LS,

I sit here reading this thinking, "your H is an A$$". But, MEDC also rightly points out that you had the 4 year A and went back to OM after your H had forgiven you. The destruction of this family lies in your choices really.

Your H is angry, hurt, and immature as well. He is taking some of this out on his daughter and frankly MEDC's comments not withstanding I think he is not someone I would respect for that. Nevertheless, your daughter lives with you, and your H sees her on his weekends right? That really means that he has lost his daughter, the day to day things that make children so endearing, and delightful he misses.

This is a tough situation, but part of it will be resolved tomorrow right? Then, it will be time to see if you really love your H or not. I am guessing that it will take at least a year before he would consider reconciling with you. Are you up for that?

As for what your H threatens with regard to leaving, it is his choice and if he leaves his daughter it will be his loss. But, then given what he has lost, perhaps he doesn't see that right now.

Your job is to calm down, be a good mother to your daughter, and start to really work on you. You have not yet fully faced the reality of what you did and how you did it. That needs to be addressed and the LOST SHEEP needs to become a FOUND SHEEP.

Have patience with yourself and your H. Work on yourself, and nuture your daughter. These things you can do, and should do. Everything else will occur in its good time.

God Bless,

JL

JL... I don't think anything was "lost" here. I think it was stolen from him.
In addition, I firmly believe that if her BH wants custody, the only honorable thing to do would be to give it to him. She should do everything in her power to restore their family... but in the meantime, her BH should not suffer the loss of being a full time dad because of her poor decisions.
JMHO.

MEDC

BH certainly is acting like an A$$. That’s probably because he has felt like one for quite a while.

IMO, he is very conflicted. He already feels he has lost everything, including his family. So what more can he lose if he distances himself even more. Perhaps he will feel less heartache? Maybe forget some small part of the heartache?

Don’t forget his anger. It settled down into a steady boil quite a while ago. The lid bubbles off ever once in a while though - like lately – when he is forced to question his status.

FWW moved out the day after DDay 2 of her LTA. So I had custody and I would have been able to keep it due to abandonment. But I felt so bad for DS that I let FWW see him just about any time she wanted. She saw him less and less and the weeks went on. Not until the LTA was completely ended did she realize how little she was involved with him. While in the LTA she only and ever thought of herself. This sounds like your H right now, he is in an A. An A not even of his own choosing, which adds to his anger and his desire to get away from the source of it all, I bet.

As MEDC wrote, I also just wanted at times to take DS over to her and say here, he’s all yours. I want to go far away and live a new life; you can clean up the mess you made of this one. There were times I wanted this so bad I could taste it.

I think you should just settle in for the long haul and wait for him to come back down to earth. A year or so from now he will be looking at you anew, with a critical eye. He will wonder if you have changed enough.

Show him you have.

You have lots of time.


BTW, unless he admitted this, “H called earlier and apologized... it’s bait & switch contrived to "teach me a lesson" - which I get.” is a major DJ!


With prayers,

ed: Meant to add, I think you should tell him exactly how he is acting, how he appears to you and to others. Tell him your truth in a non-argumentative way. This will help both of you, but him especially. In the long run he will remember you were indeed already changing ethically for the better and you recognized and woudl not accept entitled selfish behaviour when you saw it. Not even from him.

MEDC,

When I said lost, I did not mean he simply misplaced his daughter or his marriage. He lost it because she took it away from him, but it is lost now. As for who should get custody, well, that is for the courts to decide. I tend to favor the BS myself, but realistically the courts really do favor the woman in these situations. Further, when they separated he did not take the daughter is my impression. That does not look good to the courts.

My hope is that this poor little girl will somehow lead these two "adults" back together, but being in both of their lives a lot more than she seems to be in her father's life now.

God Bless,

JL

This is a call out for lostsheep!

Oh where, Oh Where have my little lostsheep gone?

LG

lost

where are you?

Lostsheep

This is a call out for lostsheep!

Oh where, Oh Where have my little lostsheep gone?

You had come so far with us in a few short weeks.

I hope you haven't fallen off the wagon.

We can help you get back on.....



LG