JT, I have made trying to help DSS heal over these last 7 years. He IS my son and always will be.

Thanks for sharing and for the encouragement!

Hey LG! I know you are right about drac,,,,he is 'with' the kids only when they are doing somethig togehter. Paries, lake trips, movies,et.

They do nothing of the normal boring family/part of life reality things.

How long before he HAS to face all of that? How long before he has to start living in the. REAL world again,,??

Here is the update since Fri.

Well Drac got my response and flipped out over the child support being 2x higher than he had figured.

He responded via his attorney and so the nastiness begins.

I had left him a vm about what happened w/the kids. He finally called back. I matter of factly told him what had been said.

No apology or comment from him, nothing other than "well I guess I'll watch a bit closer". I stated, 'you know what would be best and what my request is".

He responded by starting in about the D settlement.

It would take too long to rehash it all. Suffice it to say that he is Mad, lashing out, it is ALL my fault, I am GREEDY, I was ridiculous because I would not fight. I even laughed out loud at some of the things he said. He then said i was talking down to him "as usual".

I told him I just didn't want to fight. I said that I gave my A the requested info for child support and those numbers are plugged into a calculator. That's it.

I also told him regarding everything else, that we BOTH worked together as a TEAM to have everything we have. Neither of us could have done what we have done, lived the lifestyle we have lived, if not for the other. It is inly fair that it all be split

He is angry I want 1/2 the boat as I 'NEVER wanted it. We fought about getting it". He paid it out of a 401K loan and I "never missed a dime".

I agreed, he was right. And if he wanted to give me back the amount I paid off on his truck 3 years about (3x what he paid for the boat) we could call it even.

That made him even more mad. He still says I have NO right to any part of the house, and he's trying to get into my 401K And have me pay 1/2 of his HUGE credit card debt.

He further told me how he has been being NICE but now it is time for him to stop being nice

I said 'Oh, really? THIS has been you being nice? Wow!'"

So then over the rest of the weekend, he will barely speak to me. Last night when I called and talked to the kids, they were playing with snaps,,, those things that pop when you throw them on the ground.

The entire time I was trying to talk to her, he and his friend R kept tossing them at her feet. SHE was having a ball, but could barely speak to me for the distractions.

I had a GREAT time at my sister's place at a lake. Me, my other sister, BIL, Niece, her husband, a nephew, his girlfriend, and their baby spent the weekend. Good time. Headed home now

Just talked to the kids and Drac. He was Mr Mean. Only wanted to know what time I was expected home so he "can have the girl home". They were out going to see a movie.

So,,court tomorrow 11 am central time. My A told me not to sweat it. "Nobody gets divorced in 1 day". We'll see how much of their stuff is posturing and how much he will stick to.

Truth is Drac is going to D me. He's done and has his mind made up. I am very sad.

I am going to follow the Plan to Plan B, but have no hope right now.

Oh,,, the 1 thing that bothers me most in his response? He REFUSES to name DD as a benficiary to any of his life insurance!!! WTF?!


So, what's the advice on tonight's pickup/drop off AND tomorrow's court???

Remember..PLAN A until PLAN B...

The main thing is not to LOVEBUST in response to his attempts to PROVOKE YOU into doing so...

Being ASSERTIVE, calmly let forcefully voicing YOUR TRUTHS is part of PLAN A..an important part of PLAN A is gaining his RESPECT of you..which in the long run..he will find to be ATTRACTIVE...

And continue to PRAY UNCEASINGLY...PUSH..Pray Until Something Happens...Pray until your breakthrough..He's working it out for you... (words to a song) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

I am trying VERY had not to LB, yet no matter what I do, what I say, HOW I say it, Drac twists it around.

I was VERY nice and friendly on the phone earlier. I even commented on how it sounds like they've been have a GREAT time this weekend. Eve have continued to to use the terms of endearment with him!

Prayer and ADs are the 2 things really getting me through at this point!

Support from family and MB are the other 2. Of course, my family is ready for me to give him the plan FU!

Glad I got away for the weekend. Was able to spend few hours not focused on the horrible sitch!

Just feels so REAL again. Feels like it really is OVER and nothing I have done or plan to do will matter

Don't get me wrong. I am Glad I have done everything I have. Atleast I can always hold my head high, no matter what the outcome!

