i know i know.
but attorneys cost money and right now i dont have it. i have been barely making my bills.
i even told him if he wants a divorce i will give it to him. i am tired of this. i am always the bad person. i am telling you today if i could get a hold of the OW i would have killed her. because i told her on the phone she could come over anytime for a good [censored] whippin!!!!!! she was like what ever. i said i promise i wont call the cops because i would love to give her some thing she so much deserves.
i just dont know.

don't be impulsive

be crafty instead

call for legal aid in your area

do a google search~> legal aid (name your county & state)

you need a court order to keep OW away from your girl

that's not so difficult

Pep

legal aid said that i make too much money. i called an attorney thru one of my programs thru work she wanted 200$ a hour. so i have to save. but i know it is wrong to say and i know i will hear some feedback from others about this but i still love this man. i know i shouldnt complain and then dont do nothing about it. i have to say when i was standing in front of his face telling him off he kept saying that i do love you. i said i am sorry you dont do this to someone you love. then he had me so mad i knock the hat off of his head and hit him so hard in the arm that i almost knocked him out of his chair. he straighten himself up and said i know i deserve that plus more. then he was teary eyed when i told him he just play with my emotions. i try to be nice and try not to get into a fight because i know that is what the OW wants. but you kept pushing and pushing and she has you so whipped that you bow to her every command. it is sicken. i dont know you any more you went from a loving husband to a cruel unconsiderate human being. this is not the man i married. not the one i said my vows to. call me when you find him maybe we can talk.
i turned and walked out. he tried to call me 2 times but i didnt answer. i had to drive to a spot and just get myself calmed down . my chest was hurting to breathing and i just felt so down. so i went to work with no sleep!!!
has any one went thru some thing like this.
the only pleasure i have is knowing that she didnt have a good day and he didnt either. and i sure didnt!!!!!

You need to get control of yourself. If it is too much for you, see a doctor for some anti-D's.

I had a lot of real crazy outbursts with my ex's OW. All it does is unite the two of them against you.

i know
but i made sure i told him my conversion to her and what she had said as well. because she brought my weight and said she had see why myDH had left. i am not skinny but i am not real heavy either. and trust me she is not all of that. but anyway i told him that he was mad!!! ( even after i tried to floor his [censored]) because i had gastric bypass surgery about 5 years ago and he was worring i was getting to thin which to me i wasnt i went from a size 20 to a 13/14 in juniors. like to be a 12 but anyway beside the point. and actually he is a husky man. so for her to say that just set him off as well.
actully i am taking prozac others wise i will be sitting the county jail right now instead of writing this post.
i guess even after all these months i am still in shock because it just not him....
his actions or anything like that is nothing to how he was 7 months ago. i would not even believe someone if they would have told he would have done this 7 months ago.

I never would have believed my ex would have an affair either. That's why I didn't figure it out for so long. He was a pillar in church, head of the men's group, an honest man who never lied. Now we are divorced.\

My biggest mistake was having angry outbursts. I threw the Christmas presents out in the middle of the street one year. Caught OW and ex together and screamed at her to get off her back and start being a mom to her daughter, and many more.

Trust me. All it did was give them something to be united against.

When I no longer cared and ignored them, they ended the affair.

i know that i shouldnt have went off but i had been keepin so much inside of me that was the last straw. it is always me bending to his needs and i never kept him from our daughter. how ever she will not be going to her dads house well at least not for a while. he is more than welcome to pick her but i dont want her around the OW and i will get in writting as well.
i dont to ever get as mad as i got today. my chest is still hurting.

Calm down. I'm sure your husband will come back. You are aiding the OW by even acknowleging her. You need to stay out of everything, and let them LB each other. As long as you continue what you are doing, they will have plenty to talk about.

I know how hard it is, because I was like you. But it does no good at all. It will just make you sick. Concentrate on something else.

i have left them alone. this is the first time i spoke to OW since sept. i just laid out to her bout how can she be teaching her kids morals when she has none. her kids can be lost and confuses(never would i wish that on any kid)
but i need to protect mine.

Continue leaving them alone. You were doing so well before the tatoo. You are a good mom, and it sounds like your daughter has been brought up right.

I do feel sorry for the OW's kids. What an example.......

I was divorced with 2 boys when I met my ex, and I never had him around my boys for over 2 years. And then he was just around for family things, until we got married.

Something is not right with that woman. But in affairs, they usually trade down.

well i just hope he had something to think about all day. her she dont care i mean i am sure i got her mad but so what. i want things i said to soak thru on him i hope he flip and floped all night . he needs to start think someone other her....

update:
i didnt call him today once i got home from work i took the phone off the hook. i did talk to my MIL and she said that he had told her what happened. and he was saying i really did it this time. to what that means i dont know. i really want to talk to him but i think i should what till at least another day so he gets an idea how bad i was hurt.
i just dont know what to do. then to top in off on my way into work tonight a freakin idiot decides to drive crazy in this nasty weather when the outerbelt wasnt not even plowed) he goes out around me and swerves back in front of me the next thing i know he is all over the place i am tryin to avoid him and i skidded off of the road and i ended wiping out a sign in the middle of the grassy area. i thought for sure i was going to go into the incoming traffic. so i am okay phyiscally how ever mentally i am shaken up. i kept thinking i could have died and my last words to him was harsh. any body have any suggestions on what i should do. should i call him or leave him be and see if he will call me tomorrow?
help? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Don't call him. You are the one who should be angry. Leave him and OW alone for awhile so that they can fight.

