Thank you for the hugs and your posts. I hope it helps...'cuz I was really surprised how hard it was to send that!

And I think in owning it, I see new stuff...where I upped my attacks from my fear of abandonment...so if you see WH up his, you don't have to choose to believe it's about you...his fear is high and will get higher. Be aware.

LA

Rin,

Haven't got much advice to offer... you're getting great input from everyone.

Just wanted you to know I'm behind you.

Still

Well, STBXH didn't get served yesterday...I called the A and asked about picking up a copy and the Para said that it was still at the courthouse and she was waiting on a call for them.

Said that she would give me a call...so, it's the waiting game!

I also dropped my car off this morning to be fixed...I'm looking forward to getting it back...it must have been misfiring, because sometimes when I started it, it would die immediately...I'm thinking that has to be the plugs or wires...I'm sure a plug is filed out...

I forgot to mention to Tim to look over it and let me know if there was anything else that he saw that I needed to do in the next month or so.

LA_ I really wanted to thank you for sharing such personal stuff...the insight that you have provided over the past year to me has been invaluable...I have grown from your sharing and hope that I continue too.

My hat's off to you! I'm proud to know such an authentic person as yourself!

Oh, I wanted to mention that Sun. when I picked up the kids I told STBXH to call me about what day that he wanted the kids next...no word thus far...I will not call him to ask him...the ball is in his court if he wants a relationship with his kids...I also have witness to this so he can not come back and say that I would not LET the kids visit him...

I guess we will see how things go...I hope that everyone is having a good day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

Quick suggestion: do you have a Daytimer type calendar? something that you write your daily schedule in? If so, beginning today or last week (if you can remember it) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> begin making factual notes of what occurred with WH that day. For example, on Sunday, March 18th write: "When I picked up kids, told STBX to let me know when he wanted the kids next." That's all. No "feelings" or DJ's--just facts. THIS is documenting...and later in court when he claims that you stood in the way of his relationship with the children, you can introduce your Daytimer as evidence and the court will accept it over and above someone's memory or statement.

Here are notes that are NOT SO GOOD: "STBX still hasn't called about the kids yet. I don't think he even WANTS to be a dad!" "Saw STBX with that ****** at the coffee shop again, parading it around in front of the whole town" "That jerk closed our joint account without even TELLING me! What an ***hole!"

See how each one is emotional and contains projection and disrespectful judgment?

Here are good "documentation" type notes: "STBX picked up children at 6pm--brought them home by 10pm" "I moved out today. STBX responded by coming to my place of work. Police were called by management." "Spoke with STBX regarding custody. He began to call me by pet nicknames. I told him to stop and he did not." "Found out he closed the joint bank account without informing me. Car insurance was autopay from that account, so I had to change the autopay to my personal account."

See how they are all factual?

*TIP FOR THE DAY* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Your faithful friend,


CJ

CJ, I have all of my posts from here too...to you think it would be wise to go back and do the same thing...say for the last year...

As evidence of the DV and VA...I was thinking about doing it anyway, just making time for it, is difficult with the kids and everything!

I have been taking notes in a day planner, and I started a custody book...writing that type of stuff down...

BC- Do you ever work? LOL

I saw Tim this morning...Nancy asked how you were doing...I said that you were doing well...I didn't know how much you tlak to them or what they know...So, I figured it was best left that way...

Work? Who wants to do that?

No, we're just not busy right now and I'm pretty much twiddling my thumbs until things pick up in a few months. I usually pull my hair out all summer though, so it's coming.

No, I don't cut grass for a living.

Timmy knows plenty. Nancy's little boy knows too much. Me and Timmy took him fishing a weak after DDay. I was a bit angry. I vented all afternoon. He shouldn't have heard all that. Lake DeCade shouldn't have heard all that. I don't think that kid's ever gettin M.

But I'm feeling much better now!

Well, I'll be sure to tell them that you are doing better then after Christmas...LOL

Enjoying your son and still cracking jokes...LMAO

When I called Nancy earlier to check on the car, she said "It's been a long time since you changed your spark plugs, huh?"

