GF ROCKS.

She took it upon herself to add to my suggested reply to WH...see the last two lines:

Thanks for the communication. Much of this information does not need to be forwarded to LS.

In the future, please limit your communication to critical items. If you have an emergency, important information regarding the welfare of the boys or their schedule, or if you would like to be in contact with LS regarding the conditions of her letter, then feel free to contact me.

You do not need to apologize to me; I think your apologies are better suited for others.

I would do anything for LS, even this.

SLAM.

Woohooo! I love it!

D*NG!! Buy that woman a cream soda!

You are so lucky to have a support system like that!!

WH is not your problem in Plan B

his feeling ... who cares?
his excuses ... who knows?
his struggles ... my giveadamn came & went

Plan B is YOUR time to take all his crap and throw it out of your life ... if your neighbor's dog craps on your neighbor's lawn ... you do not go over and pick it up and throw it on your lawn ... same thing here ... WH babble is CRAP you have NO INTEREST in ...

soon you will see how this benifits you personally

no more peeking at his crap
no more smelling of the crap

the sweetness in YOUR life will increase at exponential rate ... unless ... you forget to hang that garlic at your door

[color:"red"] do not forget the garlic [/color]

vampires can only enter if you invite them in <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

LilSis .... you are a "buyer" ... time to move to the "renter" mode ... once you do that (and it is a difficult move at first) ... you will be so much better off ...

being a "buyer" married to a "freeloader" kills your very will to breathe ....

Plan B is going to save you from making mistakes in recovery ... should that come your way ... You will recover better if you are NOT emotionally exhausted ....

Give your intermediaty a hug from all of us & tell her Runcible Spoon will buy her dinner & drinks. (hee hee)


Pep <~~~ looking for RS & trying to lure her back to posting

Yeah...I needed the intermediary handbook, I guess. I honestly had not anticipated how that process would work. If I were in GF's shoes, I would have done exactly the same thing...just forward the email along. I didn't anticipate how that would make me feel, either.

No...I'm much better now...I LOVE LOVE LOVE the reply that she sent to WH. I think that's as much what bothered me as anything...that he would make those veiled implications, assume that I would even CARE what his opinion is about the electric bill, etc.

That reply from GF takes him down a peg or two: I don't care to hear from you about inconsequential matters, I'm on Sis' side, and I don't buy your load of cr*p for one second, so save it.

I am much, much better. As a matter of fact, I come out of it feeling like a win, because now GF and I are totally on the same page about how to respond to him, and I know I'll be protected from any future cr*p.

ALSO...

I talked to MIL this afternoon. I read her the letter, and she bawled through the whole thing. She totally understood where I was coming from, gave me her 100% support, and totally agreed that she would not share either way what's going on with WH.

I didn't say anything to her about the living arrangements. I didn't feel the need, and I don't really want to allow that to tarnish my relationship with this wonderful woman who happens to be WH's mother. She and I have a bond, and for right now, I need to hold on to that bond, regardless of what her actions are toward her son.

I told her point blank that I thought WH is an addict, that I consider H to be dead, and that the only way he can be revived is for WH to hit rock bottom. She agreed. "You are absolutely right," she said. She also agreed when I said that his words, his apparent "guilt," his supposed "struggle," all fly in the face of his ACTIONS....which is a unabated continuation of this destructive behavior.

Now whether or not that will translate into some tough love....that's for her to grapple with; I know her heart is true, but I cannot control her anymore than I can control WH...so why risk losing a valuable and abiding relationship over that?

So...day six has been a rollercoaster, but I plan to continue on with my focus on me and the boys! No slipping past the garlic anymore!

((((LilSis))))

You sound really good. You are strong, keep fighting the good fight. I am proud of you!

Blessings,
Glad

LS I am happy to see you have moved to plan B and are doing so well. I remember at one point you were worried if he would even read the letter. Now you know and it is safe to asume he read the previous one as well. I am praying and rooting for you. No matter what the outcome is I still think you are a ****** of a woman.

MB

LilSis,

I have a terrific book for you. It's called The Power of a Positive No by William Ury. Along the lines of Pep's idea of moving from Buyer to Renter, the idea is that you aren't saying NO to your husband. What you are doing is saying YES to your self-respect and YES to a caring husband.

Cherishing

Good job so far, LilSis. Everything is a learning experience. Now you and your intermediary know what to do next time. Any contact is likely to trigger you, so even reading seemingly innocent stuff probably isn't a good idea.

Keep up the good work. Stay healthy.

Kudos to GF and MIL!!!
They are both in your corner.

Just awesome! GF's little extra bites were priceless.

And you gave MIL a very important veiled message -- she knows and agrees that he has to hit rock bottom. It doesn't take much to see how helping his living arrangements is contrary to letting him get to his bottom.