Bugs:

Can't wait for Tuesday.

Give him what he wants.

A Nasty Divorce.

HO full time.

Dealing with kids, as needed, WITHOUT YOU.

That fence is going to get really narrow and really poke him in the butt now.

LG

(((Bugs)))

Positive thinking, don't ever give it up. Not even in your darkest hour, b/c you never know what is just around the corner.

LG & Daze,

Thanks guys! I am trying hard to keep my chin up. Not easy!

Today is the day. 2 hours from now. I want to throw up right now! Yet, I have on the Goddess uniform to help me gather strength. Read my Bible passages this morning and talked to my Mom!

Last night Drac brought DD back to the house,,,,, in fact, he INSISTED that he bring her home instead of letting me pick her up on my way home. Power play all of the way.

I could tell he wanted VERY badly to say something,,,,, anything, about the D, but he didn't. I was VERY pleasant. He asked for the tent and air mattress back that I had used. I had the air mattress, but the tent is still at my sister's. I told him I'd get it to him this week so he'd have it for his biker weekend. He then asked for the kids ski jackets (again). I told him I'd get them to him. He INSISTED on getting them right that minute. So, I nicely asked, "Oh, do you all have something planned?".

His response, "No, they are MINE and I WANT THEM!:

Okey dokey, I said, smiled, and went and got them for him.

He had DD stay with friends all day on Sat so he could go pick up the HO and her son. They all met up at a party Sat night, AND spent the night there together!!! UUUGGHHH! DD and I had another talk about how that is not right.

He also told DD that we will NOT be together ever again. That Mommy will find a boy and that there will be a boy who will be her STEP DAD, but he will always be her Daddy. He may stay with the HO, maybe not, maybe someday he'll have somebody else.

PUKE!!!

On Friday the sitter/Aunt asked him how his birthday was. His reply was "Not worth a $hit!" He then went into a tirade about how I am forcing him to sell the property,,, yada yada yada. And that he "doesn't care what you people think of me. I am going to live my life the way I want".

Needless to say, that did not go over well. He's pushing hard to blame me for everything, but they KNOW that it's not me. He has done this and is doing this.

So, I am feeling pretty strong today. My plan is to stay quiet and calm and let my A do the work.

Any last minute advice????

Just stay strong bugs. He can posture and stomp his feet all he wants, the courts will untimately have the final decision.

I can't believe he said that stuff to your DD... how callous can you be!

{{{Bugs}}}

Bugs:

Good luck today.

His side may ask for a continuance, cuz he is on the short end of the stick.

As for this:

"So, I am feeling pretty strong today. My plan is to stay quiet and calm and let my A do the work.

Any last minute advice????"

Bugs.....You could be passsing out the advice now.

LG

FCF,

Right now the only thing on Drac' mind is 'living his life the way HE wants to'

No one else matters in any way. You are right in that he is stomping his feet and throwing a tantrum becuase this has not turned out to be the cake walk he envisioned!

TOO BAD!

LG,

Thanks for that compliment! Yet I hardly feel like I am in any position to give advice! Am feeling lucky to be functioning at all today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Will talk with my A about the PBL and schedule I worked up. I expect she won't like it, but will be OK with it. She is, of course, focused on not having anything that could be misconstrued by the courts that would negatively impact my legal position

I am just worried about getting screwed because I have been very responsible financially and he has NOT. His HUGE credit card debt is what has me concerned, even though I can prove none of it is mine.

Think good thoughts everyone!

I am just trying to focus on the fact that DRAC did this. I did not. It is my responsibility to look out for me & DD. While letting Drac start that total freefall to rockbottom, while he is expecting the HO to catch him and take care of him.

Good luck is all I can say to that.

(((Oh Bugs)))

Karma is coming his way.
My only advice is to get out of the way. Plan B will protect and shield you.

He's gonna take this all the way. But he's going to find out he's even more unhappy. The problem is HIM and he can't divorce that problem!

No more Plan A for him. Time to take the gloves off. Like LG said -- give him what he wanted -- a nasty divorce.
Time to fight for every penny and protect DD to the MAX.
Momma Bear!

Thx Lexxxy!

I am trying hard to get MAD, as I know that will help sustain me today.

