How old are you LITW? I know i shouldn't ask a lady

you know, God says that satan creeps at the door waiting for entrance.... you do not need to take any of my advice... honestly and truly.... what i am going to say is a bit blunt and I apologize if i hurt anyone, but these two gentelmen have been extremely hurt.... i dont know there stories and frankly from the way they have talked to you in this thread i really dont care, but they are giving you advice from their hurt and scars.... please be careful and consider all aspects of advice prior to taking it. when someone is hurt deeply, they become bitter..... it is better to have to eat/swallow words and actions delivered with honey than those that are bitter.... try a route of love first.... dont become bitter and hateful and not hope anymore.... believe that there is a God out there and that "by accidents" dont happen.... i dont talk with many people, but you I have.... that is not an accident! How is it that I know exactly what your wife is going through on the other side of the world?!? Dont let the negative hit you and falter what you know to be good and true!

Longhorn, i am not taking the advice of any one particular person on this thread. I am listening to all posts and thank everyone for their kind consideration to my current position. It is good that so many people are giving up their time to help me out. Please keep posting whoever it may be and as i said it is all going in one ear and staying there, not selective parts that make me feel better.

Ok guys, its 1am here and for the first time in ages i feel tired so i'm going to sign off. Again thanks for your advice, all of you! Will check in first thing in morning to see if any more input. Again, thankyou.

Threadjack: Comment to LITW removed...because there's no point trying to get through.
Threadjack over. My apologies to the board.

how old am I? this question is one of those that i truly dislike.... do you realize how many people judge you based on your age? when you share a number with someone they automatically put you in this catagory with others in that age group and expect that you should act the same.... it is so sad and frustrating..... it is kind of the same as "christians" people have these expectations, but forget that we too are humans and sin.... people forget that not everyone that professes to be something really is.... i am only 27.... wow huh?!?! no one ever believes me.... and for some reason when i do say my age... it makes me feel that people dont take me seriously anymore..... i hope that by me disclosing my age that it will not cause you to second guess my advice because i have lived a long hard road and if i can help you to not have to go down that same road... i would love to help.....

Oh my goodness. You think I'm bitter.

Hahahahaha

You really have absolutely no clue. You don't know the first thing about me.

WOW. Bitter. hahahahaha

LITW - fit your own oxygen mask first before trying to help others.

I am also a Christian. A devoted one so please don't try and dress this up as Christian bashing. Please. You really have no basis on which to offer your opinion here.

longhorn is completely right! I am still recovering my marriage.... i really am! so who better to understand than someone who is/has gone through it.... i am not saying you have to take any of "my" advice but bottom line it all comes down to the "needs" both you and your wife have and finding ways to get those needs met. I am starting to feel uncomfortable with these twos comments.... I truly wish you much luck and happiness as you try to restore your marriage.... perhaps I will try and post some other time. Take care Evo

Will do LITW. Thanks for posting. I only asked age as different generations often view marriage in different ways. Hope that makes sense.

BK,
Honestly, I do not agree with what LITW is sayng, however I do think her opinion is valid. We all have different life experiences to share and the end user has to filter what he/she wants to take from a comment.

Looking at your post it seemd you need to expose and verify NC, as well as you can. Do not sell the house and only talk of D with a lawyer. Start plan A and take her out like when you dated. Take it slow and when you are ready the house will be there for her to move back into or sell and start new again

Although what LITW says is appealling, it is not likely. My WW lied to me for four months before I kept digging until I reached what I believe to be the truth. Of course I will never be 100% sure, but something inside tells me it is.

TJ...Just a short one...

LITW,

You say you have read many books. You say you are Christian.

You speak like a wayward spouse, lost in fantasy.

Entitled...
Embittered...
Embattled...
Unsure of your own self worth...
Waiting for someone to make you happy...

When Jesus was told of the people who had their own blood mixed with their sacrifices, he said, "....But unless you repent, you too will perish."

Apply the teachings from the books you've read.


And Evo,

Listen to Longhorn. He's been there, done that and got a lot more than just a tee shirt. Same for BigK and Alph...

If you want to know how a WW thinks, then listen to LITW.

The F in FWW needs to be earned, it cannot be bestowed.

JMO

Mark

PS: I am willing to listen to you, just on a different thread. Some of these people have been dealing with this for a long time and they DO know from whence they speak.

well there you have it..... i try to offer some advice and get bashed from four different husbands who have been hurt by their wives.... i know carry the traits of Entitled...Embittered...Embattled...Unsure of your own self worth...and Waiting for someone to make you happy..... wow this really make me want to try to help some other person out..... Thank you for being such a great source of advice for two young people who were looking for some good council in how to proceed in life! Good luck to all of you in the paths you choose....

