ya know LS,

we all had our funeral clothes picked out for Mortarman's marriage

it was certain death

and his WIFE (the wayward) did the CPR

and it came as a shock to everyone

NOW, they are expecting another baby !!!!!!!!!

you just never know

decide to have a good day, regardless

I am supporting your efforts 100%

Pep

He knows he's not being a very good father deep inside.
His boys are sad, angry, needy, etc -- and he KNOWS he is the reason. So he avoids them. Because it causes HIM more pain to face it.

But he won't face that. And he's trying to cover it up with anything he can. He still sees them. He still calls. And RT is doing anything she can to reinforce him. She builds him up. To the barely sustainable level of living with himself.

LS, I suspect your WH feels really awful about himself and what he's doing. I guarantee the drug doesn't work so good anymore.

In a very big way he is hiding from you. He has so much pain, but he won't allow himself to show it to you.

He's still going along with "the Plan" so he has to be cold to you. He thinks by being cold to you, you will lose your love for him, and let him off the hook.

Your Plan A represents pressure to him. He's not capable of receiving loving acts from you. But they do get through to him on a subconscious level.

Plan B is going to bewilder him. He's pushed you too far. Now he might get what he's been saying he wanted (but truly doesn't want).

Here is where the pressure will come to the affair.

RT is going to be HAPPY at the progression of the divorce. Inappropriately. And it will anger him.
His boys are angry, sad, needy, hurt -- and he knows he is the reason. The fantasy of the happy step-family is going to be shattered.
But the possiblity that Lilsis will move on with someone new (someone good) will haunt him.

In his imagination, he will see Lilsis, LS's new man and the two boys in WH's home being HAPPY. They don't have the ugliness WH and RT have. This "new man" is a HUGE THREAT to WH.

He will expect more from the drug. The drug isn't making him happy like it was supposed to.

LilSis:


In regards to this:



Yes, it is, but it's like the Verizon commercial, we all have your back. We are your network. Some are praying, and some are just thinking about you.



And in Plan B, you will no longer be interpeting every interaction. It just is.

His choices, His outcomes to those choices.

And I loved this:



It's like Tim Allen in Home Improvement... More Power!!!!

((((LS))))

LG

[color:"red"]so true

bur YOU will not "see" this .... because you are going to be DARK

only TURDS rejoice the break-up of your family [/color]

He is so addicted to the drug. The drug made him so happy when he started.
And if he can clear away everything else, so he doesn't lose the drug, then the drug will make him REALLY happy.

So you and the boys become part of the "clearning away."

And nothing you DO...nothing you SAY...will stop him from seeking the happiness he KNOWS he will get from the drug.

The drug has to fail him. It has to fail to produce the great happiness he is expecting.

And of course all of us logical thinking people can see that the drug cannot meet his expectations! But he will have to see that for himself.

Starting today, he has to rely on the drug alone for his happiness. And its going to start failing him.

I truly 100% BELIEVE. The drug will not make him happy.
And he will break his addiction. I BELIEVE.

LilSis,

That is one of my favorite hymms, I also cry when I hear this one also. There are a few that I always tear up at, It the hymms at church that effect me most. I think singing out loud is one of the best ways to praise God. When all this happened to me I couldn't make it through Mass. without balling. My kids would just hug me...I'm tearing up just thnking of it. I'm the one that is suppose to be strong for them. Several times it was the other way around. I hope that this doesn't damage my kids anymore then this D does. But of course according to Wh it's no big deal, they'll get over it. He!! according to him they should be over it now.

Just remember those interactions with WH and how cold he is. That will help get you through the dark times. My Wh who is so concerned with his relationship with our DD never called her at all yesterday or today so far. Didn't even call DS to say goodnight or goodmorning. Oh but wait this is his weekend to be free.

I had given my WH some homemeade beefstew the other night... still no thank-you. But that's one of my EN and he wasn't filling them before.

