did you learn cultural differences in communication studies?

are there differences region to region in the USA?

are there ethnic differences?

what about socio-economic differences?

brief answers are OK, I know I am asking a very broad area of questions

and, finally, I was wondering
when you read MB posts
do you automatically pay attention to communication styles/patterns/etc ?

or is it just too hard on this limited medium?

thanks
I find what you write about communication ... fascinating

Pep

ditto

Yep, same here.

I started admiring you when you were posting to monsterlab's wife. You are EXCELLENT.

Co-signed!!! I have long been a fan of SB's posts and this new communication aspect only adds to my admiration of her! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Truly, it is fascinating....the other day I'm talking to WH and noticing how he's standing....you words are just popping into my head...I would love to have that level of insight. What a gift (although I'm sure a lot of hard work was involved, too...)

I think SchoolBus rocks too.

*bump*

Ditto all the above. Now I will look FWH in the eye, face to face with nothing between us when I want to make my point (how much and why I love him) absolutely clear.

Thanks Schoolbus!

up

Pep,

I learned cultural differences in communication studies, and have also taught them and have done research. I use them within my day-to-day job function and analyses as well.

There are certainly differences region-to-region in the USA. For example, in the northeastern states such as PA and NY, it is quite acceptable to have a bar with a crowd standing quite closely together - someone in the back wants a beer, they send his money to the bartender, the beer makes it way back to the guy who asked for it. In Texas, a bar that crowded, well, people just wouldn't go in as readily - they'd be likely to say "bar's too crowded" and go somewhere else (unless of course, Willie was playing!).

Ethnic differences are certainly quite evident. Research bears it out over and over. Formal testing instruments in my field all now have variable response allowances for dialectal and ethnic patterns to accomodate for these differences, in fact.

Socio-economic differences are also there as well. This mainly has to do with exposure and opportunity issues - especially with regard to children. Poorer kids just don't get exposed to things, or have the same opportunities for experiences that richer kids have. Makes for many differences, and this can also be seen on formal testing results.

Lots of research out there on all your questions. There is one great "equalizer", however, that brings many of these things into the melting pot and tends to water down the issue for purists in research - that is media, particularly television. In our society, the kids and people in general all are so exposed to the same materials, shows, movies, products, etc., that many cultural boundaries are being watered down, socioeconomic boundaries opened, and the like. It just makes us all so much more "the same" than "different". But in communication, the differences still make a difference.

In the MB forum, I find it very hard to look past some people's communication styles, yes. When I see an obvious difficulty in expressing oneself fluently, misuse of words, poor grammatical construction, I tend to notice. I do notice a person's pattern of communication. I call yours "stacatto" - you type just the most important part of what you have to say, leaving out the punctuation and what you consider to be extraneous words. Probably because you feel that in this forum others will be more likely to read what you have to say if you do that! True enough.


I also find it difficult not to reply when I see a liar. Honesty and lying behavior are quite evident in writing. Most people will believe they are better at writing a lie, but this isn't true at all! And no, I will not reveal my technique for that, because I could charge for that service!

Hey, maybe I found a new job......

And because I am anal about communication, I don't like this forum much. Too limiting! I really like to see the body language. LilSis is very good about including that in her posts, so it helps me help her!

SB

You guys! (for the Texans: Y'all!)

I didn't read the responses before I posted!!!!

What a boost to the ego....my EN in admiration just got met today. Thanks.

All y'all rawk big time.....shucks and golly! Thanks.

SB

Ooohhhhhh SchoolBus - Could you take a look at the email Silent Lucidity's WH sent her?

I'm curious and interested because my WH sent me the same kind when I went into Plan B.

In the MB forum, I find it very hard to look past some people's communication styles, yes. When I see an obvious difficulty in expressing oneself fluently, misuse of words, poor grammatical construction, I tend to notice. I do notice a person's pattern of communication. I call yours "stacatto" - you type just the most important part of what you have to say, leaving out the punctuation and what you consider to be extraneous words. Probably because you feel that in this forum others will be more likely to read what you have to say if you do that! True enough.

I did not start out on MB with this stacatto style

but you're right that's exactly why I do it

once, a poster who was mad at me sarcastically said "Thanks a lot for that pithy wisdom"

right there, I decided that pithy was the way to go ... because it pissed off that miserable woman !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

plus, sometimes I decide to let the reader fill in the blanks to suit her/his self ... it's more interesting that way

I also find it difficult not to reply when I see a liar.

OMG !!! This is a HUGE issue for me ! no kidding.

Honesty and lying behavior are quite evident in writing. Most people will believe they are better at writing a lie, but this isn't true at all! And no, I will not reveal my technique for that, because I could charge for that service!

you're a brat then <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I am a fantastic reader of the lie IN PERSON
but I suck at it here

Hey, maybe I found a new job......

brat

And because I am anal about communication, I don't like this forum much. Too limiting! I really like to see the body language. LilSis is very good about including that in her posts, so it helps me help her!

