Thanks, AmI, I mentioned the guns in the house yesterday...um, I think I did...I'll double check next week...I'll be being in payment Mon. or Tues. and the papers should be ready for me to look at...I'll ask then!

Rin,

Good for you. Stay strong and move forward.

Thanks Frog...You know I just changed my name and I was thinking, I didn't have that name before, it was the title of my thread!

Seems like everything is running together...

Oh, I called F's schoold an gave the Guidance C a heads up on what was to take place along with permission to let anyone know who comes into contact with him...I let her know that I was setting up C for me and the kids...and that I would be providing them with the TRO...

I told her I would definitly call her back next week when I found out when he was going to be served...

I hope that I am hitting all the bases...I'm not sure what to do about checking account right now...finacial...what do I need to do about that...bills and stuff...I'm lost on that one...

I guess if I'm in the house I need to pay the M...which is not a problem...

Oh, I got some cash, 200, from him this morning...in case I need to go somewhere, I was suppose to put it in the bank but I'm keeping it in case. He asked if he really needed to give it to me...I said well...you owe two months on the electricity bill now...He was not happy...that's what you get when you spend money on OT...

I could pay that bill with the cash he gave me...he's probably got another 200 in his pocket...That would be the gas and water...

I can tell you now, I'm turning off the cable, keeping the internet, and I'm thinking about getting rid of the water cooler...we only use a bottle a month and I can get water from the store for cheaper...the phone will be going back to basic service if I get this cell phone thing taken care of...

Okay, I've thought about it enough this morning..let me do some work...LOL

I know what your names were. I was the impetus for changing from needingcomfort if you remember. LOL.

Rin I am happy for you. I am not happy about your sitch necesarrily but for you and your personal growth.

Everyone here knows D is not what anyone wants but in some cases it is necessary.

The FWS or WS just never changes.

So stay safe and keep the kids safe and everything else will work itself out.

Thanks Frog-

I feel your compassion and I thank you fro it...

I feel REALLY good about this...this is what I WANT...it's been at the back of my mind for so long...

I hate that I have to do it the way I'm doing it...it bothers me with the hiding, the covering my tracks, and I almost want to compare what he's going to feel with what I felt on D-day...It's like being a WS to me, and I don't like it...

AmI, I get what you were feeling now...I think that no matter the sitch...it's the sneakiest of is all...but I can't let my emotions get in the way right now...I have to stay focused, I can deal with that at a later date...

I think that it I let my emotions get in the way right now, I may slip up...it's bad enough that last night I was getting rid of a few things and I left a box out on the counter in the kitchen when I went outside and I saw it this morning sitting next to my purse...now, I can't remember if I put it by my purse or not...regardless it's not something that lays around the house...it's been in the bathroom closet for years...

Oh, my heart sunk...it will be alright...WH is sick, his glands are swelling so, he wasn't very chipper this morning...brought me coffee but didn't change the cup...I took a few sips and left it alone...

This is his gift to me...coffee...and he grabbed my butt...I just kept getting ready for work...if I think about it to hard I start getting really nervous that I'll be found out before hand and I still haven't packed clothes for us.

Well, I'll wrote more later!

AmI-

I know that I am doing what I am suppose to do to protect myself and the kids but I've never felt so deceitful in my life...having to hide what I'm doing...

I remember you writing on your thread about how you felt to be moving things around and stuff...I was just hoping that you could give me some thoughts...

Actually anyone...I really feel like a WS hiding...I mean come on he joined a personal ad website...

He wrote that he is a hard working fun loving guy that lives for the moment...who is looking for hot nights and fun days with a committment...

His status: Tell you later
Interested IN: fetish, group sex, sexual relations, online flirting, other

I don't know...I really just don't know!

(((Rin)) aka ((strivin))

Don't feel decietful. You are doing what you need to do to keep your family safe. Just remeber that.

Keep focused

Still

Hi, Still...I am trying to...I really am...I finally got my book in the Verbally Abusive Relationship and on my way home while stuck in traffic I read the first to pages and couldn't handle it...

THat's the worst part of all of his...the things that have hurt me SO deep...

I brought him his lunch tonight...after I came straight home and went to bed...I just told the kids that I wasn't feeling good and that they could play PS2...I woke up at 8 and the kids had moved to L's room...

