Thanks for both of you posting...

Here the plan...I'm seeing another attorney today...since there is no immediate danger, I filing and the plan is to have him serviced, with the RO, and removal notice...that day, we would like for it to be on a Friday, that way the kids are out of school, and I don't have to go to work...I disappear...a few days will give him time to calm down...THen, I go back into the house with my security system in place...the kids are to go to the GN should anything happen...

THe IC and I talked it over and we seems to think that after the intial reaction goes away after a few days that things will be okay;however, we are preparing for the worse all the same...I am to have clothes and stuff packed for all of us in case I have to leave immediately...

I'm hoping that it doesn't take a month, but I figure we're averaging once a month right now...the last episode was a few days ago and he's being nice and sweet and just charming it up...

So, that's the plan that we've come up with... I'll meet with her soon and see where I stand, what I've done so far, and take whatever steps I need from there...

As long as he doesn't get angry, we're cool...the thing I most concerned about is his reaction to being serviced...I'm ending this before it gets any worse and b/c he's made threats I have to take them seriously and I'm just not sure what he's capable of...

You know I was think about it last night...him and his EXGF use to get into it...he would have scartches on his face and the last time...while we were dating she claimed that she was PG for him, not so, anyway, he picked her up and throw her, the police was called, she were to the H...

I wasn't there...but he was so mad...I remember him calling me that night, I had gone to a concert with a friend of mine...and then the next morning, he claims that she started her mess again and he turned to his brother and cousin and told them to drive her home before he lost his cool again...that was about an hour away...He came to me work and he was furious...

That's the worse thing I can ever remember and I didn't remember that until last night...he got more to lose this time and my concern is that he will snap...I hope that I am wrong!

Hi, I just made my first sexual assault counseling session for next Thurs.

And of all days to call, H calls today when I'm across town at this meeting, asking if I can come pick him up to go get his bike...then I end up writing a check for almost $600...I am so pissed...he didn't NEED this...but my car NEEDS repair...I've have an oil leak for months...

I had to make up an excuse because I had to drive back across town to get him...I just said that we were really busy today...

I'm biting my tongue...I was even nice and gave him a peck before I left...

I have an appt. with the lawyer...

OMG, I am so angry...I mean this was his bonus, and I agree that he should spend it on something for him BUT he spend the entire thing....$1800 on his BIKE! WTF! There's the money I need!

I'm cool I'm going to calm down and he wonders why I say we're behind on the bills...now, I have to move things are this week! I told him that I needed to pay the house and the truck this week...well, there went the truck...

This is not a first for him...spending money on OT that for bills...

AHHH!

Not to mention that I suppose to schedule an eye exam for me but I told him that I wouldn't be able to do it b/c of money and it would have to wait...

AHHH! Venting...thank you!

(((Rin)))

Take care of you.

Wow, Rin! Sounds like you are really thinking this through. Isn't it great to have a plan; a clear, concise plan. It makes life a bit easier to know what you want your end result to be, as it gives you goals to meet while trying to get there.

Recovery, as YOU definitely know, is very tough, especially in the initial stages. It shouldn't continue to be that tough, but it sounds like your roller coaster keeps rolling on. You have found yourself in a R with someone who DOES NOT want to make the changes. You want to; you want to be HEALTHY, and sometimes, you have to do that on your own. You have done everything that you can, self-improvement and healing, as well as showing love and affection, meeting EN's as best you can. I am, for one, very proud of you. You FOUND yourself. It's tough to look in that mirror, and look at the past, without trying to change it, and recognize what you see.

It sounds like you are being very careful. Please DO lock those weapons up, and TIGHT! DO NOT hesitate one second to get law enforcement involved in the case of domestic violence; if you perceive threat, call it in! If you need to disappear, prepare a place to go.

When you can, please keep us up to date.

Wow, Rin.

Take really good care of yourself and your kiddos. I'm glad you have some people "on the ground" to support you, it sounds like things will get pretty messy there.

