There is another thread where someone had mentioned that marriage is a conditional contract. I read a book yesterday where the author spoke of marriage as a covenant rather than a contract. Here are the important differences between the two:

A covenant is based on trust between parties
A contract is based on distrust

A covenant is based on unlimited responsibility
A contract is based on limited liability

A covenant cannot be broken if new circumstances occur
A contract can be voided by mutual consent

Which do you think a marriage is?

Hi NOW, hope all is well with you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My 2 cents for what it’s worth:

I view marriage as an extremely personal, sacred union between two people. Vows are made to each other in front of God and the altar – a convenant. To the contrary, a contract is impersonal, “cold”, “clinical" and a “business-transaction”...so different than marriage. Therefore I view marriage as a covenant rather than contract, although I can see that marriage does contain some elements of a contract if you look at it from a very impersonal and “clinical” POV.

Based on the vows we take in marriage (which PEP has started a thread about), it looks like marriage was intended as a covenant, but many treat it as though it were a contract.

When we take our vows, each of us is assuming 100% responsibility for the marriage.

We each promise to love, honor, cherish, etc....and there are no qualifiers, such as "if you do this for me", or "only if you hold up your end of the deal" or "only if you do NOT do this or that".

Obviously when we take those vows, we are doing it from a place of trust....otherwise we would never agree to it.

I just have a really hard time reconciling some MB principles with the Christian Faith. I mean, God calls us to love...which, to me, means to give of yourself 100% even if it requires sacrificing your own needs and desires, for the better of the other.

And yet, when marriage is off balance, or one-sided, what do we do? We start focusing on what the other is not giving us. Then we are told it is not wrong to expect to have your needs met and how to go about getting them met.

Unless I am misunderstanding or missing something.

Depends on perspective.

I would say that Marrage is a promis (covenant) to the two people getting married, and a Contract to the government.

An A will break the promis between the couple, but only a devorce will break the contract with the Feds.

With 50% of all marrages ending in Divorce, and half of the ones that make it, go through some type of infedelity, I think too few people consider an M a covenant or a contract.

That'd have been me.


Dr Willard Harley has said that he does not trust his wife. I used 2 have blind trust in mine, but I don't anymore.


Obviously, marriages can and are broken all the time, including without mu2al consent, or we wouldn't be here.

It'd be nifty if marriage was purely a covenant, but in reality it isn't practiced that way. And legally, it's a contract.

-ol' 2long

NOW, personally I don’t have a problem to reconcile MB principles with the Christian Faith and IMO there is nothing wrong to expect to have one’s needs met by one’s spouse. In fact, I think meeting of deepest emotional needs is totally in line with a Christian marriage and one of the reasons God decided to create marriage in the first place. Why do I say this? Because God instructed 1) the husband to love his wife and 2) the woman to honor and respect her husband. And God instructed this because he created man and woman and knew their hearts and deepest needs & desires… He knew the deepest emotional need for a man is honor and respect from his wife and for a woman to be loved by her husband (as Christ love his bride - the church) and therefore he acknowledged it as valid needs that should be met by the spouses. If not, He wouldn’t have instructed them to fulfill each other’s needs. Therefore, both husband and wife have the responsibility to take care of each other by fulfilling each other’s most important emotional needs. Problems start if one or both spouses refuse or fail to meet each others needs and when this happens it needs to be addressed and solved for marital happiness and tranquility (and I think God also expect this) and IMO MB principles is the perfect solution for many couples who experience problems in their M – especially regarding unfulfilled EN’s.

interesting....last week at church my priest mentioned marriage was a covenant not a contract...and i thought about that thread you nentioned.
glad you posted this.

i was married at 21...too young to fully understand the commitment of marriage.
personally, even w/o really understanding it, i entered marriage thinking of it more as a covenant than a contract.

2long,
You're right, in an ideal world, people would look at marriage as a covenant instead of a contract, but since most don't, I suppose it needs to also be a contract. I don't know.

Suzet,
I know that biblically both husband and wife are called to meet the other's needs...but do wedding vows make provisions in case that doesn't happen?
I think what is SUPPOSED to happen is, that when one person sacrificially meets the other's needs, the natural response (or desired response?) would be for that one to reciprocate. But are we supposed to EVER think about ourselves? The Bible says no.
Obviously the ideal doesn't happen always, maybe not even NEARLY always!
But are our human earthly solutions the answer?

I found the following article...and it also speaks of "unconditional love", and what that means.


Elements of a Covenant Relationship

Covenants are the fruit of a loving, faithful relationship. The vows we exchange at our wedding reflect a relationship already bound by steadfast love and faithfulness. The degree in which these words have meaning comes in direct proportion to the unconditional love that dwells within our heart for the one to whom we are repeating them.

Covenant partners take responsibility for their actions. As partners in a covenant marriage relationship, we are responsible for our actions. An example would be to remain “sexually pure” in our thoughts and actions towards our spouse.

Covenants are based on freedom of choice. Covenant marriages are not built on coercion, deceit, and manipulation. Wives, submission is freely given and grows from respect, not fear and manipulation. In like manner, husband, choose daily to love your wife “as Christ loved the church.” You must freely choose to love and honor her in spite of the fact that you may not “feel” like loving and honoring her.

Covenants are rooted in actions based on choices, not feelings. Our feelings are forever fluctuating. Therefore to build a covenant marriage on feelings is to build it on shifting sand, which cannot support the foundation of marriage.

Covenant partners nurture their relation-ship. Our marriage will grow as we build up one another in love. This takes place when we value our spouse more than ourselves. As we experience the unconditional love of Jesus Christ, we are able to love our spouse as He loves us. Covenant partners administer unconditional love, forgiveness, and reconciliation while providing comfort and hope to their partner.

Covenants are based on commitments freely offered A covenant is built on selfless love, freely given and freely received. As strange as it may sound, a covenant marriage is one in which the “tie that binds” the couple together is a commitment freely offered with no strings attached. Paul said it well: “Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:8).

Suzet,

Forgot to say....I saw in another thread how things are looking up for you and hubby re employment stuff! I was really happy to hear that! YAY!

NOW