Not having much luck with that, yet.

The bottom line is that I do not want a D, let alone a Nasty one! Goes back to childhood, I guess. I do not like conflict and grew up in a household where Mom did all she could to keep Dad happy, even when he was being unreasonable.

Right now, am wishing it was OVER!

Where is my darn suit of armor? I need to get it on before headin out in about 30 minutes. Hope it doesn't chafe,,it is going to be HOT today, both outside and, I suspect, inside that court room!

Praying for you today Bugs.

May God hold you with His righteous right hand.

Just bring your superwoman cape and invisible shield!

We'll be praying for ya!!!
Positive thoughts coming your way...

Thanks guys. Am outta here and will ck back in a few hours.

I pray for you to have strength and for justice to be served to WH.

I am saying a prayer for you Bugs.

Take care of yourself,

SG

Thanks everyone for the thoughts and prayers! It really helped a LOT!

Quick picture. Bugs arrrives outside court and sits waiting for her lawyer. Drac gets off elevator, Bugs looks up and sees him and says "Good morning!" Smiling.

Drac says "Good morning, how are you?" Bugs just looks at him without an answer, but not unpleasant or moody, more of a "do you really need to ask, you know I don't want to be here kind of way" He said something about forgetting the race tickets he has for me, then looks around and goes to sit down by himself. Bugs also sits alone, LOOKING FABULOUS, and strikes up a conversation with someone sitting nearby.

I meet w/my lawyer briefly, she goes to talk to another judge as his A is not there yet. I sit calmly, doing some work, sometimes talking to people.

Our 2 lawyers get together to start hashing it out, outside of the courtroom. Drac sits with his head in his hands most of the time. Then he sits with his back to me the rest of the time, as he tries to listen to the conferences between the lawyers. At one point, each of our lawyers is talking to us individually. They take a LONG, LONG time, and my lawyer says "Well, looks like he's having a hard time selling this to Drac. "

During the various lawyer conferences, I just sat calmly by my self, using my pad and paper to write down what I was praying. I even prayed for Drac, as well as the other people I saw there. It felt horrible to see and hear so many people in so much pain. Although I did strike up a conversation with a man who just won sole custody of his daughter, and it sounds like it is the BEST thing for the daughter at this point in time, so at least someone went away happy today from that place.

So, the outcome for today is, Drac is not happy at I would suspect. Apparently he really DID think this was going to be a cakewalk and that everything would be settled TODAY, which it was not. Unless we settle before, which we probably will, our next court date is August 20th. Drac and I never entered the courtroom at all.

We are, however, close. Not that he's HAPPY with how we have arrived at being close! We are down to 2 major issues that we are in disagreement about, what I am due on the house, and of course, the BOAT!! It is just ticking him off to no end that I have thrown that into the mix.

I have a GREAT lawyer. She did a bang up job, and threw some major curves (I think) at Drac's lawyer. Such as the motorcycle, and that when he re-financed the house a few years ago, he used it to pay off his ATV and his credit card. Oh, yes, and the credit he was trying to take on the house was actually our tax refund that was used to pay off part of our joint credit card. They were really counting on that!

My FAVORITE thing from the whole day was that my lawyer remined HIS lawyer of the fact that his client is the one that has "Committed Marital Misconduct".

Don't get me wrong. I am not "HAPPY" about any of it. However, as these things go, it could have been much worse, so am doing OK. Better than I was earlier.

I am going to email my attorney the PBL schedule and letter as we did not have time to review while we were together today. Hoping she's ok with it, as it really is PAST time. I'll let you know what I hear.

Oh, and as we left, Drac was in deep discussion with his attorney. At this point, the burden is on HIM to produce documents to support his claims,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, which is very doubtful he can do. I don't want to say 100% that he can't, as I don't want to jinx myself at this point.

I am AMAZED at how calm I was and how calm I still feel right now! Hope this feeling lasts!

Great job Bugs. Reality is hitting hard. Yep, Plan B is just going to be icing on the cake. It'll take a month for his head to quit spinning!

oh bugs -- sounds like it went as well as can be expected.

so do you get a higher portion of assets due to his misconduct? does he get stuck with his "drac-only" bills?

I assume custody is not an issue?

it will be VERY interesting to see how he responds to you tonight.