H called and was wondering what was wrong b/c he hadn't heard from me...I said well I was picking up the phone to call him to see about supper...I brought him some catfish and he wanted to play with my hair and touch my ear...saying that we would go to a movie Sun...believe that when I see it...

Anyway, he said something about spending time with me...well, this is the opposite of what he was saying last SUn. So, I said that it wasn't what I was hearing Sun., but I didn't want to talk about it. My chin pressed in like I sometimes do before I cry...so I sucked it up, made more small talk and left...

WH got a raise...I told him that was great that it would be a challenge to handle the stress...He said that he would be fine...I hope for his sake he is...He also mentioned that this evaluation said that he needed to continue to home his leadership abilities...I reminded him that we thought that this was going to be a great opportunity for him...

I glad for him...he'll need the extra...I've lose 8 lbs this week...I mentioned it to H, he thinks I'm stressing over bills...HA!...I also mentioned that my car still needed to get fixed...he said that we'll get there that we have to wait for a period when the weather will be good an I can be out my car for a few days...

I reminded him that my cousin is a mechanic and I was suppose to take it to him, drop it off, and pick it up that afternoon...

Well, I told him that I had found F's video tape from when he was little so that we had plan (F, L, & me) to go home and watch it...we all enjoyed it...I did get to see the good times with my H...L felt asleep so I carried him to be and I got the opportunity to tell F what was going on...

That I had hired an A, we discuss how i felt...he only had one thing to sat was that he want to live with me and he wanted to live with H...So, I explained that it wasn't our chose that the judge would have to decide where it was best to live, however, he would more than likely end up with me...

I told him that was really to far in the future and as soon as I knew more I would let him know...he was cool with that...he's my buddy...didn't want me to cry,

Well, I'm falling asleep here so I'll write more later! Yeah, I'm going to bed...kkkkkkkkkkkkk...LOL...SEE!

Rin .....

"I know that I am doing what I am suppose to do to protect myself and the kids..."

That's the most important piece!

I know it feels decietful. But remember, this is someone you are protecting yourself from right now. You are making decisions and choices based on the information that you have available. That's all you can do.


I did write about similar things on my thread, but I was trying to re-establish trust with my H. We were working on recovery. You are working on protecting yourself and your children from someone who has threatened significant harm.

It sucks to feel like the "sneaky" one. Like you're the one sneaking around and keeping secrets. But you aren't trying to build a connection with him right now, you are trying to protect yourself. O&H is a relationship-building tool. And that's not the goal right now.

Take care of yourself. Protect yourself, and your children. That's most important right now.

-AmI.

(((Rin))),

I know how hard it is to tell your kids. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. You are doing the right thing.

You are a strong woman.

Hope you got a restfull sleep last night.

Still

Rin,

You are most assuredly doing the RIGHT thing here! I am in awe of your focus. Please be sure to sleep when you can, to laugh when you can. You will need everthing you've got for this next part of the offensive. You WILL do great, but GET THAT GUN!!! Be sure the courts know about it, too.

You are not being deceitful, Rin, you are being RESPONSIBLE, SMART. You are taking care of business. You aren't sure what you will be faced with, and you are taking care of whatever you have control of. You are NOT to be compared to a WAYWARD, NEVER.

Breathe, focus, and keep moving. You are a GREAT MOTHER. So proud to know you...

Hi Rin,

I can't stop thinking about you or your sitch.

I hope he doesn't ask the mods of that site to send him password before you get a chance to get everything in place.

You are constantly in my prayers.

~ Marsh

Rin,

Popping in to see how your weekend went.

Still

Hi Guys and gals! I made it through the weekend, H was home Sat. and Sun night. Thanks Still for checking in on me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

MOF, it showed up at the surprise b-day party and I didn't know that he was coming...he's still very concerned about me...asking me what's wrong...yesterday, he got mad at me b/c I was miserably cold on the poker run and he asked if I wanted him to bring me home and I say Yes...well, he got mad, and said come on if you're coming...I said no right now...

The house was like two blocks away at this point in the ride...well, I wanted to go home after that stop, but he bought me to the HD shop, the last stop...I was still freezing, but I ate some hot boiled crawfish, and one of the ac units was blowing hot air out when it kicked on, so I was sitting on it...I got better and he was better...

Well, about 3pm, he said to me "Come on, I'm tired of watching you suffer" and we went home...he asked what parts of me were cold when we got home...being nice...I drank some tea and crawled into bed...at one point he was telling me that it was all in my mind...