LITW, far from "bashing" you, these gentlemen were simply correcting the bad advice you gave and were bashed for it. I wasn't "hurt by my wife" and I also see much wrong with your advice. You will have to try harder to dismiss challenges to your posts.


LITW, I don't know if you noticed, but the sign on the door says "MARRIAGE BUILDERS," not "The Fogged out WACKY World of a WAYWARD." Evo is here to learn how to save his marriage using MB principles, not to hear the fogged out, self serving babble of a wayward who has no experience at saving marriages. Fix yourself before you try to fix others.

It is "wrong" to have an affair, it is not "wrong" to catch someone having an affair. So, "two wrongs do not make a right" would not apply because is not "wrong" to snoop.

Trust is not an ENTITLEMENT, it must be EARNED. And when a spouse is untrustworthy, a spouse is obligated to snoop in order to protect himself. Any spouse who objects probably has something to hide anyway. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide.

Dr. Harley, a huge advocate of snooping, had this to say on the subject:

"One of the most common smoke-screens used by unfaithful spouses is to express shock that their spouse would be so distrusting as to ask questions about their secret second life. They try to make it seem as if such questions are an affront to their dignity, and a sign of incredible disrespect. They figure that the best defense is a good offense, and so they try to make their spouses feel guilty about asking too many questions.

I am a firm believer in letting each spouse do as much snooping around as they want. Nothing should be kept secret in marriage, and no questions should be left unanswered. If a spouse objects to such scrutiny, what might he or she be hiding?

Another type of clue is records of communication such as telephone records, letters and e-mail. Most affairs depend on repeated contacts and evidence of those contacts can usually be found. "

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html

p.s. Evo, snoop like you are an FBI agent! Look for a thread titled Spying 101 for tips. The guys are giving you excellent advice, so please pay close attention!

Welcome to Marriage Builders, sorry you are here, my friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Guys, morning update! Told wife that i am not selling up today and to give us time to think. It is all moving too fast. Her reply shocked me as i thought it would be well you must do it. Instead it was "Ok what ever you want". After this we chatted some more about other bits and bobs. I have read the spying 101 thread and as she never used e-mail and her phone records now go to her fathers i have no way of finding out if there is still contact going on. She used the mobile phone as the medium of our problems. Any ideas, i still have the OM number from the day i found out and he has never answered my calls/texts. I did text him shortly after i found out and told him to leave well alone and give us time to sort things out. I told him that she wouldn't do anything for 6 months anyway. I know you'll say how do i know she will keep to this but i do trust her more now than i have in a long time and we have this honesty policy going on and i do believe she is sticking to it as she has told me a lot more than she needed to. We still get on great and i am going to ask her out on a date, even if its to go bowling or walk the dog. Trouble is i find myself going back to our marriage issues when we talk. I must try hard not to do this right?

Evo, I am so so sorry. I hope that you can find in your heart to forgive me. I honestly was not trying to give you ill advised information or stray you into any other direction. I do believe that communication is key to any relationship and that you must ask questions in order to heal. I do not want to give you any wacky wayward advice so please forgive me for any advice that you feel was not necessary or uncalled for. I can say with all my heart that it was not my intention. I guess before I can advise anyone i should make sure my marriage is completely healed. Again, please forgive me. LITW

Hi LITW. I do not forgive you as you gave me no reason to need to forgive you. To forgive a wrong must have been commited first. You did no wrong therefore no forgiveness required. I appreciate your comments, keep them coming. As i said last night i am taking in all advice. Its been a good day for me today. Wife been round as concerned about my condition and my eye is really hurting today. She has gone to get me some eye wash and a patch so i stop rubbing it and making it sore. She still has this in her so i guess all is not lost eh????? I am pressing on with the start of plan A and am being really nice to her and avoiding M discussions. I asked her if she wanted to get out and although her answer was "We'll see" i suppose i could take this two ways. First id that she didn't want to say No as not to hurt my feelings (negative). Second is that she didn't want to say Yes for fear of being too keen (positive). I just left it at that and will ask again next time we communicate.

Also given her the EN questionaire. Hopefully she will read and fill out. Will keep you all updated on this. I will then give her my copy and we can compare.

OK, good. Except your eye, of course. Similar physical symptoms happened to me after both DDays of the LTA.

So, now you Plan A with a vengeance. No unscheduled relationship talks. Absolutely no DJs or AOs.

Keep a journal for when you need to vent.

Or come here and yell at us. We can take it.


Call the Harleys if you can.

There is hope here. But you have to stick to the plan. You have to show your WW the upstanding husband you are capable of.


With prayers,