I'm trying to be calm here, but I am a huge f***cking mess. Many of you know me and MFsFWH and our struggle in recovery ~ well it all makes perfect sense now that we were struggling so bad because he has been in contact with OW this whole f***ing time.

I don't have a lot of motivation to try to save this marriage anymore ~ but I AM going to expose. I need some help on how to do that since they met on a running/marathon message board, and I have never met her. I did register a name on that board and make a post (hopefully the moderators will not delete it or anything), here it is:



So, how else do I expose? Tomorrow I will probably be able to get some more direct email addys for other people on the message board. Is there anything else I can do?

I'm dying over here, guys....really, really dying....not sure how I'm going to make it. My head is pounding and it's worse than dday, all over again.

(((((((((((((((MF)))))))))))))))))

Hang tight. Try to stay calm. I'm sure the exposure experts will chime in.


Mel, where are you?


I am sooooooooo sorry. It does make some sense though concerning his behavior.

You're in my prayers.

((((((((MF))))))))

I'm so very sorry.

NOW his behavior makes sense.

What can we do to help?

~ Marsh

MF.....

I just wanted to support you even though I have no suggestions. I do feel your pain, thinking all was progresing and then discovering you're further down in a seemingly bottomless pit than you thought.

Hang in there, take deep breaths, focus on the kids as a diversion til help arrives and delay doing anything that you might regret. Vent, Vent, Vent in the meantime.....that's what we're here for.

Ace

What do you know about her?

Is she married?

Where does she work?

Can you find the names of her parents/relatives?

What about the rest of the running community? I know you said they met through the message board but also at 'events.' What can you do to let ppl at those events know what's going on?

Mys

Have you googled her username to see if you can find anything that links her username to her real name? Have you searched the message board to see if she signs her real name anywhere, or anyone else calls her by her real name?

There's all kinds of ways you could sleuth by looking at her posts ... maybe see where she mentioned a race and her time, and then google that race and see if you can find a list of names/times. Seems like that info is OFTEN posted to the web.

I need help just THINKING right now. I know I'm not thinking straight.

So, I exposed on the message board and it's getting a LOT of traffic. I know her name, I know where she lives. I'm trying to get some more email addy's of mutual friends of theirs who I can expose to.

OW is not married. She lives in another state, I have never met her or seen her.

What else can I do?

((((MF))))

so sorry to hear this news... I don't know your whole story...only since you posted as islh... but I wanted you to know I feel for you. so long you have been in this struggle...you will make it...remember you are in a panic, emotional state right now...lean on friends...post here...don't make any rash decisions....you are not alone

btw, there are so many search engine's out there...try them all. you have her name right??? the computer age is a wonderful thing.

MF:

I wondered what was up.

This explains alot.

I guess MFs(F)WS is enjoying his time at his parents house?

Personnally, I'd kick 'em in the keister..

LG

MF, have you exposed to his parents? I would also look into exposing to her parents and her employer.

so sorry .
i have followed your story and felt there were some bright red flags when it came to your H's attitude.
so sorry.

how did you find out he was still in contact w/ her....never ended?? did he tell you?

What is the extent of the contact? Is it just communication, or have they been continuing the PA?

First of all, however he has been communicating with him needs to go. If it is via the internet, then you need to get software that blocks all messages to forums, chat rooms, or just cancel the internet. You know, 10 years ago people got by just fine without it. Cut out ALL access to OW that you would have any trouble detecting.

Your WH should not go away by himself at all. Do not spend a single night apart. Expose to his parents, family, friends, and find her parents and expose to them as well. You can find the information on the internet, but hire a PI if you have to.

Ok, so I just sent out that same email that I sent to the principal to all the teachers and staff at her school. I think there was like 50-60, maybe more. It was the same email, except that I added this at the bottom:



So, how'm I doing, guys?

This is kinda fun, in a sick sorta way....

i am confused.
can you explain that above email?

This went on the bottom of the same letter that I sent out to her principal this morning, and I sent it to all 53 teachers and office staff at the school where she works.

The P.S. is from me.

And the stuff in quotes is from the email OW sent to me this morning....

And then the very bottom line is what I wrote, in reference to OW's email.

Good job, MF, keep the pressure up. If there any other exposure targets, I would do them now and get this out of the way.

Did you expose to his PARENTS? Can you contact HER parents? Sometimes you can find this info from www.zabasearch.com and www.peoplefinder.com

hope and pray, can I use these responses?

Do you mind?

I'm curious if you have heard back from anyone you have contacted. I'm just wondering if some people respond when a huge exposure like this is carried out.

Ok, I know some of you are gonna ream me for this one, but...OW sent me an asinine email this morning (I posted part of it earlier) ~ with a little help from hopeandpray, I responded. Here it is: (she's in lower case, my responses are in uppercase).


Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



What are you talking about? I have never talked to you over the phone until tonight. You woke me from my sleep and threatened me on the phone. YOU ARE DELUSIONAL, I NEVER THREATENED YOU. YOU SURE SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME AND H, THOUGH, WITH YOUR VENOMOUS-SCREAMING-PROFANITES-LIKE-A-BANSHEE. I HOPE YOU DIDN'T WAKE YOUR PRECIOUS CHILDREN WITH THAT BILE.

I'm now awake and functioning. THAT'S QUESTIONABLE.

We've never talked...corresponded...nothing until now. YOU HAVE A VERY SHORT MEMORY ~ YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE EMAILS I SENT YOU IN MAY?

Keep this here. AND WHY SHOULD I? YOU DIDN'T "KEEP IT HERE" WHEN YOU DECIDED TO TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF FOR A MARRIED MAN ~ MY HUSBAND. REMEMBER?

What do you think you'll get from doing this with H? you know him well enough that what you're doing is not going to save your marriage. It's not. He doesn't like drama and you just did exactly what he does not like. IF HE DIDN'T LIKE DRAMA, HE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD AN AFFAIR WITH YOU, WOULD HE?

AND I'VE BEEN WITH THE MAN FOR 17 YEARS, YOU ARE MAKING YOURSELF LOOK LIKE A JERK BY TRYING TO TELL ME WHAT HE LIKES AND DISLIKES.

MF...you will never take any ownership in the breakdown of things. that's fine. OH, I'VE OWNED A TON OF STUFF, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. REMEMBER, IF HE WAS LYING TO ME, HE WAS LYING TO YOU TOO. THAT'S WHAT ADULTERERS DO ~ THEY LIE!

OH WAIT, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT, YOU'RE ONE TOO.

However, you never accepted H for who he was and what he is. THAT'S FUNNY. IT LOOKS TO ME LIKE YOU DIDN'T "ACCEPT" HIM AS A MARRIED MAN, A HUSBAND AND A FATHER. YOU KNOW, THE ONLY THINGS THAT ARE REALLY GOING TO MATTER WHEN HE'S ON HIS DEATH BED.

You've always wanted to try to change him. I CERTAINLY DIDN'T CHANGE HIM INTO AN ADULTERER. YOU DID A GREAT JOB OF THAT.

For whatever reason it may be...his soul was dying with you. Not accepting H for who he is and was broke it down. DO YOU ALWAYS TALK OUT OF YOUR A** LIKE THIS? I HAVE FORWARDED THIS ASININE EMAIL TO SO MANY PEOPLE (THAT YOU KNOW) AND THEY AREA ALL ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING AT HOW STUPID IT IS.

I will take responsibility in my affair with him, but I will NOT take any responsibility that changed him and made him see that he was not with the person who truly accepted him.

It's out in the open. YEP, IT SURE IS. YOU PLAY WITH FIRE, YOU GET BURNED, BABY. TOO BAD YOU'RE LEARNING THAT THE HARD WAY.

I could care less about what the forum people say, think and do. IF THAT WAS THE CASE, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE MENTIONED IT.

BUT, IF THAT IS THE CASE, I FIGURED I SHOULD LET EVERYONE AT YOUR SCHOOL KNOW TOO. I WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU COULD CARE ABOUT WHAT SOMEONE THOUGHT. I ATTACHED PART OF THIS ASININE LETTER TO THE EMAIL AS WELL.

I HAVE BEEN ADVISED THAT THE ONLY WAY TO BREAK UP MY HUSBAND'S AFFAIR, SO THAT HE CAN COME HOME TO HIS FAMILY, IS TO SHINE THIS UGLY FANTASYWORLD INTO THE LIGHT OF DAY. IT'S NOT SO FUN ANYMORE, IS IT OW?

I care about is H. SO DO I, AND GUESS WHAT? HE'S MARRIED TO ME....IF HE WANTED TO BE WITH YOU SO BADLY, HE COULD HAVE BEEN, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY EASY. AND GREAT WAY OF SHOWING IT, OW ~ TO BREAK UP HIS MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. WITH FRIENDS LIKE YOU, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?

So...do whatever you think would help you get through this with your anger towards me and H. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND, AND WHEN THIS HAPPENS TO YOU, LET ME KNOW HOW WELL YOU WERE ABLE TO "GET OVER IT". I PROMISE NOT TO TRY TO LAUGH TOO HARD WHEN YOU ARE UNABLE TO, BECAUSE YOUR LIFE, EVERYTHING THAT YOU KNOW, HAS BEEN SHOT TO ****** AND YOU FEEL LIKE SOMEONE IS TWISTING A KNIFE IN YOUR HEART NIGHT AND DAY.

I believe you should keep it between us. AND I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD FIND A SINGLE MAN TO SCREW AROUND WITH. THIS WILL ALSO HELP YOU TO STOP LOOKING LIKE SUCH A DESPERATE LOSER, WHICH WILL BE VERY GOOD FOR YOUR SELF ESTEEM. YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT.

DON'T BOTHER WRITING BACK, I'M BLOCKING YOUR EMAIL.

Lifeschoice ~I have heard back from a number of people from the message board where they met, and most everyone is rooting for me and our M.

Of course, there are some dumba**es who don't know what they're talking about, but overall, a lot of support and sympathy. A bunch of them have emailed me privately as well.

Thanks for all the support, guys.

(P.S. I'm having some trouble locating her parents. She has a fairly common maiden name, and they're divorced, and I don't even know if her dad is alive ~ her mom is remarried, I believe. Any ideas?).