I did really great to make it to today...so many times it was like he was trying to start a fight...told me last night that I was nagging and b1tching all day about it being cold...I asked how was I doing that and he told me...I just let it slip...

Sat. I had the worse night's sleep, he would move and I would wake up...It was like I was scared to go to sleep with him there but last night was better...once I got to sleep I slept pretty good...

He's still talking about the future, doing things together, blah, blah...oh, he told me last night "No, offense but I won't bring you ride again when it's cold." I said "That's fine, I'll just wait til Spring or summer!" This was right after he told me that I was nagging and b1tching!

Keep the peace...I was good at that...until his A...

I'm hoping the money comes in today...I want to get him out of the house as quickly as possible...I want this process started...my biggest fear right now is how he is going to react to being served...I think once I get passed that I'll be better...I keep going back and foward about it...no, he won't blow up...he'll be in shock...yes, he's going to get angry...truth of the matter, I don't know...

SL- I'm working on the gun thing...the 9mm is missing, I asked him about it and he said that it was picked up...I had to leave it at that...I don't want to arouse any suspicions...I will be tlaking with my A about it this week...the other handgun is in his truck...I'll be removing the bullets from it...since the gun is in plain view...that's the best that I can do right not...

I really don't think that H knows what is coming...

Marsh-I'm a little concerned about that but he's rebelling right now...he's done this before...refuses to use the laptop...he hasn't been on it since last Mon....it hasn't moved from the stop it'd been in...Now, today, he may has the opportunity to use it...he goes back to work tonight...good thing is I'm at work and the pattern is that I have to argue with him...I help esculate things...should he confront me about it, I will agree and tell him that he's right...I'm not going to do ANYTHING to provoke him...

He's already on edge, we haven't had SF in 7 days and I'm so happy that I can't right now...

You know at one point this weekend, I thought, we may be able to deal with each other reasonable in regards to the kids after this is all over and done with...just a dream I guess...

OH, I had a good time this weekend without H around...you know I went help decorate for the party and then I met my S for coffee...it felt good to be out socializing with OP...that is until I got to the party and H showed up then, I felt uncomfortable and took my leave about an hours later...I picked up the kids and bought them to our friend's house with her kids for the next day...Then, I went home and was in bed for 11...

H stayed at the party, he rode his bike, well, Mr. man got pulled over by the cops and had to do I field sobiety test...which he passed...THIS makes the second time in a month that he's been stopped on that bike...I waiting for something to happen! A ticket, a accident, something...

Now, to hear the story from him, the cop really stopped him to look at his bike...not that he was speeding...same old stuff...all I did when I hear this come out of H's mouth was look at him and turned away...UNBELIEVABLE!

Well, let me get to work. I have plans to put up those motion detecter lights by myself and I need to go buy new locks for the house and have them ready to be changed ASAP when the time comes...I also have some safety and security film that I'm not good at putting on the windows, but I'm going to try on the house door, so that he can't break the glass and then turn the lock on the door...

So much to do! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

hi, SL, I went back and read your post..there were a few OT I wanted to mention...You said to be sure to laugh when I could...well, Sat. evening...I had mentioned that I went to have coffee with my S and I was telling her about chnging the password of his site and I was laughing baout it...

SHe smiled so big and said that was the first time that she's seen me laugh and smile...Four months! And it's true, it's very seldom that I laugh and smile, so I'm looking forward to that...

As far as my focus, that is really tough TBH...I was telling my S that I got to thinking about what he was going to do when he was served, where he was going to go, etc...and I told her that I had to stop myself and tell myself THAT is not my problem...I was telling her that I was thinking about how many close friends that he has...not many...MOF, his BF lives two hours away and I think that they talk at least once a week, but I'm not sure...S said that I was right it's not my problem, that HE is the one who has to be concerned with that and this is the consequences of HIS actions...

I was also talking about telling F what was going on and F had said that he wanted to live with me but wanted to live with his D also...I told F that it wasn't going to be his decision, not mine or his D's, that it would be up to the judge and he wold decide what was in the best interest of him and his brother, but more that likely that the judge would say that they have to live with me...

My S said that was the best thing to do...let F know that it wasn't something that HE had to decide that the judge would be doing that! S also asked if I thought that F would say something to him D about the sicth and I said I seriouly doubt it that one day F got off the bus, upset, and crying...H asked him what wsawrong and F ignored him...then, F got in trouble for not talking to his D...

