It is very much a control thing. You are wise to recognize it.

He's not broken. He's not remorseful.
He will likely try to break Plan B, but not because he's suddenly seen the light and the fog has cleared.

You will KNOW when that happens. (and it will bugs...)

Thx Lexxx

I guess to be completely honest and follow that path of thinking, the REAL fear is that he will never break and the fog will never clear.

Yet as Pep so wisely said, I can not be Fear Driven.

I see it, I know it, but I refuse to give in to it.

See that's where I get hung up at...hoping that the fog will break and he'll be a better person someday...

But I still keep moving in my direction, doing what I need to do for me...

it'll be okay BUGS...

Thanks Rin.

I understand, really I do.

Am finding today tougher than I expected and am not sure why.

In a way it is the feeling of being beaten down. Drac crossed the line with having the Ho there this weekend PLUS having asked DD to lie PLUS treating me like I am so stupid.

It all just added up and is taking it's toll today.

Feel pretty crappy.

Wondering WHY I even care?

Thinking it makes no difference what I do or don't do,,other than protecting DD and teaching her right from wrong.

She asked me last night why I have a problem with the Ho -"she's really nice"

I told her that I was glad that the Ho (I don't say th 'ho' to DD, I use her name) was nice to her BUT what her and Daddy are doing is wrong.

I told her that they know it is wrong and they have made a wrong decision. When a person is married they do NOT have a boyfriend or girlfriend

DSS told FIL the other day 'Dad does NOT have a GF!'. This right after he was outside FIL's house talking to her. So Drac has been successful in brainwashing DSS!

UGGH!

I think from my POV only that DSS is in denial also...how long have you and Drac been together/married?

Do you think that DSS wants to face that his dad is a horrible person? That his dad is leaving the best mom DSS knows?

just me thinking out load...

You're doing the right thing by talking to DD, and you know it!

Think about all the wonderful things Bugs has done! has changed for the better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the pick me up!

Gosh darn it, I left my Goddess attitude around here Somewhere! Where did it go?

You are right about DSS and I do NOT blame tha child at all. He is trying to protect himself as best he can. For him, his Dad is who he has no matteR what, even though he'll always have me if he needs me, Drac has pulled us apart physically.

I Have changed so much! I have done and continue to do GREAT things, personally, professionally, spiritually, and as a mother & a wife.

As long as I remember to remember that!!

Well, I'm more than happy to give you a swift kick when you need it!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> LMAO

What you do DOES make a difference. Why do you think DRAC was worried "all weekend" about what would happen? You ARE impacting him and it causes him great internal and external conflict. THAT's why he gets so mad. He couldn't TRULY enjoy himself this weekend.

I agree with the others, time for Plan B.

Thanks for the kick Rin. Glad someone cares enough to kick me when i am down! LOL!

PM,

Thanks.

Guess I am questioning IF any of that 'internal' conflict is true at all or just evil Drac playing me because it has worked in the past

Watching him last night, he did 'seem' to be struggling with what to say to me.

THEN he popped off with telling me why he and the HO split up. Like #1 I would want to hear anything about the 2 of them and #2 that is supposed to make the weekend thing BETTER? #3 is it supposed to make me LIKE her?

Plan B plan B,,,gotta make it til Thursday!:)

BTW- I have figured out a way to try to avoid seeing Drac at all tonight. Will let you know later if it works!

I did not talk to, email, or tm Drac all day.

He called the house shortly before the time I usually pick up the kids. I was on my cell w/my sis and did not answer. I had not yet picked up the kids.

He then called the cell. I did not answer

So he calls the house AGAIN. I do not answer

So, he cals the cell AGAIN.

I had some things to take to the sitter and walkl down to her house. As I walk in, the cell rings that he left a message

I play w/the baby for a minute and send kids out to start walking home. As I am filling in the sitter and the cousin on the lake/Ho weekend, Drac calls the SITTERS house!

She tells him we are walking home.

I barely get in the house when he calls AGAIN. I did not eve have time to ck his earlier messages.

I was short and business like. He did NOT like it at all. He says 'you can see I am still at work. Will you feed Austin and I will have FIL pick him up. I just don't know when it will be.'

' Well, I guess can make it work '

Drac 'well if it is a problem I will make other arrangements'

Bugs 'what 'other' arrangements can you make? I will make it work'.

I asked about getting back some of DD's clothes. I had asked yesterday as well. He did not like it and accused me of making a big deal of it when the ONLY clothes he had are ones HE bought for her!

I was very accomdating about so that as much as he wanted to be mad at me, he could not find a real reason.

My response was 'well then honey, they must have fallen down a black hold or something because I do not have enough clothes for the trip. I just need to be able to clothe her'

He agreed to go thru his landry and bring me everything of hers.

Later ha called and failed to bring me up to speed on what was going on w/picking up DSS until I asked. He apologized saying 'sorry, I just have a lot going on'.

He was MORE concerned with letting me know I will need to pick up meds for DSS from the pharmacy in the am. He had not even dropped it off yet!

So, I took DSS to FIL's house. Filled him in on the weekend. He was VERY displeased.

