Not at all. You spoke the truth without judgement.

I have problems, my FWW has problems, You have problems, your STBX has problems etc.

I am paying for an IC for my OS right. Well there are some things that I do my FWW doesn't like and vice versa. This morning I told her something she did well she saw it as a problem and is going to try to work on it.

Done. I would have never even thought to have this conversation with my FWW in the past.

I didn't do anything, My FWW started regretting her actions etc and decided she didn't want to be that person anymore. Would it have been disrespectful if I said my fww is an alcoholic? NO because she was.

a dj woudl have been she is a mean drunk.

Anyway.

If you feel comforatable taking off the ring good.

Oh and about the neighbor "her reality" doesn't make it true.

Well that's what I wanted F to know, she may think that but I don't...

And I already know that I can't stop her or the other neighbor from feeding my kids a line of BS...

LOL...since their both cooking and watching the kids for him, I wonder if their cleaning my house too...THEY ARE SO WRAPPED...

I really can't say that...it just appears that way...nevertheless I have to leave that alone...

just me and mine...well, me and mine are doing well...F's still punished from outside activities with his "GF"...LOL

They were SOOOO disappointed...but F did bring his stuff home last week...L asked him if he fail yet? It was too cute...

On another note, I've been looking at houses...the trash that I'm seeing, not to mention in "trashy" areas...I mean I would like an area, if I have to move that I will feel safe for my kids to play in the yard...

Well, I'm really happy for you and your FWW, SHE really had come a long way...how is she doing on her steps...I think that she was on step four last you mentioned? Still going to meeting? And what about you...just work...no coaching? LOL

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

She is still on step four. LOL. Her sponsor is hounding her.

I have work and I am still coaching and I have IC with OS and oh forget about it I don't know where there is time for me. LOL.

We just got season passes to Sea World this weekend and got the Wii for the family.

I am working to fix a lot of the financial [email]cr@p[/email] from her A and her spending. It causes some resentment but she knows it is there and she is spending a lot less.

No you can't stop them from feeding it just tell your kids to look at it like it is brussel sprouts. Don't buy into it.

You can simply state that you respect yourself too much to call that person a friend.

My FWW and I talk about things like that. Someone doesn't like me or talks smack about me or whatever.

I don't care. Why because usually I didn't do anything to them.

I will appologize even when it is a misunderstanding but I won't kiss butt. LOL. If I do something to harm or hurt you I will appologize. If you think I did I will say I am sorry you think like that.

For you they did something and you have a right not to call them friend.

Seems like they don't even understand.

LMAO...I see that you are still being a great dad and can I say FBH? THat's SO cool, passes to Sea World...I want to go! LOL

from what I see both STXB and I are working on the finances...I paid on a credit card and it looks like he did too...but that wouldn't happen again because I changed the address on the bill...I called the other credit card company and he's been paying on that one too...

So, it appears that the bills are being handled in a timely fashion...

I'm almost paid my car off...I haven't heard from any bill collectors...wonderful! By final d-day will just might be sitting pretty...I should have left a long time ago! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Perhaps I would have gotten the bills paid faster...of course, we're not around for him to have an excuse not to want to work also...

I really like what you said about too much respect for myself to cal tehm friends...you always have a great POV that just hits me and I think "WHY the heck didn't "I" think of that!" LOL

WEll, like you in this case I refuse to apologize for something I did not do and I have apologized for the miscommunication...althought I kind of don't think that I should have done that becasue it was STBX that was egging things on IMO...

As far as HN1, no I seriously doubt that she does understand and in a way I feel for her...she is poorly educated and can barely help her kids with 1st grade work...let's just say IMVHO, I don't think that she capable of thinking things through...

The homework I was referring to with the kids was on similies...All three of them got it wrong and she was not happy that I went back and corrected the kids...

I honestly believe that she started treating me different when she found out that I graduated college...

What a shame...not to mention that she's one of the rudest people I have ever met...My Spon. went to the house to pick up the kids and HN1 came an inch from knocking Spon. off, no I'm sorry or anything...she just "rough."

Well, I'm not going to be dealing with her or the other one should I move back, as far as I'm concerned they are MORE than welcome to stay across the street...

I've thought about putting up a NO Trespassing sign too...LOL...just in case they don't get the hint when I don't talk to them...

i'm having a rough night...

I'm here, Rin...

Is it the cumulative effect of HN1?

LA

Rin,

Sorry you're having a tough night. I'm up now. Got called from the hospital so now I'm awake.

