my husband, my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my playmate, the wonderful father of my children, and my soul mate. Forever, as we promised on our wedding day

I can see us, with our NEW marriage, sitting on the porch of the NEW dream home we planned together. The feelings and the emotions we shared so intensely at the beginning of our marriage completely renewed and even improved. We will listen to that Faith Hill song, BREATHE. Remember how wed talk on the phone every time it came on the radio because it described US so well? Every time I hear that song, I am reminded of how wonderful our relationship has been, and can be even better in the future.

I loved you when we said I do, I love you even more today. We CAN have everything we always wanted from our marriage, together, forever.

If you choose this as well, lets talk about our future. I am ready, willing, and able. Until then, I must go my own way.

EXCELLENT LETTER

good job

this needs to be done .... he's sucking the love out of you

and be warned

Drac will attempt a false recovery or two

talk to Steve before allowing Drac back in

Thanks Pep on both posts!

I will need lots of support, I know, as I enter the darkness. Yet I am sure I will find comfort there as well.

Drac will NOT be returning on a whim. I will be counting on everyone here And verification w/Steve before he is allowed back into the wonderful light of Bug's World <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

do this thing ASAP

he's getting especially ugly, and it will get worse very soon

you need to avert your gaze

Bugs,

I haven't posted lately but still keeping up with your sitch.

Have to agree, definately plan B time. You are ready! But be prepared, he will try his hardest to get you to break it. Mine put the kids right in the middle knowing that was the way to get to me, I was prepared for that and timed my plan B so my kids would be out of town for a month right after it started.

Only took H a week and he was begging to come home. Looking back now, I wish I would have made it harder to come home. Don't do what I did, don't let him come back too soon. Things have worked out but our recovery has been slower. He never FULLY got the impact of plan B.

I was too afraid he would relapse if I made it too hard for him, in reality he should have had to learn to be in his apt. alone, without depending on me or OW for comfort. Aah... hindsight is always 20/20. I'm just sharing so you don't make the same mistakes.


Goodluck.

[color:"red"] VERY IMPORTANT [/color]

shows you how different people are ...



I was convinced I'd never respect myself if I made it too easy for WH

my point is:

don't be fear-directed<~~~ message to every betrayed spouse reading this !!!

Pep -

I have put my special Drac BullSh*t Eliminating Glasses on.

I should have limited need for interaction w/him between now and appt w/S on Thurs. Am taking kids to the lake tomorrow, returning Thurs night.

Hard to imagine it getting WORSE, but I am sure you are right about that. Though, I think he's feeling pretty smug and secure right now, thinking I bought his line of [email]cr@p[/email] last night.

Daze, so good to hear from you!

Thanks for keeping up with me and for the great advise. Stay tuned and jump in Please! I am gonna need continued advise in navigating out of the darkness, should Drac attempt it!?!

Hey Bugs;

Sorry I haven't been around much -- really busy last week.
But I've been keeping up with you.

Since you are leaving for the lake, and are going to be really busy -- I strongly suggest you start going dark now.
Just don't be available, don't take his calls. It will give you a preview of how he's going to react to Plan B.

I would suggest getting the cell phone for DD as soon as possible. So you can successfully avoid his calls.

When I read your letter, the only thing that struck me was text messages. Its been a primary communication method for you and drac. How will you avoid those?
I suggest you add that you will not accept call or text messages from him. Is there any way for you to block them?

I think him buying (and hiding) a motorcycle is extremely devious. And it shows you that he's not changing his wayward behaviour. I had bad inklings about this weekend.
I thought there was a possibility that Drac and Ho had something cooked up. Gross.

(((hugs)))

Just be quiet and thoughtful while you are gone.

YOU HAVE A PAIR TOO! I thought they were issued with Plan B gear...LMAO...you're one lucky lady to have a pair so soon!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

They come in so handy...did you know their a special listening device too? :::SHHHHH, that's a secret!:::: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Lexxx,

Thx for the reminder on the phone. Been thinking about that and DSS already has a phone, so will use that one.

I can add the part about no TM and, if necessary, will have that service taken off my phone. Drac was the only one I ever TM anyway.

Think I will go ahead with the pull back. In fact, did it a bit over the weekend, as you read. He did not know where I was most of the time and did not like it at all.

I will have plenty to keep me busy what with getting a house and moving. Won't be a lot of time to worry about Ho-land! YUCK!

Rin,

I had a special connection with the UPS guy on getting those glasses! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Listening device? Of course, how do you think I knew about the bike and the very likely scenario of the past weekend?

I am having the listening device de-activated when Plan B goes into effect, though. It will not be necessary or advisable at that time.

Darn UPS guys!!!!

Well, at least you will look great in CAMO! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Bugs,

I saw your new license plate today:

MARVLUS

Oh Fernando!

Great idea! I will have to get new plates after the move!!


I am trying really hard to concentrate on work and not having much luck. I do have a client appt this afternoon, so that will be good

While I DO see good in getting away from the Drac [email]Cr@p[/email], I know it is going to hard

I am not afraid as much as sad and a bit angry.

If I fear anything, it may be that IF Drac comes around, it will have been too late by then for me.

I seriously think he is well determined on his path and may not turn around,,,atleast for a very long time.

I see him trying to break Plan B, NOT because he wants me back, but only because he wants control.

Just like last night, saying 2hrs and not showing up for well over 3.

His voice was surprised when he called my cell and said 'We are at the house'. It was fairly incredulous sounding, ,,although he did not say it, the tone was 'why are you not here waiting on ME?'

Does any of that make sense?