MF: I know...Vibes are popular! Mine's silver w/ black trim if that makes it easier for you...don't want you to get into an accident what with all the praying at every Vibe! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I love love love your post. Another one to print out and keep by my bedside. Thank you so much.

eav: I did read your "what to expect." So is it a good thing or a bad thing that WH has tried nothing to get me to break Plan B (which is all of 27 hours old <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ) I'm really trying not to interpret anything and just let God do his wonderful work...for both me and WH. On the other hand... I've been on here how many times today?...filling everyone in on my every move...a way to cope with anxiety maybe? (((eav))) You are such a blessing.

ff: It was sunny! We so rarely get a sunny day that I had to go out and take it all in. I have a great pair of Columbia boots...other than that just my winter coat, gloves and a HAT (most important!)....??? And I know from experience how much I will warm up with the activity. If I were with the kids (slooowww!) I would have been cold. On my own, I hoof it. No biggie. It's Michigan.

just trying to give you a heads up on what may happen so you're not caught off guard

i've seen many plan B's end with the WS returning within months

and then there's mine.....

Well....WH dropped the boys off shortly after 6 (time I set in the PBL). I was upstairs reading. I saw them pull in and he pulled out a minute later.

DS11 told me that dad said that when he goes to Phoenix, he may want to leave his cat with us.

He may want to, but he's not going to....

WH can leave his cat with the same a-hole who takes care of the dog. The guy who left his wife and kids to marry the OW, the guy who was grabbing RT's a$$ (and vice-versa) in a picture taken by WH at a t-ball game, the guy whom WH and RT sought advice from right after I drove away, sobbing uncontrollably, with his children in the car to drive an hour to my mom's....

Yeah...the cat can stay with that guy, apparently WH's new best friend and mentor.

Oh...I also found out that's where WH is keeping the mini-van...at this guy's house. (for months he wouldn't tell me where it was)

Sorry for the language. I do not like this guy, Can you tell??

ETA: Or he could leave the cat with RT! OOOhhhh, nooo, wait. That won't work. RT HATES cats.

This might be a good time to bring your intermediary into the picture. He should not be using your boys to carry messages, period.

Hi Lilsis-

Sudafed capsules are what I use. I start with just half a dose (one pill) and it seems to dry up the fluid that triggers the vertigo.

Monty Python is great fun-but I spent my teen years listening to my twin brother repeat all the lines from the movie and the TV show (he would even break into the walk from the Society of Idiotic Walks downtown) so I don't watch those as much.

I'll pop in British Comedies like Absolutely Fabulous or movies like Saving Grace and Swing when I need distraction. My youngest son seems to share my twin brother's sense of humor and leans towards Monty Python but we all love Mel Brooks whether it's Blazing Saddles or Young Frankenstein or Spaceballs.

The goal is to giggle. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hope you have a great evening.

Tiny threadjack:

that was "Silly Walks".....Good to see that there are other Monty Python fans around.....

I don't think WH was sending the message through the boys, from the way DS11 said it, I think it was just mentioned as a possibility and DS11 took it upon himself to "share." I didn't respond to DS11 in any way...affirmative or negative, so he has nothing to "bring back" on Weds. when they see him next.

Not when my brother and his friends did them....<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
(I always did get that title wrong).

I loved their spam bit and the lumberjack song.

Okay-that's enough TJ

Sis,

What are your plans for YOURSELF while in Plan B?

Jo

Lilsis, for the vertigo follow the instructions:
,
http://www.mayoclinic.org/balance/canalith.html

It was done for a friend in the emergency room to the tune of big bucks....my H had a severe case last night...it worked perfectly. Give yourself 30 seconds in each position and it should relieve your symptoms. KB

Plans for me....hmmmm....

Good question. Right now I feel like it's going to be one day at a time.

I don't know. It is starting up on the really busy time of year at work, which wil continue until May.

But I need something new for me, don't I? I signed up for that pilates class and only went to one (that was a waste) because it ended up for something like four weeks in a row I had something going on...kids concert, a meeting for work, etc.

It's hard with the kids...they are not quite old enough to say by themselves. One more year....

I DO feel like right now it's much more short term...tomorrow night I have a meeting, Weds. night I have my support group, this weekend I will go visit my mom.

Yoga? Pilates? I sooo uncoordinated. I would need to be in a group with other uncoordinated people or I would feel like a total loser.

KB: thanks...I bookmarked that site. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

good morning.

i love pilates and yoga.
yoga helps my mind better....have you ever taken a yoga class?
if not, try one.
(i need to take my own advice...it's been awhile for me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />)

I can't help but to wonder if WH read and comprehended the letter. Something tells me he didn't and he will try to reach you and act completely dumbfounded. stay strong.

morning, nia

Could be he didn't read it...but he did drop the boys off promptly at 6:00 and didn't attempt to come in (no surprise there) or stall at all...dropped them off and left. ???

