It's just shameful...it's the worse feeling...to have to admit and say yes I have done what, not only with men but women...

Oh, I forgot to mention because I WAS so upset that I remembered in the car on the way to pick up the boys, but I'm living with my lebsian lover...

SPon. died laughing...so did my mom and Spon's good friend!

SPon. calmed me down...then made me go to a meeting and watched the boys...first time I didn't talk...felt like it was the worst day of my life...getting better...

MOF, I was sitting in the A's office and realized that yesterday was one year anniversity of D-day...

I didn't even think about it yesterday...HOW COoL IS THAT?

I think that is awesome...

Tonight's meeting was on crisis...LOL...picked because of me...it was good to be around all of my friends and to get the hugs and support...

PM- I too prayed this afternoon for God to break STBX... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SL- I understand where you are coming from...I was ashamed of the SA as a child and but today that was the major feeling I had....

For the first time I just wanted to give up but if I do that then HE'S WON and I'm not about to let that happen. I'm a fighter and I may have been kicked today but as GOD is my witness I WILL be free from this man...

I've had time to sufficiently get pi$$ed off again...

Oh, from what I understand this is all negocations (?) right now to get to a no fault D...


I told my A want I wanted today...he's going back and talking to STBX's A and something will be decided soon!

Rin,

Since you know STBX is going to do this, If you haven't done it, now's the time to think of anything else he could possibly throw at you so you can be prepared.

That's the longest sentence I've ever written.

You've got your ducks in a row for your offense, but what about you're defense.

If you haven't seen 8 mile go get it. Eminem does this at the end of the movie to disarm his opponent.

I'm not a fan of rap so he had to do a really good job with that movie to impress me.

and stay strong. You're still doing right depite being upset. CJ's right. All you have to do is tell the truth. That's It!!

I know simple and easy. 2 different things.

Keep it up. You're doing great.

Thanks BC, I've talked with several people tonight and I'm feeling MUCH better...

I just want to get away from him, plain and simple...I'm not hoping for a no fault...

There was more to the convo. today...

Since I had a roung day...it's time for some self-care...I've got my pjs on and I'm going to read...LOL...probably for about ten minutes before I start going to sleep...

My self-care is rest...I'm SOOO tired...tomorrow's a new day and I find out what's going on with F...then, after that I have a little something else I need to do...then I'll head back to work...

Good night everyone and sweet dreams...please pray that I have them too! I have dreams/nightmare about him.

Otay, i can't sleep but I've made some decisions...

Frog- How important is it? I heard you in my head...so here goes!

I would love to be validated in a court of law that I was abused...but you fight to lose, surrender to win...

I am going to call my A tomorrow and let him know that I would like to go for no fault...and just divide the property...

Plain and simple...I would love to get away from him as fast as I can but I think that the path of least resistance is what's need here...

Not a case of I want what I want when I want it...I KNOW there's been abuse...again plain and simple!

I'm already into this a month what's eleven more...it's been peaceful and quiet...

I will also offer visitation as once a week and every other weekend, with me as first right of refusal...

Just let his sick twisted mind think whatever he wants...Live and let live!

Just wanted to share this, it helped me out last night:

Life doesn't always go smoothly or peacefully, even though I might wiah it would. in the past, when someone bothered me, I'd say nothingrather than face an argument. It seemed better for me to be upset than to risk upsetting someone else. the results were usually disasterous. i would become irritable and unreasonable as I let resentment fester.

Today, I suspect that adversity has value I hadn't previously recognized. When I face adversity and deal with my problems or express my feelings, things have a chance to improve. Even if they don't, I release some of the pressure I feel. I'm new at this, and i don't do it very gracefully yet: sometimes it is scary, and sometimes my words are not exactly welcomed. nevertheless, I feel better when I realize that I have finally begun living life on life's terms.

Looking back, I see how much I've grown. I wouldn't have chosen any of the cries in my life, but since coming to Al-Anon, I've learned that every problem can help me to change for the better, deepen my faith, and add to my self-esteem.

Today's reminder

The Chinese word for crisis is written with two characters. The first stands for danger, and the second for opportunity. I will look for the good hidden within everything I encounter.

"There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands."

Richard Bach



My GIFT is FREEDOM...

Strivin'

Your self reflection and growth is amazing! Pat yourself on the back and take pride! You deserve it!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



This is Fantastic - both in content and in attitude!

Have a great day!

Thanks BUGS...Al-anon has helped me recover for STBX's A...

I can apply it to everyday problems...every aspect of my life...

It helps me with serenity...to own what is mine...know what I can control and what I can't...

When I stepped foot through the doors of Al-anon I was a mess...I was SO numb...it has helped me focus, stay centered...given me hope when I didn't see it...lifted me up on my worse days...

It was one of the many good decisions that I did for myself and believe me, I WAS SO SCARED my first meeting...

I was scared to go around people I knew, much less people I didn't...and like here I have made wonderful friends!

Once again, I have to thank LA for recommending the group...both her and my new found friends are a blessing...

Strivn,

Glad you had a productive evening. Got a lot out of your system. Alanon can be a wonderful support!!!

My gf daughter got dragged down very badly situations by her 2 of her bf's. Grrrrr. It has taken a great deal of prayer, lots of support from her parents/myself, good programs support to break free & away.

Took us along time, but so worth it.

