Could the OW be pregnant from her H? Or are they seperated?
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. The pain stinks especially when it affects our kids. Unfortunately our WH don't want to see it.
I have some versions of plan B letters on my thread... with some helpful hints. I'm in the process of Ding. If you would like I'd share my letter with you. I haven't posted my final version because I know it's to long but I'm hoping my H reads it not Wh.
Also at the beginning of LilSis thread has her plan B letter. Hope this helps.

IM NOT TOTALLY SURE OF ALL THE DATES, BUT SHE SUPPOSEDLY FOUND OUT SHE WAS PREGO, 5 WEEKS AGO, SO THAT WOULD PUT HER AT LEAST 9 WEEKS, IF NOT MORE. THAT IS THE FISHY THING, MY WH CANT HAVE KIDS OR I SHOULD SAY THE CHANCES ARE VERY LOW. LIKE ONE IN MILLIONS. WH IS THE 4TH GUY SHE HAS MOVED IN WITH SINCE NOV..... I VERY SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT THE BABY IS HIS, IF IT IS ACTUALLY A FACT AND NOT A STORY THAT SHE HAS MADE UP......
I WAS OUTSIDE TALKING TO HIM TONIGHT AND I HAD THE PHONE ON SPEAKER CAUSE NO ONE WAS OUTSIDE WITH ME, I ASKED HIM WHY HE HASNT PUT AN EFFORT INTO VISITING WITH OUR DD: she heard her daddy say that the reason why he hadnt been here was cause he just didnt want to see her, that yea he misses her but he dont have to see her to LOVE her... THIS IS AFTER I FIND OUT THAT HE HAS SIGNED OVER HIS RIGHTS TO HIS DS,MY STEPSON.
YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME TO SHARE YOUR LETTER WITH ME, I AM LOOKING FOR SOME SORT OF IDEA ON HOW TO SAY THAT I KNOW THE D IS GOING TO GO THROUGH, BUT AFTER HE HAS GOTTEN HIS HEAD OUTTA HIS REAR, THAT I WOULD BE WILLING TO TRY AGAIN, BUT I WOULD HAVE TO MAKE THAT DECISION IF AND WHEN IT COMES TO THAT, AND THAT WOULD REALLY HAVE TO BE ONE OF THE HARDEST DECISIONS I WOULD EVER HAVE TO MAKE IN MY LIFE, CAUSE IF WE DID TRY AGAIN AND WHEN EVERYONE GOT BACK TO A COMFY LEVEL WITH THE WHOLE THING IF SOMETHING DID HAPPEN AND WE SPLIT AGAIN, THAT IT WOULD PUT ME AND DD BACK IN THE SAME POSITION WE ARE IN NOW............

IM JUST SOOOOOO FED UP WITH ALL THIS!!!!

DO U HAVE TO GO TO A THERPAIST OR CAN A REG M.D. PRESCRIBE NERVE MEDS, OR DEPRESSION MEDS? OR WHATEVER MEDS I WOULD NEED IN THIS SITUATION......
ITS HARD TO TRY TO EXPLAIN ALL THE THINGS IM FEELING RIGHT NOW, AND WITH EVERYONE ON HERE KNOWING WHAT ALL GOES ON, THOUGHT YOU ALL MIGHT COULD SUGGEST WHAT I WOULD EVEN SAY TO THE DR TO TELL THEM MY PROBLEMS/SYMPTOMS...........

CG,

First the med thing... you can get antidepressants or antianxiety meds from a medical doctor. I would make an appt and let them know your situation.

And I'd like to kick his a$$ for saying that about your D what a cop out. A child needs to ahve a parents presence to feel loved.

Next your OW sounds like a fine choice in a woman. 4 guys since November!!!
Here's my letter it is long.