I said Yep, my H was suppose to do it! She laughed and said that I didn't need to say anymore!

I'm looking forward to getting over there this afternoon! I really DO appreciate it so much! (((((THANK YOU!)))

Hey Strivn,

You just have a listen when it's convenient for you!
Takes concentration!

HI, I am a little confused about what you were referring to Sky.

Do you mean as far as STBXH is concerned?

Strivn,

Sorry about that. Responding to your earlier thread.


Dr. Harely Sr. radio audio broadcast on the subject DV/abuse. Escalating Anger...


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

HI, all! Thanks Sky! LOL Little slow today! Sorry!

I scheduled my first IC session for next Monday! Checking into the Employee assistance program with that...have to call tomorrow!

I really don't have anything to say...the kids and I will be out of the house for two weeks tomorrow...and we've got 37 days till court...

I hear LA in my head saying "What's a hurry ever got you!" But I sure wish time would fly by a little faster...it's hard being in someone else's house...I'm sure that you all know that...trying to help out, make sure that we don't make a mess, don't intrude on OP's private time...

They are really great, I do have to say...a little odd watching them interact, very different from what I'm use too...I guess it's a benefit of being out of the house...I get to see how a "normal" couple is together...they joke with each other alot!

Then, last night I was standing out on the patio and the kids across the street came home and the dad was speaking loudly "where are my kids?" He grabbed each one of them up and started playing with them...I was thinking that we didn't have that! Made me a little sad b/c the boys don't have that type of relationship with their dad...

I remember telling him that he needed to do more things with the boys but he would say "when they get older" and I would tell him when they get older will probably be to late...I mean he would bring F to the store once in a while...perhaps L...but it was few and far between...

I would bring them to the park, let them run around, go to the movies when we could...that reminds me...STBXH said one time that he wanted to bring us to the movies and the day came and gone...some of you may remember...and by the end of the week, I said something about him keeping his promises...

Well, he "heard" me say that he was a bad father! I didn't think that, I did at the time thinkt hat he could spend more time with them...

I really was disappointed that the kids spend a large part of the weekend at the neighbors house, Fri., Sat., and Sun...I was just hoping that he would be a better part-time father...and maybe that could happen down the line...I don't know...

Should I have a convo with STBXH in the near future and he wants to talk about us...I will tell him that the only R he needs to concentrate on is his and his kids R...and I didn't tell him to stop calling me pet names but I will...

I want to make it very clear to him that I am NOT going back...I've come this far, OH, NO!

I'm not spiraling, but I am sad...perhaps home sick, missing my dog, my own bed...right now the kids are switching nights...LOL...who gets to sleep with mom! L has two nights, F has two nights, and then one night we all sleep together...Boy is that rough on me...they move SOOO much!

Well, I'm getting sleepy...rest is good! Perhaps tmorrow will be brighter...I was SOOO hoping that he would be served today and actually he could have and I don't know it! I'm waiting on a call from the A to get my copy!

WEll, Good night all, I pray that you are all safe and sound, are given some serenity in your day to day lives, and you are all healthy! ADO!

Rin,

Maybe it will get better with the boys seeing their dad. When my WH first moved out he barely saw the kids at all. My DS barely went with him 2 days a week. He was trying to work everything around her schedule.

Now at least he takes oour DS on the schedule we have which is about 50 percent of the time. Actually not because DS is with me until he picks him up. Which has been pretty late lately.

Still not interacting with DD as much as I would like... but he is getting better.
So hopefully that will change.

Still

MOrning, Still! I hope that you are right...

I'm feeling better this morning...

I woke up late...my S came into the room and told me what time it was and if it was okay that she woke us up.

I told her I was dreaming about breaking up a domestic sitch...I remember it started with me and the kids and then the people living behind us started...it was two guys, both with knives...

Somehow, I got into it and there was an old guys...I think I was trying to stop it because of all the kids that where around...in addition to my two I think there was eight or nine more...I remember telling him there are kids around to put the knife down or give it to me...

I had a broom handle and remember hitting him with it several times...at that point I got woken up!