[b]I love my job
and part of it is really being observant when people are talking to me

but I am mostly instinctual, and untrained, unlike yourself

thank you so much

this is really interesting

Pep

I work with brats, so I guess it has rubbed off.

I too, am untrained. That's what people keep telling me! SB, you're supposed to do that in the bathroom!



sorry

In person, when someone lies to me, they end up hating me. My response is usually a very loonnnnngggg pause. The squirming gives them away. My boss? She has stopped - used to lie all the time to me, well, they call it something else - you know, the boss can't "reveal" everything to everyone. So after a few rounds with me, I just finally told her I wasn't believing her, and she could take it or leave it, but she would end up telling me what I needed to know anyway. Now, I ask, she tells, and swears me to secrecy. Works better for everybody that way. If she doesn't want me to know, she won't make eye contact, or avoids me altogether!!!!! Cracks me up. Last week, I was in a restaurant, and she went all the way around to another aisle to avoid my table - I already knew why, but my BOSS didn't know I knew. Another person (who also cannot lie to me) already told me that they are planning some job cuts, who is getting cut, etc. Just so happens, I was eating with one of the people getting cut. There was no way my boss was going to stand there, talk with me and the other person, and get away with lying - and she knew it! So she goes all the way around the other aisle to avoid us. LOL!

My mom says I need to use my powers for good and not for evil.

I just don't get why I didn't see right away it in my FWH. Too close, too trusting, not really looking for it, I guess. Then again, I knew something was wrong - he wouldn't make eye contact or come in the room with me.

I bet he couldn't pull the same stunt again without your knowledge though could he?

Not on his best day. He couldn't cover up catsh/t and get away with it now!

SB

yano what has sharpened my bullchit detector more than anything else?

raising teenagers

the first one pulled the wool over "mine eyes" several times
either that
or I had "mine eyes" closed for fear of what I was about to see

now the younger one is of that age where she may try to get away with stuff
but we are so well trained (battle wounded) by her older brother that I am confident (possibly too confident) I could whiff out her dishonesty at a molecular level

Watch for changes in length of sentences. This is one way to tell if they are lying. Lies tend to be either really long sentences, convoluted paragraphs, or one-to-two word curt responses. Also, there's the

"Ahhh"

Before the lie.

The open mouth posture - looks like they are taking a breath, or saying "ahhh" for the doctor! Used as a pause by many liars, brief in duration, but fills enough time to compose the lie. Not noticed most of the time in a normal conversation unless you are looking for it! When you get that feeling that someone's lying, ask your next question, a probing one for detail or fact, and watch for the "ahh" mouth.

Often precedes a lie.


Teenagers - they can train you for lots of stuff. My kids hated it that I knew when they lied! My oldest daughter would try the telephone to lie, so I couldn't see her. She would give me her story. I would say, "Okay, call me when you have the truth", hang up, and wait. She'd call back with something close, but not the truth. I would say the same thing, and hang up. Finally, she would call and confess. Got to where she gave up lying to me, and CALLED DADDY. LOL!!!!! We got smart though, and he would call me!

Younger daughter, better at lying. But, she would actually laugh when she lied - so if I could get her to look at me, I could bust her. Eye contact and one smirk from me, and she would break down. To this day, she tells stories of trying to lie and me making her laugh. But she got a few past me. With her, I pulled out the BIG guns - "DD, I am so disappointed in you. I thought you were becoming an adult I could trust, but that trust is broken..." She is a sucker for the disappointment-guilt treatment.

The joys of motherhood.

I need some wine.

SB

I know my kid(s) are lying (or trying to) when their response to my question seems to be written somewhere above their head ... on the ceiling ... they are exceedingly dull liars my kids

I love them dearly ...

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Okay - this is funny. I ran home and looked through all 17 of ex's letters. I had told SL that my WH wrote the same thing hers did, and to be wary. Now that Schoolbus told about what to look for, I see my WH's are very different - check this out, his first letter in Plan B (This is so FASCINATING to me)

Believer –

I don’t like contacting you this way, I’d rather be talking to you face to face. I’m at a crossroad and it’s time to confront what is going on and how we feel. I know I have caused all this pain, and I’m truly sorry. I just want things to be the way they use to be between us, but when you threw me out, it was the beginning of the end.

I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I don’t still care for Janice. We have gone our own way, and left the door open for me to give you back the respect you deserve, by being honest. I deserve whatever happens to me.

I thought we could just be together and work on things a day at a time. You have always been a wonderful wife, but lately some of the things you have done scare me – telling Janice’s husband about the affair, confronting Janice, telling your parents and my sister, changing your beneficiary, moving out my stuff.

My desire is to be happily married again, but I wonder if you can ever forgive me? Please call me and let’s set up a time to talk. It is not fair to me to shut me out of your life like you have done.