Just wanted to let you know that tonight I got 2 telephone numbers from Alanon meeting. That's a big step for me.

You know you mentioned about your STBXH putting other before family. My Wh is exactly like that. I was talking about that with a friend tonight that to bad he didn't put as much effort into in M and family as he did work. But you know what if he did than others wouldn't see that effort only we would. And it was and is more important for others to think he's a good man than his own family.

Still

HI, I decided that I was really tired and went to sleep with the boys...

F and I were up til 9:15 trying to get him to do his homework..anything to devire his attention...he didn't have much to do...he forget his reading book at school...lucky for me I know how to find things on the internet so I found his vocabulary defitions...

After hours, he only had two wrote...I was getting really angry and walked outside and wanted so badly to call STBX...just to REALLY VENT to him...it would have been pointless...

I thought about it...why do you want to call him...if you were home would he have helped...no the matter would have gotten worse...nothing sloved...I can do this...after F was playing around for so long, I told him that he would have extra homework for me...well, He didn't get to do it bacuase he's STILL not finished with his spelling...

So, he will be getting up in the morning and finishing it then...tomorrow, after he's finished with his homework, it I don't have to fight with him about it, he will be some extra handwriting for me...I have to stick to what I say...

Well, I woke up and Spon was up doing some work on the cpu, so I sat down and was waking up and we got to talking...she asked if I saw STBX in F...and I said yes, it drives me crazy that he takes him time with everything...I'm a get it done now and out of the way person...

So, yes I see STBX in him and it makes me so mad...so we talked about that...and just stuff in general...When she picked up the kids last night she had to tell STBX that the arrangement was that she would pick them up at the house and not at HN1 or 2's...

She said he appeared to be shocked that a woman was telling him the game plan...like he's not use to it...she said that she was uncomfortable picking up the kids there instead of our house...she mentioned it in case STBX gives me some trouble about it...I said that he wouldn't...but she could bet that he would agree on the surface and not REALLY agree to it...

So if she had problems again that would be why...she told me that there was nothing wrong with me...that I was doing a great job with the kids and that STBX, HN1, and HN2 have the hardest time trying to get the kids ready to go...their stuff's not together and it takes ALL three of them...

She laughed and said that I didn't have any trouble getting these kids ready in the mornings...I agreed and said Yeap, if we wake up late I can be ready and have them ready in 15 minutes...out the door...

So the reason why I was having a rough night was that I was getting so angry with F, I can't stand the lolly gaging...just do it...and I was getting angry at F but was seeing STBX and wanted to call him and just give him a word or two...I didn't...

Then I got to thinking "It would be so much easier if I just went back, but I Know better than that...I told Spon. that I have to be in withdrawal...the only contact that I've had with him is a TM Sunday to let him know that SPon. would be there at the same time...and a TM 15th reagrding the same thing...

Oh, and I let the kids call him on his B-day, but they only left a VM b/c he didn't answer his phone and didn't call back...So, I'm really in NC with him...and I like it that way but then theres that PART of me that wants to hear his voice, wondering it this is having any effect on him...wondering it he's changed...

I know it's just the normal struggles of D...b/c I can't see where I'm headed right now...today I'm living with Spon. that's all I know...

you know being Med, you had plans for the future, you knew about where you would be and I don't have that to fall back on right now...the future is so uncertain...

Needless to say, I'm feeling better...I can restrain myself from calling STBX, knowing that it's not healthy for me...

Still- I use my program so much...I don't even have to call someone in our family group, just someone who I know WILL LISTEN...talk things out with me...and if I can't do that then I can turn to my books...

ANd you nailed it with WH and my STBX...other people opinion's meant more to them than we did...IMHO...it's that mask that they wear...wanting to be something that they are not...but idf they really worked at what they wanted they could accomplish it...

It's like today society, they wanted it on credit...the here and now...no one wants to save anymore...they want the here and now, and not that to work/save for it...

Reputation is earned from a constant pattern of your actions...IMVHO...

How many people does your WH have as friends? How many people do you think really KNOWS him? If he's like my STBX the answer is NOT MANY...MOF, no CLOSE, INTIMATE friends...they all know the mask...not the person behind the mask...heck, I just figured out that I was dealing with the mask and not the person behind it...

Well, I was dealing with both depending on how it benefitted him...

It's SOOOO important to them how they are percieved by others...more so by others than us...it's their own personal fantasy...

Remember in TVAR...reality 1 and reality 2...they live in one and we live in the other...same thing...

