HI, I've been reading from Oct. to dec., finished documenting that...

After I get my intinal notes I'm going to ahve to go back and condense them more...court reporter style like CJ said...

Thanks Sky for the music, I appreciate it adn all the wonderful things that you wrote...good to see that you girls can come together...

WEll, I got the kids back...I picked them up at HN2, come to find out STBX was in the house...they didn't get a bath all weekend and HN1 had cooked...L didn't eat and F didn't like it...

So after they got out of the tub, I feed them...and they crashed hard tonight...

My mom TMed me, wanting to know how the kids and I were doing...

Oh, STBX did work Sat. and that's why the kids slept at HN2's house...

I think that this is pretty clear cut on who gets custody...

I was reading tonight and made note that back in Nov. F stated that he thought his dad hated him...

What a shame! Well, I'm going to nose around a few minutes then head to bed...I really feel drained...I'm sure it's reading about my life...STBX would be all nice, and then something would happen...

Oh, well...I have 343 days, hopefully, until this thing is over!

CJ- I emailed you! Venting...

edited to say: Basically my dog is staying at HN1's house, and the kids didn't get their medicine all weekend...L woke up with his head hurting, green stuff coming out of his nose and some coughing in the middle of the night! I'm pis$ed about both...and I'm really hurt about my dog...

We just got her...the fight I had to go through to get a dog...now, she's problably ruined by this woman and her unruly kids...five to be exact...

I am really SOOO angry today...I'm using all of my self control not to call him again today and just [email]b@@tch[/email] him out...

I would be DJing all over the place...I would be such the witch if I called him...my dog, his behavior, him chosing to live in the housee instead of thinking of his kids, HN1, HN2,

AHHHHH! I hate him today! I really just want to scream my head off at him, but I know that I can't...trust me I won't call but it wouldn't benefit anything...

I want to scream and cry...

DON"T CALL HIM...now with that said I know how hard it is not to call and let him have it you can't if you need to scream, cry, jump up and down throw your self on the floor and kick and scream (if you do this send me a pic.LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) just don't let him know it gets to you.

Remember these are his bad choices...if you called he will play the poor victim...Rin is so mean blahblahbalh...just keep documenting...his hanging himself and doesn't even know it.

((((((RIN)))))) YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON AND MOTHER

Rin,

Not saying this shouldn't bother you but you are giving him what he wants.

Do you really think you could explain to him your side and him understand it?

He doesn't get it. If you express your anger he acts clueless. Somewhat PA if you ask me. LOL.

Take deep breaths and do the best you can do. One Day at a Time. Document what happened and take the kids to the doctor if needed. Document that as well.

Sorry for the kids.

Thanks MF, I have No intentions of calling him again...I called him this morning before I got REALLY mad...to let him know that from now on instead of telling whomever, I would tell him about the medicine and that L was feeling bad this morning...

He was polite and I was good...

I got really pissed after that and I know that it's not in my best interest to call that if I did it would only make me look bad...

I just hate him today and I want to be home SOOOO bad...take care of the kids, put my life back in order, get my dog from HN1, she's so ignorant it's not even funny...she can't even help her kids with 1st grade homework...she's a meddler...

I need to come up with a plan on how to handle these people when I get back into the house...It's not like I'm going to make any contact with them but should they do it...

I know HN1 will be reporting anything I do to STBX...and probably HN2 for that matter...he)) they are both his croonies...

Oh, he's such a good guy...blah, blah, blah...they don't realize that he's the reason that me and HN1 don't get along in the first place...well, I guess not if he was running to her talking bad about me all the time why would she think any different...

I'm so venting today...I really need it, I've been doing well and not really getting pis$ed since I left but I'm so ready to go home...I hadn't set foot inside my house in 39 days...

I've been dealing with the clothes that I have, same with the boys, I don't have alot of my personal effects...sure I could call the police and get them to go with me to the house while STBX was there but I would rather do without that have anything to do with him...he will be taken care of in court..

Let the judge do to him what he sees fit...I'm sure that the judge will not be very kind to him once he finds out about STBX changing the locks and then him telling F that he did it so I couldn't go in the house while he wasn't there...