I think you're right we all want to see this work for you.. the first reason that we know how much this means to you. And for the one's that are getting prepared for plan B it give us some hope cause maybe it will happen to us also.

I'd be interested in knowing if others felt going into Plan B that it wasn't going to work on thier WS because I also feel that way. It's what my WH wants.

Enough about me sorry for the TJ... just wanted you to know I will continue to pray for you. And I'm pulling for you.

Go start that snowblower... you bada$$ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Ps We got ablout a foot yesterday too.

Still

LilSis,

Long time reader, not much posting to you. Have faith that Plan B will guide you. You will have solace, time to heal, restore your soul, find yourself again. You have GIVEN so much that you need this time to restore. It's amazing how much we forget ourselves, and Plan B gives you the time to enjoy yourself again. To have HAPPINESS again.

Plan B also gave me resolve, that I wanted my M, my HUSBAND, but I was unwilling to take in a wayward/cake-eating spouse. Don't get me wrong, even when they do come home, before leaving the fog behind and completing withdrawal, they are every bit a wayward. The differnce is, you have BOUNDARIES and you are UNAFRAID to enforce them. It's freeing to KNOW what you want.

Be dark, make solid arrangements for the hand-off of children. It will be hard, initially. I would remind myself of what I was presented with when my WH did speak to me, in Plan A. He was cold, withdrawn, cruel. I could do WITHOUT that.

The strength that you have exhibited in Plan A can carry you nicely into Plan B. Keep it up! Use that strength to heal and learn.

Plan B WORKS, no matter the outcome. I know people don't like to hear that, but it is TRUE. If you feel weak (which you will) come here, call friends, distract yourself. You WILL imagine that your WH is sooooo happy; he is not. You HAVE been filling some of his EN's, supporting him; that will be gone. No more fantasy island for him.

You are in my thoughts...

Not "everyone". Yes, those whose spouses are in active A's would fit that description. But many of us, whose M's are already in varying stages of R are saying this, because we have seen the power (lol) of Plan B to work even in very difficult cases.

For some reason it also clears the way so God can eventually speak to the WS more clearly, calling them back. Most listen after a while.


True, but not to worry your perfectionist parts about it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> This is not just a perfect/imperfect question, it is not possible for you to see the forest right now. You just can't do it. Soon you will, but that only comes with time, and not just "being better".

I'll be thinking of you AND praying for you today.

You indeed are a deeply loved child of God.

I know the following is quite long, but I want to share with you a precious children's story, for children of all ages, that goes perfectly along with knowing we are deeply loved children of God. I hope it will touch you today.

It is called A Parable About the King...written by Beth Moore...

Once upon a time a young princess became angry with her father, the King. The King had required her obedience to clean her room, but she had countless servants. Why should she pick up after herself?

"I know what I'll do," the princess said to herself. "I’ll teach everyone a lesson. I’ll run away from home and leave my room messed up just like this.”

She searched through her dresser drawers for old clothing, pitching what she did not want on the floor. Finding the clothing she wanted to dress up in, she disguised herself as one of the village peasant girls. Then she quietly slipped out of the castle’s secret door.

The princess knew her father, the King, would not discover her missing for several hours because he was attending to important business.

Walking a short distance, the princess soon found herself in a neighborhood lined with markets and merchants.

On a narrow backstreet she met a group of children playing stickball. She thought to herself, “They are having much more fun than I ever have. I’m tired of being a princess. I shall be like them.”

It wasn’t long before the children asked her to play stickball with them. She was so happy. The princess quickly caught on to their game.

She elbowed whoever got in her way…just like them. She cursed when she missed the ball…just like them. And when she fell, plop, she fell straight into the mud…just like them.

Suddenly a young girl appeared at the corner of the street. She called to the children, “Come, hurry, something really big is happening on Main Street.”

Sticks flew into the air and the children ran toward Main Street. The princess was quite proud of herself for she could run very fast…just like them.