Dear M,

Writing this letter is the most difficult thing I have ever done, but in doing so is my only hope of preserving my love for you and keeping my heart from breaking. I'm trying to find a way to let you know how much I love you. I remember the first time we met in the library our freshman year, how you wanted my help for your girl back home. I must give off an aura of being a match maker... and I tried to tell him what to do for his girlfriend. Little did I know at this time it was all a ruse just to talk to me. I remember our first date was a Celtics game and at first the only reason I went was because I had never been to a professional basketball game before. Little did I realize that date would change the rest of my life.

Well we started spending all our free time together and I fell in love with you. In February I gave you something I had never given anyone else before. A gift that can never be given again. That night we learned intimacy. It still means so much to me that we were each others firsts. I remember you telling me you knew I was the one when you saw me walking across the parking lot.

Our 5 years of college are memories I will hold and cherish forever. Whenever I go to Boston all I can think of is this is where we fell in love. When we brought our oldest to college and walking around Kenmore Square, Fenway Park, Fanuel hall it brought back bittersweet memories. Memories of the fun we had there although we didn't have money. I remember celebrating one of our anniversaries at that fancy French restaurant... and then going to MacDonalds because we were still hungry. I remember my first Christmas gift... Paddington Bear... I still have it. I had always hoped we would share our love story with our kids together.

Our wedding day back in October 84 was one of the happiest days of my life. I remember being so nervous until I saw you waiting for me at the front of the church.I looked at you and realized that I had nothing to fear because you were my best friend. I meant every word I said that day in front of our friends and family and God. That day we become one, you become my husband.

I remember the fear we had when we first found out I came down with chicken pox in the first trimester of my pregnancy with L. Then the joy we had when our beautiful baby girl was born with all her fingers and toes. Each of the births of our children L, D and B were very special moments we shared. Thank-you for giving me our beautiful children, we have been blessed.

I want you to know that I have loved you all through our marriage and I still love you. And I am so sorry for my contribution in the hard times. If I could go back in time I would erase all the times I made you feel I didn't love you. I can't go back in time, neither one of us can. The only thing we can do is look to the future and leave the past in the past. I want you to know that I am willing to leave recent events in the past... willing to work on our marriage. I believe that working together we could have a marriage we could only dream of. There is a way we could do this and I would like to share it with you. I want to look to our future together. You mentioned you have seen changes in me. I'm still working on on myself and I'm not always perfect.

When I look at you I still see glimpses of the man I love and cherish. I see a man that I was always proud to call my husband and father to my children. It hurts so much to see you, hear your voice and know I can't touch you or hug you. I miss your touch, I miss your laugh. The thing I miss the most is the light in your eyes is gone.

I want you in my life to share our children's successes.... not another man, I want you to dance with me at our daughters weddings... not another man, I want you with me when our grand children call for Memere and Pepere .... not another man, I want you to grow old with .. not another man. And most of all I want you to hold me and make love to me...not another man. Right now I cannot be your "friend" and I'm not sure I will ever be. I can only be your wife, in every sense of the word, in the way that I promised before you and God.

I do not want this divorce, but you have made it very clear this is what you want. I still pray that you may change your mind and come back and make our family whole again. There is nothing that would make me happier. This is a roller coaster ride I never wished to be on... one that I wish I could get off. Unfortunately that is not the case...Currently I'm still here if you ever want to reconcile. If that is ever a choice you decide to make Mark's wife Sienna would have to be completely out of the picture ...forever. I cannot accept any other woman in my marriage or relationship, there is only room in a marriage for 2 people.

I have been through some very tough moments since you decided to leave as you know. I was having a tough time facing the reality of life without you. To a person like me, who expected to only marry once and remain committed for life, it is a severe shock to see our relationship unravel. I have done some intense soul searching, and now realize that I have been attempting to hold you against your will. That simply can't be done. As I have reflected our early years together, I'm reminded that you married me of your own free choice. I didn't blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe. It was a decision made without pressure from me. Now you say you want out of the marriage, and obviously, I have to let you go. I'm aware that I can no more force you to come back today than I could of made you marry me in 1984.

