Awwwsum song!

Think a good bed time story is overdue! Yes, The Cat in the Hat...




Guess Who?



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

HI Sky, that was so cute...I wouldn't have thought that there would be a video for that...

WEll, I guess now is just as good of a time to share as any...

I'm firing my IC tomorrow...she tried to tell me that I have an sexual addiction...NOpe, wrong answer!

I was so upset when I left...she said to just let it soak in and think about it a little...

With all of the trauma in my life...no...I looked it up just to see...read to separate pages...if that was the case I'm sure I'd have found some strange guy and did the deed...

No, here I am questioning how in the world am I going to live without SF for the next 11 or so months...which I think is perfectly normal considering that I have been Med and this HAS been a normal part of Med life...

I was questioning my self-control in that area...no my problem is that I am starved for affection AND I have equated sex and love...not learning the difference between the two growing up...wanting intimacy and SF to join together hand and hand...

IF "I" had a SA, I would be looking at porn, having SF with OP I just met, having ONS...this woman is looking for a head case and I'm sorry I'm not it!

Two out of the three sessions that I have been too, I have walked out feeling worse than when I walked in...okay, so I have a "jaded" past...there's a few things that I have to learn but have an SA is not one of the things that I have to learn how to control...

I was balling my eyes out on the way home and now I'm just pi$$...anyway, I guess I'll try another one that has been recommended to me...come to find out tonight after talking with some friends, she's not thought of to highly to begin with...

Well, I'm going to soak in the tub for a little while...I'll be back later!

SKy, thanks again b/c I REALLY needed a laugh!

Rin,

If you have a sexual addiction then I must have one too.

Because I think and crave sex and affection too,

I agree with you... fire her. Sometimes you need to try a couple before the right one fits.

Also wanted to say thank you so much for this morning. You have become a very good cyber friend. One that kicks me in the butt when needed.

I'm off to Disney in the morning... I'll say hi to Tigger for you.

Still

I thought I was the only one getting this vibe.

I didn't read ANYWHERE that the BS MUST remain married. I have heard over and over again, once an A occurs, the BS has a choice to make, remain and fight for the M or D. Either side of the coin is okay. Now, add in domestic violence and mental abuse. Well, Rin, I'd say you did a great Plan A, and Plan D is the right choice for you. You did not leave on a whim. It took you many months to find your way to your answer. You did everything within YOUR power to help show your WH his way home.

Rin,

Firing your IC may be what you need to do for you right now...would you consider one more session where you state what you stated here? That you do not see yourself as a SA? You can't see what she saw, how you felt, what you thought, and how you researched it?

I ask because it's about boundaries...did you feel defined and judged...by a bad label? I don't believe it is a label or a definition...it's a concept for us to consider...and it's about secrets and fantasy, not sex. It's about control and where our mind dwells and what that means...our choices...says nothing about who we really are...aids us in seeing what we choose to do or not do and our whys.

When you feel attacked...I'm asking you to change your choice of action...to clarify or confirm...which is respect, in your boundaries. I'm not saying don't feel, think or perceive anything differently...know your feelings and choose to clarify or confirm.

That's a boundary enforcement around you. You retain the choice to fire or not...to ask for a referral...all those choices remain yours...and you can choose those knowing you acted from respect first, not reactively.

Thank you for choosing to act bravely and share...to open yourself to other posters ideas here...our opinions (not facts) which is your choice to take what you want and leave the rest. Sharing what you heard, what you perceived, how you felt, your perspective and your actions and words. Thank you.

LA

Still,

Don't tell Tigger about Rin's SA and don't drag him into your's.

Now you're thinking about it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Have a good trip! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Doesn't sound like she is looking for a head case, more like she IS a head case. Lots of bad counseling out there in the real world. And some of it you pay for with real money.

Larry

Hello, Still...I hope that you have a great time! Keep that SA in check while you are gone...BC said don't tell Tigger, but I really don't want Minnie Mouse to know! LOL

Silent- Thank you...you have always been a great source of support for me...there is no doubt in my mind that I did everything I could do to save my M...

Larry, I'm new to this whole IC thing but her and I didn't click from day one...

LA,

I can consider another session...I have to pay for the next...I didn't feel attacked...I was more confused, MOF she asked how I was feeling and I said confused...she said that was understandable becasue I had just vomited my whole life today...

I didn't feel defined or labeled it was more of a shock...could this be me...no, it's not...How could she see THAT in what I said...

It was like a committee meeting in my head...back and forth...

Now after the first session, I actually said that I was going to treat this like my Al-anon meeting and repeated that tonight when it was my turn to speak...LOL...then, you said "take what you liek and leave the rest."

I thought that was cool b/c that's what I was inteding to do...

This is the second time that she has thrown me for a loop...the first day I felt like I was so screwed up when I walked out of there...last week was cool, we didn't talk about any SF, just F, STBX, my feelings about D...that session was good...

Today, I choice to hit the hard stuff...all the sexual abuse, rape, learning about my sexuality, my M "open or not" depending on the POV...23 years of my life in an hour...

We get my SD took the fight out of me and that's why I have "let" things happen to me...I have got the sex/love thing screwed up... AND I may have a SA...

Doesn't some IC give you exercises, homework...I don't know address the PTSD...I didn't even get the opportunity to ask about Imago therapy today...

What I can tell you is this...I didn't ask any questions before walking into this woman's office...second she says that MB and Dr. Harley is manipulative and controlling like exposure...I personally don't think that she is M friendly...she believes that an A is going to happen and there is nothing that you can do about it...you can not stop it...

This woman has rubbed me the wrong way from day one but I felt that I was not being fair b/c I didn't really want to go to an IC anyway...since my A said that I should I am...

