lump in their throat in regards to valentine's day?

yes, but mine is different than yours, as I'm the FWW- and it was right around V-day that I was first discovered in my EA. Also, it was on V-day that my BH's first wife decided she was going to divorce him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I sure haven't made any happy memories for him with this holiday...

I see you were married on Valentine's day, so happy anniversary! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

(((Rin)))

Hey girl....good to "see" ya!!

Ya know, I thought that buying cards for my H would be a challenge post A...but Christmas, his birthday, our anniversary all went pretty smoothly. I seemed to find cards that said just the right thing (gotta love those people who write cards. Wasn't there a sitcom based on one a few years back?)

Anyhoo, I did have a little lump in my throat as the big V day approached. Last year was awful.

But I found the perfect card. It's all sealed up, but it said something like

"Until you, I never knew how much... or how deep I could love. Thank you.""

Loved it. So, go shopping, Rin. Don't forget the chocolate!

Thank you Mrs. Rob.

It's going to take a lot of courage to get through the day...replace the memory of last year...I believe that there's a lie in there somewhere...something doesn't add up for me...

BUT I will make the MORE OF THE DAY...we did make it to another year...and for that I AM grateful...

Thanks LIZ, I really appreciate the idea...yeah, last year was sh1t...

Live through your fear right...tomorrow's not yesterday...

Yes big time... this is our first V day apart. I know I won't be getting any card or anything. That's going to his MOW.
I may send him an e-card ( not a real mushy one) and still thinking what I'll write. Iwas going to make him a CD of love songs but that got nixed by the great people here. (too needy)
I'm not even sure he'll even open it when he sees it's from me... but I'll never know. I'm looking forward to the 15th.

Still

(((((((Still))))))

Can I be your valentine than? How about a group hug? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I could use a little inspiration today...I agree with you...I'm ready for the 15th!

That, that right there - that's the lump in my throat. I hope that stillhurting can change her name to washurting someday.

The lump I get is from all the WS that just "don't get it". They are all about me me me me.

Makes me sad and pi55es me off at the same time.

Not me anymore. For the first time in years I am anxious to get her a nice card.

I have been getting the funny ones because the gushy ones made me feel like a big liar. Made me wish I had what those people at hallmark talk about. Now I feel like I do and I want to buy her a nice card.

Then again I probably will forget but oh well.

Valentines can be written, by you. You don't need to buy anything, especially if this is a particularly rough time, year, date for you.

This is not a stellar year for Valentine's Day for me either. My H is currently going through the very early stages of withdrawal, and seems he may see me as the cause (because I, of course, MADE him choose between M and OW). I will be writing him something, with my crappy penmanship, and it will be from me.

Love to all!

Rinder and M2L,

Thanks for the group hug.. haven't been hugged for a long time. By my kids all the time but it's not the same. Ahhh I got tears streaming down my face, Some one cares...

And "washurting" will be my ew name when all this garbage is over.

Still

Uh, yes....most definitely.

More like an elephant though...oh wait, no, that's the thing that's been swept under the rug. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, yes...it's making me feel sick. FWH sent OW a CD on Valentine's Day last year ~ and I just recently found out.

Not sure how I'm going to make it through. I haven't even gotten my kids anything for V-Day yet, I think I've been trying to deny that it's here.

I'm going to try to sleep all day tomorrow. Maybe I'll take my Nyquil tomorrow morning rather than to wait for tomorrow night. At least I'll get through the day in peaceful slumber rather than tormented memories/pain for this most "loving" day of the year.

Adultery stinks.

Huh, MF, I have nyquil too, and some cough syrup with codene (don't worry, I won't take them at the same time!!)- maybe I can sleep tomorrow away too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

It will be like Christmas, when BH didnt' get me anything at all to prove a point. Just yesterday he said, referencing last year's V-day "oh, yah, didn't I get you that great gift certificate for a haircut and you looked so good? Good thing I was such a crappy husband you had to betray me and my daughter..."

Sigh..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Oh, and Stillhurting- I'm hoping washurting will be your NEW name, not your ew name, lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

and FNM, I think your sig line about lemonade, vodka and partying is so funny...but I don't drink.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I'm in deep Dark Plan B and it's the first V Day without her and my kids. This is her week with the kids so I'm sh_t out of luck. Worst, my B-Day is the 15th so it is two sad, sad days to be alone. I could feel the tears as I'm typing this. I'm going to make the most of it, I hope.

Rin, you know that you can't focus on past wreckage. Your fear is now acceptance and you live for today. Keep this in mind. You have come a long way and it is a good thing!

MrsRob ~



Can I have have some of that one with the codeine? And why NOT take it with the Nyquil...that'd REALLY get you through V-Day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />



He needs help if he is did that for Christmas. That is emotionally abusive. That is sick, ESPECIALLY if you are working hard at recovery.

Most of us BSs would pay a cr**load of money to have a FWS who was remorseful and putting so much effort into R.

Why not? Maybe you should start! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

JUST KIDDING, PEOPLE!!!

My W is in another state for training with work. Our first V-day apart in 9+ years. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I did send a card with her. If she hasn't opened it up already she probably will tomorrow. The Christmas card I got was really mushy and that ended up in the trash after just a few days. She never keeps cards for very long no matter who they're from but that still hurt. She didn't get me a card but we did exchange gifts. 2 weeks later we separated. The V-day card I got her was not quite so mushy. Something like "Time is measured by the moons and stars but love is measured by dreams come true" something like that. I wrote in "I have dreamed that dream and I will not let it go."