Today she is a wonderful success story& left that lifestyle behind, life back on track, pulled her self up/out, has a great job, with a nice bf who makes her priority, respects her.

I am so proud of her!!!

Forward wind, her old bf called her up after a few yrs. Said oh baby I have changed blah, blah. Her response was great don't call me ever again. See ya! (The cycle gotten broken.)

As my ex was/is still a swinger.I could never participate. No matter what. I can't tell you how many heated stormin battles, walks, cab ride homes, people I have tossed out of our home& lives!!!

Up side here with my gf,(d), think I have been a ex of what life is like with jerks my xh.Never gets better, but worse.

Know you have excellent Alanon,support. Done lots of reading.

Hopefully, you have a good sexual assault center in your area to get further additional support. Makes a tremendous difference!

Yeah, my xh really doesn't like me, and I like that way!

Have a great day....

SONG OF THE DAY!

Pink - "Get the Party Started"

http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?vid=81945

((((((((Rin)))))))) just wanted to stop by and give you a hug...I'm so sorry that STBX is making this so hard on you.

Thanks Mar...I didn't expect anything less...how he treats me is a reflective of his self-respect...

I was thinking the same thing...his feeling yucky...Rin has got her [censored] together...so now I'm going to fling some crap her way DUCK! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />...You have come along way over this last year...you grew and he didn't like it...sucks to be him.

Hi, I was just thinking about yesterday's meeting with my A...

See the thing is STBX started the contact with these people...and I HAVE WITNESSES that would say if asked that STBX contacted them and set up meeting without my knowledge until about 30 minutes prior to meeting...

If I wanted to go that route...this would fall under sexual assualt...

Also, I was wonder because I just got a call from someone asking me if I knew that STBX had send him pics of me, which I didn't...this person just apologized to me...saying that he hoped if I knew about it that nothing was forced...

I said I didn't remember anything about it...

Mar- You're right, yes ma'am you are and if I really wanted to, I could throw some [email]cr@p[/email] balls in his directions... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

(((Rin)))

You deserve better.

Strivn,

Sorry rushed that msg out to ya- finished putting on another yet fam birthday brunch. Started cooking early this morning. Gang's all fed/happily on their way.

Wanted to encourage you, you are not alone, that the climb out is always possible.

I love success stories/happy endings!

Your writing those new chapters each day. Word for word, line by line.

Local SAC in your area could really help you & advocate for you. You might want to run your sit by them.

It helps to learn the difference between being responsible to others and being responsible for others.

Rin,

"Johnathan Livingston Seagull" by Richard Bach, was one of the first books I truly, deeply fell in love with in High School, not that I hadn't been reading all of my life, but as a teenager it really helped me to feel secure, that I wasn't alone in that feeling of not knowing who I was and just wanting to be liked or fade into the bricks and mortar.

I have read many of his books, and am always inspired and question things. He's great, in MY book.

For the record, I say this to your WH... finger

See the thing is STBX started the contact with these people...and I HAVE WITNESSES that would say if asked that STBX contacted them and set up meeting without my knowledge until about 30 minutes prior to meeting...

Does your A know this...this is sexual abuse and he's gotten away with it long enough...he needs to be stopped...how many more women will he do this to if he is not stopped.

Also, I was wonder because I just got a call from someone asking me if I knew that STBX had send him pics of me, which I didn't...this person just apologized to me...saying that he hoped if I knew about it that nothing was forced"...


I hope you are going to tell your A about this...if one has called and told you this how many more are there.

Right now I would really like to give STBX a swift kick in the family jewels.

Thanks SD...

I'll make it out...I'm not that person that he wanted me to be...and he slowly started losing control of me...hence the DV...

I have something else to share with all of you...

In a tornado, you not only have to look out for the tremendous winds, but also whatever the winds pick up and hurl in your direction. like a tornado, alcoholism (substitute whatever you want here) often brings along additional problems, including verbal, physical, and sexual abuse, illness, debt, prison, infidelity, and even death. Some of these problems can be embarrassing that we don't dare to talk about them. But in Al-anon, we learn that we are only as sick as our secrets. until we let them out into the light, they keep us trapped.

Most of us find it best to share our secrets with someone we can trust, someone who understands the disease of alcoholism (substitute whatever you want here). no matter how hopeless, different, or ashamed we may feel, there are Al-anon members who have been throught similar crises and are willing to listen and help.

Today's Reminder

The times i most want to hide out with my secrets are probably the times I most need to reach out and share them with others. when facing a difficult situation, let me remember that my Higher Power speaks through other people. I don't have to face it alone.

"We move from being at the mercy of the problems that comes along to an inner certainty that no matter what happens in our lives, we will be able to face it, deal with it, and learn from it with the help of our higher Power."

...In All Our Affairs



Sky- thanks, I know that I'm in the right place...there are others like me...I'm cool!

SL- I love the finger! Tre' cool! You are one of my lights! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mar- yes, I told him yesterday...not about the pics but I will be talking to him soon...i have some questions...

SL,

Do ya mean flashin the bird, or the aloha good luck sign? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As 4 dealin with his unit, nah, let a sex crimes unit confront stbx unit. Call it pkg deal/a day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sky-Tooooo funny LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Do ya mean flashin the bird, or the aloha good luck sign?

As 4 dealin with his unit, nah, let a sex crimes unit confront stbx unit. Call it pkg deal/a day.