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How do I respond to my WH's request, through intermediary, to the following question...

Can you please ask IHC when she wants to do the taxes?

Okay people...I already filed, married filing separately and claimed all 5 kids...

WH is going to be furious.

In my defense, WH has only given me a fraction of what CS will be since he was served with LS papers. I had to file in order to just keep my head above water. And, most importantly, I was within all legal rights to do so.

So I am looking for a very diplomatic way of telling him this without huge repercussions. I am not afraid of him, just of the whole aspect of conflict being stirred up again and having to deal with him at all.

Please help...IHC

IHC, I am in the same spot you are. I am dreading when WH finds out that I filed my taxes already and claimed both DDs. My WH has not given me ANY CS so I, too, feel it was justified. And I HAD to. I could not make it anymore if I didn't.

Prior to Plan B, WH had expressed his concern that he claimed too much on his W-4 and they were really going to wallop him if we didn't file jointly and have him claim DDs.
I think it's tough for him. He chose not to change his W-4 so they would take out the right amount, he chose not to support his family, he chose all of this. If he ends up getting hit in the pocketbook by the IRS, it's another consequence.

But like you, I am dreading when he finds out.....more drama will ensue.

I don't know what to advise for you, but I'm going to let my lawyer handle it. Since I am in Plan B, I am not discussing ANYTHING with WH.

Maybe just have your intermediary send an email back to your WH simply stating "IHC has already filed HER taxes". Then it is on his shoulders to figure out what HE has to do.

I agree with fox .... a nice simple response, through the intermediary.

You probably do need to give him minimal details, though, so you can both avoid an audit. He should know about you claiming the kids and letting him claim the rental propoerty (I think that was the plan?).

Were taxes addressed in the LSA? It would be nice and easy if the intermediary could say "IHC has already filed her taxes per the LSA."

Otherwise, maybe something like "IHC has filed her taxes and claimed the children and .... She did not claim ...."


If he has only been paying a portion of the ordered support, have you talked to child support services (or whatever they are called in your state)? They'll go after him. In our state, you can lose your license for not paying CS -- any license. If he's a contractor (I think that's what you've said?), then he could lose that license if he doesn't start doing his fair share...

-AmI.

fox,

What a bummer to be in this rough spot!! It stinks doesn't it?!

I know I didn't do anything wrong, but the reaction I am expecting will be a pain to deal with.

AmI,

Nothing was addessed in the LSA re taxes.

No order has been signed by the court yet, so I can't pursue with CS services yet.

I was thinking to just respond that I have already filed and claimed the children and that I will give him all the information necessary for him to complete his portion of the taxes.

I have always organized and gotten all our tax information togethr and my H basically just would show up and sign the papers. I plan on sorting through my paperwork and basically giving him the info he needs, but not processing through it for him. I think this is one area that I met a need for being organized and he can no longer have that benefit from me. He'll have to be organized all on his own and maybe see that I was meeting that need.

What do you guys think?

IHC

IHC,

This is about two things...he wants to remain in communication with you partly due to guilt but due to larger need for reassurance that you are still there. Secondly, he wants back CONTROL. As much as you feel he has had it all along, I would be willing to bet that the opposite is what he feels.

Congratulations... your PLan B appears to be working stupendously well. You could not ask for better feedback!

Almond offers a bullseye in her(him, sorry?) assessment.

I wholeheartedly endorse Starfish's suggested letter for you to send.

Go dark, stay dark.

"I was thinking to just respond that I have already filed and claimed the children and that I will give him all the information necessary for him to complete his portion of the taxes.

I have always organized and gotten all our tax information togethr and my H basically just would show up and sign the papers. I plan on sorting through my paperwork and basically giving him the info he needs, but not processing through it for him. I think this is one area that I met a need for being organized and he can no longer have that benefit from me. He'll have to be organized all on his own and maybe see that I was meeting that need."

Great thinking! Maybe just get it all together and have your intermediary hand it to him with the response that you've already filed and claimed the children.

Just be prepared for him to get angry and try to break your Plan B again. Hang in there!


That's crazy that there is no court order yet.... it seems to be taking a very long time! That makes me nervous, since there was question about if he filed for D.... does your legal service know anything? Have you considered calling the court?


I agree that your Plan B really seems to be working well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

-AmI.

Cy, thank you for the encouragement. It really does seem to me, most days anyway, that WH could care less about anything having to do with me. It helps to be reminded that he may still have some feelings at all left for me (anger and hate run so closely together).

AmI,

I think that I will do the tax info just the way I said. He is going to be furious as he has claimed 7 deductions all year. But that is not my problem. I have every legal right to do what I did. I left him many items to claim for himself, so he might be ok.

I agree that he will be a huge pain about this. Definitely will try to break my plan B.

As far as the court order, I have a friend in that dept. (the head sec. for all the judges in our county) and she is following up for me to help the judge along in issuing the order. I hope she is successful. I think I may delay the response on taxes until I get the order...that way he won't withhold any more finances than he already is.

I am so mad at him for not supporting his kids. I can hardly think about it without having very strong hateful feelings towards him. I mean, I get that he could care less about me and he wants to punish me (becausre I was soooo horrible, ya know), but his kids???? Come on! Be a man!

I am still really struggling with a huge aount of anger towards him. I know that I am still promised restoration, but my attitude is so negative right now. I feel like I hate him and could never trust him again. What he has done has hurt me so deeply. I know you all understand this feeling, I just can't get over how deeply I am feeling this rejection from the person that I love so much. It really sucks right now!

IHC