Signed "I respect you, I love you." -me

I made plans for when she gets back but I don't know if she'll be interested in going. I left it up to her. I made huge plans before she left and had to cancel because of her training.

I'm not expecting anything from her at all. Sucks too, Valentines day is/was her 2nd favorite holiday right behind Thanksgiving.

I'll jump in here also.

Yes, not only do I have a lump but an incredible fear that WW will make a big deal out of giving her any gift. In my thread I mentioned that last week she had her lawyer call my lawyer and complain about leaving notes in her house and vehicle and "innapropriate" touching.

So I am hoping that since it is a holiday I can get away with a small card like what lizziedora mentioned as well as a handwritten letter.

MrsRob,
That is emotional abuse what your H said to you.... that's uncalled for. He is very lucky to have a FWS who wants to work on their M. Shame on him.

And ew....sometimes my fingers go faster than I want them too LOL

Still

Well, no lump here...a few very minor "triggers", but hopefully this post might help some of ya'll see where things can get to even after an affair.

The triggers are because this was right in the timeframe when OM and WW (at the time) were just getting hot and heavy into their EA. It was around this time when the flirting was serious, but they hadn't admitted how they felt to each other.

I got bupkiss for V-day that year. A small jar of candy, and a card. All of her attention was focused on him, with nothing spared for me. She got several nice things, and I made sure that I took the kids out to have them get stuff for her too.

So...that's the down part. Now...let's move on to NOW...

This year, I bought her an expensive set of knitting needles (a full kit of very nice ones, a kit I KNEW she was looking at, but she wasn't about to spend the money on it for herself). They came in this past weekend, and so I let her have them when they arrived. That night, we went out to a nice restaraunt here in the area after a fun time just 'window shopping' at a couple of places.

She's done nothing but thank me over and over the last couple of days since she got them. She immediately started on a project for herself with them, which makes me happy! And she LOVED the day out and dinner that followed.

For me, she insisted that I get a new cell phone that I wanted...along with all the toys to go with it. I've had a blast playing with it (even made my own ringer on it with a song that I played on the tin whistle...came out great, and I made it 'her' ringer, for when she calls me!).

So, the little triggers are nothing compared to how good things are going for us this year at V-day.

I just posted this hoping that maybe it gives some hope for ya'll that feel that things won't work out. They can. My situation felt EXTREMELY hopeless for a good while. But here we are.

Thank you sincerely Owl...your story was very heartfelt...

I'm happy to say that I took Lizzie's advice and went shopping for H and the kids while waiting on my meds...

At first, it was a little difficult...I looked for H and that wasn't working so I shopped for the kids...I had an hour to kill so what the hay...

That helped change my mood...well, I found a love ball...LOL...you know like the old Magic balls...you ask it a question while shaking it and then turn it over to get the answer...while all of the answers are love answers...LMAO

I figure I'm going to create my positive day tomorrow! At least help it along...LOL...then I got the GAINT card...it's a contract b/t party one and party two...to snuggle, hug, and kiss...contract lenght...forever...

I also got two other cards...another V-day and an anniversary card...not to mention a heart filled with reese cups...his favorite...

I got the boys each a trophy which I'm going to add a stick on the front that says I love you...also, I got them mini flower pots with flowers...so they can watch my love grow...just add water...LMAO...

Finally, I got them a card making kit so that they could make their own V-day card...one for me, one for dad, the babysitter, HN(horrible neighbor), GN (good neighbor), etc...

They just finished...in bed late but I think it was worth it...

So, thanks Lizzie...I needed that... kisses and hugs to you...

Last year a friend from out of state sent us a boquet of flowers...H got up early and L was sleeping on the couch b/c he was sick (we were all sick but I was giving him breathing treatment). Well, H got a rose from the boquet, he was going to get coffee for us...he stayed home that day while I went to work...

H had a dr. appt...well, after he left...L informed me that daddy took a rose to his friend...when he returned, I told him what L said...H replied that it was for the girls at the store...said he didn't want to take two b/c he didn't want to mess up the arrangement...

That afternoon, after his dr. appt., H sneak off to Wal-mart and got a swing that I had been wanting for the yard...he was so sick and he put it together...I got it when I got home that evening...

A few months later, I found a V-day card from OW...it wasn't mushy or anything...it still hurt and H admitted to seeing her V-day afternoon...OUCH!

Since that time I know that the A had returned to an EA the Dec. before...so it was dieing a slow death...D-day came later...I still wonder about the rose...

So, there my story and I'm sticking to it...LOL

Plan to make tomorrow as good as I can...funny...I had bronchitis last year for our anniversary...go figure, I got it again...I think that's whay triggered the lump today...

I sincerely appreciate all of your post...the boys and I do family pray before I send them to bed...we started at Christmas doing this...anyway...I throw one in for all my friends and fellows MBer tonight...praying that you all have a blessed day tomorrow in one form or fashion...

Sometimes we don't get what we want and how we want it...look for your blessings...

Much love to you all and a (((((((((Group HUG)))))

LOL...didn't want to leave anyone out, Still, Frog, SL, Owl, M2L, EPH, jrlex...LOL

ACtion not reaction...

Oh, Mrs. Rob...I agree with Still about that being emotional abuse...sounds like your H is still hurting some kind of terrible but it's no excuse not to treat you with respect...