Control issue, I think so with all of the other [email]cr@p[/email] hie's pulled...

No, I'm not going to give him the benefit of letting him know that he's under my skin that's exactly what he wants...

I KNOW THAT I REALLY NEEDED THIS...just to air myself out...

Thanks MF, I appreciate you listening and should I do any kicking and screaming I'll forward the pic! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Frog...I just think that today's the day that I needed to express some anger...better to do it here then anywhere else...

The last time I remember being this mad was the day I walked into the A's office...back in Feb...

"I KNOW THAT I REALLY NEEDED THIS...just to air myself out"...

And this is what we are here for...tell us all the things you want to say to STBX...I am here for you...so are you home taking care of L today?

No, I'm at work, I gave the sitter his meds. this morning...I'll check him out this afternoon and see if I need to make a dr. appt...

LOL...I might have to write myself a letter and burn it...I can't post all of those four letter words here...

Does anyone know how long it will take to get him out of the house after I'm granted use of the home? I mean I don't want to wait a month...

Mar-Thank YOU SO MUCH...I've really started to calm down...

He's just so Fing stupid...a great big selfish moron...

You know when I picked up the kids yesterday, L didn't have on any socks and his shoes were in the front yard...what on God's green earth were you thinking...

I had this horrible dream last night about STBX following me and wanting me to come back...Then it started by me being at HN1 house...that was scary enough...

I'll be okay...things will get better...I know that they will...I guess I'm just so ready to go home...I think that's the hardest part...the part that's stressing me out the most...

I want my bed and to curl up with MY dog...to be in my comfort zone...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

Remember to move your buttons.

He is trying to push them and it sounds like you are letting him.

I understand your frustration but you can't let it consume you. Shake it off he already has if he actually gave it a thought.

Remember this is just one of the reasons for a D.

It does serve a purpose though. He showed you the charming stbxh last week then a few days later he showed you this one.

Over the last year this has happened time and time again.

Detach.

I would say this though. I would write a note next time he takes the kids requesting they not be left anywhere. If he has to work he can drop them with you and pick them up when he is done.

No emotion just you think that is what is best for the kids.

((((rin))))

Sorry you're feeling frustrated. I agree about documenting the boys staying at the neighbor's house and the lack of meds and baths. As far as them not liking the neighbor's cooking, well, that's just kids being picky, and probably a touch of sucking up to mom.

What do you think about finding your own place -- like an apartment or townhouse or something where the boys can have rooms and you can have your dog -- at least for a while? Force the sale of the house in the D, or even just get him to agree to it. Talk to a realtor about how much you might be able to get out of it, and use that number to entice STBX. Then you get to start off somewhere fresh and new and yours, and don't have to worry about the neighbors.

Just a thought....

Hang in there!

-AmI.

Hi Frog, I think that's a great idea and I did think about it...I would rather tham be with me than with someone else...

I got some Great news that has taken me out of my funk...

F is being tested today...the committee is meeting this wed. and I have to meet them next Wed. the 25th...that is so wonderful! I thought for sure that they would drag their feet...

That makes me feel so much better...

As far as STBX, it just proves that he's not the great dad that he thinks he is...I'll get over it...

Perhaps when I get back home I'll put up a NO Trespassing sign and be sure to lock the door on the garage so that my wonderful neighbors don't come borrow anything...maybe new locks...I'll run that by my A before I do anything...

Oh, there's a new question...Do I inform STBX about the meeting? Still have the RO, we can't be in the same room together...

No, I'll handle in by myself and let him know the results afterward...I think that best...just thinking out loud...

No, I'll handle in by myself and let him know the results afterward...I think that best...just thinking out loud...

Good answer...man...you don't need me to help you through your question I like helping...that's ok I think you are a pretty smart cookie...I mean you came up with the same answer I would have given you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

OKAY, MF...you got me laughing now... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, I figure if he's that intersted in his son he'll call...I told him that he was getting tested...