No need to get confrontational over it. It will either happen or not happen -- you just don't have to worry about it.

YEA LS!!!

Thanks, everyone.

I keep forgetting to share this little nugget. I would love to hear what schoolbus has to say about it.

WH has never been one to attach signature lines to his emails, but apparently that has changed as well. You know how usually someone attaches an inspirational or uplifting quote from someone who is highly regarded?

WH's emails recently come with the following quote in the sig line:

"Always give your best, never get discouraged, never be petty. Always remember, others may hate you, but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself."
--Richard Nixon, 1974

HUH??? GF was more blown away by WH's choice of quote and "quoted" than by the content of WH's email. She went on and on.

A little sensitive to people hating him, perhaps? Nixon as someone to emulate? From a staunch Democrat? "Always give your best"??? Like he did in our marriage..oh..wait...I guess he means RT got his best.

I know...forget about it...I'm in Plan B...but I just forgot to share this the first time it came around and I knew you'd all get a kick out of it.

Nixon?

You have to be kidding me. That's funny.

Now remember LilSis, you are in Plan B. Have a good laugh and forget about it.

This should not be part of the info passed on to you.. You know that. Now stop it. You are compairing your H's thoughts to your WH's thoughts. Can't be done.

All was said with a friendly elbow tap.

This wasn't new intel...I got it, too, a couple of weeks ago when he emailed me something. I had just forgotten about it...I wanted to share so we could all laugh together...

ha ha ha ha (see me laughing, I really am!)

and now promptly forgetting about it as per instructions from my wise Plan B coaches...

(still waiting for my t-shirt) tap tap tap

Sis, I am going to post a few tips you can share with your GF. She did great!

As my DS19 would say - PWNED!!!


My stab at translation:
"I'm a victim"
"I'm a victim"
"I'm a victim"
"I'm a victim"
"I'm a victim"
"I'm a victim"
"I'm a victim"
"I'm a victim"
"I'm a victim"
"I'm a victim"
"I'm a victim"
"I'm a victim"

Mulan

Ahhh-haa!! The wayward version of "I am not a crook!" No wonder he relates to Nixon all the sudden.

I think you are exactly right, Mulan. I wasn't able to put my finger on it, but there you go.

Blech.

checking in.....was a beautiful day here an di have been out all afternoon.

GF did good. you sound much better......and, i really don't know what to say about that Richard Nixon quote....but, I'm laughing....sorta. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Or the infamous words of another man of great character... I did not have sex with that woman.

LilSis,

This is the stuff I live for.

Who said a few posts back that the written word is easier to disguise? Oh, not for those in this league....no way, baby!

I love it when somebody does this for me - makes things sooooo easy!

Two things your WH did that just opened his little pea brain up and let me peek inside:

1. The little line to your GF about it being acceptable for him to say hi to her FWH - this revealing little tidbit was so nice for him to insert for me to see. I wasn't going to post anything but since you asked about the Nixon thing, I figured I would comment on this as well. Your WH is really ticked off about Plan B. The comment on being allowed to say hi to your GF's FWH is a direct shot at YOU, LilSis, and a thinly veiled one at that. He's telling you that he does not like being told that he can't talk to you. He already doesn't like Plan B, and while he is sticking to the rules, it is a very false front. This one statement carries the load of the message. You can take that to the bank.

2. Regarding the Nixon quote. Remember, Nixon came from a Quaker background in his family. The meaning of the quote is that Nixon was saying that people may hate him for what he does (and he thought he was doing the right thing), but that if he were to hate in return he would be the one to lose. That within the act of hate lies self-destruction. This choice of quotes was pretty interesting to me.

The thought process behind the quote might be:

WH believes he is a good man, trying to do the "right" thing. This "right" thing is to stand by a commitment (yes, however stupid and yucky and asinine we know it to be) to the turd-woman. He recognizes, however, that others are hating him for his behavior (he conveniently ignores much of the reasons for this reaction of other people). WH chooses the "high road" not to hate back, in order that he be able to hold his head up and say at a later time, "I never hated back nor did I act petty during the divorce procedures".

People in the REAL WORLD however, see through the fog he is in, and know that he is acting like an a$$.


Sometimes they make it easy for us to understand the writing's underlying meaning better, like your WH did.

Given what you have said about your WH's propensity to want to be honorable, just, and good, my analysis is probably pretty close to what he's thinking. The conflict for him comes in the parts that we tend to believe he is "ignoring". The reasons and behaviors for which he thinks that others "hate" him, versus the REAL honorable, just, and good things he should be doing. Now, those are the things that keep him awake at night.

The REAL honorable, just, and good things he knows belong to the deeper self, the person he knows deep inside, are the things that will draw him back to you, if he decides to come home, if Plan B works in the end.

Only time will tell if [color:"red"] that [/color] man is still in there.

SB