Just my thoughts and ideas...would love to hear any thoughts on my line of thinking...agreement/disagreement...LOL...always helpful in ironing out the kinks... LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good Morning, My SD called this morning...appreantly it's been eating at him about the repairs that my car needs...since it's the brakes and rotators...

So, he asked if it was okay with me, for his peace of mine that he send me the money for the repairs and I could pay him back when I get the opportunity...

So, that's one less thing that I have to worry about...I'll have that repaired in the next week...I can hear the tattle tails on my brakes now...and I'm getting the oil pan gasket replace to take care of the leak...

I know that I WILL make it a point to pay them as soon as I can...I don't like owing money much less owing money to family b/c I figure if I don't take care of that, one day I may REALLY need them and I would like that option to be there...

Oh, we were running late this morning...LOL...F woke me up at 7:21 and said "Mom, it's late!" Talk about jump out of the bed and gathering everyone together in a flash...

As normal 15 minutes and we were all out of the door! I called my co-worker and he laughed and said that I needed to get a new alarm clock...I said that I was using my cell phone for an alarm clock...so the kids and I hada little fun on the way to work downloading two new tones to use to wake us up...

We got a bugle and a rooster! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> We're going to start out with the bugle and go from there...it's just a matter of me not sleeping at night...

F said he always heard the alarm...so I asked him to help me...that two days in the past week that we were running late.

Well, I hope that everyone has a great day...guess I'll get to the grinding stone this morning... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Smile, the sun is SHINING HERE! LMAO

My son is exactly like this. He doesn't have ADD we have established that he just gets easily distracted. We now are very structured in his homework. We actually have him going to homework help at lunch and afterschool. Then we have a list of his homework for him to do. All signed by the teachers. We check the list and make sure it is done. Then we give him 15 minutes to kick back then homework. NO help until he is finished. If he has a problem he doesnt' get that goes to the side then we go back later and do it.

Projects we now know about in advance and the first saturday after he gets it he has to do it before he starts his weekend.

I took away every electronics priveldge. No computer, PS2, Game Cube, Game boy advance etc. until he had all B's.

We got the Wii this weekend and I am letting him play with the family on that. It is really fun.

I had to wait in line to get it but Dad is now the hero. LOL

The IC says the homework thing is normal but says we are doing the right thing keeping it so structured.

OH we bought him a desk too so there are no distractions.


No it wouldn't. I likened my M at times to having 3 kids. I couldn't punish my FWW or take away her priveledges.

I noticed when she was gone during her meetings at the beginning and it was just me. It was much more calm and peaceful. The boys did what they were told. Homework done. GEtting ready for bed done. Etc. Heck they had to help me. It was easier that way.

If my FWW's attitude didn't change I could see how my life would have been much EASIER without her.

Those are my thoughts for now.

Finally something I can comment on for real.

You ARE going through withdrwal from STBX. I know what you want. You want to talk to STBX and you want him to sound good and talk rational. Well that's what my STBX has been doing and it really doesn't help. I wish I didn't have to see her at all. I know the only reason she's acting this way is b/c of OM2 filling her ENs and this allows her to function almost normally. It seems like she's enjoying my company too these days which means she's having a great time cake eating right now. To me this just complicates things.

Look, as bad as our STBXs are, we have still spent a huge part of our lives with them. We knew through out the M how they were. We loved them anyway. We still love them today despite everything they've done. Everybody on this forum is wired this way. If we weren't we wouldn't be here. I would still say what we are doing is loving detachment. We don't wish bad things to happen to them. We want them to succeed. We want them to change, even if we don't benefit from it. Our kids will.

So don't ever feal guilty or stupid for continuing to love STBX.

I'm certainly NOT getting D'd b/c I don't love my W anymore.
We recognize that our STBXs have problems that they're not ready to deal with yet, so we have to let them go to protect us. They will have to figure this out on their own now. Will they ever figure it out, who knows. If they hit rock bottom enough times, maybe.

Your feelings are good, it means thet you have a heart, a soul, a conscience.

BE PROUD OF THAT!

S4B

I think you are doing a great job both with Plan B and your kids!

I just wanted to suggest a resource that might help you with your son.

It's a book by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias that might shed some light on how to help a kid who has a different learning style (and organizational style and view of time) from yours. It's called "The Way They Learn." She is an expert in the field and was a teacher so her books are very clear.

Hang in there-

Good morning Frog-

School lets out on the 24th of this month, I am by no means going to let up on F...see last night he thought that he couldn't go play outside at ALL...I had to let him know that IF he got all of his homework done, in good time and it was done neatly, HE could in fact go play...