Like LA would tell me..."He knows"...his choice to act...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I've learned a lesson or two... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Strivn,

I think I'm gonna email you with more complete replies, but guess what? As a mom who actually takes care of her children, I know it's hard, but just document sweetie. Just like a court reporter: "Dropped off boys Xpm 4/13, picked them up Xpm 4/15. No baths, no meds given. Unfed. No shoes or socks on." No judgments or anything--just document it and then take care of them. Now, if it results in a dr. appt. and one of the boys being sick, document that too: "Took (son) to dr. and according to the dr. he has XX as a result of no meds." This will prove to the court that your STBXH does not provide adequate child care when the kids are in his home or on his time.

Furthermore, with regard to the testing: WOOHOO!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Thank God you'll know soon!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> You can not have STBXH there in the room with you when you get the results (due to the R.O.) and don't forget, if he was active and involved HE would have noticed that there was an issue with your DS and he would have gotten medical attention/testing. The fact that he did NOT notice says something...or if he did notice and did nothing! So once again, just document. It seems to me (from a court point of view) that if you send a photocopy of the results to him that would be sufficient.

Soooooo...just about 11 days, huh? May I make a suggestion? JUST IN CASE, why don't you begin to put together a "Plan B" in case the court does not give you the house back? (BTW, I mean a second plan, not and MB "plan B") <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> For example, what will you do if the judge gives you primary custody and gives STBXH the house? The reason I make this suggestion is that in court you can never really tell WHAT will happen--but you can prepare. You might be disappointed, and to be honest, before all this is said and done I'm pretty sure you will be!! It's impossible to go through a divorce and not be disappointed! But you can have a plan on how to proceed. So...whatcha gonna do? Rent a place? Go house huntin' with the boys and find a place that accepts 5 month old puppies?? Rent a house, townhouse, or apartment? Just get an idea....

BTW -- ((((((((((Strivn))))))))))

Your true and faithful friend,


CJ

It is OK to think aloud, It is Ok to talk to yourself.

You know you have a problem when thinking aloud or talking to yourslef you actaually ask "What did you just say?"

"OKAY, MF...you got me laughing now"...

My job here is done <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Frog-very funny <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Ami- I missed your post...I'm sorry...

I have thought about moving and what if I don't get the house...I was wondering if I could buy a house on my own...my credit's in good shape...I would prefer to purchase a house...not rent...God that's scary...no furniture, no dishes, no nothing...have to find someone to help me move stuff out of the house...OKAy, I'm not going there...unless I have too... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I would definitly move to the other side of town...that would mean F changing schools...better chance of not flooding during hurricane season...a plus for me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't know, i guess renting wouldn't be so bad if it was in a good location...not this side of town!!! I'd hate to ask my parents for help but I would ask them for the deposit and stuff to get my off the ground...

I know that is a choice even if it's one I would rather not make...it's there all the same...

Cj, I'm glad that you gave that example of documenting...that really helps...i was thinking last night about posting my notes and asking for help shorting them...

First I have to type them up, I've been handwriting them for easy access to me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Okay, Frog...I'm telling myself to take a deep breathe and blow it out nice and calmly...Then, reminding myself that God is on my side...along with the MB CREW...Now, I'm saying that Frog is a nut...not sure what kind BUT a NUT? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey, Rin.

No problem, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who has a hard time keeping up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I was just thinking that it might be nice to have your own space ... even if it is just a short-term rental for a while. I'm a major conflict-avoider, so I don't know if I would feel very comfortable with the neighbor situation.

We did the type of documentation that CJ reccommended, and have used it in court. Just noted it on a calendar ... drop off and pick up times and places, dates missed and her excuse, times of phone callse, etc. No opinions, just facts. Works great for court, saved us a few times.

-AmI.

Thanks AMI,

I can live with the HNs...it would be like before I stay in my house, they stay at their's...like post-A...I can deal with that...and it would be nice to have my own space...

I'm serious stressing today...it's just until it's in writing I won't feel better...it'll get better...

I have to finish up my documenting so I can meet with my A next week...I'm sure that he'll help me work out these issues...

This is what I get for not focusing on today...okay, today I am good, today I got great news...today, i have a job, today, my kids are with me, today I have a place to stay...

Today I am not hungry or thirsty...LOL...I have clothes on... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

:deep sigh: