I guess I'm of a mind that a WH won't REALLY read it anyway. No matter how short or long....he'll read it, but he will skim it and say, whatever.

LATER, when he begins to notice that I'm really AWOL, then he might begin to wonder...what's that about again?

LATER, (this is all conjecture of course), when he TRIES to make contact with me for some oddball reason and he can't, he'll ask, why not?

LATER, when he really WANTS to see me, then he'll have to read it more carefully. And choose whether he wants to act on it.

******

Here's one thing that scares me. You all know I read Lori's story over and over. She never did a Plan B, she remained avaiable and was friendly. At some point, her WH had a medical crisis, and called her...knowing that he could trust her.

Do you think Plan B eliminates the "trust" ugh, hate to use that word, but I hope you get my meaning...???

I agree with MEDC..print, sign, deliver..when you have EVERYTHING in place and are READY to move forward with it....

No

I like eavs letter..it is very clear.

it does lack the "warm fuzzies"....she took out the ILY when... memories you shared......i found that part very endearing and was hopeful that it would tug at his heart......but, it does make the letter very long.

I cut some things because I still think you're taking way too much responsibility here. Remember, any WS and OP will leap on those things to justify what they are doing. Do not give them that opportunity! What remains in the letter is enough for you to take ownership of your part.

Please cut, cut, cut whatever else you can for length.

**************************************
It is with great sadness that I must remove myself from what has become an intolerable situation. This path is not one of choice but one of self-preservation.

WH, I loved you on the first day I met you. I loved you when I married you. I love you still.

I love you because you worked a horrific schedule to be home with Nick. Because you held me after my dad’s first surgery. Because of the pride I felt when you were named Officer of the Year. Because of how reverently you regard Memorial Day. Because you worried with me over Jake’s bowel problems. Because you gave a beautiful toast at my parent’s last anniversary together.

I love you because you will marvel with me at the dappled light on the Pierce Stocking, at the sound of the first red-winged blackbird in the spring, at the first cicada buzz in the summer, at the growth of our maple tree every fall, and the movement of Orion’s Belt across the winter sky.

I love you because you introduced me to camping and boating. Because you would take me for rides on countless back roads just to explore. Because you love to skip rocks at Point Betsie and collect petoskeys at Torch Lake. Because you so deeply appreciate a “great day at the lake.” Because you took me to Pentwater, and because you also took me to Ludington.

I love you because you know me, inside and out, what makes me beautiful, what makes me human, what frightens me, what pleases me. I love you because you know me more intimately than anyone has ever known me.

I wish that I could go back in time and give you all that you needed to be happy: my undivided attention, my affection, my self—with no holding back. I wish I had made “us” my top priority. I hope that one day you will forgive me for the mistakes that I made and give us the opportunity to create a new marriage.

I have changed. I am no longer the same person I was; that would be an impossibility. But the changes I have made have been for the good: an understanding of who I am, of how deeply I love you, of how much I need to make a place for God in my life, and of what it takes to make a marriage work.

Over the past couple of months I have attempted to show you these changes. I want to share those changes with you for one reason: because you are the most important person in my life. I wish I had done a better job of showing that truth to you before all of this happened.

I believe with all my heart that together we can overcome all of this and begin a new and better life, one in which each of us are happy and deeply fulfilled. I want this more than anything.

But the past couple of weeks have made it clear to me that I need to protect myself from the pain created by this situation.

Watching my husband with another woman is simply agonizing. I can no longer endure it; it is tearing me apart.

If you decide to give our marriage a chance, I need my love for you to be as strong as it is today. And I need to be as strong as I am today. So until the situation changes, the only way I can hold on to my love and personal strength is to end all contact with you.

Being apart from you is not what I want.

What I want, more than anything, is to have you in my life — all of you and all to myself. I am married to you. I promised my life to you — to you and you alone — and you promised yours to me.

I want to you — not some other man — to be the one I see over coffee when I’m 80.

I want you — not some other man — to wipe my tears when our boys graduate and marry.

I want you — not some other man — to hold me and make love to me.

I want you - not some other man — to experience with me the feelings only parents can have as we watch our boys face successes and heartaches.

I want you — not some other man — to read the Christmas story to our children and grandchildren as we celebrate Jesus’ birth together, as a family.

I want you — not some other man — to grow with me in developing a relationship with God.

But I cannot and will not share you with another woman.

I cannot and will not ever be your “friend” while you do this.

I can only be your wife, in every sense of the word, in the way that I promised to you and to God. That is the only type of relationship that I can accept.

Because you have chosen not to offer me that type of relationship, I must end all contact with you. Out of respect for my position and my need to protect myself, please do not call, send e-mails, or leave messages.

Do not contact me unless you choose to permanently, forever and for life cut off all contact with Amy.

Do not contact me unless you choose to work on building a new marriage with me and only with me.

If you need to reach me, you may communicate through Lisa. Her cell phone number is xxx-xxxx and home number is xxx-xxxx. Her email is xxxx. She will get a message to me. In terms of the boys, I will assume that you will pick them up from school on “your” Fridays and drop them off around 6:00 on Sundays. During the week, we can continue with the same arrangements we have had for alternating Tuesdays and Wednesdays, with you picking them up from school and bringing them home around 8:00. When you drop off or pick up the boys, please do not come into the house or attempt to speak to me.

If you decide that you want to work on building a new marriage with me, I promise you that I will leave the past behind us. I will ask only that you do the same. It will take hard, hard work on both our parts, but it can be done, and it will be worth it. I hope with all my heart that one day you will decide to allow us to make a new and better beginning, together.

Please come home. You know the way.

Careful, love you, bye.
************************************************

LilSis:

This revised letter is great. Massaged just enough.

Lots of back and forth around here, Longer/Shorter/Love letter/2x4/hand written/typed

My recommendation:

First Line: "in order to keep my heart from breaking further, and allowing the most opportunity to repair our hearts, this may become the last love letter I ever write to you.

The Para about all the ILY/Kids/Dad/OfcrofYear is in the right place.

NOW SEND IT.

Send it to your In-Laws. (MB'ers: Anyone else should get a copy?)

And WH will either read it, or not.

WH will try to break Plan B the next day. Or maybe not.

But, if you go dark, and when he tries to break Plan B, You give him another copy. That's why typing it is easier. Copies easier.

WH will read it eventually. 1 day later, 15 days later, 10 years later.

But that is his choice.

When he DECIDES TO REALLY READ IT, THAT IS WHEN HE HAS FINALLY DECIDED TO COME HOME.

And your letter tells him the terms, and why you are doing this, and the way home. And he can come home.

And if he never decides to read it?

Then it really doesn't matter what it says.


Finish it and Send it. Today. Too many cooks spoil the broth. AND it will never be perfect.

I loved the changes you made, LS.

~ Marsh

the way I look at it Lilsis... when Mimi, LG and I can all agree on something... well, it must be a "go!"

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

i see your point...hopefully he will refer to the letter.....LATER.
as long as you are willing to send him elsewhere for clarification....i say send it...it is a beautiful letter.

This is the new first sentence: (I keep changing it...need to find the perfect one)

Writing you this letter is the most difficult thing I have ever done, but doing so is my only hope for preserving my love for you and for keeping my heart from breaking further.

???


I also changed the someone else to some other man as Mulan did.

???

Other than that...I'm going with it as is (although I think I fixed up a few typos). I know it's long. But everything is there. Everything he needs to know, and everything I need to say.

Should I start a poll??

Like it
Don't like it

And we haven't even gotten around to the hows and wherefores... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

LilSis:

Remember one thing:



You can decide to end Plan B at any time for any reason.

I could never, ever, call OW with crises. What could SHE do about it. She's not part of that fantasy.

If your H, had an issue, a medical issue, and tried to contact you, YOU would know that it is different, JUST LIKE WH would.

Even better!

I LOVED Mulan's suggestion as well.

Glad you went w/ it.

When do you plan on sending/giving it to him?

~ Marsh

LS:

Regarding the poll:

NO
NO
NO
NO

It will never be perfect.

Accept this.



Delivery is next time he picks up or delivers the kids. Give him a big hug, Look into his eyes, C,LY,B, and then hand him the letter and show him the door.

Keep it simple.

I had emailed it to Neak, and she suggested an addendum with the details of contact...kid's schedules, Lisa's contact info, etc.

i like it.
i like the change you made to the first sentence.
as long as you are comfortable w/ what you will do if he comes asking questions.....i am not sure why, but I see him being very confused and i don't know how he will handle that.

i like that. I have been trying to suggest soemthing like that but wasn't very clear, i guess. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I was just kidding about the poll. It kind of struck me, too, that so rarely is there consensus here...

Kid pick-up is tomorrow morning sometime. Even though this is his weekend, he signed up for overtime tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

OOOHHHH...just thought of something...

I don't say anything about keeping to our agreement that the kids are not around RT....

The lawyers are aware of it, but it is not in the orders...

I heard you, but I interpreted it as a LATER letter, a second letter. And with all the advice flying, it's hard to keep it straight.

I think I'll just leave it as is. Leave it to him to sort it out when he needs to contact me about something and he can't reach me.

No handwriting...mines not that good to begin with, I'm so used to typing anymore.

I was serious when i said i wasn't CLEAR...i know i wasn't clear ....i can see how people could misinterpret my posts.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

i like the letter. i think it has the balnce it needs...a little long...but, i like your reasoning. go for it!