Please be careful driving. We have had several BS's here get into car accidents.

i know i was proud that i didnt call him. i am just heavy hearted right now. it feels like i am going thru DD all over again. i dont know why. i think he did call our daughter today. i am just so tired of feeling so empty and that i miss the companionship we had with each other. i guess i am still surprise that he is still with her. i think it because he feels sorry for her kids. will i really dont know but i know when we have talked he had ask me if we were to get together again that he would like for her kids to be able to call him any time but then he said i guess that would not be good for us.( in a conversion 3 weeks ago) i didnt say anything yes or no.
i just know i hate this feeling of being stuck in limbo.

Well, glad you are alright. But your WH isn't thinking clearly. He is worrying about OW's kids at the expense of his own daughter. Here they are, living in HER home, in HER bedroom. That is so hurtful.

Caring about her kids is just more BS, another WS lie.

You need to get firmly in Plan A and STOP the contact with OW, stop the angry outbursts. You are helping OW out.

i did for about 4 months just too much with the tattoo and the dropping off at my house just caused me to snap!
i was furious. and when i telling him i told him i left him alone and her alone but this was something i couldnt keep quiet about. it just went thru me like a lightning bolt.

and i have told him he cant feel sorry for her kids when is own daughter is hurting. he just dont see it. i guess those 3 months of her not talking to him was nothing. she just started back calling him and talking to him and that is because of me trying to smooth things between them because it was stressing me out.
it seems like no matter what i do i am doing some thing wrong.
did you ever felt like that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Yes, many times. But you need to have your actions follow your plan, not your feelings. The OW will continue trying to upset you. Your husband will side with her, right now. That is why you need to be in control, and calm.

any suggestions on how to do that?
i always feel like i am in the wrong. and if i dont say anything i get mad at myself and when i do i get mad at myself and others get mad as well.
i get to the place where i want to runaway from everything and everyone. i am just sick of every thing.
from him being on the fence all the time
attitude from our daughter where her feeling for her dad change in a moments notice.
my mom which i know she loves me and wants to support me but sometimes i get upset over the little comments she makes to me and my daughter was gets her upset. then i say anything to the fact to try not to comment so much about things then i am getting her upset and crying.( she is 70 and has heart problems)
i just feel i cant get no relief. my therapist is out of town till 3/1 she has no one covering her.
i dont want to go to work because i sorta have an attitude sometimes thank god i work independently but still i just dont want to see no one. i want to hide and just hope when i come out of hiding this will go away....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

BS..

You are giving way way too much power and control to two individuals acting like crap...

and worse you are caving and going belly up...

wanting to lash out at others (work) and wanting to hide...

I want you to do the exact opposite of what you feel...which is really key factor to plan A

I want you to go get some type of fabulous hair cut/color...
I want you to buy something new....(and you can find nice things even at thrift stores....)

I want you send a hand written note to your husband apologizing to your husband for your acting out...

in your hand writing that he reconizes and has seen a thousand times on a thousand things...

send it with a small token..his favorite candy...snack etc...

I want you to try to find some time to exercise not because of the weight but because of the endorphin rush you so desperately need....

I want you to arrange for him to come see daughter and for you to be kind and breezy and then head off out in to the world with him seeing you go..

happy
smiling
humming...

I want you to answer a call from his and sound really really really happy to hear from him...ask him how he is BUT cut him off and say you are waiting for someone to call to finalize something and bow out of the conversation gracefully....

he has you where he wants you

beat down...stuck in a rut...
very very sad...

I do believe especially when people move as fast as he has and especially when he suddenly the caretaker of strange children...all depending on him that the hole he is digging gets deeper and deeper and deeper even as he struggles to untangle himself...

He has the OW....get his attention and let him chase you...

drop hints inklings and thoughts
of

new jobs

new places to live...(not far..just no sooo close....)

new places to go....
etc...

also I sincerely suggest you join a group...
go to meetup.com and see what's in your area ....from any to every thing.....

your husband needs a line to get home....you got to get very strong to show him that he can make this right...

his road is hard....he will need to show accountability to the emotions of the children he reeks havoc with...obviously the OW doesn't give a rats [censored].....

you become the beacon....
plant the seeds of change, and hope

ARK

thank you for the advice.
actually i set up a hair appointment for friday. i had been busy calling all day collision places and talking to the insurance company about my accident. i had talked to my sister in law and told her about my accident and i guess she must have called my husband because within 15 minutes of hanging up with her he called me. wanting to know if i was okay.
i told him i was okay just shaken up and i have to worry about getting my suv fixed. he said dont worry we will get it fixed. he told me to call the insurance and let him know what they said. so i did. i left it at that. i didnt want to push it for the day. i was glad that he called though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />