So you see what I was speaking about yesterday but Pep has the word for it RESOLVE... to stay in the BATTLE.... to fight against the FORCES OF EVIL THAT ARE TRYING TO DESTROY YOU!!!

This is the IMPETUS that I got from my GIRLFRIENDS....

(MY NAME), she is not on your level. You are heads and shoulders above them..don't let them do this to you...hold your head high..and fight for what we know that you represent and believe in...no one has the right to do this to you..and you will WIN..whether with your H or not...because GOODNESS, THE LIGHT, GOD..all that is POSITIVE in this life is ON YOUR SIDE...We are all behind you LIFTING YOU UP WHERE YOU BELONG...

The same is true for you, Sis...

YOU ARE BEING LIFTED UP TODAY...by our LORD JESUS and all of us here and there that LOVE YOU....

((lilsis))

You are grieving a loss. And each new loss brings up the old ones. You are doing the right thing to get through it, knowing that you have to go through the pain to get past it is a huge step.

A book that really helped me not get bogged down in the daily struggle after my WH left was "When He Leaves" by Kari West and Noelle Quinn. It gives a Christian perspective to the whole emotional process.

Also, I went to a DivorceCare support group at a local church. It is for both divorcing AND separated people who want support, and a biblical perspective in the midst of it all. We had a DVD lesson, time to talk and share, and the book had short daily devotionals that were very applicable.

You can check out their website and type in your zip code to find any groups near you if you want. They have other resources too.

Just a few ideas from my journey.

Hang in there-

mimi...I copied and pasted that. I will stick it on my bathroom mirror.

Thank you!!

AND THEN..after the start with the girlfriends...

I began going OUT more on ADVENTURES...and I would always be in my GODDESS MODE....

And told anyone who asked about my husband: "He left me for another woman"..I'll never forget all those SHOCKED EXPRESSIONS...

Come to find out..some of that DID get back to him and they began taking the BACK ROADS..and HIDING OUT at her house...OH THE PAIN OF PLAN B....while I was OUT IN THE PUBLIC continuing to EXPOSE...

(((LisSis))) That's all.

Went out to lunch with the gang from work at this great restaurant that is just across the street from the PD. I really enjoyed myself and my friends. After I paid my bill, I turned around and was face to face with a woman who works at the PD that I got to know quite well through my previous job. She was sort of a mentor to me.

I felt so humiliated. All my good feelings just went right out the window. I feel like I wear my "record" like a scarlet letter. Everyone at the PD knows...that place is a gossip mill...and surely this woman, who knows me personally, would know the WHOLE sordid story.

My stomach had just dropped and I felt like vomiting.

I pretended I didn't recognize her, walked past her and a started the walk back to the office with the others who had already paid.

I HATE what this has done to me. To me, personally...sooo much has happened....the marital/criminal combo is sometimes more than I can bear. Add to that, what it's done to my family, my children.

This is the perfect example of what I RESOLVED NOT TO DO. Why feel HUMILIATED, Sis? Not meaning to judge your feelings, BUT..this was DONE to you...THEY WIN..when you allow yourself to be HUMILIATED by this.

The goal is to be able to step right up to someone like that and speak to her..because you know that this would not have happened if your HUSBAND HAD NOT CHOSEN TO HAVE AN AFFAIR with RT....THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU..there is nothing for YOU to be humiliated about...

In fact, I secretly ENVY you. I wish I could have gotten my hands on the OW ....It wouldn't have been a pretty site...

Those same GFs of mine told me to call them if she ever showed up at our house again so that they could HELP ME "WHIP HER BUTT"... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I guess that's why it hit me so hard. Here I was all resolved to be confident...and I get hit in the face with this little test, and I caved...totally didn't know how to respond except to run away.

It's one thing to be rejected by one's husband...quite another to be a criminal. And to have people KNOW it, to know that you lost your marbles, that you totally fell apart, became unrecognizable, even to yourself.

And I cannot "blame" them for what I did. I have to own my behavior, just as they have to own theirs...and not blame ME. I did this. I am paying the price. A steep price, and it may not be fair, but the ugly, painful reality is that what I did was illegal. What they did was just immoral.

I'll be glad when today is over. I want to start over.

But you are only HUMAN and not PERFECT...

I will speak for myself in saying that if I had the opportunity to get my hands on the OW..I would have...