He asked Drac about having a motorcycle. He did not confirm or deny it, but danced around the question. FIL, again, not happy

Drac told FIL that FIL and I are too close. FIL told him, yes we are close. I care about her and she has never done anything bad to me. I will talk to her as much as she wants. Drac turned away and walked into his room.

So, I am thinking Drac is going to just ADORE Plan B!

What do you think?

It's going to eat him alive...poor Drac...no BUgs to pick up the pieces for him!

Oh, Drac please cry me a hand full...NOT! He can kiss my lily [email].......@....!!![/email]

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Wow! Nice one Rin!

Drac can kiss mine, too, but it's not lily white,,,I tan in the nude! LOL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm american indian...mine's not either but I like the way it sounds! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You like the way your butt sounds?

How exactly does it sound Rin?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

lmoa...goof...should i go back an fix that for u?

Bugs:

Excellent discussion with your DD.

"HO a Nice lady" Well, yes, but you gave her the real scoop.

But I wanted to mention this:

"DSS told FIL the other day 'Dad does NOT have a GF!'. This right after he was outside FIL's house talking to her. So Drac has been successful in brainwashing DSS!"

IF, and this is a huge IF, Drac EVER talked with DSS about it. Drac would tell him the HO wasn't a GF. But Drac Never talked to DSS about it. And DSS is trying to make sense of the world he lives in right now, where his Bio-Mom is out of the picture completely, his Step-Mom is living in his home and Dad is living with Grandpa. But DSS is aware of HO. And he really doesn't want to believe the awful truth about his Father.

I didn't either, when I was 13.

And no one ever told me what was going on either.

Such a conflicted life that DSS lives now. Time to address some of that as you hurtle towards Plan B.

Stop answering the phone.

Meet with Steve on Thursday.

Send the letter.

LG.

Sorry BUGS...No inspiration today. Looking myself for the rope to pull me out of the well hole I fell into last night.

My tears have just about filled it to the top and I feel as if I am suffrocating. My heart has been ripped out again and I just want to shrivel up to nothing.

Hey LG,

Thanks for the insightful comments on DSS. Sorry you had the same experience.

I took the opportunity this am when the sitter asked if DSS was going to the lake w/me to say in front of DSS

"Yes. He's going. He is ALWAYS a part of my plans as long as he wants to come. He Is MY SON and I am his MOM, no matter what his Dad does'

I said it just matter of factly and did not make a big deal of it, but I know the sitter caught on and that it will mean something to DSS that I said it.

This am Drac came by and I was busy getting lake stuff ready. He was carrying a tub, so I asked what it was. He said it was Everything he had of DD's.

Must have taken some work on his part because when I was at FIL's last night clothes were strung everywhere,,on the floor, through the hall, all over the kitchen, in baskets, on the table, and all over the bedroom.

So, he gets out DD's vests and starts talking about them. I stopped for a brief second on my way through the room, looked back, and said OK thanks. I did not even look in the tub.

I let him spend time with DD but never stayed in the same room. When he was leaving, I just said bye from the other room

He wasn't yet in his car when we walked out to get in ours. He said 'I thought you were leaving today'

I said 'I am. I have work to do first', and just proceeded with what I was doing. Did not look up to wvae or anything.

BIG change from the previous Plan A accomodations.

He looked confused.

INeed - I understand that no one here can feel inspiration every day. We all get our down days.

Tomorrow will be better!

I dropped in on your thread.

Gotta run. Lots to do if I am going to 'Get on with my life'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

No, it's her trying to convince him she's a good person, and it's him trying to convince himself that she's a good person. That what they are doing isn't wrong it's true love, see she loves him enough to walk away b/c he's still married. She's got your families best interest at heart, puke!!!

Before I found MB and learned about affairs, I was THE most naive person on the face of the earth. I'm almost embarrassed at my naivete.

Within 3 weeks of H moving out he asked to come home. Confessed he'd been "seeing" someone else but only after he had moved out and they hadn't slept together yet. Yes, I believed it... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, he told me that OW told him to work on his marriage, not to contact her, she didn't want to have anything to do with him and breaking up his M, etc. I actually told him to tell her thankyou. Man was I stupid.

She was still in the background the whole time manipulating, showing H how much she cared about him, she was willing to wait on the sidelines. Showing him that see, HE couldn't stay away from her. She tried but he just couldn't do it.

Anyway, him telling you that had nothing to do with you, it was solely her manipulating and him trying to believe it.

Does that make sense??

Daze,

Yes! I get it now! Thanks so much. I am glad I did not bother with a tirade about her or how she is playing him. THAT would have been playing right into her hands.


I do not know if you saw the posts about her sending a postcard to the house.

I did see that one for what it was. Guess she went to her own Plan B when that did not work.

She also has used the 'seeing her old boyfriend' trick with him.

Well, they are real close to having just themselves to try to manipulate. Bugs is getting out of the drama

Let them see how well they do meeting each others needs when this kind of crap goes on so early in this 'true love' relationship between such good people!

Keep bringing on the wisdom. So many times it is hard to see the forest for the trees!

Thanks!