I know it's too early to make any assumptions. Especially when he had the boys all weekend...no reality hits when he's got the boys.

But I keep thinking back to this summer...he never seemed to mind when I wouldn't speak to him or see him then. Why should it be any different now?

I also have this fear that his parents will not hold their boundary and require that he be out of the house when they return. I asked MIL last week if she knew what WH's plans were, and she said she didn't think he had any....

I am so afraid that they will cave, which would be disasterous.

I can see WH crying to them about how he can't AFFORD to move....boo hoo. There's an order to protect me financially, so they can no longer use that as their excuse for allowing him to live there.

I am going to have a VERY serious talk with MIL about this boundary. They simply CANNOT enable him any longer....

I will BEG them to enforce this boundary.

I never went to Plan B -- but it's my understanding from Dr. H and the books that Plan B means letting go of all of that -- what he does, where he lives, etc. You must put this AND him out of your mind, and focus on taking care of yourself. Trying to keep track of all of that and trying to control him or what he does from a distance is NOT Plan B. It will make you crazy. Someone else who's actually done a successful Plan B can further guide you, but you must get this, or Plan B will only cause you further pain!

Take care --
Shellybid

sounds right to me, LS.
how can you put an end to ILs enabling him?.....it's out of your hands.

so....he stays at ILs awhile longer....that shouldn't interfere w/ your plan B.
Plan B is about taking control of your own sanity.

nicely put

lilsis...I am trying to read up on your sitch, but I am fresh into plan B about 1 mos..and this is very true...it takes a while to get the hang of it, but I cheated the 1st few weeks...I had no phone contact or face to face, but I got updates from everyone I knew about how WS was doing, and what WS was doing... now I understand better...now I have few details. shellybird is right. you have got to remove WS from your daily life. where he lives is no longer your concern. YOU are your concern. (I am certainly NOT a plan B pro, but this is the theory, and what I have been taught) I am still working on making it darker.

plan B is removing WS as a consideration in your life, as much as possible with having kids. JMHO.

Not that it matters, but much of my thinking about Plan B has been with the assumption that they will be kicking him to the curb, where he rightly belongs.

Attempting to inluence my ILs about his living arrangments is something I need to do for me. I have to say something...for the sake of my relationship with them. I want them to understand how important it is to me that they not enable him any longer. For them to continue to support him by giving him a place to live while he carries on publicly with RT is unconscionable IMO, and will threaten my trust in them and ability to relate to them in a meaningful way.

If *I* am able to set a clear boundary with WH, then THEY should be able to as well.

What they do with that is up to them.

I guess in a way it is setting a boundary with them...I do not want to go this far...but in a way what I'm saying is...I cannot have the same kind of relationship with you that I dearly want to have if you continue to behave in a way that enables your son to destroy my family.

Does that make any sense???

I do feel like my relationship with MIL and FIL will be severely strained if they continue to support him in that way. I will not be able to visit them, spend time at their house, etc....because WH will be there.

So the strain will not only be emotional, but logistical as well.

Of course this is all speculation...perhaps they DO plan to stick to the deal...but clearly from MILs comments last week they are not making SURE that he will abide by their expectation.

It just worries me.

And I know Plan B is supposed to be about me, and I don't think I will break the contact thing, but I sure would like to know if I can trust my ILs to be there for me, to understand where I am coming from and respect that.

If I can't count on that relationship and support during this time, it will be even harder...it really, really will.

Is it unfair for me to place that burden on them?????

I think it makes sense. And I think its one of the needed consequences for him to face.
And since you have such a valuable ally in MIL, I think it makes perfect sense that when you explain Plan B to her it leads naturally into what OTHER consequences he needs to face.
Let her know that you are (lovingly) letting him hit bottom. And the sooner he does that, the sooner you will be there to help him back up. But she needs to let him go too. As long as there is anyone who protects him from the consequences of his decision, the longer it will take for him to recover from it.
It is HARD for a mom to let her baby fall.
But sheltering him from the consequences is the WORST thing she can do for him right now.

I had to let my baby go. Last Friday, my oldest moved away. Its a happy event -- he's off to school! But its thousands of miles away, and it the first time he's been away from me. And I'm bawling my head off about it. So I can only imagine how your MIL's heart is breaking.

Awww...Lex. Empty nesting, huh?

You stated the whole consequences thing much better than I did. I will state it that way to her. Maybe even ask to have both MIL and FIL on the phone when I state my case.

They need to know that I love WH and know that they do, too. MIL has said repeatedly that WH needs to "grow up" and I think that they need to look at their own role in preventing that from happening.

Sad, sad.

I am also afraid of jeopardizing my relationship with MIL if I push too hard...or if I push at all and she doesn't respond. I will be hurt, honestly. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

edit: oops, typo.