CALL ME A WANNABE CRIMINAL.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

LilSis ... I am also a criminal ... but I just never got caught !

LilSis - You may feel like a criminal, and I guess you did break the law, but 99.9% of people in your sit would probably have reacted the same way. A good friend and your husband, a double betrayal. Shame on THEM.

Sis,

Do NOT feel ashamed or embarrassed! You have everything in the world to be proud of in yourself!!

I know it's hard not feel embarassed, as you acted in a way that is so out of character. I am going thru something a little similar myself (just a traffic ticket, wish it has been for kicking OW's rear end!!)

Do you know what I decided? The only people who SHOULD be ashamed are the WS and OW!

NEITHER of us would have been in the position to make an error in judgement had it not been for THEIR INTENTIONAL, DELIBERATE, IMMORAL, SELF SERVING, VICIOUS behavior.

Think of all of the wonderful things you have accomplished in the midst of such pain.

Hold your head high!

We are all PROUD of you,,, be PROUD of yourself.

You are a great woman, a great mother, and a wife that your WS certainly does not deserve.

Lilsis, you have more character and integrity than most. I have seen some very good people pushed too far and respond by breaking the law. Your H enforces the law... but the barometer here can be a higher law. Your Y if he died today would perish in sin and surely would spend eternity in some type of ******. You on the other hand... even though you have broken mans law (and BTW, so has every cop I know at one time or another) would be greated by Christ as a good and faithful servant.
Take it easy on yourself and hold your head up high. Chances are there are a lot of cops in that station house that are pulling for you. I would have been if I were there. You are the personification of class... even when you were slapping that HO in the chops!

LS...
it isn't like you went off on some stranger OW...this woman was your supposed friend.....she used you AND your children to get close to your H.......i think ANYONE who knows that would cut you a break......most likely a lot more.
you served your time.
hold your head high...you have nothing to be ashamed of.

RT, on the hand, is shameless.....low.....disgusting.
anyone who doesn't see that isn't worth your concern.

Aww, LS, just b/c you broke one law, doesn't make you a criminal.

It makes you a person who broke a law.

You really have NO idea how that woman feels about you. Her opinion might surprise you if you asked her.

The next time you are in that position, please give yourself permission to say hello.

Do it for YOURSELF, b/c you don't want to hold onto your shame. Do it for YOURSELF b/c you want to BE loving. And don't worry about what their reaction will be.

I'd love for you to give "church lady" a call. You think she might be judging you, so you avoid her, but I believe reaching out to her will empower you....and help you to let go of your shame.

Push past your fears and shame.

Please consider picking up this book....

http://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319

~ Marsh

LS, in the grand scheme of things you are not the one wearing the scarlet letter - WH is.

yeah...me too.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Everyone:
Thanks. My therapist says the same stuff you are saying, but internalizing it is another matter. I made a mistake, I broke a law, I acted out of pure emotion...and something bad really happened. But it should not "define" me. When I saw that woman, though...it all just came rushing back.

Marsh:
I have been thinking about the church lady a lot lately. I don't know why. Part of it is shame--a big part--but it is also anger and resentment. I confided in her. She never reached out to me, but I reached out to her a couple of times when I was deseperate, and she responded. But after my total fall from grace, she did not reach out to me at all, and that hurts.

Not even a Christmas card. We were friends...she and her H would do things with me/WH and RT/XH frequently. She was the first person I called after I discovered the emails. She told me at the time that she was uncomfortable with WH/RT. I initially thought that the shared betrayal we experienced would have bonded us somehow.

This is a woman who spends virtually all of her free time making meals for people at church who are ill, volunteering on committees, participating in prayer groups, listening to sermons on CD.

I have really been trying to think of her with compassion and not judging, but it is really hard. No, I don't know what is in her heart, but I can't help thinking that she is one heck of a hypocrite.

I don't know what I'd say to her, honestly. And I don't know if I'd want to hear what she has to say. She might have all sorts of intel on WH/RT...who knows? maybe they've stayed friends. It isn't something I want to know about.

But I have been thinking about her. It just feels like another loss, another disillusionment.

unless i am missing a big peice of the puzzle....i don't understand why church lady would judge you so harshly .....are you saying you were friendly right up 'till the arrest and then she never spoke to you again?

did you ever try to call her?

And me three!
Mulan