Well, I guess when he found that out that he must have been pouting or something b/c then he took even more time to do it...what I'm going to have to do it make sure that he is in a room that has no distraction...he's certainly not ADD...

I'm going to get this and nip it in the bud and I will make sure that I take a hard structured approach this coming school year...

Right now, there is NO outside until he is done, no TV, no Gameboy...i will continue to make him understand that school IS HIS job...foremost...I am EXTREMELY big on a good education and having that firm foundation, b/c without it well what kind of life is that...

I have no intentions of going back to STBX, that's no an option for me and the kids...we are healthier without all of the turmoil in our lives...this is my opportunity to be more consistent with the kids...no more disttactions for ME...

I can remember what I've said to them and stick to it...it just going to take some time to trust that I can handle these too on my own...i mean I do it everyday but I'm sure that there will be more moments of weakness...

And I will get over that...I'm truely doing the best I can with what I have right now...with myself and the kids...

We have a routine, and they know what to expect...they are seeing that MOM'S not going to give them any slack...L's behavior has improved...he knows that if he throw a fit that he will do it in our room and I will not deal with he until he is calm...

Then, we will talk about it...

BC- I hope that you are having a great morning...I appreciate your kind words and I know that you speak the truth...

I can see what you are saying about it really not helping talking to STBX...I really just want to b***h mine out, let him know about all the horrible choices that he's made but there's no point to it...and then again I do want to know how he's doing...

Wondering if he's okay...kind of hoping that his world is crumbing but at the same time hoping that he's fine...what a mixture of feelings...

As for loving him...I don't really feel love for him per se...it's more of loving him for the things that we'cve done together, created together...if that makes sense...

I mean I remember the first time I walked into Tiger stadium...OMG, what a feeling and I wouldn't have got to do that...Alabama against LSU...LSU finally beat them on their home turf, first time in 30 years...the sights and sounds were unreal...the goal post coming down...fans taking the turf for something to remember the game...the excitment...just amazing...

Then there was the first time that I saw blue water...we were down to Fort Picken, FL camping with our BF...it was SOOOO beautiful...the sunset...

Of course, then there's the boys...amazing pieces of me and him...

That's what I love, not STBX...I guess like you I miss the time that we spend together...but that was so long ago...even this past Feb when we went to the Hercules' ball wasn't that great...(carnival crew)...it's been since Feb. 06's Hercules ball since the last time I can think right off hand that I've enjoyed, truely enjoyed his company...

All the same, I don't have that anymore and I find myself lost in a way...I'm completely able to spend my time with mysef but it would be so nice to spend it with someone else...no pressures...no expectations...just RC time...

So, I see what you are saying and agree wholeheartedly...

HEy JT, Thank you...i plan on going to the library this weekend with the kids, I'll have to check that out...

YOU have a blessed day!

Well, I am getting my car repaired tomorrow and I have an IC appt. Thurs...another $600 into it...then I get to fix the ignition (just started having trouble with that) and put tires on...my co-worker was saying that I could probably wait until the end of summer for that one...I'd like it sooner rather than later...

Who knows when I'll be getting on the highway to go visit...

So, I'm set for safety...

yeap, life is coming together...and I GET TO SEE The blue eyed mechanic! I just like his eyes, don't worry...I'm 'havin everyone! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, just want to let everyone know that I'm good...bought my car in today, should be ready this afternoon...

all three of us are wonderful...I've been feeling really good...

Talked to an old classmate of mine this morning, talked about the reunion coming up, and what happened to so and so...

Cool!

The world is bright!

Strivn,

You sound great! Your post brightened my day.

What did you get? What did you get?

A yellow 1935 Deusenberg with a rumble seat? A 1965 Shelby with Le Mans stripes? A 1957 Rolls Silver Cloud?


Oh, I bet you meant brought your car in today. Never mind. The Silver Cloud was over rated anyway.

LMAO, yeap, that's what I meant... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

it's been a busy morning and an awesome day!

Nice!!!!!!!!!!

The farther you get away the better you seem.

Just an observation.

LMAO...Thanks FROG! I feel really good...LOL...I know that you will keep me in check!

I called the A this morning...no word yet, but the para was going to call and check up on the progress...

Anyway, my boss brought me to lunch...Chinese again...Yum!

Well, as soon as I hear something I will let everyone know...

Tip of the Day: Never order Coke in a Chinese restaurant.

The Chinese are quite the jokesters