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Oh I see what you are referencing. Sorry. So you are right she said
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He use to tell me that I was running away from my problems...I believe that I have faced my problems and have tried to DO something about them...
And then I said facing fears instead of problems.
OK then onto the original topic that I messed up and said fears instead of problem.
Here is my bottom line.
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It's interesting how different people, can view the same situation, very differently. You've made your choice. It's your choice to make. I am making no statement here about whether that choice was good or bad. My view of it, however, is that the choice you have made, is to "run away, and live at the place where you stop running." Well, ok, maybe "walk away", rather than "run", is a more accurate statement
I don't see how you can describe what you have done as "facing" your problems... when the embodiment of your problems is your husband, and you literally are avoiding "facing him". In your very same post, you are describing your thoughts in how much you are trying to avoid seeing him face to face. (you are even avoiding a non-physical "face-off")
You've made a choice, to "handle" your problems, in a particular way. That's your choice to make. I don't see how your choice could be accurately described as "facing" your problems, though.
This entire statement is a huge DJ on your part.
What was your reason for posting that in the first place.
To show her how she is not facing her problems. Her problem is her bad M. LOL she is facing the problem by getting out of a bad M.
Who said she has to face her abuser? To face the problem. Not facing the problem would be to allow it and stay. That would be my definition.
She can only control her actions not his.
But lets go with yours. How does it play out.
Rin is about 100 lbs her H much bigger. He has threatned her, the house and everything in between. He told her he wouldn't leave.
She left because she no longer wanted to share the same home with him. He would not leave. Even though she file for D he is still in the house. So what would you suggest she stay there with him??? Or face the problem. Problem being one of them has to leave. She left.
He probably thought she never would. Little bit of a power trip scare tactic if you ask me. She called his bluff.
Problem faced and solved. LOL.
So please find a mispelled word or an improper use of a definition and argue the point with me.
I just know your original post was obnoxious and disrespectful. I looked them up and it was.
[snipped out other points I could make about her stbxh causing problems rin is facing]
BS 38 FWW 35 D Day 10/03 Recovery started 11/06 3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby
When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
Thank you for helping in my absence...Frog...I wish I had you as a brother! You are very dear to my heart...
AmI, I appreciate you and will do just that...
KA, I was on L2S's thread and I saw what was unfolding, I have no intention of listening to such foolish advice, especially when I now have my own opinions on the advice giver, which I WILL keep to myself.
Stange how when I read certain posts I hear my STBX...twisting words...
I feel that I have done all that I can for my sitch...that's what's important...
With all of that behind us...is it normal not to want to talk or see the STBX?
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. Thomas Carlyle
Thanks Marflow...I'm so happy to see you around again...
Are you feeling better tonight? How are the kids? Just when you get a chance to update a little more...If not here on your thread...
For the record...I AM extremely happy with my choices! I have no intentions of EVER R with STBX...on to the next chapter in my book...I would rather take my chances with a future without him than with him! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. Thomas Carlyle
No grief...and I have no problem with you calling me Rin...TBH, I really appreciated you standing up for me the way that you did!
I really meant a lot to me...it also showed your time and attention to my sitch...I value your POV which I think is based in reality! LMAO
Not really a TJ...I mean YOU were talking about ME...LMAO...
Now, had you chose to tlak about Green eggs and ham, that would have been different! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. Thomas Carlyle
Whoever said that we are not in touch with our inner child!
What kind of movement are YOU talking about? LMAO
And since we're on the subject...I totally dislike Easy E and anything that he stood for! Just my personal opinion! However, Sir Mix A Lot has done alot for ME and my movement! LOL
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. Thomas Carlyle
Both womens movement on the dance floor and for SELF ESTEEM LOL just kidding on the self esteem part.
A womens perception about herself. Miss beanpole girl in the magazine you aint it miss thing. I think that says a lot to girls and women about how the perception in society is skinny is better but in reality men aren't crazy about skinny little women.
BS 38 FWW 35 D Day 10/03 Recovery started 11/06 3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby
When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
So what are your predetermined boundary enforcements? If you do run into STBX, what is your first enforcement? Your second? Third?
This determines whether you have any conversation or not...no room to go to marital issues or not...as AmI pointed out, you gotta hold to the RO as well.
You had a problem living in the future...in fantasy...before. You said you did, so I'm not DJing here. Sounds like you really want to address that...and setting progressive boundary enforcements now seems to me like a great way to do both.
Learning to stand up for yourself is knowing your own boundaries and holding yourself to them. Reactivity is a signal you're not in your adult space...very much in your child's frame of mind...feeling done to...and boundary enforcements are not reactive...they aren't doing back. They are respecting others do and we do...not chain-reaction...
For the record, your picker ain't broken in my book. Would you ask your IC about her experience with Imago Therapy?
Well, since the RO is in effect, I will leave the area...I have to problem enforcing the RO...if he follows me, I will go to the closest police station or police office or car that I see...
If the RO is not in effect after the court date, I will leave the area if I still feel uncomfortable being around him...if I am comfortable I will only talk about finances or the kids...I will not engage in conversation about the M...
I will leave if he starts to blame me, curse at me, become anger, start to feel uncomfortable. I also have the choice to tell him to stop. Yes, tell him to stop, and if he continues then leave...saying that I have asked for him to stop, and that I will not allow myself to deal with his behavior.
Can you refresh my memory about imago therapy?
Also can you explain why you feel that my picker is not broken...oh, never mind, I lost my thought...oh, okay, I remember you saying something about people not being broken...ummm?
Yes, I do have a problem living in the future...and I think that this would be a great way to handle it...I have had a problem with boundaries...
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. Thomas Carlyle