My S said that was such a shame that H doesn't even know what he's missing...I handle things very differently then H and the kids talk to me...

I appreciate you saying that I am a good mother...I really do...I have doubted myself in the past, but those kids are a reflection of me and they are really good kids! I've decided that I plan to be very careful in how I address their D with them, I remember how my mother was addressed with me by my grandmother and I hated her for the way she talked about my mom...My mom didn't say anything bad about my dad and I really respected her for that, and I want my kids to respect me for the same thing...

I was telling F that his dad is a really great person, wtih a good heart but the choices that his D is making right now, I can't live with and it's hurting me so I feel that it would be healthier for his dad and me not to be together...

When the time is right I will adddress this with L also...but not until after H leaves the house, I don't trust him to keep his mouth shut...

Oh, I am SOO in love with Chris Daughtry's song "It's not Over"...now, if you watch the video it has a different meaning then I'm appling to my sitch...

One part says: A part of me is dead and in the ground...

And I apply the It's not over to my life...I was thinking that I will eventually change carrers...I have stayed in this job b/c it's convenient and H didn't think that I should leave it...so, I will probably so find something that is more related to my field of study or go back to school and get my Master's...I have tons of things to look forward to...

I'm having some trouble with short term goals...the only one I can think about right now is getting him out of the house...and being Ded in a year from that date...oh, an there's my bathroom, since I painted it I hated the colors, and H wouldn't let me repaint it b/c he liked it...that a major on my list...I may even move my room to the back of the house to be closer to the kids, plus it's quieter back there...

Well, have a great day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like you are focused, and doing well. By all means, take control of the house. Paint what you want, change rooms, redecorate, BE YOU!

I did some redecorating and laid new carpet while WH was gone. I will be working on my bathroom too!

I say, ONE DAY AT A TIME! You are doing well to describe how you perceive what kind of father your WH is to your child. It's important that they KNOW that THEY are not the problem. We all want to avoid D, but we can't always be healthy in a M. It's a tough call, but it seems you are making the best one. I support you.

Keep those lines of communication open with the kids, and you should do fine.

Thanks SL! Looks like I'll be headed to the A today, if I can get away from work...I got what I need and just finished a inventory list of household items, things in the garage, assets and liabilities really!

I feel good, I do...I KNOW that I am making a good choice...I mean all of these years we haven't had any DV, and now we do...before someone gets hurt, we should end it now...for everyone involved...

Oh, I may have to wait until tomorrow to go to the A...H is home today possibly awake...I have to go home for lunch then...

Okay, I can handle this...

I've made copies of titles, and stuff this morning too, trying to make a system instead of having them in a box...easier to find...

Staying busy REALLY helps!

Hi, again! I went home for lunch just in case...H was sleeping...I grabbed a little something to eat and went lay down...

I started getting so nervous...wondering if I was doing the right things, blah, blah, blah...I had to make myself stop...it's such a hard decision to make...to take that big leap...

Here I am AGAIN, with the money in hand...so I called the A and told the Para to expect me if not this afternoon definitly tomorrow...I have no one to cover for me today and with H home...I've come this far...

It's like I'm still questioning in my mind the things that have happened, wondering if I'm making them up, still second guessing myself...I know that this will take some time...

I was reading on D and some of the good things about it and saw there was some quotes...SO, I added my favorite to my sig line...I just really have to keep my emotions out of this right now, and that's getting harder to do...I figure I can have a nervous breakdown AFTER he's out of the house...

I was reading the civil codes to, just to kind of understand the law and I'm not really sure but b/c of my sitch I may have only 6 months instead of a year for final date. I'm not really sure.

Well, the rough draft will be ready when I go in tomorrow...I'm not sure what happens from there...I guess it gets submits to the courts, approved, and served...

I haven't found anything on the procress yet...

Oh, well, I'm just nervous...Thanks guys for at least listening to me...I'm really nervous!

It is nerve racking, when you have nothing to guage your WH's response on; not really. You will be okay, just stick to your decision, which was made in a time of clarity. Now the trick is to trust yourself here, Rin.

Who do you have for support through this? Someone to be close by, just in case, when all this goes down?

Make sure you don't let up on getting those safety features changed and installed, okay?