When the children reached Main Street, they reached a crowd of people who were oohing and ahhing over something. The children shoved and pushed their way through the crowd only to meet the stares of the finely dressed men and women standing at the front of the group.

“Go away, you filthy children,” one woman said. Incensed the princess said, “I am no filthy child. I am a prin…”

Her words trailed off. Looking at the children standing around her, she thought to herself, “Iused to be a princess. Now I’m just like them!”

With new resolve she began to elbow her way through the crowd again, purposely getting mud on the hems of the fine dresses and skirts.

“It’s no use,” one of the boys finally said, “We can’t get to the front of this crowd. Hurry, let’s go climb that tree over there.” The children hurried to the tree and just like monkeys scurried up to perch on the branches. All the children managed to climb the tree, except for the princess.

Trailing behind them she reassured herself, “I can climb this tree…I can because I’m just like them.”

As she pulled her way to the second branch, a small limb caught the threads of her skirt and threw her off balance. Not being able to catch herself, she tumbled out of the tree and fell to the ground with a thump.

The adults turned around and peered at her with disgust. The children in the tree laughed and yelled at her, “Get up here, quick. It’s coming, it’s coming.”

She didn’t know what was coming, nor did she care at this particular moment. Humiliated and bruised from the fall, she wanted to cry. But she was like them and they certainly wouldn’t cry. So, she cursed instead.

Determined, the princess finally made her way up the tree and settled insecurely on a lower branch. “What are we looking for anyway?” she asked.

“It’s the King,” Yelled the other kids. “Don’t you know a King when you see one,” they sneered at her. She slowly pulled herself up to the next branch and stretched to see the King.

An envoy of dignitaries stood beside a lavish coach. When the door opened, out stepped the King. So tall. So dignified. So royal!

“Hail, His Majesty the King,” an aide announced. The crowd responded, “Long live the King.” The dignitaries dropped to one knee. The crowd bowed before him. Only the King was left standing.

Then one of the boys in the tree whispered to the group, “Hey, we have a perfect shot from here. Let’s throw our best spitballs right in his face.”

Horror struck the princess’ heart. “You can’t do that,” she pleaded. “Why not?” the boys demanded. “Because he’s the King,” she said. “So, what. Big deal,” they said as they began to throw spitballs at the King.

“Stop,” the princess cried. “Stop please. That’s my father.” The tears she had so valiantly held back earlier now spilled down her cheeks. “Sure, and my dad is Abraham,” they mocked her.

“No, I mean it. It’s true. The King is my father,” she pleaded. But the children just laughed harder. “Look at you. You’re just like us,” they sneered. “You don’t have a father.”

The princess looked at her father just in time to see him wipe something from his face. He looked up into the tree as the children yelled and cursed at him.

Indescribable shame filled her heart. She was sure her father had seen her. But maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t recognized her.

The princess jumped out of the tree and began to run. As she did, the children started to throw their spitballs at her. The princess began to run back toward the palace. She ran and ran, sobbing every step of the way.

Stopping to catch her breath the princess suddenly became aware of her stinging elbows and knees. She was skinned and bleeding from the fall and she began to cry even harder. Her heart sank and she felt alone and very frightened.

Making her way slowly back to the palace she discovered, to her horror, that the secret door was now locked. She ran to the next door, but it was locked too. As was the next and the next door.

“Oh, no!” she cried, “I am locked out and have no place to go. The palace is no longer my home.”

The princess knew that only the front door remained--unlocked. “I can’t possibly use the front door,” she thought, “everyone will know how foolish I have been. Everyone will look at me…and I look just like them.”

So she waited and waited, trying desperately to think of some way to get out of this terrible mess. Finally, too sore and too hungry to think any longer, she gave in and headed for the front door.

With torn clothes, filthy hands, and a tear-streaked face, she lifted her hand and knocked once, slowly, timidly. Before she could muster the courage to knock again the door cracked open.

Hanging her head in shame, she could see only his feet. But she knew instantly that they were his feet. It was him. Her dad. Her father. The King.