I'll be thinking about you.

-AmI.

Thinking like that is wrong. You shouldn't agree to that. My bonus goes to my family. It goes in the bank and when we need to spend it we do. It is not just mine.

Heck I can't think of one bonus I claimed to be mine.

Rin I think you are making the right choice.

Now since eveyone here seems to support you and think you are great I need to weild the 2x4 yet again.

I quite frankly am tired of swinging it but oh well.

Don't paint yourself into the D corner yet. I would move forward like you plan to but this may be the impetus he needs to change.

I am not saying take him back without change either. I am saying if he changes, truly changes, then maybe there is hope.

Like I said before he hasn't so you are making the right choice.

Sometimes damaged people do love but just the wrong way. Then something happens they get help and they can see what healthy love is.

Again that is one of the reasons I stressed the MC/IC thing with you guys.

Take care and good luck. I know you have the tools to deal with this and build a desk if necessary.

HI Guys, well the thinking is prepare for the worse; however, given our history...People like him are more bark than bite, H will probably react the first couple of days...then back down, b/c they don't want to get in trouble with the law...he's got nothing on his record and we hoping that he wants to keep it that way...

But like I said we're preparing for the worst...

Well, I met with the A and I REALLY like him, so, I did have to call my parents for the money, which was really easy this time, and it's on it's way...then, I called the A back and said lets get started...the P will be faxing over the paperwork in the morning...

I can't describe how good I feel...I have all these wonderful P telling me how great I am here, Al-anon, work, the shelter, even the A sais some good things about me...

It's validation of what I already know and I tired of hearing that I do this and I do that and I'm this...

What would you have done with $1800? Repaired the car, took a vacation, spent it on your kids,

This PERSON spends it on his BIKE...but me and the kids mean the world to him...I'm sorry...lie to someone else from now on...

MY SD said that it sounds like he is very selfish...I said yes he is! He's a good person, with deplorable behavior...(Thanks LA for that one!)

Well, I'm going to my meeting tonight and to HN's mother's wake...I'm in a good mood and I don't have to deal with H for a few hours...the traffic's been bad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> and I've been getting home late!

Buy my BS something nice!!!!!

Rin, I'm also glad to see you with a plan.

About the rope ladders: When my SiL moved into a 2-story house, she was nervous about all their bedrooms being upstairs, and worried that her kids might not be able to get out in case of a fire. What she and her H did was to go buy some of those fire-escape ladders that are made to hook over a windowsill. Well, then, she got to worrying about whether the kids might take the ladders outside to play with them, so her H bolted those suckers to the windowsills. They then simply rolled them up on the windowsill and hid them behind the blinds. They also attached a cowbell with a chain onto the bottom rung, so that if one of the boys decided to try sneaking out of the house, they would be able to hear it... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi LC...Thank you for the idea...I really like that...


Little update...

I'm getting stuff together tonight...just gathering things that I think would help and I tore out o page of paper that he has all of these porn sites listed on and I'm thumbing throught the tally book and this MOTHER FLOWER

joined the world's largest adult personal site on Feb. 26, 2007...and I found the valentine's card from the OW...

GUESS WHERE?

It's been sitting on my coffee table inside his leather binder behind where the paper goes...

Well, I was pretty mad about the webite...I took the page with his handwriting on it and then I logged in, printed that page, and changed the password to iamaloser07...

There is NO WAY in the world I would take this man back...

I'm thinking about changing the plan a little so the kids and I can stay at the house...I'm going to talk to my IC and A about it...I thought about it...he would be living in this house for two or three weeks...do you know the damage he can do in that time...

I thought about it tonight...I'm charging the video camera and taping the house...everything in the house...in case I do stick with the plan I have now...I'll have evidence of what's in the house...

OMG...I can't believe this...

(((Rin)))

I'm here and praying for you. I've been following your sitch and didn't really know what to say.

You have grown so much over the past year. Know your choices, know your intent, remain true to yourself.

