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if you truly beleive that she is telling the truth than hold on to that truth! Lostintheworld - that is appalling advice. All BS's try and convince themselves nothing is going on. Stick around a while.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Bigkahuna... so your advice to someone that is hurting is that every WS is the same and not to trust them at all? That is appalling advice! Every person has free choice and every situation is different. I am not defending what she did nor am I defending what I did, but sometimes bad things happen and you learn and become a better person because of the trials..... a person can choose to conquere that evil or submerge themselves into it... if your read Evo's emails you can see that his heart has not been hardened by the situation... yes there is hurt but with hurt, healing can happen... if you allow your heart to become solid how can it heal? if you put a fence around it never to come out again who will you ever experiance anything good?
Formerly Lost in the World.... but really by Gods grace.... He has found me once again!!!!
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Every WS IS almost without exception the same. There is no evidence that this affair is done. She IS acting like an active WS. False hope does not help. She has learnt NOTHING to this point.
You registered here 10 days ago. What are you basing your advice on? Because I base mine on a recovered marriage and 18 months of posting, observing and reading on this site.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Posts: 267
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do you think that perhaps someone may have experiance though they may not have years of posts on a forum? I am a WS i can understand from that perspective as well as from a neglected spouse perspective..... i agree that false hope is not good, but the world is filled with good and bad... if you focus on the bad... bad is what will come to you.... if you focus and believe in the good.... good will come.... it is up to the person and the choice they make.
Formerly Lost in the World.... but really by Gods grace.... He has found me once again!!!!
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Lost - a WS is not to be trusted. They have to earn that "F" Believing in anything an active WS says is a recipe for disaster.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 267
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I am not trying to get into an arrgument here, but my heart goes out to this guy... and I know where I was and that i have/am making efforts daily to improve on the things that I know..... I also know how my husband felt/feels and how it does take time and trust to make it work.... on both parts.
Formerly Lost in the World.... but really by Gods grace.... He has found me once again!!!!
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Lost - there IS NO BASIS for trust at this point. NONE NADA ZIP.
My heart goes out to every BS on these boards but giving them a sunshine enema serves no purpose and is very damaging.
I am very pleased for you doing what you are doing to repair your marriage. Full kudos to you and to every FWS who does this. But this guy's wife is an ACTIVE WS.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 267
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There is no evidence that this affair is done. She IS acting like an active WS. where is the evidence showing that the affair is still going on? she is living with her father (who also wants to see things get better) and the guy lives over 200miles away.... it was not phyisical even to begin with.... Why cant we make an effort to believe that it is over?
Formerly Lost in the World.... but really by Gods grace.... He has found me once again!!!!
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Bigkahuna, i do believe her when she says NC. You get to know someone in 14 years and can tell when they are lying. I knew something was wrong a while before i found the proof.
Lost, thanks for your advice, i feel you really care and please continue.
Don't argue theres enough in the world without kicking off on here.
I will take on board both your opinions and appreciate both your comments
Me 35
WS 30
Dating from 8/93
Married 8/96
D-Day/LYBNILWY 1/5/07
NC 1/5/07
Moved out 1/18/07
No children
Status : Plan A
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perhaps I am just naive, inexperienced, green,and too raw to understand all of this.... I am going to leave it to you guys who obviously know much better what you are talking about.
Evo,
I apologize for the interuption in your thread. I pray that God touches your heart and gives you the insight you need to work this situation. I will be keeping you and your wife in my prayers.... Take care, good luck, and God Bless LITW
Formerly Lost in the World.... but really by Gods grace.... He has found me once again!!!!
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Posts: 7,464
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NO - it is assumed to be active until proven otherwise.
Why cant we make an effort to believe the sky is green?
I also would not necessarily believe that it was not physical - how do you KNOW this? because a crack addict SAYS it is???
Her BEHAVIOUR shows it is not over.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Posts: 80
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bigkahuna. all she could do is call him or text him. she has not left town since leavig home
Me 35
WS 30
Dating from 8/93
Married 8/96
D-Day/LYBNILWY 1/5/07
NC 1/5/07
Moved out 1/18/07
No children
Status : Plan A
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Any contact continues the affair and the fantasy
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 80
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LITW please don't leave. BK she was out with friends the only time she met him in a club and returned to hotel with girls the same night. i am sure no physical contact has been made
Me 35
WS 30
Dating from 8/93
Married 8/96
D-Day/LYBNILWY 1/5/07
NC 1/5/07
Moved out 1/18/07
No children
Status : Plan A
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so what do you reckon. tell her tomorrow i am not selling and she'll have to lump it?? that will shatter the fantasy??
Me 35
WS 30
Dating from 8/93
Married 8/96
D-Day/LYBNILWY 1/5/07
NC 1/5/07
Moved out 1/18/07
No children
Status : Plan A
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Posts: 267
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what do you mean by lump it?
Formerly Lost in the World.... but really by Gods grace.... He has found me once again!!!!
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Posts: 7,464
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I understand evo. Any contact - text or phone or anything continues it. Absolute NC must be established to recover.
See she has moved out - you really only have her word for what she is up to. Her father isn't with her 24/7.
All I am saying is believe nothing you cannot independently verify.
Most WS's, when the affair is truely over and true NC is established will be prepared to try to recover their marriage. Her being unwilling to do this is a indication of ongoing contact and hence an active ongoing affair.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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There is also a chance there is a second OM who is closer. She is acting like a WS.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 267
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that will shatter the fantasy do you know what it was about this guy that emotionally drew your wife to him?
Formerly Lost in the World.... but really by Gods grace.... He has found me once again!!!!
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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I would do nothing to enable her affair or making it easy to separate. I would neither sell nor vacate my home.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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