She fell at his feet and cried, “I’m sorry Daddy. I am so ashamed of what I have done.”

Gently, the King knelt down beside her and pulled her into his strong, comforting arms. “Come here, my child, my princess,” he said.

“But I’m not a princess any more…I’m just like them,” she sobbed.

“Ah, my child,” he said. “You may have acted like them, but you are not one of them. You are mine, and you will never be happy until you accept both the privilege and responsibility that goes with belonging to me.”

That night, after he had dressed her wounds, he tucked her into her soft bed and kissed her goodnight. He had even helped her to clean the mess she had left in her room. As she settled into the soft quilts, she thought about how much she liked being a princess, the daughter of a King.

As the King walked out of the room, the dim night light softly illuminated his royal robe, which was now smudged with dirt. Tears filled the princess’ eyes, “Look what I’ve done to the King’s robe. Never again, she whispered, apologizing to the King.

Sensing her broken heart, the King turned and spoke softly, “Yes, my child, there will be other times, but I will open the door every time you knock and I will always love you…ever, again.”

And this story has no end.

I'm printing this off... that was beautiful. It msde me cry.

Thank-you for printing that story.

Still

How's the bad A$$ snow-blower doing?
still snowing there?

I haven't read all the recent posts yet...out snow-blowing and then taking a shower so I look nice (post snow-blowing ain't a purty sight)

I am nervous. WH is coming in about a half hour/20 minutes to pick up the boys.

I have the letter printed off and in an envelope. I talked to Lisa this morning so she's all up to speed. I inscribed the book (it is about back roads and scenic byways) with the following:

To my husband, who taught me that the most worthwhile places are the most difficult to get to. Love always, me

AM I FORGETTING ANYTHING? I am so nervous that I feel like I am...

No school calendar with the letter...?? Yes callendar with the letter?

LilSIS,

Love the inscription and the double meaning. He probably won't get it now but he will someday.

Still

No calender.

Love the inscription too.

Lifting you up in prayer.

~ Marsh

SIGNED SEALED DELIVERED

GULP...only my mouth is so dry I can't.

I did hug him, looked him square in the eye and said ILY. But no big smile. It would have been very disingenuous, seeing as how I was shaking and all.

Hang on. The stretch begins. I'm scared.

eta: skipped the calendar

What are you going to say to him if he says something like "I don't want another letter," thinking that it is going to be another letter along the same lines as what you gave him last time? I'm just afraid he might have such a reaction, and I hope you have a plan about how to deal with that. I mean, is there something you can say to impress upon him the importance and finality of this letter so he will read it asap?

I mentioned the letter twice, and he saw it (it was tucked in the book, in an envelope)

As I hugged him, I said in his ear...there's a letter. And I made a point of saying something like, I got this for you for your trip (the book). He'll read the letter, eventually. No matter how wayward...who can NOT read a letter?? I guess I'm just nosy and curious that way....it would get the best of me.

Still trying to gulp....

LS:

HUGS, HUGS, HUGS!

LG

Yay!! Good for you, LilSis!! Sounds like it was a nice parting.

Goodmorning LS. Just wanted to say I BELIEVE!!!!!

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Even my FWH has started asking about you everyday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />



Just wanted to answer your TJ.

This is the reason I was terrified to go to Plan B. I'm sure most of us felt this way. My kids were getting ready to leave for 6 weeks, so FWH would have all the freedom in the world to spend those 6 weeks with OW, uninterrupted. I thought for sure he would take them, never in a million years thought it would only take him a week of plan B before he wanted to come home. I had it built up in my mind that he probably atleast spent every waking moment of that week with OW, but I just recently found out that he didn't. He saw her very little, two times in fact.

Sometimes, what we imagine is far worse than reality.

I also thought, like LS's MIL, that FWH would see this as me giving up, abandoning him. He didn't. Have faith in yourself, your plan, and your M. BELIEVE.