She also said that she didn't knwo anyone who hired my A for D...apparently she didn't think to highly of our former DA...also day one! I really wanted to back out that day, but having talked with my S, I decided to give her a chance...

I really don't "think" that I am reacting but I will think on the subject and give it until Thursday before I call to cancel...just in case I'm still being emotional at this very moment about the whole ordeal...

WOW, I didn't feel labeled...or judged. COOL! That have been a major for me in the past...I certainly didn't feel ashamed of my past...not like I can change it...learn from it...YES!

I'm glad you asked that...thanks LA...I enjoy sharing my hope, strenght, and experience...perhaps someone else needs to hear it!

Oh, Still...anytime you need that 2X4...I got one with your name routed into it! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Strivn,

Your most welcome! Glad you could get a bit of laugh!

Sorry about your IC not working out. Hopefully, you will find the right IC your comfortable with.

Anways, just thinking about you& your sons today!

Hope you can catch this tune!

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_qu...p;search=Search

Sum Cute Video's to make your day brighter! Have a good one!

What's for dinner?






<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Sky! I hope that you have a beautiful day!

I have F with me today at work...from time to time when the kids are off from school they ask to come with me...I think that it's good for them to see what mom does to bring home the bacon! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

L will be coming tomorrow...they wants to both come the same day but I can only handle one at a time...LOL...otherwise I want to pull my hair out!

Well, you guys have a great day!

Your sooo welcome! Thank you, for the kind greets! I plan on it!

Great, you wk at such a nice child friendly place. Means alot to the kids! U R so right, it is good for the kids to see what goes on! Been there& still there. LOL.

Gives them a big morale boost,extra huggs, ups their security in their hearts of how much they r cared/loved 4.

I know what you mean, handlin one at time. The kids just get so exuberant& r full of jelly beans.

U R doing wunderfully!

Well you gave it a try.

I agree there are bad IC's out there though, not all of them are.

Heck I had 3 MC's right. LOL. I thought the first two were horrible.

The first MC asked the same dumb question every week and then talked about the same dumb stuff.

He always asked how was the period of time between seeing him. I would say crappy. She would say crappy and then we would talk about the actual fight that happened instead of ever getting to the underlying problem that caused the fights. LOL.

So we fired him.

I think the most important thing for me when I saw IC was I wanted someone I could actually talk to as a very smart friend.

When I finally found one it worked well for me.

See thing is with the EAP program, you don't really have a choice in the IC...I got two names and I didn't want a man...

Well, now I have a choice b/c I get to pay for it myself...and I still can't go to the one I wanted to b/c my IC and her are in the same office together...the O IC wouldn't allow me to go to her now...understandable, thay have to work together...

So, I got a referral last night and several peopole spoke highly of "HIM"...I guess I'll try it out...what do I have to lose...time...oh, well!

Thanks Frog...

do you think I should go back for one more session to express myself and tell her no, I'm not SA?

Anyone?!?!/!?!?!

Rin,

I personally wouldn't go back. But that is because I am busy as all get up usually and I don't like to waste my time.

I personally (again) wouldn't do it because things like that don't bother me so I would just move on.

However if you feel like you do want to tell her you aren't you could go see her one more time. Or when you call to let her know you are not continuing with her then you can tell her why.

So that is what I would do.

I think the thing with IC/MC is that no matter how highly people speak of someone doesn't mean they are good for you.

It means they were good for them. It also means it is better then just picking out of a phone book.

So for me it is finding someone that I like and I can talk to openly. I mean really openly.

If I don't have that then I don't need an IC.

IMHO...If it's free and you feel like you need to set her straight or you want to giver her one last chance then maybe do it, but if you're paying now then why would you want to spend money on that. I would never pay somebody to listen to me just so I can defend myself unless I had a very good reason...like legal stuff or custody stuff, etc.

If it's your money, go find somebody you're comfortable with. Don't waste your time and money trying to make somebody comfortable. 2 bad vibes in 3 sessions = not comfortable.

I'm sure there was a Cosby Show episode about this, but I can't remember so I'm not claiming expertise this time.

Good Luck!

Hi guys...actually Frog I was thinking about letting her know when I called TBH...

I think that my money could be spend better...like BC said...it's been a learning experience I can tell you that...first IC I see since I was 11 or 12, I think!

F and I decided to stay in for lunch today...i was doing a little reading in my book...this chapter is on love...

Something I need to learn somethin, somethin about...pretty interesting...

I would love to understand what mature love is...there's an exercise in the book and basically it asks what is love?
Then you write your answer down...

So, who wants to help me understand...b/c I KNOW that what I had was not mature love...and we're not talking about parental love, spiritual love, or love of mankind...

It's strictly love between two people in a romantic relationship...

Ok I don't remember what I thought it used to be.

For me now it is having someone that knows what you need and takes pleasure in givng that to you. Or at least doesn't complain too much when they give it to you. LOL.'

Knowing that you will do the same for them.

Oh and back rubs lots of back rubs. Oh and cooks for me too. Oh and buys me chocolate but not to much because if you put chocolate in front of me I eat it until it is gone.

Maybe some other stuff too but right now that is my answer until someone smarter comes along with one of those long to the point answers with 50 points to it that all make sense.

I guess what love means to me is giving as much as you take...taking care of the OP b/c you want too, not b/c you HAVE too...and having the same thing in return...

It's loving yourself and being able to be whole, true to yourself, and not hiding behind mask...feeling like you can be yourself even in the presence of someone else...

It's wanting to understand the OP and wanting to be understood by the OP...

Plain give and take...

Someone who helps with the kids, housework...a partnership...teamwork...