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Rin,

Just trying to catch up on everyones thread. You're doing great.

Not to much to add because you're getting great advice from everyone,

Still


BW me 46
WH 46
Together 28 years married 23
3 Kids DD20, DD17 and DS 14
DD #1 (1st A) 10/13/01 with single OW who was co-worker
DD#2 1/23/02 phone call from OW
WH left job 4/02
MC 10/01 to 4/02 (when he showed up)
Separated 7/04 to 10/04
Retrouvaille 9/04
Red Flags 11/05
DD#1 (2nd affair) 8/16/06 with MOW age 29 twice married and he's her boss.
Moved out (him) weekend after labor day
23rd anniversary 10/7/07
Filed 10/18/06 still seeing MOW
Dropped divorce complaint 6/7/07
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HI , Still...thanks for checking in...

Well, I came home cooked supper for me, teh boys, and my Sponsor's H...it was good...he did the dishes after supper...I did them last night and the night before...the kids did them the previous night...

It's been good, all in all...Sponsor's H is treating me to a cup of Starbuck's...figured I deserves it...I've been drinking water for a few weeks now...Favored, OKAY!...Still, since I started that, I haven't been craving eating at night...

(WOW!) Every once in a while, I eat a bowl of cereal and I finished that last night! LOL Raisin Bran, one of my favorites, because on my Grandpa! I still have to connect with him from time to time and since he's gone...Raisin Bran is good! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, guess I'll go check on the boy's, try to relax...perhaps read something...oh, fold clothes later...WOOHOO! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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You know I have been saying that I want to be healthy but what if I am healthy...

What if it's just a matter of thinking that I'm healthy instead of thinking that I'm sick in my thinking...

The thought that comes to mind is when I told WH before I left that I thought he was the healthy one and I was the sick one...

And another thing, I don't want a relationship right now but I keep thinking about finding someone, what is that?

I have gone far so long without my ENs getting met it would just be SO nice...to be with someone and have them treat you like a human being...

I'm willing to hear what anyone has to say on the subject, because I'm really trying to figure out if my thinking is screwed up or if this is normal stuff...

It really is confusing! I'm almost a month into "legal" separation...it really hasn't seemed like that long...

I guess being aware is half the battle...questioning myself...that's good!


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Hey, regarding you post on my thread about going through the valley, check the songs I just put on the plan A/B coping songs thread.

I hear you about having your own ENs met. I think that is completely normal. Why would you not want to have them met? God created you that way. The key is having them be met in a proper way, and of course since you and I and many of the others here are in such a crappy situation right now, it would be so easy to slide into some really bad stuff now.

I'll be honest, with my WW's recent friendly attitude I find myself feeling physically and emotionally attracted to her. I still "steal" glances at her - checking her out and such. I just want to wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me and feel her warmth next to me.

You are healthy and getting more so with each passing day. No question about that at all.


Divorced on 3/25/2008 but I have primary legal and physical custody of my 2 kids.

Plan A Thread
Plan B Thread
Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
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THanks E, I called a dear friend and I just got off the phone...she was saying pretty much the same thing...

Said I probably have a few things to iron out but for the most part I'm doing good and that really helped ALOT...

Not getting into some bad stuff that's what I'm being SO careful about right now...I'm watching what I say to some people...I am SO aware of my actions and my feelings...

I think if I keep that up I'll be fine...

Oh, the warmth...yeah, I can relate, my favorite place to be was in STBX's arms, laying next to him...

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm an arm girl...they don't have to be muscle...I don't even like a six pack...OMG! Just not me...from the arms to the hindside...

I REALLY like somebody I can hold an intelligant conversation with...news, sports, religion, not big on politics...I guess a little bit of everything...well, rounded like they say in college...LMAO...

I'm sure that it will come in due time...LOL...339 days to final D day...LOL...believe it or not counting down helps keep me sane...

Thanks again, i'll check out those songs! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Hi, I have been going through my documention this morning and I went on break and remembered, not sure when...not sure what brough the topic up but STBX told me that if he wanted to kill me that they would never find my body...

Do I include that? How?


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Rin,

just checking in. We're in the same place so I'm learning from your thread right now instead of participating.

I do need to pick on you for your last post, but I can't think of anything good. It's got to be something that includes the name Toby L.

That might be enough in itself. LOL

Have a good day!


BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5
OM1 9/06 - 03/07
OM2 04/07 - present
Divorced May 8, 2008
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How awkward. Just so you know I was talking about your other last post, not the one that got in right before mine.

I don't know about the last one. somebody legal needs to explain that sitch.


BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5
OM1 9/06 - 03/07
OM2 04/07 - present
Divorced May 8, 2008
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haha, YOU'RE SO FUNNY! Toby L.

I'm glad that I can bring you some sunshine and you're learning from me!