You'll get through this. I believe in you.

(((Rind)))

You're making the right choice right now. Stay strong and safe.

Still

((((LIZZIE)))

Thank you, good to hear from you...I have TBH, I haven't been following your thread...I'm sorry when things calm down I'll catch up...I'm so glad that you posted...it means a lot to me right now...

Still- I feel good about my decision...and the things that I see not that my eyes are open...

Last night, I was cooking and he had called me back...H kept asking what was wrong with me...I said I've been having a good day...Are you sure? replied H...I'm like YEA!

It was almost like he was trying to start somethin but I just changed the subject...later I brought him lunch...then, I had to take care of some pics on the laptop...well, I did a search and included the hidden folders...10,700+ pics and most of them were porn! I called him up and said I just wanted to let you know that you're there are 10,700+ pics of the computer and most of them are your internet usage in hidden folders...

So, I'm trying to delete them so the computer will run faster...By 3 this morning...I got it down to 7550...

I was doing that and gathering up some stuff around the house...I burned a video tape that the two of us made and threw away some porn videos on VSH...I left the DVDs...I'm trying hard to made it so the house looks untouched...

I was sitting in the A office and he was talking about my H and the image of a pimp came to mind and I thought "My H use to be my pimp!" Trading me for OW...and I let this happen...so what, he wouldn't leave me...b/c I wanted him to love me...how sick is that?

I've got alot of healing to do...and I'm looking at this as an opportunity! I might have the chance to go back and get my MAster's like I've been wanting to for years...and I get to break the cycle...

(((((RIN)))))

Here for you.

A V-day card from OW this year, and just recently joining a personal dating site ... wow, that's got to really hurt. I'm very sorry.

I hope you are keeping evidence of these things so you can use them in exposure. I think you'll at least want his parents to know (when the time is right), since you'll still have to deal with them as the kids' grandparents. They seemed to back you up last time.

(((((hugs)))))

Sorry you're going through this.

-AmI.

Rinder... if you have talked to someone regarding his abuse... there is no reason that he would be able to stay in that house for three weeks let alone three hours. Your PFA order is a no brainer and he would be escorted to the home to get his stuff and escorted away too. I imagine a judge in your town would grant an emergency hearing when contacted by the shelter. The first priority is your safety though... your kids need you. So, forget about stuff in the house for now...if you can get him out immediately, then do so... if not.. follow the plan as you are directed.
I am very proud of you for standing up. You are doing this for you and your kids.

V-day card was from last year...the one I throw away and he got it out of the garage...it's been in the house the whole time...

Yeap, I'm keeping the stuff...and I want to add visitation time in for his parent's...

You know it didn't really hurt when I found this stuff...I was just thinking..."Look at this MF!"

Back in 97, another OW sent him a V-day card to the house...somethings never change and we're were just dating...I didn't want to see these things...

Well, I got some paperwork started...just faxed it back to the A...

Who knows if he got anything this year from OW, frankly I could care less...I am not about to let him hurt me anymore...he grabbed my butt this morning...I just ignored it...I was getting ready for work...

My head and heart are so in sync right now, it's not even funny and I just keep finding proof that I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING!

Thanks AmI! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I appreciate your support!

Medc- Thank you SOOO much...


I was thinking about that last night wondering if there was any way I could get him out sooner rather that later...I appreciate the info, I'll have to check into it...

(((((MEDC))))

Hi, I just got off the phone with the para and when he's serviced there will be a TRO and he will be escorted from the home with only his personal effects and clothes...

I still have the problem of removing the gun from he's truck...If it was under the seat, that would be easy, but it's between the seat and console...in plain view...I guess I can remove it that daybefore he's serviced, if he's sleeping at the house...

please pray that I have a chance to get it out of there...

In this state, if there is a RO, he can't posess a gun. Let the court know that there is one in his vehicle. Maybe THEY will remove it before he can leave in the truck?

(Ask your attorney).

-AmI.