When the focus was on me and the kids, I remember the HN being involved, she was sitting in her house, rocking her daughter, she's two...I was waving to her daughter, but I can't remember what happened in between there and when my attention turned to the OP.

I wasn't scared in the dream that I remember, just think that it's wierd I was dreaming something like that...

I'm going to cancel my sexual assault session today since I have an IC besides it's at lunch and I have to leave work early, drive all the way across town and try to be back for one...

Then, she's also taking her lunch time to be with me...not to mention there are some things that I need to take care of at lunch...

Then, I was rushed this morning and forgot my cell phone at home! Oh, bevermind, I have the number I need on the back of my insurance card...to get approval for IC...

I was thinking about it last night, ALL of the utilities are in my name at the house...Good for me huh! So, I need to stay on top of paying them...

Oh, I got F's report card...he got to A's on it...handwriting has improved...and he has alll A's in conduct...one subject stayed the same and the other three went down a letter grade...

All in all, I think that he's doing well...one D, three C's, and two A's...not bad at all! Not in my book, considering...so I owe him some money for the A's! LOL

Well, i hope that everyone has a good day!

Hi, I was doing some work and was thinking that I've been down the past few days...I was wonering if I could be in withdrawal or is it just part of the grieving process...

It's not like I miss him...just a little sad...

CJ- I think you had mentioned something about feeling really good and then not...

I really don't know what's going on...I know that I do feel a little stressed with the whole sitch and I do miss my home...I wonder how my dog's doing...if STBXH is taking care of her or if she's staying locked up...I know she has to miss me and the kids playing with her...

I think that I mentioned earlier today that today makes two weeks that we are out of the house and I still have 36 days left til court...that in itself is depressing...

Thanks for listening...I'm going to go at lunch and start looking for the boy's Easter candy...I think I could use a real good crying session...not to mention, I would love to be laying with the boys, just having them around...cuddling with them...

Hi, ((((Rin))))

Catching up on your thread. Sounds like you're doing alright -- safe, which is good!

Don't have any good input, never been where you are, but I'm in your corner, and thinking bout you!

-Ami.

Rin,

just checking in, I'm not doing anything at work again, but I did discuss some ideas with a co-worker.

Did you get your car back?

I guess you probably did since you're going run around town for lunch.

You're doing good. Try to keep you're rollercoaster in check.

STBXH definately needs to know them boys need him as much as they need you.

Take Care

((((AMI))))

I am so happy to see you! THANK YOU, it's so nice to know that you are still around...I was getting concerned about you!

Yes, the boy's and I are safe...they are getting to know the kids in the neighborhood...they get in the car in the afternoons and immediately ask if they can go play outside...

They are adjusting well...they haven't ask about their dad...L talked to him Mon., only because he realized that I was on the phone with him...outside of that, he's of no concern to them...

Thank you for for the ray of sunshine today!

BC- yes, MOF, I have to run it back over there this afternoon, Nancy called and we talked this morning...T would feel better if I crought it by for him to check out...I started it when he was standing right there and it died, and then started right up again...

He would just feel better it he ran it on the machine and figured out what the problem is...I like them SOOO much and plan to stick with them...They are great people...

I hear you on STBXH and the boys...I'll have F call him this afternoon about his report card...I certainly don't want to talk to him...

Rin,

Checking in to say hi.

I see all the adivice and I think a lot of it is great.

Let the courts do their jobs. Do not lable him as anything simply state your observations.

Document the kid stuff but if he is a good father to them try to let him be involved after the D.

I think you are doing great.

Get that Picker fixed. LOL.

Thanks Frog, I've missed you! Where have you been hiding?

How are you and the W doing? The kids?

I got you on the observations! You take care!

It's been a really busy day today! I'm tense to begin with...no word from the A...having trouble getting the authorization code I need for the IC...have to change IC's becuase they said the one I picked was not on the list but she is...

I don't get that either! Still don't have the code, have to call back Monday and my appt. was changed to Tues.

Not easy tasks here...I JUST WISH THEY WOULD SERVE HIM!

OKay...well, I'll try to be around later! If not, you guys have a good night!