On that comment, I'm not sure that wasn't years ago...that's all I remember...I remember thinking would he hide me in North Louisiana or in the swamps here...


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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SB,

I read it on the thread. I have been so stretched thin lately it is crazy. I am trying to post but the stupid time out error is just killing me. LOL.

Anyway you are doing great. I posted to SL about how great she is doing I know you read that thread and I think the same of you.

I just see you getting a lot of good advice and by the time I go to address somethign someone else has covered it.

You are doing great!!!


BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby


When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
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OH, thanks Frog...I appreciated the hi the other day...you are so good to me!

I understand, handle your business! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Hey, Rin.

Ask your attorney.
As awful as it is, it would probably be very hard to prove that he said it, and it also may be easy for him to play off as just spouting off.

You have to walk such a fine line here, getting the details and information that will help out, without lookilng like you're being vindictive and dragging out everything. This is definitely a Q for your lawyer.

Is LA a fault state? Are you guys trying to prove fault?

-AmI.

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I think so...in the paperwork STBX's response it said something about it being my fault several times...

I think you can go either way...fault or no fault...I think no fault is a year...fault is six months...

It's so confusing...


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Good Morning Rin...don't have any good in put just wanted to say HI...Oh and I agree with AmI ask your A.

The he said she said doesn't play out in court very good.


Marflow WH-49 Me-40 M-16 yrs DS-16 DS-12 D-Day 4/14/06 WH moved out 5/21/06
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Morning, or should I said Afternoon... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Fault is one of those tricky terms that has a different legal definition than the regular definition.

So you need to look at both sets of papers pretty carefully and determine if either of you filed a "fault" cause of action. There are very few legal reasons available to file for a fault D. So it matters if, in his papers, he is using the word fault in that sense.

If either of you are requesting the D based on fault, then there is an additional burden of proof, to prove that the "fault" condition existed. For example, if you requested a fault D because of adultery, then you are going to have to prove it.



Now, if it's a no-fault, or "irreconcilable differences" kind of D .... then he can spout off all he wants about it being your "fault" ... it has a totally different legal meaning, though. Who was the better or worse spouse, who did the most chores, who made the most or spent the most, who was a bigger PITA, who can make up the biggest laundry-list of annoyances, etc., he can blame all those things he wants to on you, and say they are your fault -- but that's not the legal definition of "fault".

Confusing much? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Makes you wonder who writes these laws, huh?

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Quote
It will soon take longer for many Louisiana residents to get a divorce. A new law effective January 1, 2007, will require couples with minor children to live separate and apart for one year prior to obtaining a final judgment of divorce. Under current Louisiana law, couples have to live separate and apart for only six months to finalize their divorce. Louisiana Act 743 creates new Louisiana Civil Code Article 103.1, which will set forth a requisite waiting period of 180 days when the parties do not have minor children, and a requisite waiting period of 365 days when the parties do have minor children.
The lesser 180-day waiting period will also apply to situations where a spouse or a child of one of the spouses has been physically or sexually abused, and when a protective order or injunction has been issued. It does not appear that this legislation will affect a person’s right to get an immediate divorce on the grounds of adultery as provided by Louisiana Civil Code Article 103 (2), or the right to an immediate divorce when the other spouse has committed a felony and has been sentenced to death or imprisonment at hard labor as provided in Louisiana Civil Code Article 103 (3).
Representative Ernie Alexander, the sponsor of this bill, believes the longer waiting period will ultimately lower the state’s divorce rate. It is likely there will be a mad dash to the courts before this law becomes effective. Supporters of the new law believe the longer waiting period will give couples more time to reconsider. Others argue the increased waiting period will increase tensions between the couples and lead to more fighting and increased attorney fees.

Here you go!


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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AmIok is exactly right. One other thing to take into account is that LA has it's own set of funky laws.

Fault:
A spouse to a covenant marriage may obtain a judgment of divorce only upon proof of ANY (emphasis mine) of the following: (1) The other spouse has committed adultery. (2) The other spouse has committed a felony and has been sentenced to death or imprisonment at hard labor. (3) The other spouse has abandoned the matrimonial domicile for a period of one year and constantly refuses to return. (4) The other spouse has physically or sexually abused the spouse seeking the divorce or a child of one of the spouses. (5) The spouses have been living separate and apart continuously without reconciliation for a period of two years. (6) The spouses have been living separate and apart continuously without reconciliation for a period of one year from the date the judgment of separation from bed and board was signed. (Louisiana Code of Civil Procedure - Article: 103)

There should be a section in your paperwork that describes the "Grounds for Fault" or "Grounds for No-Fault".

But still... ask your attorney... that's why you're paying him!


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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we musta been posting at the same time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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i'll have to look when I get home...


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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