I'm now going to put the pieces of my life together I had always thought that you would be a part of it. I have to move forward and begin to heal for the sake of myself and our children. My heart wishes to stop you from going down the path you are going down, to keep you from losing yourself, me and our kids but realize you are the only one that can do that. I still believe in you, in who you are , the heart and soul of the man I married. I will never believe that man is gone forever, goodness prevails.

It is heartbreaking to have contact with knowing that you are with Mark's wife. My heart is ripped out each time bringing me back to the day I discovered the affair...it is getting to difficult for me. I will never keep your children from you and will continue to encourage a relationship.You are a very important part of their lives...but I need to limit contact with you at this time. Please only contact me via e-mail or text messaging with issues pertaining to our children or finances. At this time it is to difficult to see you or hear your voice.

I don't want to do this but I love you enough " let you go". Please know that this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do... trying to untangle you from my heart. I know the road in front of me won't be easy., but I am getting stronger and will make it. I have the love of my children, family and friends. And maybe someday I may even find love again... I would love for that to be with you and understand that is not what you want. Always know that you will always hold a big piece of my heart. I wish you the best and hope you find the happiness you are searching for. There is a song that Martina Mcbride sings now "Anyways" that says"you can love someone with all your heart for all the right reasons and in a moment they can choose to walk away ...love em anyway. I'm loving you anyway.

All my love,
Di

OK, IM CONFUSED, I THOUGHT IN B YOU HAD TO HAVE A MEDIATORY TYPE THAT WAS THE GO BETWEEN, BUT THE TEXT AND EMAILS ARE ACCEPTABLE?? I COULD HONESTLY, TAKE YOUR LETTER, CHANGE SOME SENTENCES HERE AND THERE AND IT BE COMPLETELY ACCURATE FOR MY SITUATION....

OVERALL, IT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD LETTER TO ME, BUT IM NEW AND DONT KNOW MUCH. lol

WAS POSED A ? BY HER EX HUBBY ABOUT INVOLVING DHS/DCS ( ANYONE HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH THIS????), CAUSE THE INTEL HE HAS IS THAT THERE WILL BE 1 ROOM FOR THE 3 KIDS AND 4 KIDS WHEN THE BABY IS BORN...... THE HOUSE IS A RUNDOWN RENTAL, IN A NEIGHBORHOOD THAT IS KNOWN FOR DRUGS AND THEY ARE ONE OF 4 "FAMILIES" ( I CANT EVEN CONSDIER THEM A FAMILY <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />) THAT ARE THE SAME RACE AS US. THEY GO OUT EVERY OTHER WEEKEND DRINKING FROM FRIDAY TO SUNDAY, CANT PAY THEIR BILLS, HER CAR IS BOUT TO GET REPOED AND WILL SOON HAVE NO INSURANCE ON IT, HE EVEN HAD THE NERVE TO ASK ME TO BORROW MONEY SO HE COULD PAY HIS BILLS....... I JUST LAUGHED AT HIM. HE HAS NOT GIVEN ME ONE DIME SINCE HE LEFT HERE, AND WANTS TO BORROW MONEY FROM ME!!!!!

ok its off to bed for me, i have calmed a bit....... ill be back first thing in the morning......

CG,

Yes it is recommended to use an intermediary. You are suppose to go completely dark. I ahve to tweek it to pertain to my situation.

My attorney doesn't even want me to write a letter. I need to show I'm willing to have a relationship continue between us for the sake of our children. In court it may not help me if I don't. I had to think long and hard on that one. It was a difficult decision. See the problem I have is seeing him and hearing his voice at least that would cut it out for me.

It's also to show WS what it would be like without you completely. We barely have much contact right now... so I'm hoping cutting it down to almost nothing will do.

I'm not sure about DHS or it's eq where you are. But I would definately let someone know about the living conditions he has. And I wouldn'y let my child go there a at all.

Hope you have a good nights rest.

Still

I'm not sure about DHS or it's eq where you are. But I would definately let someone know about the living conditions he has. And I wouldn'y let my child go there a at all.

