Hmmm...

With just that much info Jim, I'd hesitate to pin Freeloader or Renter on her. I also know that your recovery is still in an early phase. You are a buyer at the moment.
She is one of the former two.

"Baby, you are renting a room in the house I bought..."

Just don't go renting out another room...

Be careful my friend, as the road to your own A is now open. The crossbars are lifted, your car is revving up, and the pretty girl just dropped the green flag...

Ah, on to the Plan B bets: WW is Stubborn, and as strong willed as I am. I give it 3 months or never. (8-12 weeks)

My conditions are simple: 1. NC with DB (a.k.a OM) for Life, Forever, with a plan to ensure it is maintained and verifiable. 2. A desire to discuss the M and develop a plan for Marital Recovery.

All she has to do is NC and actually want to come home. That's it. It seems so simple...and worthwhile...yet...Pride, Selfishness, Stubbornness block the road home.

More thoughts spurred by Jimbo:

I admire the advice I was given by Bob Pure in recent times: Boundaries, Jay, Boundaries. If you settle for crumbs then that's all you will ever get. (Plan B is Boundary Enforcement Time)

I DO NOT want a wife who holds me. I want one who WANTS to.
I DO NOT want a wife who has SF with me. I want one who WANTS to.

I will not remain long in a loveless marriage.

I will not continue to invest so much and see so little parallel investment on my spouse's end.

I will be loved and respected as much as I love and respect my wife.

I will lead the way at first, but the corresponding investment of my wife will match mine over time as we recover. Or it won't. And we won't recover.

Those are some of my expressed boundaries. It's amazing that you will KNOW the moment you have regained your stride and began to hold your head high. That's when everybody else notices it too...

What will you settle for in time? It's early now for you Jim, but later in your saga I will be concerned. Communicate, communicate, communicate to her your thoughts and feelings.

HI, I just wanted to chime in that I KNOW that my picker is broken and until I "FIX" my picker, I have to continue to work on me...

Just wanted to share...

So, I can say that I'm going to have some pretty tough guidelines on how I am treated in the future....

It's a matter of respect for myself!

Jim-wow, you poor soul...LOL...what am I talking about...I've got a year to wait...would hate to have my own A...LOL

Hello All,

Not the happiest of updates, but nonetheless an update. I was served with divorce papers yesterday, so the light at the end of this tunnel may be in sight.

I've been in Plan B for around 6-7 weeks, and other than 3 sentences from my WW, that's all I've heard. It's been pretty dark, which was certainly a good thing.

On the Divorce and Plan B: Plan B does help tremendously with creating a detachment from the filing of Divorce. I highly encourage a Plan B earlier in the process of dealing with a WS for this and many other reasons.

The divorce filing was not unexpected, I challenged the ILs and became fed up after watching my daughter spiral out of control in school while my WW hit the bars, spent the night at OM's apt, and left my DD to run free. Had she not filed, I was going to for the sake of my DD.

What brought the D on? Well, I would say a combination of things brought it on after 3 1/2 months of post-separation in-your-face affairland. I did a second round of exposure very early in Plan B, so that I would remain shielded. I called out the ILs for the being the spineless cowards they are later in the process when my DD was left falling through the cracks, and my WW was aware that her wayward ways were being filmed/timestamp photographed while my DD was missing school / running wild. In short, the FIL essentially filed for divorce when it became clear to him that his family was being humiliated by his daughter's adulterous ways.

The hole was dug very deep by my WW, and she had a tough climb to get out in order to "save face" after all of her lies. On a few occasions, she was told that "If all the lies you have told were true, then why wouldn't you have filed for divorce...three and half months ago?" or, "A lady would file for divorce". There was pressure from external factors, such as work colleagues and other family members. There is certainly a "saving face" element to these types of situations. I haven't offered a way for her to save face, that's something I believe should be her idea. Telling the truth is a start, but the telling the truth is the hardest thing in the world to do for a WS.

Regardless, that's the situation as it stands. Still in Plan B (more of a conflict avoidance measure) and now in Plan D.

Jay

Well, I'm sorry to hear this...you sound well!

When is your court date?

This may actually help your situation. She may get smacked with a hard dose of reality when her actions of the past few months are brough up in court. I'm sure she hasn't disclosed everything to her lawyer, so she should get a good scolding when everything comes out. That may knock her entitlement down a notch or two.

Strivn,

First court date is May 3rd. Thanks, I'm feeling as well as can be! Plan B: I'll swear by it. By maintaining your dignity and avoiding conflict with the irrational wayward, you win in the end.

Jim,

I'm certain the brutal truth of immoral behaviour and irresponsible parenting will have an effect. My biggest hope is that she can return to some semblance of the parent she was for the sake of our DD.

Hey Jay,

I keep seeing all over the place here that even Plan D is not always the end. You never know.

Regardless, you have fought a great fight for your family and have conducted yourself with considerable dignity.

Oh, BC, goes back to court on the 4th or 5th...

i agree with you!