MY DAUGHTER HASNT WENT THERE "YET". BUT WHEN THE PAPERS ARE ACTUALLY SIGNED THEN THE CHILD SUPPORT AND VISITATION STARTS. IM GOING TO INFORM MY DIP$HIT OF A LAWYER THE LIVING CONDITIONS WHEN I CALL HIM TOMORROW... WH FILED AND I JUST HAD TO HAVE A LAWYER GO OVER THE PAPERWORK AND SEND THE CHANGES TO HIS LAWYER AND SO FORTH, SO MY LAWYER IS BEING A TOTAL BUTT ABOUT EVERYTHING AND NOT WANTING TO DO ANYTHING BEYOND...........

IF HE HAS PAPERWORK THAT SAYS ITS HIS WEEKEND FOR VISITATION, HOW CAN I LEGALLY TELL HIM NO, SHE CANT GO????
I DONT SEE THAT GOING ON LONG ANYWAY, CAUSE HE IS ALREADY SIGNED OVER THE RIGHTS HE HAD TO HIS SON CAUSE HE COULDNT AFFORD TO PAY THE CS FOR HIM AND TO PAY MY CS AS WELL.... AND OW TOLD ME WELL I TOLD HIM IT WAS HIS SON AND HIS CHOICE OF WHAT HE WANTED TO DO.......
HIS 2ND WIFE SORTA FORCED HIS HAND IN SIGNING OVER THE RIGHTS HE HAD FOR HIS KIDS FROM HIS 1ST MARRIAGE, I TOLD HIM POINT BLANK FROM THE BEGINNING, THAT IF IT CAME DOWN TO ME OR HIS DS, I WAS GONE, I WOULD NEVER MAKE HIM CHOOSE. WELL THIS ONE (OW) PRETTY MUCH HAS FORCED HIS HAND ON THE DS, AND I ALREADY SEE HIM PULLING AWAY FROM OUR DD. (THE COMMENT FROM LAST NIGHT, NO GN CALL TONIGHT, THE DIFFERENCE IS HIS DS DOESNT REALLY REMEMBER HIM, HE WAS 2 WHEN IT ALL HAPPENED WITH HIM, OUR DD IS 4, SHE KNOWS WHO HER DADDY IS AND WHO HIS FAMILY IS AND SUCH.... I DONT THINK I COULD EVER ASK HIM TO SIGN OVER HIS RIGHTS FOR HER, CAUSE SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS, AND IF AND WHEN SHE IS OLD ENUF TO DECIDE WHAT SHE WANTS, AND IF SHE WANTS THAT THEN I WOULD HAVE TO MAKE THT DECISION............

AT A LOSS HERE!!!!
CALLING IN THE A.M. TO GET AN APPT AT THE DR'S OFFICE, HE HAS BEEN OUT ALL WEEK LONG........ AT THE BEGINNING I WASNT ABLE TO EAT OR SLEEP, AND EVERYTIME I GET BACK TO A NORMAL THING, AN ORDEAL LIKE LAST NIGHT HAPPENS AND I START LOSSING MY APPETITE AND SLEEP........ MY BODY ISNT AGREEING WITH THIS "AFFAIR DIET" AT ALL!

GOT THIS IN EMAIL TONIGHT
THE FIRST SENTENCE IS POWERFUL

God determines who walks into your life ....it's up to you to decide who
you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go. I need
this back. If you'll do this for me, I'll do it for you....

Father, God bless all my friends and family in whatever it is that You
know they may be needing this day! And may their life be full of your
peace, prosperity and power as they seek to have a closer relationship
with you. Amen.

Now send it on to five other people, including the one who sent it to
you.

Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for other people.
Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life.

BUMPPPP!!!!!

any more insights?

What did the lawyer say?

lawyer said maybe call DHS, didnt know beyond that....... (being a butt)

anyone know any info on a med called Celexa? that is what the dr has me on for 2 weeks and then go back for a checkup........

nothing really to update, he has called 2 of the last 4 nights, im still here day to day and tring to find a balance in it all.... thinking about sending DD to daycare 2 days a week so i can get some time alone and collect my thoughts and things. called about the parenting class.